Consistency

I'm trying to make friends, but whenever I make physical contact, they get blasted about ten yards away!

Eatocolilphs

WARP ELEVEN

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We've asked that question many times

We've also asked 'when did consistency become zoostuck'

Indeed, you've been staring at this meter for hours, trying to figure out the exact moment when it went from a numerical percentage value to "ZOOSTUCK", as well as when the meter it used to be became a measurement of consistency.

Somehow, despite your society's mastery of time, these two facts have remained a mystery after numerous temporal investigations. So far, you have remained unable to determine these moments in order to prevent them.

There must be another way to approach this problem, but what could it be?

shplilocotae

With a sawed-off shotgun and a box of nails.

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Approach it emotionally. Don't be afraid to cry, that's how the truth comes out!

You can't use a ball like a coin! Balls don't have two sides, silly!!!

This isn't even the first time this has happened

Turn the battles and adventures into playing cards, and use them like a tarot deck

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bickerpops, ahoy!

best.

"whoops, did any of you see that?"

It turned out they hadn't.

All this time, I'd been under the impression that Whoops was a popular show, but the truth was, almost nobody remembered it. I wasn't going to be able to coast by on fame alone, as I'd planned.

But without my fame, what did I have to offer?

"You guys aren't some sort of sci-fi hivemind, are you?"

It was a stupid question and I knew it immediately after I'd asked.

"Of course not," they replied back in unison. "We're a fantasy hivemind. There's a difference!"

That wasn't a good start to the negotiations. I needed to make up for it - not just apologize, but show some kind of gesture of understanding. But what could that be?

"Ok, I know what this looks like, but I have a really bad but actually true explanation for it"

The editor scowls at you.

"Look, I told you. Our collage is for false stories only. I don't care if it's true and sloppily written, that's another collage entirely. You need to get me a false story in the next twenty-four hours, or you're out of a job. You get me?"

Well, this is trouble. How are you supposed to get him a false story now that you've lost the ability to lie?

SpoilerShow

What? The same gimmick twice in a row? Don't worry, next update will be more in line with what you've come to expect from Consistency.

Whatever the hell that is.

SPINJITSU

I kind of just want to eat a table.

I'm hungry and lazy. I need a quest for a meal and I need somebody I can send out to go get it for me.

SPINJITSU

Yes, you plead SPINJITSU. Everyone in the courtroom just kind of stares at you in disbelief, including your defense attorney.

Perfect. Now that they're all confused, they won't be able to stop you from continuing to the next step in your plan.

Except, well, you didn't think that far ahead. You're going to need to come up with a new plan fast. What's it going to be?

I kind of just want to eat a table.

This wasn't what you expected when you got put on this jury. You figured that the defendant would either plead "GUILTY" or "NOT GUILTY". What's this "SPINJITSU" stuff even mean? You don't know, and you don't really want to know, except you probably have to when the jury deliberates.

Well, you don't want to think about that. But the only thought in your mind instead is that you want to eat a table.

Which is really stupid, and you know it, but darn, those tables by the prosecution and the defense look so appetizing now that you're thinking about it. But if you just ran over and ate them you'd cause such a huge scene and arrgh.

Screw this. You're eating one of those tables. But how are you going to get close enough?

I'm hungry and lazy. I need a quest for a meal and I need somebody I can send out to go get it for me.

Man, you never expected being a judge to be so much work. And you're hungry, to boot.

You don't even want to think about what a plea of "SPINJITSU" means. You just want a nice, delicious quest. They're so tasty!

But you can't just leave the courtroom. For one thing, that would require getting up. Probably have to lift up the gavel and bang it a couple of times, too. Bleah.

Maybe there's someone in here you can send out to get you one. But who?

D.A.R.E.
Drugs ARE bad

Lets get this twitch stream going!

california's soul

Lets get this hitbox stream going!

D.A.R.E.
Drugs ARE bad

You look the Dark Avaricious Reverse Emperor right in the skull mask and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that drugs ARE, in fact, bad.

"Really?" he says. "I had no idea. I will hereby ban them at once."

Within hours, all drugs are banned through the entire empire. Unfortunately, since you weren't very specific, this means that medication has been banned too and now there is a health care crisis.

Well, now how are you going to fix this mess?

Lets get this twitch stream going!

Yeah, the stream may be twitching, but you aren't going to let that stop you from expanding it further. You get your shovel out and dig.

But just as your shovel strikes the ground, the stream twitches again and knocks the shovel out of your hands. It seems it doesn't want you digging.

You can't abandon this project, though. What are you going to do?

california's soul

Yes, the first soul you will claim for the ritual is the soul of the state of California.

Naturally, you will start your search for this soul in Cleveland, Ohio. You start by sneaking into the mayor's office.

But wait. You spot a flashlight. It seems the security guard is checking in here. How are you going to avoid detection?

Lets get this hitbox stream going!

All right! You've set things up perfectly, and now the stream will hit all the boxes on its way downhill.

You just need to get the water in there.

Um, how are you going to do that, again?

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