ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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BELLY RUBS

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Just set its mouth on fire and cut out the middleman.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> You're in a hospital! Sedate it!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Punch the cat in the face.

You decide to solve this the same way you solve most of your problems: with a punch to the face!

Your fist is now being eaten by your cat. Congratulations.

BELLY RUBS

Mindless violence has failed, much to your surprise. You decide to attempt to comfort the cat instead, and begin rubbing his belly.

He purrs happily, but it doesn't seem to have stopped him; he's already up to his elbow.

Just set its mouth on fire and cut out the middleman.

Well, if your cat is going to eat everything, you may as well get your mission done at the same time. You pull out a lighter and set his mouth on fire.

Your arm is now on fire. Congratulations, you are two steps closer to completing your mission! But you still have a cat eating your arm.

> You're in a hospital! Sedate it!

It suddenly occurs to you that a hospital should have something around to quiet rowdy patients. You see a nearby syringe and grab it, preparing to stick it into the cat. Maybe you can get your arm out before it gets too chewed-up, at least.

But suddenly, some jerk comes in out of nowhere and punches you in the face! You retaliate with a punch of your own.

With the arm being eaten by the cat.

You end up shoving the cat into his mouth, but you manage to release your arm at the same time. You also end up TOTALLY INTENTIONALLY jabbing your assailant with the sedative, you absolutely planned that all along, that's what makes you a top agent yes indeed.

And now you're getting out of here, pelvic thrusting all the way.

You are Zoosmell Pooplord's hat again. The idiot whose head you ended up on just had a cat with its mouth on fire stuffed down his throat, and now he seems to be exhaling fire despite being unconscious. If you weren't a hat, you might consider this scientifically impossible.

But the mystical knowledge you have as a hat allows you to understand this perfectly. You also understand that you have no idea where Zoosmell Pooplord is and for all you know, he could be learning the truth behind his stupid name at this very moment. You'd better find him fast!

What will you do?

Originally posted on MSPA by PersonPerson.

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Get stolen by a random patient.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Hope the air conditioning blows you out the window.

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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Use Hat Power to teleport

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Hope the air conditioning blows you out the window.

You hope. You hope really hard.

And then the air conditioning suddenly dies. Okay, hoping didn't work, time for a new plan!

Use Hat Power to teleport

You decide to be more active. You're going to use your Hat Power in order to teleport!

Oh, wait... you don't have enough MYSTERIOUS HAT KNOWLEDGE to activate Hat Powers yet! Darn, looks like you need a new plan.

Get stolen by a random patient.

Before you can come up with a new plan, though, a patient runs up and grabs you before fleeing the hospital. You have no idea what they want or where they're headed.

You are now some idiot, and you have just regained consciousness. You are breathing fire and...

HACK COUGH HACK

...and you just coughed up a cat. Which is now eating the floor. Wow, that's one hungry cat.

Wait, how did you know that was a cat? You don't think you've ever seen a picture of a cat before, or even heard of one.

Oh, and you're still breathing fire. Seems it happens every time you exhale. You're not sure what the deal is with that, but you have a more pressing concern.

Namely, your hat, your one true and loyal companion through these many ordeals, has gone missing! And you need to go find it!

But where could it possibly be?

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Hat: Be* the Cat.
>> Cat: Be a wizard.
>>> Waffing: Take place.

*be = be worn by

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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THAT GUY STOLE IT

Originally posted on MSPA by PersonPerson.

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The cat stole it. Beat it up.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Be the guy wearing the hat.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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The cat stole it. Beat it up.

You eye the cat warily. Its behavior is certainly suspicious. It probably hid in your throat so you wouldn't suspect it of hat theft!

Well, you outsmarted that cat! You rush at it, preparing to take your hat back by force.

This plan fails when it starts chewing on your foot. You try to pull it off, and awkwardly stumble towards the window in the process. You finally manage to get the cat off, but fall partway out the window. From your new vantage point, you see the enemy agent getting in his car outside.

THAT GUY STOLE IT

Wait... Yes! That enemy agent! You were after him for some reason that you're sure you'll remember by the time you catch up to him. No doubt he stole your hat in an attempt to divert your attention away from him!

Why, that fiend! How dare he abuse the connection between man and hat? You're going to get him!

You leap out the window hoping to pursue, and land in a heap on the sidewalk. A moment later, you start limping after his car, which is fortunately moving quite slowly for some reason.

> Be the guy wearing the hat.

You cannot be the guy wearing the hat because you are too busy being Zoosmell Pooplord again. Shortly after you got bored of looking for your hat, you got bored of trying to figure out where your dad works and went back home to mess around on your computer.

So what are you going to do now?

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Contact your friend, Flighty Broad.

Originally posted on MSPA by PersonPerson.

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Start eating the keyboard. You're hungry.

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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Sneak into your dads room for porns.

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Test a ~ath script.

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

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>illustrate a crocodile

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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Stare intensely at the screen while typing, then say "Gotcha"

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Contact your friend, Flighty Broad.

Friends? Man, you wish. Nobody wants to be friends with a guy called Zoosmell Pooplord. Heck, you wouldn't want a friend with that name.

But there is that one guy who keeps bugging you on the messenger program you installed in a vain effort to fool yourself into thinking you might find some form of companionship. He keeps telling you about this "exciting new game" coming out, even talked you into signing up for a beta. Which is supposed to be arriving in the mail soon.

Oh, hey, you haven't checked the mail today. Maybe it's already arrived.

Not that you particularly care. It's just some boring game about who-knows-what.

Anyways, that guy's not on right now, and you don't especially want to talk to him anyways. Usually he starts talking to you.

You decide to mess around with something else.

>illustrate a crocodile

You open up a drawing program and start making a picture of a crocodile.

It's really ugly. It ends up looking more like some sort of four-armed, three-legged lizardperson than a crocodile. Man, your art is almost as dumb as your name.

Well, this is just depressing. Maybe you should check the mail for that boring game after all, at least it won't make you feel terrible about yourself. Probably.

You are now a four-armed, three-legged lizardperson. A strange package has arrived on your doorstep. You fear it may be the game foretold of in the prophecies - the one which will spell doom for your civilization if it is ever played.

Obviously you don't want to doom your civilization, but damned if you aren't curious about what sort of game it is.

What will you do?

Originally posted on MSPA by Agent1022.

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GIVE IN TO YOUR CURIOSITY

You know what they say, curiosity killed the cat, or they would if they knew what a cat was.

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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Smash the package on the floor, as is your people's custom with deliveries.

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Nom the package.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Throw the package into the fires of Mount Doom.

Originally posted on MSPA by PersonPerson.

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Cut off an arm and use it to grab the package.