The Annals of Anne

Your name is Anne.

That's not your full name, of course. You have a last name. In fact, you have quite a few of them.

This is because you have the ability to change your last name. Your first name will always be Anne, but your last name could be Arkie, Droid, Thropology, Ithing, or any of numerous others.

But why would you do something like that? Well, because names have power. When you change your name, you gain new skills. Anne Tidote can cure people of poisoning, Anne Ville is a talented blacksmith, and Anne Alyssus, who you are currently, can give you a detailed description of any person or object you choose to examine, including yourself.

Well, that all seems accurate. Looks like your powers are working fine, so it's time to get on with your exciting adventure.

What was the goal of this exciting adventure, again?

to kill Reed Ecorate, the pesky liberal arts guy who skipped out on his ILLEGAL insurance payments

to save your friend, Sue Issaide, from hell. She never learned to be careful with all these last name powers, but is it too late for her? Not on your watch!

Your quest is to find the Hidden Name, the one Last Name you can't seem to use. It's said to have untold powers, and hundreds of people try to find it. The odd thing is that it seems to become what the user wants to find, so for you, it's a last name.

> You need to slay your evil Auntie, who also knows of these name powers.

To escape from this pesky Mini-Grand.

(You weren't going to get away with this one that easily fogel)

> You need to slay your evil Auntie, who also knows of these name powers.

This'll do.

If we go with this, then Anne should be unable to change her last name to anything that would start with "anti-." Otherwise she could change her name to anything Auntie could, plus a ton of other names. It wouldn't be a fair fight.

> You need to slay your evil Auntie, who also knows of these name powers.

This'll do.

If we go with this, then Anne should be unable to change her last name to anything that would start with "anti-." Otherwise she could change her name to anything Auntie could, plus a ton of other names. It wouldn't be a fair fight.

but isn't that why Auntie is opposing her? Anne is the child so of course she would inherit the ability to change her name for more possibilities, to the point that her child will simply be named "A".

>To get a sandwich from the deli down the road from your house.

>To get a sandwich from the deli down the road from your house.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, you just finished a long journey where you fought some jerk who cheated on his insurance payments or something, defeated your evil aunt and unlocked the seal she placed on some of your last names, went to Hell and freed the soul of some girl you think you knew back in high school or something, escaped from an interdimensional battle to the death, and found the mysterious Hidden Name.

(It was Ticlimactik. It didn't actually grant you any new powers.)

So after all that, you're really hungry and damn, you need a sandwich. Thing is, while you were on that journey someone decided to put an ancient temple between your house and the deli. You'd go around it, but there's a Getting In Anne's Way parade marching today. And every time you try going down a side path, you find the parade in the way. Seriously, you have no idea how they move that fast.

So you're left with going through this ancient temple. Of course, as if that wasn't annoying enough already, the front door is locked. There's some kind of plaque with a riddle next to the door, which is probably a vague hint on where to find the key.

Of course, it's in some incomprehensible ancient language. Ugh, as if this wasn't irritating enough already. You really don't want to deal with this dumb puzzle, whatever it is. Maybe you can figure out a way to skip it with your name powers. Or at least make it less of a pain.

Become Ann Aerobic and creep through any slits in the door like bacteria.

Become Anne Droid and blast the door down!

Or, become Anne Ville and MAKE a key.

>Anne Cient: Read the text written in a perfectly comprehensible langauge.

or if you're feeling lazy

>Anne Ictogitoninae (Anne T for short): Walk through the keyhole.

>Become Anne Ville and make a new key.

Sing a rousing Anne Them. Lead the parade.

Anne Eel the plaque to make the plaque stronger. Then Anne Immate it to become your new sentient shield

also ask it what it says

Become Ann Aerobic and creep through any slits in the door like bacteria.

Anne Aerobic's power just makes you stop needing to breathe, which is good because it also makes you stop breathing. Anyways, you can't see how that would be useful here, since you're not having any trouble breathing.

Become Anne Droid and blast the door down!

Now that sounds more plausible. You turn into Anne Droid, and your body is now robotic even though it still looks exactly like you. You fire some laser beams at the door and...

And they bounce right off. Stupid ancient laserproof doors. Your enhanced strength in robot form doesn't seem to be any help, either.

Or, become Anne Ville and MAKE a key.

Anne Ville is a blacksmith, not a locksmith! What are you going to do, make a sword that's also a key? That's a ridiculous idea, who would even want a weapon like that.

>Anne Cient: Read the text written in a perfectly comprehensible langauge.

You decide to try out Anne Cient. You promptly feel really old.

You look at the plaque, but your eyes are too weak. You can't make out a blasted thing. This is no good, you'd better change before your ailing memory forgets the last names you have available. You promptly change to the first name that pops into your head.

>Anne Ictogitoninae (Anne T for short): Walk through the keyhole.

It seems you turned into Anne Ictogitoninae. How did you even remember that crazy Latin name? Anyways, you're an ant now - a giant ant. Way too big to fit through the keyhole.

It does occur to you, though, that you could climb over the temple... except when you try, you just slip off. Damn it, somebody must have polished the temple when they put it up.

Sing a rousing Anne Them. Lead the parade.

Frustrated, you decide to deal with the other obstacle keeping you from the deli. You turn into Anne Them and start singing. The parade shows up and starts following you, so you march down the streets...

...oh, come on! The parade still manages to block you whenever you try to go down a side street! Just how long is this procession?

Well, that's it. You stop singing and head back to the temple.

Anne Eel the plaque to make the plaque stronger. Then Anne Immate it to become your new sentient shield

also ask it what it says

You turn into Anne Eel and heat up the plaque, then into Anne Ville and start making it into a shield. Finally, you turn into Anne Immate and hold it up.

"Okay, plaque, what do you say?"

It responds in an incomprehensible ancient language. Apparently, making it sentient didn't grant it any ability to understand English.

So now what are you going to do?

Anne Oxia could totally suffocate the entire parade!

Or maybe there's an Anne Thology of incomprehensible ancient languages written in comprehensible modern language. Christ.

>Just look around for an easy Anne Swer for all your problems.

Like maybe become a big-ass Anne Sewer and swallow the whole parade jeez.

> Become Ann Gel and walk right through the procession, being ethereal and whatnot.

Become Anne Dalusia and resign yourself to eating some paella instead of a sandwich.

Yes become Anne Dalusia, transforming the entire surrounding countryside into Spain, thus making the plaque be spanish.