Zoostuck 2

Steal his shin

I'm the one true skeleton queen, this shouldn't be an issue!

It shouldn't, but it is. You just don't feel comfortable sitting on bones, somehow. You really should try to figure out why that is.

bone a throne

What? You already have this perfectly comfortable throne, you could decorate it with the future president's bones but you don't want to ruin it. Maybe if you had another throne, but...

Feed a dog to the throne. It's how you keep it upright.

Wait, what? Thrones don't eat! And where are you even going to get a dog, anyways? Honestly, it's like you're being zapped by a bad idea ray, which you probably are even though it hasn't been invented yet.

Steal his shin

Finally, a sensible course of action. At least by comparison. While the future skeleton president is distracted by dropping things, you snatch his shin and he falls to the ground, puzzled.

So what are you going to do with this shin now?

hambone

Bone the throne

edit: Hambone the throne

eat it. good for building strong milk

hambone

The hambone's connected to the shinbone? You're not too sure about that. Even if that's right, this particular shin isn't any more.

Bone the throne

edit: Hambone the throne

As much as you'd love a good throne of bones, ham or otherwise, you just can't make a comfortable one yet. Maybe you could try to shinbone the throne, though.

You put the shinbone down on your throne and sit on it... nope, not comfortable. Are you trying the wrong kind of bones or what?

eat it. good for building strong milk

You're pretty sure milk doesn't come from bones, and even if it did you've somehow become lactose intolerant in this reality. You could grind the bone to make bread, you suppose, but it probably won't make that much.

Ugh, this is way too complicated. You just throw the shinbone in a random direction. Who cares about that stupid thing?

You are now the guy zapping the Loather of Irk with a bad idea ray. You have just been hit in the head by a shinbone. What are you going to do?

incorporate the shinbone into your bad idea ray.

So that Loather of Irk will get bad ideas

about bones

Beat him over the head until he falls unconscious.

throw it into the air and watch it crossfade into a satellite

incorporate the shinbone into your bad idea ray.

So that Loather of Irk will get bad ideas

about bones

Your observations suggest that this is entirely unnecessary, most of the bad ideas you've been giving her are already about bones. If you were the Master of Pointlessness you'd be all over that, but you aren't.

Beat him over the head until he falls unconscious.

Beat who? The shinless skeleton? Well, okay, that works. You start whacking the future skeleton president in the skull with his own shinbone, which means Loather sees you emerge from your hiding spot and now you're in trouble.

And you don't seem to actually be doing anything because skeletons can't be rendered unconscious. Either you're the Master of Pointlessness after all or you forgot to protect yourself from the ambient bad idea radiation, it's probably the latter.

Well, now what are you going to do?

throw it into the air and watch it crossfade into a satellite

Yeah, that should work. Or probably not because it's from the ambient bad idea radiaton, but whatever. You toss the shinbone into the air and watch...

...as it falls back down and hits you in the head, knocking you unconscious. Nice going.

You're now someone else. Who are you again?

mr. north carolina

ATE..

mr. north carolina

ATE..

Ah, yes, you are Maximillion North Carolina, better known to the world as the great artist ATE. You have no idea how you're supposed to resolve your plotline considering it involves escaping from the villain who forced you to draw magnificent paintings for his adventure and you're not being held captive at this point. Do you just declare yourself done or what?

You were trying to ask the teacher for help, but he seems to have disappeared through a mysterious portal. So you've decided to do the only sensible thing: paint a picture of it. It is, after all, magnificent and beautiful, and only by capturing its majesty in canvas can you properly convey your confusion over the assignment.

The thing is, this high school doesn't seem to have any art supplies at all. You've looked everywhere and couldn't find anything. Apparently they don't even have an art class here! What kind of school is this?

But the deficiencies of your schooling will not stop you, for you are a true artist. Where will you go to locate the necessary supplies?

north carolina, c'mon and raise up. take your shirt off, twist it 'round yo head. spin it like a helicopter.

north carolina, c'mon and raise up. take your shirt off, twist it 'round yo head. spin it like a helicopter.

Ah, of course! The answer is right there in your name: Maximillion! Through a complex mathematical formula, you can use the letters of your name to generate a geographical index of the proper place to go...

Oh, hmm. You worked it out and the answer is "North Carolina". Maybe you could have done that more easily. Now if only you could find your way to North Carolina...

Wait a minute, this high school's in North Carolina! Wow, this is just useless. Maybe you can find an art supply store somewhere.

You are now a former webcomic artist and omelet chef who has not yet become either a webcomic artist or omelet chef. Somehow, you have found yourself as the principal of a high school in North Carolina in the year 1998. You aren't sure exactly what's going on, but you know that it has something to do with several people ruining your masterpiece.

Unfortunately, it seems you are not in much of a position to create said masterpiece now, either, as an employee who will one day be a good friend of yours has given out an assignment for everyone to resolve their plotlines. This is a serious problem for you, because nobody was supposed to resolve their plotlines. They were instead to be a distraction while you rewrote the universe to bring your masterpiece into existence.

You remember everything now. That stupid cat removed you from existence. In your last moments of omnipotence, you used your powers to do two important things.

First, you sent your a copy of your consciousness into Paradox Space without your memories of the comic, so that you could recover without drawing attention from anyone who might learn of your plans.

And second, to ensure the copy's memories would return, you created the ultimate singularity of complexity to guide events throughout time and space to complete your will.

Unfortunately, something went wrong somewhere along the line. The singularity's influence isn't affecting this place and time, somehow. And you have an uncomfortable suspicion that something at this North Carolina high school in 1998 could unravel the whole plan.

Whatever it is, your best option is to stop any of these plotlines from being resolved while you figure out just what's so important about this high school and this year. So how are you going to do that?

teach, teach like you've never taught before.

wait, you're a principal. principle, principle like you've never principalled before

worry about y2k

worry about y2k

yes, this

teach, teach like you've never taught before.

That would be fairly easy, considering you've never taught before. If your plan comes to fruition, of course, you'll be teaching an entirely new universe all about how incorrect their assumptions about art are, but that doesn't require active effort on your part - it merely requires the work to speak for itself.

Well, that and explaining to your misguided critics that they actually love the work and don't yet realize it. But that's less "teaching" and more "guiding them to the knowledge they already possess but are denying the truth of", which is a much more difficult task.

Anyways, that's all in the future in an alternate timeline so it doesn't count anyways. The point is, you can't teach anyone anything yet until your plans are complete.

wait, you're a principal. principle, principle like you've never principalled before

Ah, but you do have a job in this place and time. It is not your true calling, but you have fallen into the role, and like all tasks you set your mind to, you are inherently the best at it. All is clear now. You must set your administrative foot down and put an end to this assignment before it puts an end to your plans.

You need only fire the teacher responsible and expel all the students given the assignment. There will be considerable paperwork involved, however, which is a tedious task unworthy of your attention. You need only delegate that to your server monkey...

Oh, that's right. You don't have a server monkey in 1998. A minor setback which you will soon find a solution to.

worry about y2k

Suddenly, you are struck by a realization. The Y2K bug!

It's all so clear now! The Y2K bug was only prevented due to events at this particular high school in North Carolina. And if you do not allow those events to play out, Y2K will destroy civilization and prevent you from destroying the universe to recreate it.

Damn, what a time to be caught without a server monkey. You'll have to find a new flunky to do the hard work for you. But where will you find one?

the hiring range

the hiring range

Yes, of course. The hiring range. A beautifully simple concept, except as far as you can tell from looking through the phone book, it doesn't exist. Clearly this is yet another of your brilliant ideas that reality has tragically failed to produce as of yet.

At this point, lesser beings might give up and simply place a classified advertisement in the newspaper, or call an employment agency. But you cannot be satisfied with such half-measures. No, if the hiring range does not exist, you shall simply have to create it. It may be a difficult task with only the resources of a high school principal, but for a mind of your caliber, nothing is impossible.

In a matter of days, you will have started the hiring range, used it to hire yourself a server monkey, and set them to work expelling all the students. Unfortunately, while all that comes together, there is a slight risk that a plotline might actually be resolved. You'll need a more immediate method to keep the students occupied.

Of course, since your own attention will be primarily on organizing the hiring range, you'll need some assistance. You need to recruit someone to aid you. Who shall you contact to keep the students busy while you make your arrangements?

hm, i dont know. you'll have to get someone from the hiring range

hm, i dont know. you'll have to get someone from the hiring range

Ah, of course. You'll simply hire someone once the hiring range is set up, and then send them back in time. You will obviously be able to acquire a time machine in the process of creating the hiring range. Truly, you are the greatest of geniuses, coming up with solutions to problems you don't realize you have yet.

Even better, you can send the server monkey back in time with the paperwork so that it will all be done already and you just have to tell them to walk into your office with it at a specific date and time. How perfect! They should be entering momentarily.

They have not entered yet. Wonderful. Now you're going to have to fire them for failing to follow your simple instructions. As soon as you actually hire them, that is.

You are now a server monkey, or rather a monkey detective who has found himself in high school somehow. A week from now, you will be hired to go back in time and do a bunch of paperwork to expel a large number of students, including you, for reasons that your future employer won't make clear.

Unfortunately, despite your best efforts, paperwork cannot be solved with your fists. You even tried kicking it but that didn't do any better. Now you're at your deadline and you don't have any of this done. You also haven't finished your assignment for gym class.

So what are you going to do?

put a pencil in your fist