Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime

Construct and elaborate deception about how you've become a cook at the castle.

Examine your duties for a more expedient approach.

>Toil some Fuchsia plants
>Which are unripe eggplants

Toil. Maybe there's letters in the dirt somewhere.

If I had some way of knowing that for sure, I'd consider it. But I'd be better served looking for information.

Hm. You're planting turnips? Don't those go in rows? Fields, perhaps? Or... Furrows?

>Toil some Fuchsia plants
>Which are unripe eggplants

This is Turnipland. Turnips are the only crop we're allowed to grow. We have to trade with other kingdoms if we want any other vegetables.

Examine your duties for a more expedient approach.

Hmm... Honestly, I don't really know a lot about how this all works, I just do what I'm told. Which mostly involves toiling. I don't really know how to speed it up!

Construct and elaborate deception about how you've become a cook at the castle.

Ah, that might work. Then tomorrow I can pretend I lost that job, and come crawling back here on my hands and knees begging for this one back. That usually does the trick.

You know, it occurs to me that it would be much simpler if I could just ask for a day off. Oh well, that's the feudal system for you! Now, excuse me a moment.

"Why are you not toiling yet, Pete?"

Er. Well, you see, as I explained earlier, I was given a task by the King. Specificially, I'm now a cook. I came here to, er, explain that I wouldn't be coming by, but I was so awestruck by your commanding voice that I forgot momentarily about the new job.

"Oh. So what's an alphabet?"

It's a fancy new dish the King would like to try. I'm gathering the ingredients for it.

"Does it have turnips in it?"

...Yes. Yes, it does.

"Oh! Well, then here. Take this one, and give the King my regards. Now get out of my sight, peasant!"

Well, that worked rather well. I'm free for the day, and now I have this Turnip, which might be useful...

Error! You do not have the letter for this item yet! You will be unable to use it!

...Oh. That's a shame. Although I'm not entirely sure who said that.

Regardless, I still need to find the next letter. Where should I look?

Well. This is a field but I'm not sure who you could get to tell you that.

Maybe you can figure it out yourself! After all, you just told a falsehood!

Otherwise, go to an inn or a pub and get the cook to tell you something about food.

>Go to the Friar's, he might know.
>Or go to a very Fancy Flat.

>Go see Fred the Flutist. Wasn't he trying to do something about the village's rodent infestation?

>Go see Fred the Flutist. Wasn't he trying to do something about the village's rodent infestation?

That's a fair point. Fred the Flutist does tend to hear quite a few rumors, perhaps he knows something about another letter. I'll go pay him a visit!

Hello, Fred!

"Oh! Hello, Pete! Aren't you normally toiling in the fields at this time of day?"

Never mind that. I'm trying to teach the children about the alphabet, and I'm looking for letters! Do you have any idea where I might find them?

"Hmm. Letters, you say? I happen to know one, I picked it up while learning the flute."

Oh, really?

"Yes! F is for flute! And it's also a musical note!"

You have taught the children about the letter F!
6/26 letters taught!

How interesting! What other notes are there? Are they letters, too?

"Er... actually, I only know the one note. But I'll play you a song for good fortune, regardless!"

Oh, all right then.

*fffffff*

"Not much of a song, I'm afraid."

*scurry scurry scurry*

What's that noise, Fred?

"Hmm? Oh, most likely it's the rats. My flute tends to stir them into a frenzy! I get paid by the king to draw them out of the castle, you see."

*rumble rumble rumble*

...And what's that noise? It sounds, um, louder.

"I haven't the foggiest..."

*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*

"YOU THERE!"

"...oh my. I do believe that's a very large gerbil."

"THAT'S GARY THE GRAND GERBIL TO YOU, HUMAN! AND YOUR INSUFFERABLE RACKET WOKE ME UP!"

"A very large and angry gerbil, to be precise."

"DAMN STRAIGHT I'M MAD! NOW YOU DIE!"

E is for Encounter!!

Oh my. It seems Fred and I are being attacked by a very large, angry gerbil.

Any advice here?

"Er, who exactly are you talking to, Pete?"

I'm not entirely sure. It may be the children I'm teaching the alphabet to. But whoever they are, their advice has gotten me this far!

"QUIT YOUR BABBLING AND LET ME BITE YOUR STUPID HUMAN HEADS OFF ALREADY!"

Er. As I was saying, might I have some suggestions, here?

Experience Fear.

Frantically Flee.

>Draw Dagger, Draw Blood
>Chop his Ears off and Eyes out
>Attempt to Cut his Throat but Fail because you don't know 'T' yet.

>Cunningly carve out his eyes.

Hm. F is for Fisticuffs!

F is for FUCK HIS FACE

oh *$&# children's book um um um

Climb on top of him and bang on his head!

Experience Fear.

Frantically Flee.

"AAAGH! I'm getting out of here!"

"NOT SO FAST, HUMAN! YOU'LL PAY FOR YOUR MUSICAL CRIMES!"

"ACK! Get it off me! Get it off!"

Oh dear. It appears Freddie has been pinned by Gary the Grand Gerbil! I'd better help him. But how?

>Draw Dagger, Draw Blood

Oh, of course! D is for Dagger! I'll just stab him while he's focused on Freddie, and...

"YEEEOUCH!"

Oh dear. Now he's turned his attention to me.

"YOU DARE TO HARM ME, HUMAN? YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF MY IMPORTANCE IN THE RODENT WORLD?"

Well, not, not as such...

"YOUR IGNORANCE IS AN INSULT, HUMAN! AND YOU THERE! STOP SNEAKING AWAY AND PLAY YOUR HORRIBLE INSTRUMENT!"

"Er... Why?"

"BECAUSE I NEED MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT FOR THIS NEXT PART! AND YOURS IS THE ONLY ONE AVAILABLE."

"W-well, if you say so..."

*ffffffff*

"I AM THE GRAND GERBIL, THE LARGEST IN THE LAND
BEFORE MY MIGHT, NO CRIME SHALL STAND
BUT WHAT IS IT THAT EMPOWERS ME?
NONE OTHER THAN THE LETTER G!

G STANDS FOR MY GREATNESS, G STANDS FOR MY GRACE!
G STANDS FOR MY GRAVITAS AS I GOVERN THIS PLACE!
G STANDS FOR THE GLORY I BRING TO THE VERMIN,
G STANDS FOR MY KNOWLEDGE OF GERMAN!

AND THE LAST THING YOUR HUMAN LIPS WILL BURBLE
IS THE UNYIELDING TRUTH THAT G IS FOR GERBIL!"

You have taught the children about the letter G!
7/26 letters taught!

Oh! Thank you, I needed that letter! Tell me, do you know any others?

"YOU DARE TO MOCK ME, HUMAN PEASANT? I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Actually, I don't know what letter "mock" begins with...

"SILENCE! PREPARE FOR ANNIHILATION!"

Oh dear. I think I'd better do something, fast. Perhaps the new letter can help me somehow?

G is for Gank!

Gut him with a gatlin gun!

Grapple the gerbil! Grind his face into the earth!

Glow with newfound power and drive your dagger into his groin!

>Grow to his size

> Giggle at his adorableness!

Glow with newfound power and drive your dagger into his groin!

Well, if you say so... G is for Glow!

"WHY ARE YOU SMILING, HUMAN? DO YOU TAKE DELIGHT IN YOUR INCOMING DEMISE?"

...I don't think that worked, but it's confused him for a bit. I should try something else while he's stunned!

>Grow to his size

He's not that much larger than a human! He's just strong and heavy. But I suppose I can try... G is for Grow!

...I have a sudden desire to plant this turnip, but I can't actually do that because I don't know the right letters. Another approach is in order.

> Giggle at his adorableness!

Well, all right... G is for giggle! Hee hee hee!

"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT, HUMAN?"

You! You're so adorable, Gary! Hee hee!

"WH-WHAT? HOW DARE... STOP THAT! I ORDER YOU TO CEASE LAUGHING AT ONCE!"

Hee hee! Isn't he so cute, Fred?

"Um... yes he is? Hee hee?"

"NO! NO! STOP LAUGHING! I WORKED HARD TO BECOME THE GRAND GERBIL! I'M FEARSOME, NOT ADORABLE! ST-STOP! WAAAHHHH!"

And now he's run off. I didn't realize he was so sensitive.

"That's a relief. Thank you, Pete!"

You're quite welcome! By the way, do you have any ideas where I might find another letter?

"Er... not really, no."

Well, drat! Where should I look next, then?

Since you're in the Peasant District anyway, why not check out the various houses and huts?

Over-hear a heated argument?

Lets try out the local Harem!

oh wait no...kids story?


I mean lets try out the local haberdasher! You could probably use some patches on your clothes anyway!