The Space Consortium

You're finally here, at the headquarters of the Space Consortium, but who are you and why did you come here? And these guys aren't making you feel very welcome...

>

You're the Astronaut, here to get a Space Tourist Visa so you can travel through lots of different star systems without breaking SPACE LAW or whatever

Ask if you can go inside 'cos it's cold out here and whatnot.

You are GAZORPAZORPFIELD SMITH, Space Salesman Extraordinaire!

You should probably inquire into the rules for this place...

g0m.

SpoilerShow

Thank you for making this.

Find out what the rules are here.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!


E: There are five rules you must abide before gaining Welcome to the Space Consortium. You are currently breaking 3.

You're a space wanderer, and you're just here to have a good time.

Greet the space consorts

You are GAZORPAZORPFIELD SMITH, Space Salesman Extraordinaire!

Your name is Line Break, and you're a travelling salesbeing, here in the hope of making the sale of a lifetime.

The Space Consortium are the richest organization in the galaxy, if only you can convince the Merchant Queens to buy some of your quality merchandise you'll be set for life. It's not like nobody has tried to sell to the Space Consortium before, it's that it is legendarily difficult to talk your way into an audience with their Merchant Queens.

Take initiative. I mean, just think... what if you were to say, "Welcome to the Space Consortium?"

Yes, this is the perfect way to make a good first impression. You stride up to the two Space Consortium Chevalier and greet them thusly: "Welcome to the Space Consortium!"

They exchange glances, or you assume, it's difficult to tell when the guirid doesn't actually have eyes: "Are you a member?" They ask.

You hesitate for a moment, unsure whether to try to bluff your way through. They're famously strict on following the rules but you're not sure whether they'd be more or less lenient on a member than a guest...

"Would you say you are a member of the Space Consortium?" The felk asks more pointedly.

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Tell them you would dare dance a dance with dragons.

Offer them weird dogs.

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"Would YOU say YOU ARE a member of the space consortium?" The cutting out of contractions is important here.

What is space but all of existence within a given moment? I, in this moment, exist, therefore as part of existence I am a member of space. And what is a consortium if not an association? I associate with other beings on a regular basis. And am associating right now with you. Therefore by association with consortium associates I too, am of the consortium. With these two truths intact pure logic dictates that I must be a member of The Space Consortium. And if I must be, then I am. All facts implying the contrary are thus misleading.

>say "Of course! I have the premium space consortium tie, not visible to species who can't perceive the higher frequencies of the light spectrum." Then put them on the defense "Those purple ties are nice too, though."

Yeaaah, ummm--well, no, I mean, I could beeeee?

Waggle your eyebrows

>Well, you certainly wouldn't SAY you were. But yeah totally. Just don't say it.

Yes I would but I am a notorious liar

Show them a picture of a weird dog, that's sure to appeal to them.

Yeaaah, ummm--well, no, I mean, I could beeeee?

>Well, you certainly wouldn't SAY you were. But yeah totally. Just don't say it.

The more you think about it the more you think this is some sort of sophisticated code. There’s probably some specific response that a member of the Space Consortium would know. Saying yes would be a dead giveaway that you’re not really a member.

What is space but all of existence within a given moment? I, in this moment, exist, therefore as part of existence I am a member of space. And what is a consortium if not an association? I associate with other beings on a regular basis. And am associating right now with you. Therefore by association with consortium associates I too, am of the consortium. With these two truths intact pure logic dictates that I must be a member of The Space Consortium. And if I must be, then I am. All facts implying the contrary are thus misleading.

uhhhhhhhhhhhh

Offer them weird dogs.

Show them a picture of a weird dog, that's sure to appeal to them.

The felk makes an impatient squelch and no closer to demonstrable proof of your membership (or an alternate way inside) you fall back on your most major skill.

“Hey you look like an individual that enjoys a weird dog!” You say, sure and certain that the felk (full name G#kerag Akjrga) loves little more than a really good weird dog. “Well, my friend, I have just the product for you: the Vjigen Lifeform Generation Kit™! A simple to learn system with which you can construct up to grade H lifeforms using simple household ingredients! The intuitive genegramming language will have you constructing basic intelligences in mere minutes! Available right now for the low low price of just 7000 Galbux! (Limited time offer; available while stock lasts.)”



One of the talents that has allowed you to be such a good salesbeing is your dataception; a sense innate to your species which allows you to perceive information about things and people just from being in close proximity to them. It’s a useful talent for your line of work, though you have to be careful, sometimes people object to having their private information so easily accessible.



You conclude your sales pitch; G#kerag looks like they’re probably sold already, the guirid (full name Jio!? Ba*! (preferred name Gi~!)) isn’t so convinced. “No salesbeings.” They say bluntly.

Oh damn maybe you were a little too enthusiastic there. How are you gonna pull this back?

>"It's free now."

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There are two parts to being a salesbeing - the "sales" part, and the "being" part.

Since you have sales to make, you can't drop that part. Therefore, convince the Guirid that you don't actually exist.

There are two parts to being a salesbeing - the "sales" part, and the "being" part.

Since you have sales to make, you can't drop that part. Therefore, convince the Guirid that you don't actually exist.

Further, if you don't exist then you clearly don't need proof of your membership. Just ask them to kindly leave the hatch open so "nobody" can go through it.

tell a sad story about how you need to get into the consortium to find your poor old grandma who needs her medication