Zoostuck 3

A poorly drawn sketch of a hand giving the middle finger that might be able to pass as a sideways Canada.

Ah, yes. The perfect image. You inform the cartoonist at once and...

This doesn't look like Canada in the slightest! Your first instinct is to fire the cartoonist, but you don't actually have that authority because Johnsmell Madden insists on firing everyone himself.

So you'll have to deal with this indignity another way.

SPINJITSU: THE RETURN

Johnsmell Madden may have inexplicably taken your place as master of this universe, but you still have your Spinjitsu skills and you can use them on this insolent cartoonist. You march over there and prepare to strike.

You are now the editorial cartoonist. Your editor just came in and he seems really upset about your cartoon. What are you going to do?

FIND YOUR APPRENTICE

In desperation, you scrawl out a cartoon. The editor pauses, briefly, to look at it, then glares at you.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN KILL AN EDITOR?" he shouts. Whoops, you don't know how that got in there. You should probably actually look over these cartoons before submitting them. But first, you've got to figure out how to defuse this situation.

FIND YOUR APPRENTICE

You suddenly realize exactly what you need: someone else to blame! There was that tornado you were training in the art of political cartooning, but you haven't seen it in years. You have no idea where it is.

Naturally, seeing as the situation is desperate, you blame it anyways. The editor isn't satisfied, and asks just where this so-called apprentice of yours is. If you can't bring it here in the next ten minutes, he's going to assume the apprentice who's supposedly responsible for this mess doesn't even exist and you'll get the blame anyways.

Well. That's going to be tough.

You are now the limbo champion and this dang tornado still hasn't challenged you. You're beginning to think you may need to drop hints. How are you going to persuade it?

Take a hint and drop it

snail mail. mail a snail

Try not to come off as desperate.

Throw a limbo stick at it

snail mail. mail a snail

Where are you going to find a snail or mail in limbo? There's almost nothing here! There's just you, the tornado, some loser who the tornado dragged in, and the stuff you've got in your pockets. This isn't going to work.

Try not to come off as desperate.

Okay. You can do this. Just stay calm, start a conversation, slowly work up to the topic. You head over to the tornado and, uh, and... dang it, what do you do next?

Throw a limbo stick at it

SCREW SUBTLETY YOU JUST PULL OUT YOUR LIMBO STICK AND THROW IT and, uh, what the heck? How did you miss a tornado, okay it's pretty much just air with random dust and stuff in it, but still.

Anyways, the point is you hit that guy there and, uh, he's angrily challenging you to a limbo competition. This isn't exactly what you wanted.

You are now Bud Muckman and you just challenged some guy to a limbo competition because he threw a limbo stick at you and somehow that seemed thematically appropriate. There's just one problem, namely that you've never limboed in your life and if this guy has a limbo stick he's probably got at least basic competence.

How are you going to get out of this mess?

Ask the tornado for help

> Try to make friends with the stick.

murder them with the limbo stick

rip off one of your limbs

sports

Ask the tornado for help

You try to surreptitiously whisper to the tornado to help you out with this limbo thing, but it just kind of shuffles off to the side. Guess it figures this is your ordeal. Well, that's just great.

murder them with the limbo stick

Well, if you can't rely on forces of nature to aid you here, then you'll just have to rely on good old forces of violence. You attempt to start whacking this weirdo with the limbo stick, but before you know it he's grabbed it out of your hands and set it up and says he'll take all your spinjitsu skills if you lose and also you'll be trapped here forever.

You didn't even realize you had spinjitsu skills. Too bad you didn't know that before, maybe they'd help you beat this guy up.

> Try to make friends with the stick.

But it occurs to you that there's one more entity here you might be able to petition for help. You start talking to the limbo stick in hopes of befriending it. Unfortunately, you soon realize you have no idea what to talk to it about.

sports

Wait! Of course! You ended up owning a soccer team and you were going to use them to produce footage of a movie or something, you kind of forgot the full details honestly. But sports are a good conversation opener, so you decide to start babbling about your team and how they're amazing.

You are now a limbo stick and this guy is boring you with sports talk. You realize that if he loses the limbo competition, he'll be trapped here forever and ugh you don't want to deal with that. Clearly you'll have to somehow help him win so you can get him out of your hair. How are you going to do that?

Fall on top of the competitor

NORTH CAROLINA, C'MON AND RAISE UP, TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF, TWIST IT 'ROUND YOUR HEAD, SPIN IT LIKE A HELICOPTER

Leave

Piss the other guy off while he's limboing so that he stands up and bumps into you. Flawless

bend in the middle!

Fall on top of the competitor

Apparently, the champion is going first. So maybe you can just destabilize yourself so that you land on him and... oh.

You have no actual control over your physical form, so you can't willfully fall down. This may be harder than you thought.

Piss the other guy off while he's limboing so that he stands up and bumps into you. Flawless

Well, you might not be able to act physically, but perhaps you can act emotionally. You attempt to be as annoying as you can in a vague and inexplicable way.

It seems to be working, somehow, but only slightly. The champion is a little bit annoyed, but not enough to disrupt his performance. You need to either annoy him more or take another approach.

Leave

Oh. You can do that. You can escape limbo any time. You just didn't realize this before now. You promptly vanish and pop into existence, leaving the outcome of the competition in doubt.

You are now Zoosmell Egbert and a limbo stick just appeared next to you. You don't know where it came from and don't care; you're having enough trouble with this scissor-wielding assailant as it is, so you appreciate having some form of weapon.

You quickly grab the limbo stick and start whacking your attacker over the head with it. Soon you render him unconscious, giving you your first opportunity in some time to observe your surroundings.

It is at this point that you realize that the universe has somehow gotten even stupider than it was before. Apparently the universe is now controlled by a "Johnsmell Madden", who is most likely somehow responsible for your new inferior nomenclature. You would rather not know the precise details, even though you could easily deduce them.

Regardless, if you are going to recreate the universe into the form it should have, you will first have to deal with its current leader. You believe it would be best to claim the moonglasses, as originally planned, and work out the rest from there.

Now, how are you going to do that?

This is not a suggestion. I was wondering if Jogh Edgebert's name is the same.

This is not a suggestion. I was wondering if Jogh Edgebert's name is the same.

This is the narrator rock.

Jogh Edgebert is dead. He was killed by the evil Spinjitsu master who is now serving as an editor. Consequently, he has been unaffected by all name changes.

Wait. I just realized that means he's in the afterlife, and could potentially discover that his rewriting of the universe didn't extend to it. He is far too dangerous to leave unattended. This calls for an emergency perspective shift.

You are now Jogh Edgebert, and you are dead despite making it a law of the universe that you can't die. As far as you can tell, something called Spinjitsu is to blame.

Regardless, you are now in the afterlife. What are you going to do?

Create Anti-Spinjitsu, which is like Spinjitsu except backwards.

get creative