Zoostuck 3

psyche the punch

unspike the punch

You grab a cup of punch and pull out a microscope to determine its chemical composition so you can work out exactly what you need to add to it to make it sour everyone's mood.

Much to your surprise, the punch is extremely ordinary already... with the exception of what looks like some unknown strain of virus. A dancing strain of virus.

What the hell is this, some kind of virus controlling people to make them party? You find this concept very disturbing. Whatever it is, you're going to need to get rid of it if you're going to ruin this party. But how?

psyche the punch

Maybe you can trick the virus into thinking that its function has been performed and then it will... stop? Self-destruct? You don't know, you have no idea how viruses work. And this stupid blanket doesn't either.

Wait a minute. You do know one thing, and that's that inanimate objects, like blankets, can't suffer the effects of viruses. So you pour the punch bowl all over the blanket, which should fool the virus into thinking that it's been drunk? Probably? You didn't really think this plan through, honestly.

You are now the wet blanket and you are considerably wetter now that you're covered in punch. This change in status should clearly improve your party-ruining abilities. So how are you going to go about ruining it?

do the twist. by that i mean twist yourself out all over the floor, horribly staining the carpet

drunken hugs.

do the twist. by that i mean twist yourself out all over the floor, horribly staining the carpet

Yeah! Who does this carpet think it is, just lying there on the ground? You've had it with this carpet's complete lack of backtalk! You wring yourself out and drip punch onto the carpet, leaving a terrible mess. And nobody even had fun making it!

But still, a ruined carpet isn't the same as a ruined party. You're going to be a little more direct.

drunken hugs.

So you decide to go and hug the nearest person, leaving them soaking wet. That'll really spoil their day!

You are now the nearest person. You have just been hugged by a soaking wet blanket covered in punch.

Who exactly are you?

the mark downer formerly known as debbie

The guy that really likes being clammy and wet

the mark downer formerly known as debbie

Oh, right. It's you, Debbie Downer (you refuse to call yourself Mark, no matter what the law says) and that stupid blanket has gotten this gross punch all over you. Ugh, this is just like your wedding... which is probably a good thing, considering that was one of your all-time top disappointments. So if the party is going to be like that, then you're off to a good start.

But it would be a better one if someone other than you were soaking wet, so you toss the blanket off to the nearest person, whoever that is.

The guy that really likes being clammy and wet

You are now Mark Guy and you feel really clammy and wet for reasons you can't understand, because you can't see the punch-drenched blanket that's just been thrown over your head and would probably make it hard to see if you weren't already blind due to not having any eyes.

And it feels amazing. You never realized until this moment just how much you enjoyed the sensation. You're so thrilled that you could... you could... uh...

What are you going to do now that you're feeling so satisfied?

Orgasm. Duh.

they have a phrase, "punch-drunk." i think that it means you have to start punching anyone in arm's reach now

they have a phrase, "punch-drunk." i think that it means you have to start punching anyone in arm's reach now

Now that sounds like a way to use your newfound excitment! You start flailing around, punching anybody nearby.

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord and some guy with a blanket over his head just punched you in the face. What are you going to do about this?

Punch back!

Or orgasm.

fall into a coma

Punch back!

Yeah, you remember something about an eye for an eye, a punch for a punch? Anyways, you punch the guy and knock him back through a wall because you still have magic shoes on your hands.

Uh. Maybe you should have remembered about those. You didn't want to hit him that hard.

fall into a coma

Suddenly and inexplicably, you fall to the floor unconscious. As does everybody else. Apparently, if you knock out the guy who has control of the universe due to wearing the moonglasses, you knock out everyone in the universe.

Everyone except Will Smith, that is, and so that's who you are now. You've just made your way to Denmark, where everyone you can see is unconscious.

Now how are you supposed to make them all hate you?

draw rude things on all their faces

spinjitsu

draw rude things on all their faces

Yes, of course! Nothing could make you more despised than defacing faces! You aren't really much of an artist, of course, but that should only make them angrier.

But there's a problem. It won't hurt your reputation if you just draw things without taking credit for it. How are you going to make sure everyone knows you, Will Smith, are responsible for this wave of hideous artwork?

spinjitsu

Of course. The ancient art of spinjitsu holds all the answers!

Too bad you don't know anything about how to do it. Maybe you could just put up a big sign where everyone will see it when they wake up.

You are now a citizen of Denmark. You have just woken up to discover everyone around has terrible art on their faces, and is also just waking up. There is also a huge sign saying "I, WILL SMITH, DID THIS SO HA HA HA HA HA."

Your first thought is that this must be a frame-up job by someone trying to ruin Will Smith's reputation. How are you going to find the real culprit?

ask will smith

spinjitsu

ask will smith

Of course! Will Smith surely knows who might dare to sully his good name! But, uh, how are you going to find him?

spinjitsu

Oh, that's right. Your spinjitsu skills will guide you to him. You start spinning and...

And that's when you remember you don't actually have any spinjitsu skills and you spin right into a wall.

Well, that's no good. If you don't have spinjitsu skills, what kind of skills do you actually have?

spanjitsu

spanjitsu

Yes, that's right - spanjitsu, the ancient art of waving a wrench around wildly.

It is not a particularly well-respected martial art, but you're one of the best at it. At least, you think so. You've never actually heard of anyone else who practices it.

So clearly you need to use your spanjitsu skills to find Will Smith so you can help him track down whoever is trying to sully his name.

You are now Mark Smith.

Your name used to be Will Smith, but then you got hit by Denmark's name-change laws. And now you're seeing a report of various suspicious incidents where someone has left a sign saying "WILL SMITH DID THIS".

You can't help but feel like this is going to cause trouble for you sooner or later.

What are you going to do about it?

change your name to mark smith

be mark e. smith, iconoclastic lead singer of rock group the fall

Become a smither of marks