Zoologic (TWS)

"Well, Mr. Megapresident, you must realise how lucky we are to be hosting such an advanced race on Earth. Looking at earlier forecasts - where initial contact with extra-terrestrials were going to lead to wide-scale planetary destruction - the public will consider our guests demands quite reasonable."

The Megapresident waited for the pause to stretch out into a conversational lull, stopped doodling on his monogrammed notepad, and sat up like he was paying attention.

"They're just so weird," he complained. That was ok; he was complaining with conviction. "One week they want dancers from every country, next they want water from the world's oceans! I didn't do that kind of thing when I went on that Megapresidential visit to Mars."

"They're weird," he complained again, still with conviction.

"Yes, well. The fact the world simply hasn't ended, despite Tsitsk mothership perched on the Niagra Cliffs, is a huge contributor to your healthy approval ratings. Provided it keeps not ending, and the Hyperstate's diplomatic relations with the Tsitsk go smoothly, you're primed for re-election next fall."

"Re-election? I thought Gigaglom Industries had a... uh..."

"Vested interest," interjected his secretary, helpfully.

"That one. They had a vested interest in megapresidencies and their megare-elections."

"They don't like the world ending, either. Nobody left to buy anything."

The Megapresident quivered a bit in his seat. "So... I let these Tiktiks-"

"-Tsitsk."

"-those guys. If I let the aliens take some animals for their weird alien science, I get re-elected?"

The secretary smiled.

"I'm paid to do what's best for the country, Megapresident. Have that list back on my desk in the morning, and I'll send your recommendations to the ambassador."

---

You are now the Megapresident of Earth, 2045. You have masterfully steered humanity through these troubling, ever-modern times, and are now dealing with aliens on your doorstep.

These particular aliens have asked to take breeding herds of as many species of animal as your government recommends, as part of what they have cited as "proto-society field trials." You have no clue what this means, but experts in the Department of Science have predicted a "90% chance of this probably being a good thing, rather than, y'know, a thing that ends up not doing much or a really bad thing."

As part of this deal, they have agreed to treat the Earth-animals "at least or better than third-caste Tsitsk." Your Department of Science experts are still busy trying to figure out just how well that bodes, but on the other hand, re-election would be pretty fucking sweet.

What animals will you recommend to the Tsitsk scientists?

Kitties! And also penguins. And giraffes! Not cows though. No one loves cows.

> Foxes, squirrels and peacocks.

Iguanas and bobcats and parrots!

If they're being treated as well as their own species, you should go with fairly intelligent animals. Chimpanzees, dolphins, perhaps some dogs.

>Don't forget the invertebrates. Include some spiders in there, and beetles work too. And scorpions, probably?

And maybe see if you can get some humans to volunteer, for the sake of learning more about the Tiktiks or whatever they're called.

ALL THE BIRDS.

>Sharks, because sharks are cool! Oh, and some bats. Maybe some butterflies.

You jot off some ideas off the top of your head, doodling on your notebook as you go. You considered asking the Tsitsk whether they wanted some humans for their project, but they politely refused.

• Cat
  
• Penguin???
  
• Giraffe
  
• Fox
  
• Squirrel
  
• Peacock
  
• Iguana
  
• Another... kind of cat? Maybe you were thinking of a lion or something. You remember reading somewhere that cats are just small lions that like Feedalot Industries brand Kittyfiller Cat Food.
  
• Parrot
  
• Chimpanzee
  
• Dolphin
  
• Dog. Definitely need to send some dogs.
  
• Spider ew, yeah, they can keep the spiders
  
• and Beetles
  
• actually who needs scorpions
  
• Shark
  
• Bat
  
• Butterfly (ask Science department about whether caterpillars and butterflies need a different list entry)[/list:u]
  
  "All the birds" comes to mind, so you jot down a few more things along that line of creature. You consider for a moment that it might be worth warning the aliens that they'll need a roof on their spaceship if they don't want all these things with wings flying about.
  
  A final discerning review leaves you feeling reasonably satisfied with your twenty-strong list of recommendations; would you like to add or change anything else before you pass this to the Tsitsk?

>Aquatic animals are a little underrepresented right now; we've got dolphin and shark and that's it. Toss some of the more common fish in there, like salmon; and some crustaceans and the like couldn't hurt. Sea cucumber? Manta ray? Octopus? Anenomes? Giant squid?

For that matter, not many reptiles. Kill two birds with one stone and suggest things like CROCODILES and SEA SNAKES and TURTLES.

Awww you gotta get more insects!

• centipedes
  
• those sweet Walking Stick insects
  
• bumblebees[/list:u]

Tsitsk > take all of every suggested species.

Gotta give them a really alien-looking animal to make them maybe feel a bit more at home and less world-endy.

Send some pink fairy armadillos.