Zoostuck 3

shut down.

You didn't fight this hard so you could give up the Taco Bell when things got a little rough.

Obviously you can't take anyone's order, you have to find the hot sauce first!

It does occur to you that some of these patrons might want hot sauce, and you don't have any. You'll need to distract them so you can go back down and get help from your summoned demon. If he stops giving you burritos.

you clearly weren't trained for this level of disorder. Request that everybody form an orderly queue

So, in order to buy some time, you get behind the counter and tell everyone to line up so you can take their orders.

The truck driver stops his truck to get out, and some guy with darkened glasses stumbles out after him. The grizzly stops wrestling with the truck, and puts down the guy he's using as a shovel. The guy trying to shove his foot into your original customer's mouth stops and gets in line.

Then the fighting breaks out. While this is a useful distraction for your quest for hot sauce, you really can't allow there to be injuries.

last come first serve

So you announce that you'll be serving the last customer in line first. The fighting calms down as everyone keeps trying to jump backwards in the line instead. Now you can go back and get your demon to help you find a magic expert so you can turn the magic honey into magic bees so you can have them look for hot sauce so you can squirt it into the eyes of the sleeping guy who's now awake so you can finish telling him your story.

But first you need to figure out a way to get your demon to stop feeding you burritos. How are you going to do that?

eat 'em all

Choke to death

give him the ol' ooga booga

eat 'em all

That's what you've been doing! He just never seems to run out, it's like he's conjuring them out of thin air. Which might be possible, considering he's a demon. You're not an expert on these things.

Choke to death

You tried that, too. Well, not quite intentionally. But when you started doing that, he just dismissed the burrito and the next thing you knew there was another one in your mouth. It was really unsettling.

give him the ol' ooga booga

Of course! The Ooga Booga special, the greatest taco on this earth. You're not actually allowed to sell any, but offering them to a demon is perfectly within the rules.

But you're going to need hot sauce to make one. Well, shoot. Where are you going to get the hot sauce so you can make a taco so you can give it to a demon so you can ask him to find you an expert who can turn magic honey into magic bees so they can find hot sauce for you so you can squirt it in the eyes of one of your customers so you can wake him up so you can finish telling him your war story?

Your rival fast food chain across the street

Your rival fast food chain across the street

You glance across the road and look at the McDonald's that's been the bane of your existence since the war with the health inspectors.

Surely they have hot sauce. But you can't just walk in there and ask for some. You're going to need a disguise.

You are now the sole employee of the McDonald's. You're really upset because that stupid Taco Bell across the street is getting all the customers. Clearly this calls for some corporate espionage... oh, wait, you've got a customer.

Your customer looks a lot like the guy at the Taco Bell across the street, except for the beard that looks like it was hastily made from a mop. He's asking for an order of McNuggets with lots of hot sauce.

Well, obviously you're going to get his order ready, because it's been years since you had a customer but there's just one problem. You're completely out of hot sauce. Where are you going to get more?

Give him honey mustard instead

from the competing taco bell across the street

have your hot sauce mines run dry already?

Give him honey mustard instead

Hell no. You did that ten years ago and you haven't seen another customer since, until today. You're not making that mistake again.

have your hot sauce mines run dry already?

What a ridiculous idea. You are not going down to the hot sauce mines, not when they're haunted. Besides, you gave away all the mining equipment in happy meals.

from the competing taco bell across the street

Of course! That jerk at the Taco Bell stole all your customers, so you'll steal all his hot sauce! That'll show him!

But you don't want him to recognize you. You'll need a disguise. And you'll also need some way to distract this customer while you head on over there...

You are now the Porlock Party Police. You've been assigned to find anyone you can who isn't going to the party. You've gotten a report of a whole bunch of non-partygoers gathering at a fast food joint just outside the Spooky Woods, and you just can't let that stand. Everybody's got to be at this party! Everybody.

But the problem is, you just arrived and there's two fast food joints. Which one are you going to check out?

the hidden bootleg fast food joint undergournd

the combination pizza hut and taco bell

obviously you're going to go to the mcdonalds so you can stake out the taco bell without looking uber suspicious

, which in turn acts to exclude opposing viewpoints and contribute to media partisanship

obviously you're going to go to the mcdonalds so you can stake out the taco bell without looking uber suspicious

You are pretty hungry. And you never cared much for tacos.

You head over to the McDonald's. Unfortunately, there's one customer ahead of you and he seems to be waiting for his meal. You don't see any staff, either.

Well, you might as well get some info out of this guy before you drag him to the party. Ask him some questions about what's going on at the Taco Bell. Questions like... like...

You're going to need a moment to think up some questions, it seems.

Ask why he isn't at the party

ask him where the hot sauce is

ask him if he wants to attend the hottest shindig since all those shishkebab shenanigans last week at the supermarket

Ask why he isn't at the party

Of course! The most important question anyone can answer. You stare him down and demand to know why he isn't at the big party in Porlock.

He says he didn't realize there was one. Plus he doesn't have much time for parties or travel, considering his job.

You ask him what job that is and he goes blank for a bit. Very suspicious!

ask him where the hot sauce is

You then decide to ask him about the other very important matter on your mind: where did the shipment of hot sauce for the party go?

He says he doesn't know, but he could definitely use some hot sauce. In fact, he's wondering why it's taking so long to get the hot sauce for his McNuggets.

Aha! Perhaps it's taking so long because they had to go all the way to Porlock to steal it! Which means this so-called customer is the mastermind of the scheme. You promptly arrest him and drag him into the party wagon, then head back into the McDonalds and watch the Taco Bell, waiting for your next move.

You are now Mark Termite. You still don't have hot sauce and you're in a hastily-decorated police car. You've been handcuffed and locked in the back seat. Also you still have a mop head stuff down your shirt to serve as a fake beard.

What are you going to do about this?

unlace your shoes with your teeth then jimmy the handcuffs open with your anglets

Chew off your hands to escape the handcuffs

wriggle the mop thing off of your head and scream for the policeman, claiming that some criminal pulled the ol' handcuff hooser whatsit on you and left you wrongly imprisoned.

unlace your shoes with your teeth then jimmy the handcuffs open with your anglets

You attempt to bend down and bite off your shoelaces, but moments after you awkwardly get your head into position, you remember that you wear velcro shoes! You're going to need another approach.

Chew off your hands to escape the handcuffs

Maybe it's all the blood rushing to your head, but you start thinking that the handcuffs couldn't restrain you if you bit your wrists off. So you attempt to and OW OW OW OW OW THAT HURTS SO MUCH!

And then you hear some footsteps because you got the officer's attention with that noise. What's worse, your fake beard has fallen to the floor!

Wait. That gives you an idea.

wriggle the mop thing off of your head and scream for the policeman, claiming that some criminal pulled the ol' handcuff hooser whatsit on you and left you wrongly imprisoned.

You carefully pull yourself up. Without your clever disguise, the officer will think you're a completely different person! You inform him that you were on your way to this party in Porlock you'd just heard about when some criminal trapped you in this car and somehow switched his handcuffs onto you! You have no idea how this criminal was so wily, or so handsome, but you'd be more than willing to help the officer track him down. You just need these handcuffs taken off so you can be a bit more helpful.

But just as you finish your very convincing plea for help, there's an explosion. The officer runs off to investigate it, leaving you stuck here.

You are now whoever was responsible for that explosion. Who are you, and what did you do?

you're at the taco bell and you're responsible for an explosion of FLAVOR