Zoostuck 3

GGet someone to... touch you somehow. So we can sense them?

try to get some sex

Narrate everything going on out loud for us, the stinky people.

GGet someone to... touch you somehow. So we can sense them?

try to get some sex

Nobody wants to touch you. You smell exactly like people would expect someone named Muck Budman to smell, which is to say, like smelly stinky muck. This has been true for as long as you can remember and you don't expect it to change now.

Narrate everything going on out loud for us, the stinky people.

You suddenly find yourself compelled to narrate everything happening to you. You start explaining that some police officers have shown up and asked you what you're doing on school grounds at this hour, and rather than give an answer you're just narrating what's just happened. You continue to narrate that the police are planning to arrest you but don't want to actually touch you, so after a brief argument with each other they decide to just poke you with sticks all the way down to the station. Now you explain that they're poking you with sticks all the way down to the police station.

You find this narration process incredibly boring, especially when you have nothing to talk about other than which specific rib they're prodding. The sticks are distracting enough that you find it difficult to pay attention to and narrate the scenery, which you can't see that well anyways because it's the middle of the night.

Eventually you arrive at the police station and narrate that you've arrived that the police station, before narrating that the police continue poking you until you're in an interrogation room.

TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW, MUCK BUDMAN. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE THIRD PERSON IS? WHAT SECRETS ARE YOU HIDING? I HAVE LOTS OF EXPLOSIVES.

You suddenly feel compelled to tell the police everything you know, so you start explaining that you made your way to this universe to escape the universe where Jogh Edgebert is the coolest guy in existence but to do it you had to switch places with some loser and that's how you ended up on those school grounds in the middle of the night and you've never heard of the Third Person and you hid your universe-travel machine in the back seat of a Delorean before you activated it to switch places with your closest extrauniversal counterpart.

You then narrate that the police seem satisfied with this explanation and let you go.

You are now Ryan North and you are in an easier universe to narrate. You just noticed something funny in the back seat of this flying Delorean you're driving. What are you going to do with it?

Time to get some chitty chitty bang bang

GGet someone to... touch you somehow. So we can sense them?

try to get some sex

it's the year 2015 and every car can fly. now you're no longer special.

Time to get some chitty chitty bang bang

With your intense uncoolness, obviously one of your prime concerns is your sex drive. Maybe this thingamabob can help you attract the ladies. You grab it and just start pressing buttons.

it's the year 2015 and every car can fly. now you're no longer special.

Suddenly you find yourself somewhere else. You see a lot of flying cars and feel annoyed because now you're not the only one with a flying car. However, you can't really do much else because you're in a different universe.

You are now the Ryan North from a really cool universe where everyone has flying cars, and you are very confused. Why does this universe feel so uncool? It feels so uncool that you feel like you're losing massive amounts of coolness just by being here.

Also you seem to have the only flying car in this sky. Where are all the others? This is really weird.

So what are you going to do in this incredibly uncool universe?

Set it on fire.

Set it on fire.

Of course. It's so clear now. A universe this uncool cannot be allowed to exist, for its uncoolness might infect other universes and that would be extremely uncool. You will purify it in the flames.

The problem is, you're going to need a lot of fire for that and hey is that a dinosaur? Wow, that almost makes up for the incredible uncoolness of this universe. Almost.

You decide to ask the dinosaur to help you with the purification.

You are now the Dark Spinjitsu Master and also the editor, and you laugh maniacally because despite the setback of becoming an editor, you can feel your plan to infect other universes with the uncoolness of this one beginning to succeed...

Wait a minute. You sense a problem. One of the replacements from another universe is trying to destroy this one. With only three other universes infected so far, you can't simply ignore this. But thanks to that accursed Johnsmell Madden, you can only affect events through your largely ineffective editorial powers. You'd have to win the spinjitsu tournament in order to fix this problem, but you don't have time to enter it because of this stupid editor job.

So how will you salvage your plans?

with your editing powers, skip straight from page 21 of this thread to page 24, where you've already won

with your editing powers, skip straight from page 21 of this thread to page 24, where you've already won

we are not doing that shit again

with your editing powers, skip straight from page 21 of this thread to page 24, where you've already won

we are not doing that shit again

fuck you, go to page 2

with your editing powers, skip straight from page 21 of this thread to page 24, where you've already won

we are not doing that shit again

fuck you, go to page 2

i can't

with your editing powers, skip straight from page 21 of this thread to page 24, where you've already won

we are not doing that shit again

fuck you, go to page 2

i can't

GO TO PAGE 2

with your editing powers, skip straight from page 21 of this thread to page 24, where you've already won

You are suddenly aware of the full extent of your powers as an editor. As you transformed the universe into a cartoon, it now has pages, and that means you can jump between them. You decide to leap ahead to Page 24, by which time your plan will no doubt succeed and...

Wait. Wait. This is not good.

As best as you can tell, on its current course the universe will no longer exist by Page 24. This is the only possible reason you cannot travel there.

fuck you, go to page 2

But wait.

If you travel through time in this way, and augment it with the dark spinjitsu powers you possess, you can defy Johnsmell Madden's ban on backwards time travel. The way in which this works is so obvious that you will not even bother to exposit on it.

Instead, you simply spinjitsu the cartoon all the way back to Page Two. You are now on the sun, where various political maneuvering is underway which will, ultimately, make it the moon as a matter of law.

But you are away from all that. You are, instead, right outside a locker where your new apprentice, and the future Supreme Leader of the yet-to-be-established Moonited Nations, has been stuffed by his sister.

You are going to teach him mastery of Spinjitsu, and he will use it to control the Moon, and with that he will save the universe.

And probably conquer it, but hey, you don't care who rules it, you just care about spreading the uncoolness to other universes.

I am now obligated by the narrator's code to shift perspective to the present.

You are now Davy Jones, or as you are known ceremonially, Davy "Dreidelclaus" Jones Vinyl Scratch the Spinmeister, Supreme Ruler of the Moonited Nations. And the time your teacher warned you about has come.

Someone is setting the universe on fire. Now, the moon will be fine because it's already on fire everywhere. But if all those other places are set on fire, then you won't be able to give speeches about how much better the moon is than they are. So you've got to take care of this.

How are you going to do that?

put it on ice

pour some soda

put it on ice

Of course! Ice is the opposite of fire, so all you need is a quick shift in the nature of the universe. You perform a quick ice-aligned spinjitsu move and the universe is contained within one ice rink.

Which is, of course, on the moon. And now that the entire universe is on the moon, you are the latest to rule it.

Oh, and what's this, there's a spinjitsu tournament going on. Well, you'll have to go and win that.

pour some soda

But first, you celebrate your successful takeover and rescue of the universe with a nice refreshing glass of Moon Cola. You'll need the energy it provides you in order to win the tournament.

You are now Zoosmell Egbert and you've just realized that you're on the moon but it's also very cold for some reason even though everything is on fire. You don't really want to think too hard about this, so instead you focus on the fact that the moonglasses must be around here somewhere and you can use them to finally recreate the universe so that it can be the greatest universe of all. But where are they...

Oh. They're the prize for this nonsensical martial arts tournament. Well, you'll have to enter in that case. But to do that, you'll need to actually learn this so-called "spinjitsu". How on the moon are you going to do that?

please do not end with the tournament. that's exactly like the last thread. it's as if... you aren't being very creative this time around.

by the way, is the hot dog still hot?

by the way, is the hot dog still hot?

What hot dog? You haven't been concerned with sustenance in quite some time ow why did this animal just pounce on you, and how is it covered in sweat, dogs aren't supposed to sweat.

You are now the dog and you can't believe you're still this hot even with all this ice around. Still, you have all your hair intact for your very important mission and this is probabbly when you're supposed to do it.

If only you could remember what your very important mission actually is. It's tough to do when you're this hot.

What can you do to cool off so you can try to recall your important mission?

Pant.

https://www.google.com/search?q=dog+shak...CAYQ_AUoAQ

https://www.google.com/search?q=dog+shak...CAYQ_AUoAQ

You attempt to shake yourself off, but this just leads to your sweat freezing as it reaches the air. And you're still sweating. This isn't working very well. You need to try something else because this frozen sweat all over the place is gross.

Pant.

You glance at the kid you just pounced on and get an idea. You tear a leg off of his clothing and then awkwardly attempt to fan yourself with it.

You are now Zoosmell Egbert and you are quite cold because a dog has just torn off one of your pant legs. What are you going to do about this?

Aren't your God Tier robes self-cleaning? Wouldn't they grow back as well?

Aren't your God Tier robes self-cleaning? Wouldn't they grow back as well?

Perhaps if you were in a universe where you had your full powers, but this is not that universe. Not yet, anyway.

But your robes do have more cloth than you strictly need. You take off your hood and wrap it around your leg. It's not ideal, but it's better than freezing.

Although your sleeves are rather short, and now you could use a hat. You're going to need to find a clothing store.

You are now Johnsmell Madden. Somehow, your universal empire has been reduced to a single clothing store, and your only employee is the Super Puck you ordered a while ago. This leaves you with one very important question.

Who are you going to blame for this?

Yourself.