Zoostuck 3

in prison, for crimes against dance

Oh, that's right. You got arrested for naming your dance troupe The Three Persons when you only had two members. So you figure your best chance is to find a dancer somewhere in this prison. Unfortunately, you haven't had much luck.

In the Grumpy Agen corner.

This is mostly because you're confined to the Grumpy Agen Corner. You have no idea why this wing of the prison has that name, but it's exclusively for very tiny prisoners like yourself, and as you already discovered when you staged an impromptu dance contest, you're the only one here who knows how to dance at all. That means you need an opportunity to mingle with the other prisoners, but where can you get that?

The only place appropriate to look for new dance members. Your local Burger King.

Of course. Lunchtime, when all the prisoners are marched to the prison's Burger King. That's where you can look for your Third Person so you can get out of this mess. Maybe you can even find your alligator partner and get some practice steps in.

You are now the dancing alligator. You have just realized that it is very important that you not find a Third Person for your dancing troupe so that you can get out of this mess. Unfortunately, the dancing chick you work with probably hasn't realized this, so you'll have to stop her from recruiting anyone.

How are you going to do this? And why do you need to stop it from happening, again?

> put dancing chick in sandwich and eat

> put dancing chick in sandwich and eat

While that would prevent the problem, it would also be a gross violation of your principles. Chicken tastes awful! Oh, and also you'd probably get kicked out of the dance troupe. Besides, you already finished your lunch.

But maybe your big mouth can help you out here after all, and you don't mean by explaining your mysterious reasons for wanting to stay in prison to your partner. This Third Person is a dancer, after all. Maybe if you bite everybody's legs, they won't be able to dance, and any audition will be a failure.

You promptly bite the legs of the nearest prisoner.

You are now the nearest prisoner. An alligator is currently biting your leg. What are you going to do about this?

> Nothing

> bite someone else's leg

it's a rabid alligator, there's nothing you can do but spread the infection

Do jumping jacks in an effort to knock the alligator off.

Put your sick dancing skills to use and dance your wounded legs away from the alligator.

Go to the Grumpy Agen Memorial Hospital Wing

> Nothing

You come up with a brilliant plan to do absolutely nothing. Surely the alligator will soon get bored and leave your leg alone OH GOD THE PAIN, yeah, this is a terrible plan, time to try another one.

> bite someone else's leg

it's a rabid alligator, there's nothing you can do but spread the infection

You decide that retaliating on an uninvolved party is the only solution, and the first prisoner you see is a dancing chick. You instinctively bite its leg and...

Ow! That thing kicks hard. Now an alligator is biting your leg and you have a hell of a toothache. Oh, and the chick ran away, it looks like the stupid bird is more competent than you are at dealing with leg-bitings.

Well, you're not going to just take that.

Do jumping jacks in an effort to knock the alligator off.

You instead go into your midday exercise routine, starting with the jumping jacks. The only effect this has is to get the alligator's teeth even further embedded in your leg. Nice going.

Put your sick dancing skills to use and dance your wounded legs away from the alligator.

You decide that only the power of dance can solve this problem. You use the forbidden art of the SICK DANCE to enhance your dancing skills as your health gets worse and...

...are still totally incompetent at dancing. The forbidden art of the SICK DANCE only works with diseases, not wounds! On the plus side, this means your leg isn't infected. On the minus side, you still have an alligator biting your leg.

Go to the Grumpy Agen Memorial Hospital Wing

Well, there's only one thing to do: Get yourself sick so you can dance this alligator off! And the best place to find highly contagious sick people is clearly the prison's hospital. You limp your way over there with the alligator still stuck to your leg.

You are now a disease in the hospital wing of a prison. Your current host is dying, which is really cool, but it also means you're going to need to find a new one.

So what are you going to do? Also, what's the deal with this guy you're infecting right now?

> Take over the wing and flap away

Become absorbed into him

> Take over the wing and flap away

Uh, you'd do that if you were a mind-controlling disease, or rather a body-controlling disease you guess. But you're not. You're just a regular old disease trying to infect whoever you can.

Besides, you haven't had much luck getting into this bat's wings. And even if you could, and had the capability to take control of them, the bat injured his wings because you made him sneeze while he was attempting to develop a bold new dance move.

You also remember there being something really important about this bat, but as a virus, you don't actually care and are content to let him die, regardless of what some omniscient narrator thinks.

You feel like normally, at this point you would suddenly get it into your head that maybe you shouldn't let this host of yours die. But you feel as though any entity that could do such a thing is losing its ability to define you, and will soon lose its ability to even narrate you from its own perspective.

Become absorbed into him

The virus has been fully absorbed into the Third Person, who is beyond narrative control. This is potentially a significant problem because this virus could spread to other characters, taking them outside the control of That Guy.

Which is to say, me.

I am greatly concerned by this. One Third Person is manageable. But with multiple, my capacity to influence this universe would be greatly reduced. If this virus spreads, I might not be able to give all these sunglasses to anyone.

Worse yet, there is the risk, however slight, that Jogh Edgebert might be infected. Without my narrative influence, there is no guarantee he would retain his low levels of creativity. He might become more dangerous than ever.

Fortunately, I know where the original Third Person is, and that means I can focus my efforts on eliminating this virus before it spreads.

But I must select the proper individual to narrate in order to accomplish this. Who will that be?

Rosse

Rosse

Rosse? I don't recognize that name offhand. Nonetheless, so long as they exist in this universe and are not infected by the Third Person's virus, I should be able to narrate for them.

You are now Rosse, and you are someone. Hopefully someone who is somewhere in a particular prison complex where a narration-proof virus has just emerged... what are you even thinking about? A narration-proof virus? That's just nonsensical.

You attempt to clear your head. Yes, you are in a prison complex, but you're not a prisoner. You're... someone. You seem to be having trouble remembering exactly who, though. Who are you, and what are you doing here, and how are you going to stop that virus you don't know about?

You're the assistant warden. There's a riot starting in the Grumpy Agen medical wing.

You're a convict's twin.

you're in charge of making sure the prison complex stays complex

You're the assistant warden. There's a riot starting in the Grumpy Agen medical wing.

You're a convict's twin.

you're in charge of making sure the prison complex stays complex

Oh, that's right. You're the assistant warden and your job is to ensure that the administration of this prison is as needlessly complicated as possible so that nobody in here gets out, including the prison staff. After all, you can't risk any prisoners causing problems for Jogh Edgebert, the coolest guy in the universe. All his enemies are locked up in here, because opposing someone that cool is just not allowed.

One of those enemies is your twin brother. You've just been informed that he's gone and started some kind of riot in the hospital wing, something about trying to get sick and dance an alligator off his leg.

You're going to have to deal with this.

You are now Assistant Warden Rosse's twin brother. You still have an alligator biting your leg and somehow you've started a riot among the sick prisoners.

What are you going to do now?

Find someone with sick riffs

start a quiet riot

Check to see if you're sufficiently sick yet.

Find someone with sick griffs

Check to see if you're sufficiently sick yet.

No such luck. None of these guys seem to be contagious! Either that or you have an unfortunately robust immune system. Whichever it is, you're not sick enough to unleash your moves yet.

start a quiet riot

You already have, apparently. Seems most of these guys have sore throats, so even though they're waving their arms around, they aren't able to actually shout anything.

Find someone with sick riffs

You decide to get more proactive about your infection and look for someone with the Riffs disease. That's sure to make you sick enough to dance this gator off! You understand that it's highly contagious, but only to major characters. Hopefully you're major enough.

So you scan the crowd for someone important to the plot who might have the disease, and soon enough you find them. You think.

Find someone with sick griffs

Except that, whether or not they have Riffs disease, they seem to have a griffon biting their leg. The griffon's not looking too healthy, either.

You are now a sick griffon biting some sick guy's leg. Why did you do this, again?

Because you failed to account for alternate meanings when you were hungry and asked that genie for some 'sick bites'.

To calm the spiders wiggling and jiggling inside you.