The thread for flipping shits (and tables)

to all you jobseekers out there: you should totally work at an amazon warehouse if.....

-you're okay with being given Thursday-Monday, 55-hour work weeks with days that go from 6am to 5pm, in spite of you specifically signing up for a *40 hour* work week that goes from Sunday-Wednesday, 7am to 5pm
-you don't like having the 21st century convenience of a cellphone (cant have those in the building at all)
-you like having your lunch only 4 hours into your 11-hour shift, NO EXCEPTIONS, HAVE FUN BEING HUNGRY THE REST OF THE DAY
-you hate your legs and feet and wish you could see them die in a fire as soon as possible

-...you really need money ;____;


also @kitet: wow that's...kind of awful? making you practice a stressful task like that while you were feeling that way...your dad seems like he has zero comprehension of other peoples' mental/emotional wellbeing...also, what the hell is it with parents and denying their kids privacy? don't they get that all that does is teach their children to be distrustful, paranoid, and secretive because of the looming threat of someone barging in at any moment? (well, that's what it did to me, anyway)

your dad seems like he has zero comprehension of other peoples' mental/emotional wellbeing

whenever i'm in a better mental state, remind me to give you more details about what happened today, because you have no idea to what extent this is true.

Not to belabor a point, but these are some diagnostic criteria for depression and depressive episodes:




It bums me out to see you call yourself lazy, because one of the things depression does is make it hard to do things (or even to want to do them) and then to feel disproportionately guilty about it. You're not at fault here, and you don't need to feel so much blame.

Also, I don't know if I or anyone has said this, or if you already knew, but a general practitioner or family doctor is able to (and may be readily willing to) prescribe antidepressants. If you have enough coverage for a regular office visit and a prescription, you may already be able to start getting treatment; seeing a specialist and/or a counsellor is preferable, but if you can see a regular doctor now, it'd be better not to wait if you don't have to. If you don't have any coverage now, or have already hit your limit, this isn't much help, but if that's not the case...

Reading about anesthesia and trying not to get too worked up or barf because all the options sound kind of scary and potentially painful, and my friend said Japan doesn't normally do general anesthetic and an epidural sounds even worse????

I don't want to need surgery and I am pissed off at these stupid faulty organs I never signed up to deal with

regular office visits cost an unreasonable amount right now, which is why i'm waiting until january for my coverage to change to a better plan

okay so since i can kinda think about what happened yesterday without breaking down again right now, here's some more detail about what happened yesterday.

prelude: i have this fun quirk where whenever my dad, and afaik ONLY my dad, yells at me or gets angry, i freeze up and can't think and start freaking out and crying. i think he knows this, but chooses not to address it.

SpoilerShow

so we did some driving practice yesterday. it went pretty okay until the end. we usually end practice by driving into a small parking lot in the area we drive around, and then we switch seats so he drives us back home, or to the store or something.

this time he wanted me to practice backing out of a parking space a few times. i always mostly forget how the car moves in reverse+which way to turn the steering wheel to make the car go in reverse in the direction you want it to, so this is an important thing to... stop forgetting. i get that.

except this time he decided to try to help me understand, by explaining which way the tires are pointed, with really vague language and hand gestures, which just confused me even worse. and then he angrily denied me any clarification with his explanation, telling me "there's only two ways to turn the car, just choose one."

by this point i was freaking out and just not moving at all, and now he's getting angrier and telling me to just move already, my brain is static and i tell him i can't think and i want to stop and he demands that i continue, of course i turn the wrong direction so he makes me do a few more rounds

as this continues i cry and panic and can't process what i'm actually doing, or what he's saying, and almost hit the curbs as i do a few more rounds of this parking practice (which isn't even worth anything, i'm not in a state of learning right now)
eventually i hit the curb and he screams and swears at me, repeatedly asking me WHY i did that
we switch seats, he's still asking why i hit the curb
he accuses me of doing it on purpose to "get back at him"(???)
i get my bearings back just enough to ask if it actually, honestly seems to him like i hit the curb out of spite, he screams OF COURSE, WHY ELSE WOULD DO YOU IT

might i add that he actually did notice that i was having a breakdown at the wheel when it started, all he did was ask if i was okay and then tell me to keep trying to park or whatever

then we went to get some fast food
on the way he jokingly said he "should yell at me more often, so i get used to it" (!!!!!!!!)

in the drive-thru, he noticed i was still broken down, and asked me what was wrong. i asked him if he actually thought that i was in a functional state of mind when i was frozen, crying, at the wheel. he said "yes, that's normal". I don't even understand what he meant by that.
anyway there's 100% confirmation that my dad "has zero comprehension of other peoples' mental/emotional wellbeing", raibys

in conclusion, i don't want to do practice driving anymore, and i don't want to be in this house anymore either

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jesus, that's awful.

/me hugs for everyone.

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That's terrible, so sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry, :c

I went shopping with mum today? She wanted to get me some new clothes, because over the last year i've managed to gain over 20kg and nothing fits me anymore, or its too short. So mum comes home stressed and headachey from work, and we head off. Possibly an important note here: i usually hate december because my family like making events about themselves instead of whoever is celebrating. This was a million times worse when i was still on speaking terms with my dad, who has been divorced from mum since i was about 10- he used to use my birthday as a means to get back at her, or whatever. Even mum, who tried not to be bitter (though she had every right to be, dad is an abusive fuckhead) would get v upset if she didn't get to have dinner with me on my birthday. Even though the date is not important to me in the slightest, and i made that clear.

ANYWAY. I've gained this terrifying amount of weight (literally an extra 1/4 of my previous bodyweight on top, for those of you who don't grasp metric) and as a result everything looks like a potato sack on me. I look like a weird pile of potatoes. Mum is getting frustrated as we go through a few stores, because she clearly just wants to get everything done in this trip and be done with it. I'm getting increasingly upset because i am being confronted with how horrible i look now. She yelled at me to hurry because she wanted to look in yet another store before it closed, but i was sick of it at this point and was completely done. This trip was supposed to be about me and finding me a nice thing to wear, and instead has turned into mum feeling like she's been a good parent and gotten me a nice present even though now i feel like trash. Happy birthday to me

Also, sort of related: when i was flatting i live right next to this mall, and being that i love cafes i spent a lot of time there. Theres also a kmart and the supermarket open till midnight, so i used to go browse around late at night because i could? It was basically a second home. Anyway today i felt like some sort of weird alien going into the crowds of people and i felt super uncomfortable? I just wanted to hide. I've barely left the house in the past few months too. Is this how agoraphobia starts

Having a real bad depression day

Happy birthday to me

50 days in the parent trap.
50 days in the parent trap.

Oh god I hate this so much

Ren has been running the Netherlanders twitter account this week (similar to @sweden but dutch) and as openly agender, and they're getting so many fuckheads? They just won't quit either, and i really want to go after them but it won't have any effect but more abuse, probably. Why are people so shit

45 Days in the Parent Trap:

"The facts show that Muslims have higher birthrates than Christians, and we all know that Muslims have a xenophobic culture"

Ladies and gentlemen, my family

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I just wanted to scream for no reason, flip my shit out a little, just feeling like i should let out some steam like the little worrying machine i am.

$9 in my bank account and i haven't sorted all the christmas presents yet. So depressed i can barely move. Someone please end my suffering

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my grandma died and i dont feel as upset as i should be because i hate the jehova's witness side of my family for potentially ruining any chance of me having a friendly relationship with my cousins when i eventually shed my facade and turn into a gay trans fuck

I know for a fact that I had a dentist appointment scheduled to fill a cavity for this morning. And when I get there, nope no appointment. And because I have such a short winter break, the next time I can actually get there is in March. Now that won't turn out bad whatsoever. Just let the cavity sit for three plus months. Whoop de freaking doo.
Also, I keep seeing loads of things, or remembering stuff I've done, or the like, which now I'm looking back and going "seriously how did I not know I was trans earlier". And it's going to be a few weeks until I can actually start counselling up at school and it's just... Yeah, let's fake through the holidays with this. Won't make me feel horrible inside whatsoever.

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So question about that. If you aren't able to drink (yay not being 21), any suggestions? Because I still have two more days to get through, and it's going swimmingly. And by that, I mean I spent about an hour locked in a bathroom away from everyone while hearing them discuss me on such flattering topics like "why does he insist on singing so high" or "you know, I can't wait until he gets a girlfriend".

I can't wait until heading home on Tuesday, wherein I'll only have to deal with one person, who won't talk about these things to themself.

You can always say you don't feel so well and should go lay down in a quiet room. Gets you away from them, at least

SpoilerShow

I guess I'm either going to dump this on one of my parents or strangers somewhere on the internet, and my mother already worries herself sick when she knows I have to drive in the dark while my father will most likely scold me until I fix the problem myself, and I know from experience that that's counterproductive.

I'm sitting here at 4 AM(Well, it's 6AM now that I'm hitting the submit button), with an assignment open, and I've been trying to get a start on it since 10 PM. Normally I would quit at this point, as I don't function all that well past midnight, but I had been going through this same routine yesterday untill midnight, and I've been on a similar procastination streak all week save for christmas.

There seems to be something about writing an assesment that I can't grasp. I'm great at giving feedback on the matter but as soon as I try to write something myself, I can't even produce something worth reviewing. It's not a self esteem thing either, I'm almost literally missing half the points on a checklist I have to fulfill. Handing in my 'work', if you would even call it that, in its current state would be the equivalent of telling everybody they're gonna have to do my work for me because I sure won't, all whilst flipping them off.

becomes a litttle ranty hereShow

Looking at examples doesn't help, either. "This is basically a metal pipe where water goes into and out of. I can't describe it aging like a turbine and I don't have the proper words to say 'after a while it could burst open'.". This is a problem I should ask a professor or my classmates about when I run into it, and I should've done that last month. Because I should've been actively seeking out gaps in my knowledge instead of playing catch-up and I've known that since middle school. And that's only because I slep on my desk in kindergarten. Hell, I'd get away with not knowing this one thing but I haven't contributed a thing in the two week I've been doing this. To top that off, I made the great and ever present descision to basically not say anything, futher marking myself as either lazy or incompetent. We've even been told that a lack of verbal input is the number one sign of a freeloader and yet I still did it, because, what if I'm wrong, and I get shot down and ridiculed? Boo hoo. What a terrible risk nobody has had to take ever.

Normally this wouldn't be so bad, but
-This is part of a group assigment, and me and my comrades had promised one-another we would have it done on the 20th. And that's if something came up and we couldn't do it earlier. I'm not the only guy who hasn't done jack-squat, but my only virtue in a group tends to be my reliability. I can't joke to save my life and I have zero leadership qualities, but at least when I'm told come early and bring lunch I'm there before sunrise with cupcakes. Someone even got a little voyeuristic and started bashing on a hypothetical culprit who got into a situation where they had to work during christmas break. If I end up asking for help rather than providing good work, chances are I'm getting kicked out of the group and judging by the way things are currently set up that seems like a surefire way to have me fail college.

-I have other work to do. I'm looking at 8-10 hours a day right now, but that'll keep increasing if I keep spending entire days putting off this simple thing. We're even expected to put 12 hours in on some days, as to allot free time to the weekends, so it's not like this is an abnormally huge workload. But look at me, I spent several days looking at two hours of work instead of doing it.


I guess I should consider dropping out of college because clearly it's giving me stress and maybe I just can't be responsible enough to hold a job that I could get out of it, but my mind is all I have going for me. I'm so bad at speaking, networking and things like lifting that I'm looking at the tomato picker end of the job market if I can't get some kind of technical know-how under my belt. It's not like I don't have the brains for college, either. (Though I suppose you could argue that my current work ethics don't really speak well of my ability to think.) I've been able get away with doing very little, it's just that I'm doing next to nothing now.

Edit: Ugh, I'm not being very coherent here. I shouldn't be writing posts this far past my bedtime, but I kind of felt like getting it off my chest. To be more to the point, I'm having a problem with procastination, and at this point it's becoming a problem for other people who have the power to really screw me over.

As a chronic procrastinator myself, the best technique I've found is to start working immediately upon waking up.

Don't go to any of your usual distractions, don't even eat breakfast, just turn to the thing you need to work on and just do something with it. If you've just woken up and haven't got it into your head yet that you're going to be doing anything else, it's easier to get to work.

I can't guarantee this will work for everyone, of course, and it may be that you have other issues with the particular assignment worrying you that are making it much more stressful. Still, it's worth a try to see if it helps.