The Grand Cooperative (Round One: Waiting Room Bar & Grill)

Hai~!

Welcome to the *Amazing* and wonderful GRAND COOPERATIVE! I’m your host, the *Amazing* Agen~ and this is my co-host, the bearer of quidhat, the modus supremus, the SCHAZ TO END ALL SCHAZZES :33

In the Grand Cooperative, we’re going to be running battles cooperatively instead of competitively :O Shocking, I know!! But how will we judge rounds then if we’re not trying to beat each other to the death?! This is where my sneaky co-mod comes into play! :D With two of us, we can work together to judge the contest, but obviously we’ll take player input into account! Player input also includes us, because, well, we’d hate to miss out on the fun so we’ll be submitting characters too!

If we can’t seem to reach an agreement, which is ok, we can still be friend I GUESS *gawsh* then my wonderful co-mod will provide us with [gratuitous formatting]PROMPTS![/formatting] Authors facing the chop will pair their characters of against each other in a Schazertastic schenario, so we can judge a winner! :3

Not to mention all players will be judged based on the power of friendship~ The more friendly things you guys do the more extra BONUS COOPERATIVE POINTS you guys will get :P We’re going to have so much *fuuuuuun*~

Remember to use this template when submitting a profile~!

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Your bestest grandmasters, Agen & Schaz

What.

The fuck is this.

Haiiiii!

This is our amazing battle! Don'tcha remember?? :O

I think I'd remember if I'd ever agreed to host a battle with you of all people.

We totally discussed this once last year in that pm remember~? You were yelling at me to stop being so fucking saccharine and I extended this one as an olive branch :P

Oh no! The profile template's broken D: Here you guys go, sorrryy >_<'''

Username!: Your name~
Name: The name of your character!
Color: Put in their text color here! Try not to blind us all but of course if you feel that's what your character needs :3
Race: Or species! What kind of thingy are this thing?
Description: What does they looks like :O
Items/Abilities: What can they doooo~ to make you love me~
Biography: What is their story... OF DOOM!

Jesus, that was literally a year ago, you're lucky I'm feeling generous and giving you advice, instead of immediately locking this thread or moving it to Hawkspace like the steaming pile of bad posting it is.

Take those fucking gumdrops out of your ears and listen the fuck up. Look the fuck up. Whatever.

For starters. Assuming anyone would make the mistake of looking past your OP and assuming you'd be a competent host of a gut parasite, to say nothing of a full-fledged Battle, they'd be hard fucking pressed to take part considering there's NO PROFILE TEMPLATE. Holy shit, do you not know how to use tinypic?

A proper profile template:

Username: A standard tradition.
Name: Your character's name.
Color: A sensible text color to represent when they're in the narrative.
Race: Or species. No sparkledogs.
Description: A guide to their appearance and mannerisms.
Items/Abilities: What do they have equipped? What have they at their disposal to survive in a Grand Battle?
Biography: A backstory to help set the scene.

Oh ahahaha I forgot to add gender :P That be irony!

Gender:

:O youuu forgot to add gender too ¬ w¬

D: Ahh! My color!

Username!: FlutterDash02
Name:
Color: Purple with dashes of
Gender: Girl!
Race: Alicorn
Description: Twinkle Sauce is a beautiful purple alicorn(that's a unicorn + pegasus combined so she has a horn and wings) with a super sparkly pink mane in two braids, with a tail also sparkly and pink and braided bcuz i thought it was cute :>
On her flank is a mixing spoon w/ a big red heart behind it
Items/Abilities: She's an so her powers are a step above other ponies, for sure!! Anybody that she meets just instantly likes her! She's also a world class cook (which u can tell bcuz of her cutie mark) nad her cooking also makes people instantly happy and she has made a million friends because of her amazing cooking.
Biography: Twinkle Sauce grew up with no family in Canterlot where she was homeless but she made the best of it because she got her cutie mark earlier than all other ponies and so people would let her stay with them because she could make them amazing meals and then one day she met who had heard of her cooking skills and let her try cooking for the royal family and when she tasted the food she was so amazed that she used her powers to turn Twinkle Sauce into an alicorn too and become part of the royal family and her amazing abilities drew the attention of an interdimensional congregation of friendship :>>>

Fine. Here's an example profile. I'm not actually using this character in your worthless battle, I'll be saving her for something else.

Username: Schazer
Name: Evangeline Morelock-Lanceblood
Gender: Female
Color: #498484, Siren Song
Race: Vampire. Siren. Vampiren.
Description: Evangeline is hauntingly beautiful; tall and slender with long black hair that always looks wet and glistening. She carries herself with the grace and poise of a master swordswoman thanks to her military training in Ult's Army. She wears clothes fancy even for a vampire, a long sea-green dress with seafoamlike ruffles along the edges, a tailored black coat and tall boots and lillies in her hair. She's very respected but cares about people and wants to have fun. She has sea green eyes in a pale face and blood-red lips. Her front teeth are like a cobra's, gleaming fangs. She uses them to drink blood, her nails are painted blood red and are extra sharp.
Items/Abilities: A beautiful centuries old sword, vampiric regeneration, vampire powers. She has to bathe in the river or her powers disappear.
Biography: Evangeline was born an orphan and taken in by the church of Ult, not a vampire just a regular human girl. She always endeavoured to learn to fight and be strong, she learned the ways of the sword, and trained to join the Paladins, protectors of the realm. She went on to protect the city from criminals, but one day pursued a criminal to a beautiful river where she met its vampire. The vampire was enthralled by her beauty and exploited its trickery to turn her into a vampire, too. She wanted to return to her home which she had sworn to protect, the vampire was distraught and lachrymose but equipped her with a beautiful outfit and a find sword.

Rob that is a very nice profile :3

Schaz you could try and get into the spirit of things :P It's time to be all teamfriendly~

Username: Agen~!
Name: Mediacraci (aka Casper Sparks)
Color: pink!
Race: Lost Human
Gender: Queer
Description: Mediacraci is a taller-than-average androgyne with a mop of messy black hair that frames their pale features. They've got on worn military fatigues that seem to echo the fatigue in their eyes; the hems are frayed and the knees spattered liberally with dried blood.

They are effusively cheery despite the things they've seen. Every so often they have to take a breath from a battered inhaler, which is inevitably followed by hacking coughs. They are not well.
Items/Abilities: Mediacraci has basic medical training and a complement of skills that befit an espionage agent. However, they are in no position to use any of that skill because their specialty is cyberespionage! They could be among you at any moment, as anyone in the virtual world!
Biography: A cure. Weeping, the Media parsed through pages of data, searching for a cure. On the outside they felt the sobs wrack their body, yet their hands on the keyboard remained steady and unshaking. On the inside they felt nothing. Perhaps, even, a little sense of perverse joy at the chaos they were making, a microcosm of an infinite void breaking its waves on the shores of a dark sea speckled with brilliant burning stars. They laughed. Laughing, the Media paged through parses of data, searching for a cure.

"One last job," they'd said. "One last job, and you're home free." Like heck! Now here they were, dying of that strange lung cancer they'd been given at the one last job. But that's not important right now. It is a mote in a sunbeam, a droplet in the rain, a human being on a dying planet earth.

The most important thing now was the cure. They'd had to reach into the past to find out where it'd been hidden, but had only managed to connect to some fairly limited channels, including one about eagles. But there was no time to investigate properly. In the next moment, Mediacraci and their computer had disappeared!

Ah, geez, I mean, it looks like fun, but I'm out of practice and increasingly convinced that I wasn't very good to start, or maybe I was good to start but then got worse, somehow, and in any case Iunno if this kind of "cooperative" thing is really my schtick, though, Iunno, really, and I guess I won't know unless I try, but I probably shouldn't since I'm juggling two other projects I'm not really keeping on top of very well and have that whole "corporeal and legal existence within a globally-enforced coercive economic system" thing I need to get on top of as well, but heck, that's never stopped me before, has it, I mean I also "physically and biologically require sleep to live" but I've been doing fine on-and-off that so who am I to judge?

That may have got a bit more real than I intended.

Anyway, here's Wonderwall

SpoilerShow

Username: Not The Author
Name: Lucian Julius Mandragora (and Prometheus)
Color: Bitter and cold. (#4682B4, center-left in the color-picker)
Race: Human enough.

Biography: In childhood, Lucian quickly learned to identify patterns and developed an insatiable thirst for knowledge. Born as he was to a bishop in a small yet fervent religious sect, this was unfortunate. As soon as was possible, he was sent away to train with Wizardry.

In adolescence, Lucian's knack for logic blossomed and merged with parable, becoming an interest in philosophy and the buddings of altruism. Taught as he was by wizards burdened with great and terrible power that must never fall to the hands of the many, this was unfortunate. As swift as was possible, Lucian was turned towards the simpler, practical magics of runescript and alchemy.

In adulthood, Lucian longed to use his knowledge to the betterment of all peoples, but knew he would not be allowed. Fleeing academia, he sought employ with a smith, that he might work in secret with powder and sigil and steel and pattern. The smith made hooks for gutting and chains for binding and weapons for war. Lucian made plows for farming and shears for pruning and tools for peace. And when the wizards came to take him and his tools back, as he knew they would, he had prepared and was prepared.

Stolen as he was by a being which fit no foreseeable nor identifiable pattern, this was, for once, fortunate.

Description: Gaunt, hunched, and clad in white robes, Lucian is oft mistaken for some spectre from beyond the pale. Voice coarse and eyes bloodshot help little, but the robes hide unexpected musculature. He's low tolerance for nonsense or waste, and fervently advocates action towards better, but a life wasted on the selectively deaf leads him to bottle his emotions and err isolated. Occasional accidental eruptions result.

Items/Abilities: Lucian is clad in a field-cleric's habit, designed to withstand weather and magic, but worth little faced with metal. Beneath his robes about his waist, a craftsman's belt with all number of moderate-quality metalworking tools, and a poignard for self-defense. Wields the power of knowledge, with which he can mold metals, herbs and runes alike, and has near supernatural intuition into the logic behind systems and patterns. Actually using this knowledge is typically a slow process, though hastened some by Prometheus.

Prometheus is a cubic meter metal box, enchanted variously. Though mostly storage space for materials and a flat surface upon which to work, a spherical maw juts from the cube's forward face, opening into a slag furnace. Prometheus is, additionally, an animate construct, with four stubby legs with which to waddle after its owner and intelligence enough to follow simple commands, such as "slag those wizards." Unfortunately, Lucian is not a kobold.

btw i'd love it if somebody drew my character :> i can pay in DA points

You should give it a try :D We want to make sure everyone on board has a great time~ You can give us as much time or as little as you need to :33

Username: Agen~!
Name: Mediacraci (aka Casper Sparks)
Color: pink!
Race: Lost Human
Gender: Queer
Description: Mediacraci is a taller-than-average androgyne with a mop of messy black hair that frames their pale features. They've got on worn military fatigues that seem to echo the fatigue in their eyes; the hems are frayed and the knees spattered liberally with dried blood.

They are effusively cheery despite the things they've seen. Every so often they have to take a breath from a battered inhaler, which is inevitably followed by hacking coughs. They are not well.
Items/Abilities: Mediacraci has basic medical training and a complement of skills that befit an espionage agent. However, they are in no position to use any of that skill because their specialty is cyberespionage! They could be among you at any moment, as anyone in the virtual world!
Biography: A cure. Weeping, the Media parsed through pages of data, searching for a cure. On the outside they felt the sobs wrack their body, yet their hands on the keyboard remained steady and unshaking. On the inside they felt nothing. Perhaps, even, a little sense of perverse joy at the chaos they were making, a microcosm of an infinite void breaking its waves on the shores of a dark sea speckled with brilliant burning stars. They laughed. Laughing, the Media paged through parses of data, searching for a cure.

"One last job," they'd said. "One last job, and you're home free." Like heck! Now here they were, dying of that strange lung cancer they'd been given at the one last job. But that's not important right now. It is a mote in a sunbeam, a droplet in the rain, a human being on a dying planet earth.

The most important thing now was the cure. They'd had to reach into the past to find out where it'd been hidden, but had only managed to connect to some fairly limited channels, including one about eagles. But there was no time to investigate properly. In the next moment, Mediacraci and their computer had disappeared!

Is this a fucking self-insert????? Not The Author please for the love of all that is holy do not waste what appears to be a decent character on this mess.

Also you can shove it Agen I am the teamfriendliest motherfucker on this whole goddamn forum. I wrote, copy-edited, published and painstakingly hand-bound in bitchin' fabric the goddamn book on teamfriendliness.

Teamfriendliness is about RESPECT and MAKING A DOUBLEHALFASSED EFFORT to ACTUALLY CONSIDER other people's views, for example, REFRAINING FROM MAKING AN ASS OF YOU AND MEDIACRACY that I will suffer being schooled by a sugar-coated choking-hazard cinnamon puff like yourself about TEAMFRIENDLINESS.

I will play your obnoxious little game and I will goddamn win at it. You are going to get some Teamfriended you'll be PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of saying a bad word against me.

Not The Author please for the love of all that is holy do not waste what appears to be a decent character on this mess.

No, see, this is the perfect opportunity for me to build myself into a better writer! Just as immersing one's self in a foreign culture is the perfect way to learn a language, immersing myself in, uh. this. is the perfect way to build writing skills I might never otherwise obtain!

And besides...

I will play your obnoxious little game and I will goddamn win at it.

...What would a game be without a little, mmmmmmmmmm

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

friendly competition?

Oop, sorry, friendly cooperation, my bad, my bad

Username!: Granolafriend
Name: Huggoth
Color: Lovender
Race: Shoggoth
Gender: All of them!
Description: A shifting and writhing mass of prehensile hugging appendages. Fifteen feet tall with a maximum hug range of about ten feet. Can change color based on mood, but always stays in the pastel range.

Items/Abilities: Journeyman hug artist, but training to be a Hug Master! Quickly regenerating flesh makes it easy to forgive and forget hugging accidents, but Huggoth's feelings are still very vunerable so please don't pick on them!

Biography: Huggoth never had any friends growing up because they weren't handsome or pretty like all the other hug disciples. What Huggoth did have though was a heart literally bigger than a human head and a burning passion to become the greatest Hug Master and Friend to Everyone in the world! So Huggoth spent their youth training up their hug muscles and smile pheremones until they reached peak hugging form. On the day of the Hug Test though, Huggoth remembered how unhandsome they were so they went back home to their Sad Corner and missed the test. If only Huggoth had the courage and self esteem to take their Hug Test, they're hopes and dreams lie just within a hugging appendage's reach! The Amazing Agen saw Huggoth's plight and was moved, and Huggoth was suddenly transported to the one place where Huggoth can learn to hug themself.


Oh if someone's drawing pictures I'd love one with Huggoth and Hades Prometheus hugging! It's so cute!