Patrick Spaulding and the Land of Wonder - FSEAC

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You are PATRICK SPAULDING, a BRITISH BUSINESS MAN who some time ago was UNCEREMONIOUSLY PULLED THROUGH A RIP IN SPACE AND TIME to the MAGICAL LAND OF WONDER. For days you have wandered this INSANE LAND, managing to acquire the SWORD OF THE FLAME DJINN through SHEER LUCK. You long for the day that you will find a means through which you can return to your HOMEWORLD and leave this FANTASTICAL KINGDOM behind once and for all.

In the distance shimmers the CITY OF THE SHINING BLUE LIGHTS. From what little information you have gathered from INFORMATION GNOMES and HELPFUL BUTTERFLY SPIRITS you have come to believe that this is your best shot at returning home, though you have been THRICELY WARNED; "NOBODY EVER RETURNS FROM THE CITY OF SHINING BLUE LIGHTS."

You should take some time to prepare before venturing towards THE CITY OF THE SHINING BLUE LIGHTS.

>

> Be Tron

Get a really long and preferably enchanted rope, tie it to a nearby tree, and tie the other end to your midriff so you can find your way out again.

>Screw that, go for the city of red lights instead. Red is so much cooler.

Check out one of those sweet floating islands

Go to the upside down city of green lights instead.

> Examine the rest of your belongings, if any.

>Ask a nearby INFORMATION GNOME where the tea is, for the umpteenth time.

>Meditate to focus and gather any magical powers you may have.

> SWORD OF THE FLAME DJINN: Offer UNSATISFACTORY WISHES.

> Try and find a telescope, so that you can get a better look at the city and find out what else you might need.

> Inventory

This adventure is now going to be updated by SleepingOrange.

> SWORD OF THE FLAME DJINN: Offer UNSATISFACTORY WISHES.

"You knooooow," hisses the sword. "You could simply wishhhh your way back home."

You sensibly ignore it. Even a STAID BUSINESSMAN like yourself knows that DJINNI (FIRE OR OTHERWISE) are always up to no good and usually end up ruining whatever you wish for.

>Meditate to focus and gather any magical powers you may have.

You have no MAGICAL POWERS whatsoever! Ever since you arrived in this RIDICULOUS WORLD, you have staunchly refused to learn anything about MAGICAL PRACTIONERY, discover any INNATE MYSTICAL POWERS, or UNLOCK THE MYSTERIES OF YOUR SOUL. Your SHEER MUNDANITY actually makes it very difficult for FOUL SORCERERS or NOBLE HEALERS alike to work their ARCANE WITCHERY on you.

> Examine the rest of your belongings, if any.

> Inventory

Ahh, your INVENTORY. Or, more properly, your BACKPACK OF HOLDING. As frivolous and ridiculous as magic is on the whole, you have to admit it has a few uses. Currently residing in the NON-SPACIAL DEPTHS of your humble little rucksack are:

• Seven (7) pouches FINE EARL GREY TEA
  
• Three (3) HEALING POTIONS
  
• One (1) MANA POTION you have no use for
  
• Infinity (∞) ft. MAGIC ROPE
  
• One (1) DAGGER OF THE SPARK DJINN
  
• One (1) jar of HELPFUL BUTTERFLY SPIRITS
  
• One (1) WAND OF WONDERMENT
  
• Two (2) BALMS OF INVISIBILITY
  
• One (1) UNOPENABLE TOME
  
• Three (3) LEGAL TABLETS
  
• Five (5) BALLPOINT PENS (assorted colors)
  
• One (1) THE JENKINS ACCOUNT
  
• One (1) LAPTOP COMPUTER
  
• One (1) BRIEFCASE
  
• Four (4) BROKEN ICY ARROWS[/list:u]
  
  It's not much and it's fairly eclectic, but it's served you fine so far.
  
  

  Check out one of those sweet floating islands

  Go to the upside down city of green lights instead.

  
  
  You approach the FLOATING ISLANDS OF SOME KIND; as you near, you can see they're tethered together somehow, and the larger one is attached to the ground with an ENORMOUS LENGTH OF CHAIN.
  
  A sign next to the CHAIN helpfully informs you that these are the CLOUDLANDS OF THE ORACLE. You wish someone had just written that down... Signs shouldn't talk.

> Climb the chain to the island. If that doesn't work, fashion and use a GRAPPLING HOOK OF SORTS out of your SPARK DAGGER and INFINITE ROPE.

> Yeah right like you would trust a magic oracle to tell you what the future will hold... Then again like you would trust a magic sign to tell you what these islands will hold. Best climb up and confirm it for yourself.

Use MAGIC ROPE to CLIMB TO ISLAND. It's infinitely long, so you can knot it in an infinite amount of places, secure it, and away you go!

>Take out the Jenkins Account. It is obviously the key to your success.

Put the BACKPACK OF HOLDING inside your BRIEFCASE. Carry briefcase.

Much better.

If you had an adhesive, you could stick a sheet of paper reading Cloudlands of the Oracle to the sign using a pen and legal pad...

Oh well. Oracles usually know things, I guess. Maybe you should go see them? Ask the... er, sign if there's an easier way up than climbing the chain. ...Also, do this before sticking the paper to it.

Man you know you just got to wish for stuff that can't really go wrong, like TALENT or AWESOME MUSCLES.

>Ask the sign if there's an elevator or something. That climb looks like a bit much.

Put the BACKPACK OF HOLDING inside your BRIEFCASE. Carry briefcase.

Much better.

Sadly, you tried this before. Having to open your BRIEFCASE to open your BACKPACK to get what you want is just a liiittle too inconvenient in LIFE-THREATENING SITUATIONS. You've made several NOTES on your LEGAL PAD to find a BRIEFCASE OF HOLDING, but predictably have had no luck yet.

Ask the... er, sign if there's an easier way up than climbing the chain.

>Ask the sign if there's an elevator or something. That climb looks like a bit much.

"Is there any other way up to the island?"

"Welcome to the CLOUDLANDS OF THE ORACLE!"

"... Right. But is there a better way to get there?"

"Welcome to the CLOUDLANDS OF THE ORACLE!"

See, this is exactly why you hate magic.

> Climb the chain to the island.

Best climb up and confirm it for yourself.

Use MAGIC ROPE to CLIMB TO ISLAND. It's infinitely long, so you can knot it in an infinite amount of places, secure it, and away you go!

You head up the ENORMOUS CHAIN; at first, you try making the climb easier with your MAGIC ROPE, but it just takes more time and effort than using the LINKS as HAND- AND FOOTHOLDS so you pack it back away and get climbing.

It takes an astonishingly short time to crest the CHAIN; you're barely even winded when you get there and see...



You know, you'd been hoping it was called the CLOUDLANDS just because it was up in the sky.

> Punch that sad cloud in his stupid cloud face.

Hit on that cloud gal up ahead