Zoostuck 2

find the phone book

Yes, that makes perfect sense, obviously you're going to find the answers in a book designed for use with a device that doesn't exist yet.

Find an alphabet peasant to do it for you

They don't call them peasants any more, and most of them can't read anyways. Besides, even if they could, they're probably not even halfway through the alphabet!

your state of mind

Your state of mind is clearly deeply disturbed, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that it's inhabiting Rave here. You're not finding any slave information in there.

You're clearly overthinking this. You just grab a state at random and start flipping through...

Oh. It's New Jersey. Of course it is, even though the story you're satirizing was set in the South. And you've already landed on the name of this slave, which you obviously remember even though it was never mentioned in the adventure at all.

Aand he's dead. Great, looks like you'll have to go even further back to fix that. Well, at least you're done with Rave, so you break your concentration.

You'll need some time to recover before you can go back again, so it's time for a perspective shift.

Who are you now?

micheal

new oisey

y.....

micheal

new oisey

y.....

Yes, you are Michael Y..... New Oisey, future first skeleton President of the United States. And you're in high school for some reason even though your remains shouldn't have even been found yet.

You've got this assignment to resolve your plotline, which involves reintroducing evil into the world after eliminating it. Except you haven't eliminated it yet, so you're kind of confused about what you should be doing. Are you only able to complete this assignment in the future after you've become President? That seems kind of unfair.

So what are you going to do in the meantime?

hustle

commit petty crimes

fast.

Fast, really fast. By speeding up time in your stomach

hustle

You could hustle, but what's the hurry when you don't know where you're even going? You're getting ahead of yourself a little there.

commit petty crimes

What? And hand your future opponents easy attack ads? You're the future President, you've got a career to think about!

fast.

You're already doing that! You're a skeleton, you don't need to eat!

Fast, really fast. By speeding up time in your stomach

You don't have a stomach any more, or any other internal organs for that matter. But that does give you an idea, maybe you can hasten the flow of time so you can be President today! Then you can finish your homework by removing evil from the world and reintroducing it!

It's the perfect plan, provided you can figure out how to defy the relevant laws of physics. So how are you going to do that?

get that time machine from earlier, i forget if that exists anymore or is even in the same universe, but, y'know

Just drop things into a black hole.

ask that guy

get that time machine from earlier, i forget if that exists anymore or is even in the same universe, but, y'know

Of course! A time machine that could be in literally any place or time that you have no idea how to operate! That's perfect!

You'll have to search the school grounds for it, though, and you have no idea where to begin with that.

Just drop things into a black hole.

A black hole? Oh, right, maybe the time machine fell into a black hole and if you drop things in you'll dislodge it. You're pretty sure that's how black holes work. But where are you going to find one?

ask that guy

Oh, good idea! You'll just ask that guy. Sure, they may not have any more information than you do, but then you can blame them if you don't manage to finish the assignment!

You are now that guy. Being a student at this school, obviously you have already appeared at some point in this adventure.

Who are you, again?

not me

that guy.

the other one. No, no, not him. Wait... okay okay, you're good

not me

Yeah, you're not the Chwoka Has Won Officially, Kid, Ahahahahahahahahahaha shell corporation, it hasn't even been incorporated yet. But who are you actually?

that guy.

Oh, that guy. Yeesh, do you really have to be that guy? You can't stand that guy.

the other one. No, no, not him. Wait... okay okay, you're good

Yeah, screw it, you're not being that guy, you're being the other guy... no, wait, no, not that one... okay, you've got it.

You're God's second cousin. You vaguely remember being killed and having a detective framed for your murder? But that's clearly not your plotline, you weren't a ghost or anything. You can't remember anything that happened, though, because it was all on a page that disappeared.

So what exactly are you... oh, right, this skeleton is asking you where he can find a black hole. Maybe that's the plotline you're supposed to resolve.

What are you going to tell him?

Nothing! Who says he has to know?! Stop being such a prick. I bet you're doing this for the attention. God's second cousin is such a drama queen.

point him towards the ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ offices. it';s like a black hole... of COMPETENCE, where good ideas go to suffocate in the vacuum of bureaucracy

sit on him

point him towards the ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ offices. it';s like a black hole... of COMPETENCE, where good ideas go to suffocate in the vacuum of bureaucracy

Oh, hey, that's probably what he's asking about. You point to the nearest ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ office. You don't have any idea what that place actually is, but you remember hearing someone compare it to a black hole. He thanks you and heads over there.

You don't actually feel like you resolved anything, though. Maybe that wasn't the right problem.

You are now the Loather of Irk. The future skeleton president who you plan to depose in an excessively complicated scheme has walked into an office of your shell corporation and is dropping things all over the place.

What are you going to do about this?

sit on him

Nah, you tried a throne of bones once and it just wasn't comfortable. You don't think a single skeleton would be much better.

Seriously, what are you going to do?

I'm the one true skeleton queen, this shouldn't be an issue!

bone a throne

Feed a dog to the throne. It's how you keep it upright.