Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime

You really ought to get poor Barry's new headwound checked out. Seek out the local Chirurgeon!

Go look up the crazy witch-lady on the edge of town, with all her Curses and Cats!

What about Claribel the Cottager, who lives in the Clearing? You haven't seen her in a while, traipsing prettily about with her Cows.

>How about you go talk to Crystal the Candlemaker?

Go visit the Callous Cabaret! Barry the Barbarian should love it there!

You really ought to get poor Barry's new headwound checked out. Seek out the local Chirurgeon!

I beg your pardon? I don't know what a Chirurgeon is. But I do know what an Apothecary is, and there's one right next door. Perhaps he can help.

I'll just walk over and... Oh dear. There appears to be someone sneaking around behind the Apothecary?

"What the hell? What are you doing here, Peasant? Stay out of my way, I've got a schedule to keep!"

Oh my! It's a Burglar! And he appears to be set on robbing the Apothecary! Whatever should I do?

Ask for help from the Burglar, he knows all of the secret entranceways into the Castle.

Ask for his assistance? ...Well, I suppose it would be useful to enter the castle unseen.

Pardon me, good sir! I wish to pay the castle's cook a visit, but I don't wish to be seen by the guards. Could you assist me?

"Why should I help you?"

Because I'm trying to teach the children about the alphabet, and...

"The what? Listen, peasant, I don't have time for you. I've got a job to do. And I can't afford to leave any witnesses around."

B is for Battle!!

"Eh? Who said that?"

I'm not sure. And I wonder how a Battle is different from an Altercation.

"What nonsense are you on about now? Oh, never mind. I'll just eliminate you and worry about it later."

Oh dear. It seems I've gotten myself into a Battle with this unsavory character. What should I do?

Brief him on your new-found education. He'll surely reconsider when you tell him that. Just like the blacksmith.

Bombard the burglar with Barry.

Bluff that you'll Beckon the guards!

Crap a brick.

>Boot him in the boingloings.

Brief him on your new-found education. He'll surely reconsider when you tell him that. Just like the blacksmith.

Oh, an excellent idea! It's always important to share knowledge!

B is for Briefing!

Pardon me, sir! A is for Abbott and B is for Battleaxe!

"...So what? I don't see..."

Wait! Something's stirring in my mind. I think I understand a new letter!

C is for Criminal! Namely, you!

You have taught the children about the letter C!
3/26 letters taught!

"What are you on about? Have you gone mad?"

Bombard the burglar with Barry.

B is for Barbarian!

I'll just lift up Barry, who weighs at least twice as much as I do...

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Oof! This plan isn't working very well. Fortunately, the criminal seems confused for the moment.

Bluff that you'll Beckon the guards!

Ah, yes! B is for Bluff!

"What?"

If you don't stand down and tell me how to sneak into the castle, I'll call the guards here!

"...You just shouted that you were going to bluff. Why should I believe you?"

Oh. That's a good point. Perhaps I should have thought this through more carefully.

Well, on the plus side, I have a new letter to work with now. What should I do with it?

>Clamorously Call for the Constabulary!

Okay, now Crap a Brick.

C is for Cosh, silly.

Creep away in the Confusion.

Cry!

Nobody likes to see a sobbing peasant!

>Clamorously Call for the Constabulary!

C is for Call!

Help! Help! Guards! I'm being attacked by a criminal!

"Hmmph! You just tried that! Do you really think I'll fall for it this... time... Where did all these guards come from?"

"You there! What are you doing at the apothecary's? Both of you, come with us!"

Oh my. If I'm not careful, I'll be arrested too. But I don't have time for that! I have to find more letters!

Cry!

Nobody likes to see a sobbing peasant!

C is for Cry!

*sniff* Officers! This scoundrel attacked me! He's the one trying to break in, I was just trying to stop him!

"Lies! I'm telling you, this man is the thief!"

Then why are you wearing a mask and carrying a large empty sack?

"Er... um... It's ceremonial?"

"Ceremonial? Are you implying you take part in heretical acts?"

"No, no! It's, um... a family ceremony? Not heretical at all!"

Creep away in the Confusion.

The guards seem preoccupied with the burglar's explanation of his family ceremony. This seems like a good time to slip away.

Well. That was rather close. At least I found another letter, though. But where might I find the next?

"RRRAAAAARRRGH!"

...Oh my. What could that noise be?

That sounds like a damsel in distress!

You had better go and Aid her.

That sounds like a bar.

You might be able to get a barskin rug out of it.

Also, perhaps you should go look at a canine for inspiration.

Or perhaps is it a Dragon.

It sounds like Barry is Awake. Oh dear.

That sounds like a damsel in distress!

You had better go and Aid her.

I'm reasonably sure damsels don't scream like that. Besides, isn't that a job for knights? I'm a mere peasant!

It sounds like Barry is Awake. Oh dear.

Hmm. Barry? That seems a bit more likely. But I've heard Barry's warcry before, and it's not quite that loud or primal. No, this is something else... something bigger...

Or perhaps is it a Dragon.

Oh. Yes, that might be it.

A pity I didn't think of that before the dragon flew at me, I might have had a chance to run.

C is for Combat!!

Um. Oh my.

Does anyone have any idea how to fight a dragon?

Aquire armaments. Be courageous.

Muse on how lucky you are not to have gotten all the way to H, and subsequently Hero, yet. Then run.

Consider its Achilles Heel!