Bureaucracy (TWS)

You stare at the clock.

Just five minutes before you can get out of here. Then you can go home, put your feet up and watch the latest episode of Tonics. To pass the time you spin around in your chair, hole punch a bunch of papers far more times than they need hole punching, and make a little tower out of empty paper cups.

Another glance at the clock; two minutes now. You casually slip your jacket on and stuff your briefcase full of quills. You are standing at the entrance to your cubicle as the clock counts down the last seconds before you are out of here, when suddenly from behind you a loud crash and a polite cough. Your heart sinks as you turn to see a massive pile of paperwork on your desk, and the looming presence of a sorting ogre.

"Der boss sez you gotta stay late do this paperworks." The ogre says. You silently accept. You remember what happened to the last person who crossed Mister Filesbane. You sit back down in your seat as the sorting ogre clumsily shuffles away. You take the top sheet of paper from the absurdly large pile and lay it flat on your desk. It is a standard bureaucrat identification form, the only purpose of which is to identify the unlucky schmuck who has to deal with the rest of the forms.

TITLE/S:
FIRST NAME:
SURNAME:
SCRYNET MAILIDENT:
GENDER:
SEXUAL ORIENTATION:
RACE:
AGE:
BUREAUCRAT CLASS:
BUREAUCRAT RANK:
SPECIAL SKILLS:
WEAPON OF CHOICE:
BUREAUCRAT IDENTIFICATION/AUTHENTICATION CODE:

You hate your job.

SpoilerShow

Bluh, bureaucrat class is essentially the same as class would be in a fantasy rpg type game. Like bureaucrat wizard or bureaucrat fighter or whatever.

TITLE/S: Mr.
FIRST NAME: Sssisssyphusss
SURNAME: Butler
SCRYNET MAILIDENT: 0203387-RB
GENDER: Male
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: I Don't See How That's Relevant, You Stupid Form-Writing Idiots Kinsey Scale 2
RACE: Lizardman
AGE: 32
BUREAUCRAT CLASS: Quality Assurance
BUREAUCRAT RANK: 23
SPECIAL SKILLS: Spreadsheets
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Keyboardshield
BUREAUCRAT IDENTIFICATION/AUTHENTICATION CODE: 123456

TITLE/S: Count
FIRST NAME: Vladimir
SURNAME: Dracula Alucard Smith
SCRYNET MAILIDENT: District 666, Transylvania Division
GENDER: Male
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Ladies.
RACE: Human, Definitely Not A Vampire
AGE: 523 35
BUREAUCRAT CLASS: Bureaucrat Non-Vampire
BUREAUCRAT RANK: 3.14
SPECIAL SKILLS: Not being a vampire, evil non-vampire magic
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Fangs (which are not vampire fangs)
BUREAUCRAT IDENTIFICATION/AUTHENTICATION CODE: VAMPIRE8658

TITLE/S: Dr.
FIRST NAME: Carlyle
SURNAME: Dent
SCRYNET MAILIDENT: <!-- e --><a href="mailto:dr_dent00124812@scrymail.net">dr_dent00124812@scrymail.net</a><!-- e -->
GENDER: Female
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: (You dither somewhat at this.) Untested
RACE: Human
AGE: 29 cycles
BUREAUCRAT CLASS: B--
BUREAUCRAT RANK: Overqualified Manager
SPECIAL SKILLS: Medical Training; Typesetting; Stealing Stationery From The Office
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Clipboard!
BUREAUCRAT IDENTIFICATION/AUTHENTICATION CODE: cden202a|||||||||

TITLE/S: Mr.
FIRST NAME: Jeremy
SURNAME: Everspring
SCRYNET MAILIDENT: <!-- e --><a href="mailto:jeversp@scrymail.net">jeversp@scrymail.net</a><!-- e -->
GENDER: Elf
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Elf
RACE: Elven
AGE: 327
BUREAUCRAT CLASS: 2201-B
BUREAUCRAT RANK: Sub-Assistant to the Assistant Supervising Manager
SPECIAL SKILLS: Druidism, Collating, Teamwork
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Nature Majyyyks
BUREAUCRAT IDENTIFICATION/AUTHENTICATION CODE: 712

The answer to everything is "Tim"

TITLE/S: Dr
FIRST NAME: Jeremy
SURNAME: Dent
SCRYNET MAILIDENT: dr_dent00124812@scrymail.net
GENDER: Elf
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Elf
RACE: Elven
AGE: 327
BUREAUCRAT CLASS: Tim
BUREAUCRAT RANK: 3.14
SPECIAL SKILLS: Druidism, Teamwork, Spreadsheets
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Nature Majyyyks
BUREAUCRAT IDENTIFICATION/AUTHENTICATION CODE: 123456

It only takes you a couple of minutes to fill this out, most of which is spent frantically searching through your employee log to see what bureaucrat class you have been artirarily assigned today. You don't even know what Tim class is, but that's besides the point. You dutifuly write it down with the other details requested. With your easy to remember ident/authent code (chosen for that exact reason) noted all you need now is give it your double authentication stamp of approval.

A cursory glance across your desk does not reveal the location of your unique authententication stamp. You check behind the forest of potplants you cultivate, in your drawers of confiscated wands (you have no idea why people keep giving you these and you can't find any information on the proper protocol to deal with them, so you tend to cover them in duct tape and stick them in a drawer labelled 'CAUTION'), amongst the kobold traps beneath your desk and finally in your briefcase. It is in none of those places.

The only conclusion is someone has stolen it, again. You scowl and flop back in your chair. You really hate it when people take your things without asking. You're going to need it back, but how?

Talk to your buddy in Security, get him to let you look at the camera logs again. After paying him back the "special form" he requested last time he did you this kind of favor.

Alternatively, check with the office busybody.

Talk to your buddy in Security, get him to let you look at the camera logs again. After paying him back the "special form" he requested last time he did you this kind of favor.

Alternatively, check with the office busybody.

>Maybe it was stolen by a ghost!

Use Nature Majyyyks to ask the local potted plants if they've seen it

Construct a druidic henge to try and compute its whereabouts.

I am very keen on this ghost theory.

>Quadruple check every place in your workspace that it might be, as is dictated by the Lost Item Protocol.

Ask the office busybody about who's been SNOOPIN' in your office.