Stop Me From Online Shopping Again

You are AGEN. You're in the middle of a break, and you need to do something other than ONLINE SHOPPING.

For FUCKSAKES, we all know you have a JOB and DISPOSABLE INCOME now, but you're trying to save up to move to MELBOURNE.

[Budget: $300]

>_

Giant inflatable alligator with built in wheels to escape traffic light tickets and terrify the neighbourhood old people

You hop onto www.giantinflatablealligators.snom and look at the prices for giant inflatable alligators.

Oh dear.

THE GREEN MACHINE: cup holders. pleather upholstery guaranteed to peel within one day of purchase. $50

BLUES DUES: bonus laser pointers, for wildcats. tradeoff is square wheels. $60

A YELLA BELLA: everything but the kitchen sink. kitchen sink not included. also not included is everything else. alligators don't come in yellow. throw in a towel and get bonus windscreen wipers. $70

>_

All
Buy all

Realize that you ARE an alligator and buying one of your own kind disgusts you deeply

buy some kudzu for your lawn

You are now three ALLIGATORS deep. Thanks to Instant Shipping™*, delivery is a breeze**!

*not instant
**literally carried by balloons

AGEN gets the modifier +LIGATOR!

[Budget: $120]

www.kudzu.nom offers a wide range of products, but the only one within your price range is

KUDZOOKS! Pellets: Highly Invasive! Now 200% More Potent! Watch It Fight A Prickly Pear! warning may be consficated by australian quarantine. $20

buyitbuyitbuyit

>I don't understand.

>Don't buy it?

>buy one, grow more, demand refund for original

UPDATE! AGEN has just completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!

[BUDGET: 420] (WEED BONUS!!!)

AGEN gets the modifier +STONE!

Oh no! You can't decide whether or not to get the KUDZU!

CHALLENGE ROUND!!!

AGEN MODIFIERS:
+LIGATOR
+STONE

Problem: [i]buy kudzu[/u]???

BONUSES: many alligators

>_

This is too hard to make a decision on, so instead play video games until it becomes irrelevant.

!!! it's FELICIS FOGEL !!!

CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

Fogel used VIDEO GAMES!

#rekt

It's super effective!

---

AGEN got distracted by playing SUPER HAPPY FRIENDO PLATFORMER 3!

+5 DISTRACTION POINTS = BUDGET +50!

[BUDGET: $470]

AGEN loses +STONE modifier...

>_

>buy in-game kudzu

go to real life store and purchase donut

oh hey look amazon sells wax nachos they're like the decorative fake apples grandma puts on the mantelpiece only nachos

UPDATE! AGEN has just completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!

[BUDGET: $770]

DONUT has been queued for lunchtime.

You log onto amazon.nom but then you remember that they're literally evil so the wax nachos will have to be sourced elsewhere.

Realestate.nom.au sells postage-stamp sized increments of land, but in Sydney this still costs $15,000,000.95. Because housing/avocado markets be fucked yo.

HAPPY SUPER FRIENDO KUDZU DLC obtained! -$100

AGEN gains modifier +VASIVE!

[BUDGET: $670]

>_

>buy spear, hunt for good investments

UPDATE! AGEN has completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!

[BUDGET:1070]



DONUT acquired! -$5

www.spears.nom has a wide selection of spears and other glaive-like polearms!

SPEAROW: an actual pokemon. will peck your eyes out. FREE with bonus pokeball

THE GREEN MACHINE: this isn't an inflatable alligator dressed up with a big aluminium foil pointy spearhead/hat. wait where did yours go $50

UNDERSTANDING: long stick with a spearhead on it. defect: bends into another dimension in the middle. also packaging damaged. $200

[BUDGET:1065]

>_

>Understanding market trends will be invaluable for the investment hunt

UPDATE! has completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!

[BUDGET: 1365]

UNDERSTANDING get!

What's this?

Turns out this is not a STICK or a SPEAR! This is the front end of a UNICORN! With SADDLEBAGS!

You put all your money in the saddlebags.

>_

AGEN gets modifiers:

+DONUT
+ICORN

Ask the unicorn where the back end is.

>Name it Majestic.
>Go to racetrack, enter race, bet everything on Majestic