Duct Tape

Originally posted on MSPA by Chwoka.

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Get your cow back to play the lead role. Bribe her with the milk.

Originally posted on MSPA by cryptidWrangler.

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>Create a duct tape duplicate of the duct tape lead.
>Duct Tape Duplicate: Be evil.

Get your cow back to play the lead role. Bribe her with the milk.

What? After you went to all that trouble? Besides, you drank it while you were watching your soaps. You do still have this orange juice you stole from your neighbor, though, but you're not sure if the cow would want that. Or the milk, for that matter.

But even if that works, there's a bigger problem: this solution doesn't involve duct tape at all! It only involves bribing a cow you made out of duct tape. And how would you even contact her?

>Create a duct tape duplicate of the duct tape lead.

Oh, of course, you can just make a new lead character out of duct tape. It's so simple! It's not like making another copy of something out of duct tape has ever gone wrong for you before, after all!

You get to work and soon you've created an exact double of your lead out of duct tape. You ask him to get back into the show so you can see how it ends.

>Duct Tape Duplicate: Be evil.

Unfortunately, your new lead actor is just laughing maniacally and forms his duct tape arm into a duct tape gun. He shoots you with a duct tape bullet and runs off, declaring that he'll rule the world with the power of duct tape!

He doesn't realize, however, that a duct tape bullet isn't very dangerous unless it's fired at a much higher speed than his duct tape gun could manage. You were knocked to the floor, but you're otherwise unhurt.

Oh, but that lawyer you duct taped to the ceiling is yelling at you. You probably should have put duct tape over his mouth, too.

So, to review: your duct tape cow is flying off in a duct tape jet, your duct tape car is flying off in a duct tape jet, the news is entirely focused on those things and is pre-empting your soaps, you've had two duct tape lead actors for your duct tape soap opera run off and one of them is trying to take over the world, and a lawyer is yelling at you. The duct tape lawyer isn't, but that's probably because you put duct tape over his mouth.

And you still don't know if Miranda shot the right twin!

Wow, that's a lot of problems to deal with. What are you going to do?

Make a duct tape gun to shoot the other twin!

Make a duct tape gun to shoot the other twin!

Oh, of course! It's the perfect solution! After all, a duct tape gun is clearly very dangerous, it's not like you survived being shot by one...

Wait, are you shooting the good twin or the evil twin? You're kind of confused.

Before you can make up your mind, though, you get a phone call. Apparently someone in another reality needs a lot of duct tape in order to transport a giant monster to Hawaii.

You don't know how this person in another reality found out about you or how they managed to contact you, but that doesn't matter because this is a problem that you're going to solve with duct tape!

The only question is, how are you going to get all that duct tape to another reality?

Duct Tape trans-space/time dimension-porter anyone?

Duct Tape some scientists together until they figure out trans-dimensional transportation

(...

Fogel you are amazing, you know that, right)

Stick the sticky sides of two pieces of duct tape together, then pull them apart. That should tear open the fabric of the universe.

Duct Tape some scientists together until they figure out trans-dimensional transportation

That seems sensible, if two heads are better than one, two whole scientists should be even better! Or more! You drive over to the nearest lab and tape together the first few scientists you see, and promptly tell them to work on a transdimensional teleporter.

"But I'm a biologist," one of them complains.

"I'm in organic chemistry."

"I'm just a student."

"I'm the janitor."

"HELP! WE'RE BEING KIDNAPPED BY A PSYCHO WITH DUCT TAPE!"

This isn't going quite how you planned. How are you going to get these scientists to cooperate?

Start putting duct tape on any hair they have and threaten to rip it off if they don't.

Start putting duct tape on any hair they have and threaten to rip it off if they don't.

Ah, yes, perfect! The old duct tape hair-pull trick! It never fails! You get ready and...

...wait a minute, every single one of these scientists is bald. Dang! How'd you mess up like that?

"That's enough of your bungling," someone says. You turn around to see either the main character from the soap opera or his evil twin pointing a gun at you, and this one isn't made of duct tape. "The only one here who will be crossing dimensional boundaries today is me."

This could be a problem. How are you going to duct tape your way out of this?

Duct tape your balls

Duct tape your balls

What balls? You don't have any... oh, wait! You can just make some out of duct tape, it's obvious now.

You promptly produce two large balls of duct tape and connect them with a large strip of duct tape, creating a duct tape bolo. Perfect! You hurl it at the duct tape actor, and it ties him up, then squeezes him so tightly that his duct tape body bursts. Problem solved!

You then turn back to the scientists, only to find that they ran off while you were taking care of that problem. Well, this is just great! How are you going to use duct tape to help you track them down?

Patent duct tape balls, sell DuctNutz to truck owners across the nation, become rich, use immense wealth to hire a team of the world's greatest Private Investigators

Make duct tape magnets that will guide you to the scientists, who obviously always carry duct tape with them