Zoostuck 3

Ring Ring, Ring Ring

Hey, listen!

ringringringringringringringbananaphone

Ring Ring, Ring Ring

Hey, listen!

Since you're a communications device, your best bet is probably to try to talk your way out of this situation. Especially since you used up your electrical discharge already and that's your only weapon.

You start ringing in hopes of persuading Komaeda to talk, but he doesn't seem in the mood for it. Probably because you killed him.

ringringringringringringringbananaphone

Well, if Komaeda's not talking, you'll just have to call for outside help. You quickly dial the first number you can think of that isn't your mysterious benefactor who you have strict orders not to call under any circumstances.

That number belongs to the Bananaphone. You have no idea how it's going to help but it's not like you have any better ideas.

You are now the Bananaphone. A phone in an office that is hidden from the entire universe has just called you and asked for help. What are you going to do?

i got that feeling

i got that feeling

Ah, of course. You have the ability to transmit emotions over the phone lines. You send over a strong dose of contentment, which will hopefully allow the other phone to calm its attacker.

You are now Nagito Komaeda and you feel incredibly satisfied. In fact, this sense of satisfaction feels better than any you could derive from controlling the entire universe. You don't even want to bother destroying your phone for its insolence.

You know you're just being manipulated by the Bananaphone's emotional powers, but you're too content to actually care. You're not even bothering to chase your phone as it awkwardly hops out of your office.

Of course, you know full well that you'll do that when the effects of this wave of contentment wear off, but you might as well enjoy it while you've got it.

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord and catering is going smoothly, so smooth that it's boring and you're trying to think of stupid things to do to entertain yourself. As you contemplate the possibilities, a phone pops into existence next to you.

You consider this a sign. You need to make a prank call. But who are you going to call and what prank are you going to pull on them?

let's call the whole thing off

is your refridgerator running

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Yes! Perfect! You dial the number to the only pizza place you know, which actually makes pretty good pizza honestly but you're not really hungry for that.

You inform them that your name is Seymour Asses (wait, that's actually less dumb than your actual name, dang) and then your mind goes blank for a moment when they ask you what your order is.

is your refridgerator running

Thinking quickly, you ask if their refridgerator is running, even though you've forgotten how this joke goes.

You are now the universe's greatest pizza chef, which is to say, you are a four-armed three-legged lizardperson with the deformity of an extra leg but you make incredible pizza. You have just been asked if your refrigerator is running.

As a matter of fact, it is. It has escaped from the kitchen and is running through the corridors of the planet-ship. How fortuitous that this Mr. Asses reminded you to check! You inform the caller that it is and you had better go and catch it now.

let's call the whole thing off

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord again and your prank has been a failure. You decide to just hang up.

You are now a sentient refrigerator on a planet-ship, except the planet-ship is frozen in ice on the moon. You're trying to escape. Why are you doing this, again?

PROTEST SONGS IN RESPONSE TO MILITARY AGGRESSION

PROTEST SONGS IN RESPONSE TO MILITARY AGGRESSION

Oh, that's right, the moon's forces attacked the planet-ship, and then everyone started singing protest songs, and they inspired you to flee for your life. Well, you're not actually alive, but whatever.

Anyways, none of the moon soldiers are actually shooting at you, probably because they don't want to write the report about seeing a refrigerator running through the corridors. Too bad you don't know where you're actually going.

You are now that lost alien and you finally found the planet-ship but it's under attack. Well, that figures.

You have a choice. You could heroically stand up for your people and fend off the invaders and be a hero, or you could just quietly sneak away ha ha ha yeah no, you're just going to run. Except you're lost. Where exactly are you going to run to?

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Sinnermanland

Why would you go to that horrible place? Pizza disgusts you. You can't think of anywhere you would want to be less than a restaurant that serves pizza.

Sinnermanland

Why, you'd rather go to Sinnermanland and you don't even know where or what that is! But it's probably not a pizza place, so you may as well head there. Well, aside from the fact that you don't know where or what it is.

As you attempt to figure out how to get there, a refrigerator runs into you and stuffs you inside. Maybe it's going to wherever Sinnermanland is.

You are now Nagito Komaeda and your feeling of contentment has faded. Your phone has escaped, but this is of no concern. You know your next target: the prison known as Sinnermanland. You have no idea why Edgebert gave it that name and frankly you don't want to know.

What you do know is that within the prison is the power to murder this stupid tournament, after which nothing will stand in your way, not even the mysterious manipulator who had you killed.

What exactly are you looking for in there, again?

The virus that resists narration

page 24

The virus that resists narration

Nonsense. You're already immune to narration from all sources other than rocks, and you don't want to rely on something as unpredictable as a virus to protect you. Besides which, the virus gave up its immunity. You will have to contend with the infected prisoners, of course, but you're after something far more valuable.

page 24

The 24th page. Whoever possesses this page when its arrival comes will have control of it. The reason for this is that 24 was Jogh Edgebert's favorite number.

It's obvious that the mysterious schemer who tried to have you killed hid the page in this prison and engineered the anti-narration virus so that no one would realize who held it. You have to collect it now.

Unfortunately, you have little time left. And the narrator is a rock. Fortunately, you do have a backup plan for dealing with it, but it isn't pleasant. But how are you going to find the page in this massive sprawling prison that hasn't been narrated in months?

Oh. A prisoner could throw it in your face. Suspiciously convenient, but you don't have time to protest. Now you just need to protect yourself from the narrator rock.

Um. Nagito Komaeda has just turned into a rock. As I cannot narrate for rocks, I am now helpless to affect events in the prison. Page 24 is coming and once it arrives, it will be impossible for me to alter its direction. I have at most one post to do so, provided there is only one suggestion.

What should I do to make the most of this final chance?

actually it's your last post ever because

actually it's your last post ever because

Do you realize what you have done.

You have turned 24 into the highest number in this universe. I don't even know what's going to happen when the next page ends, even more than I already didn't.

You had better hope this will somehow inadvertently save this universe and stop all the various schemes going on, or else I will be very, very angry with you and you do not want a rock to be angry with you.

I'm just going to come right out and suggest spinjitsu

edit: holy shit guys I just checked and the number of posts displayed per page is 24

well, 25 but come on give us some artistic license here

I'm just going to come right out and suggest spinjitsu

edit: holy shit guys I just checked and the number of posts displayed per page is 24

well, 25 but come on give us some artistic license here

that's it, we'll just raise the numbers of posts per page to...

um. to 24

You're the Fast Car Guru and you literally just bet someone you have twenty four ultra fast cars. Now you only have twenty three ultra fast cars and that douchebag you made a bet with is on his way.

Namely, you only have twenty three really fast cars now, and that means you're going to lose the bet you made like five minutes ago. Unless you can find another really fast car in a hurry, you're in big trouble.

Of course you already checked the internet, but when you have twenty three really fast cars all in one place, most of the responses just point to those and they don't do you any good. You're going to need to think of something to do about this problem... fast.

However, filled with rage, you manage to hit the 5 key instead of the 6 key 24 times in a row. You stop when you hear a dialtone, having long ago lost count of how many times you dialed. Instead, you merely wait for an answer and then start shouting.

You are now the person whose phone number is the number 5 repeated 24 times. Some kid is yelling at you over the phone about how his name is Zoosmell now.

So who are you, and what are you going to do about this kid?

I'm just going to come right out and suggest spinjitsu

Well, it appears that somehow I have more time, so I suppose I can squander it attempting to perform spinjitsu despite being a narrator rock...

Do not think I am unaware of your deeds, Orange One. You seek to delay my victory by rewriting the past.

It is a meaningless effort. The 24th page will arrive, and when it does, you will suffer for your insolence.

Know that I am watching you. You may not be within this universe, but that does not mean you are beyond my reach.

Um. I don't know exactly how my narration got hijacked there, but that all sounds pretty ominous. I guess I'll just try to practice spinjitsu while not having any limbs and hope things work out somehow.

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lol ok let's go