Hip-Hop Squirrel Epidemic: Chinese Cardboard Revolution

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SpoilerSo some years back, there was this Adventures a Little Different contest and I was in it with Archduke and LP and we made this and then it died.

I'm bringing it back as a Puppy Mountain adventure, which means anyone can update. Go crazy!

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SpoilerThis is Team Lord Foginand's entry for Adventures a Little Different. Team members are Archduke_Ferdinand, Lord Paradise, and myself. Be forewarned that my drawn segments will be terrible.

Somewhere in the world, a mysterious menace stirs.



Suddenly, they strike!



The Hip-Hop Squirrels have come, and they are spreading throughout the world.



Within days, they overthrow the Chinese government, and take control of most of the nation. In the confusion, Japan launches an invasion, retaking some of the territory it lost after the Second World War.



You are a Chinese sweatshop worker. Your employers are so cheap that you don't even get color or adequately-drawn limbs. You weren't all that fond of the government, not that you'd ever have said that, but you don't like the squirrels or the Japanese coming in and taking over. So you have decided to fight back.



But all you have on hand are the remaining sweatshop workers (management fled once they heard the squirrels were coming in) and a large supply of the factory's main product...



...Very cheap cardboard.



But that does not matter. What matters is that you are the only hope against the Hip-Hop Squirrel Epidemic. You are... The Chinese Cardboard Revolution!

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SpoilerYes, it's two randomly-generated titles in one adventure!

>Fashion Cardboard Armor and Corrugated Swords for your army.

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Very well! You enter the BATTLE READY CARDBOARD STATION.

Unfortunately, the other workers have been hogging the cardboard to make shelters, like the selfish people they are.

You can make Cardboard Armor and Corrugated Swords right now, then you must choose whom amongst your team to give them to before tonight and the squirrels come.

On the left is Pliable Cardboard. On the right is Hardstyle Cardboard.

Swords from Pliable Cardboard will be Mediumswords. Good for light, quick thrusts.

Swords from Hardstyle Cardboard will be Claymores. Good for cleaving and smashing.

Armor from P.C. will be Light Armor, good for mobility.

Armor from H.C. will be Heavy Armor, good for defense.

Choose your material, and then get ready to go choose your team.

Make claymores and light armor.

Also, switch back to Dragon Fogel's obviously superior drawing style

Wow, this sure is great for mobility! And this sword is absolutely viable as a smashing/cleaving item!

Despite your basically limited supply of cardboard, you should honor the country's party-limit law and only arm two of your co-workers.



Ming is the youngest worker in the building. Pros: Young, fit. Cons: Young, stupid.



Ya is your only female co-worker. She's pretty well-rounded although it's hard to tell under the cardboard the stupid sexist joke demon has been defeated by your strikethrough.



Hui is an old guy. Pros: Wisdom of age. Cons: Feeble and ready to die. Basically the cardboard is holding him together right now.



Hong is like twenty feet tall. Pros: Like twenty feet tall. Cons: Like twenty feet tall.



In his own words:

"Good morning sir my name is Song Shu
If you don't know me it's because I'm new
Before you pick party members 1 and 2,
Let me tell you what I got to offer you.

Perfect stats, both wise and strong
In the prime of my life, been alive pretty long
Androgynous enough to maybe be a girl,
I'm ready to crush the iron fist of the squirrel.

Rest assured that I got my teammates' backs
If there are spies in the group I'mma follow their tracks
I got it covered, sir, so you can relax
While we kick this revolution up to the max."

Well, it seems that they all have their strengths. Who will you choose? Keep in mind you can always go back and get another party member if one dies.

Hong

Okay, you're going to include Hong on your team. But who else? Maybe that Song Shu guy? Sure, you have a vague bad feeling about him, but you can't argue with that catchy song of his.

Song and Shu > Sloppy Makeouts

Um... It seems Song Shu has decided to retreat his head and hand into his armor, and he's doing... something. You aren't sure just what, but you have a strong suspicion that it's extremely perverted. Maybe you should pick somebody else.

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SpoilerThose are supposed to be squirrel tails, in case anyone's having trouble interpreting my crappy excuse for art in that panel.

> Hong and Ya. Song Shu is made of SQUIRRELS!

>Dragon Fogel: Appear.
>Dragon Fogel: Fight evil rapping squirrels.

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You assemble your team of Hong, Ya, and Dragon Fogel.



Up ahead, the open door to the world exists. Far off in the distance, but growing louder, is the sound of sweet beats. The Hiphop Squirrels will be here soon.

The brown wall is your BASE. The green is areas in which squirrels who enter are attackable. It's your range, essentially.

The black tokens are:

Large: Hong: Cannot move, but adds much to range.

Small: Ya: Moves speedily. Adds little to range.

Medium: Protagonist: Good old fashioned medium.

Yellow: Dragon Fogel: Useless but for morale purposes. His death would cause much sadness.

On the right are health bars, which contain below them the first letter of whose they are. The purple bar is how much time before sunrise.

Soon the first squirrel will arrive- and doubtless, the combat tutorial.

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The Sweet Beats You Hear:

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SpoilerWhee outdated defunct video URLs!

Wow, four days? I really suck.

Anyhoo.

Dragon Fogel and Protagonist: Go convince some squirrels to defect to your side.

Excellent idea! You ignore the carefully constructed game mechanics and leave half your party behind, venturing out unprotected onto the streets.



You encounter a squirrel. He lays down some beats of warning.

"Yo, homo sapiens straight outta the factory,
Ain't you come to bow down to the squirrels' hip-hop mastery?
Or you got some blasphemy, design to get a pass from me,
Well man you stand at the corner of the dude and catastrophe"

"I come in peace, I--"

"Yo, don't step on my beats, guy!
I'll serve you up stir-fry
Feed you to the girl inside.
My squirrel eyes surmise your fear and surprise
So I surmise our spies' disguise still flies?

Word to the wise, if you're looking to negotiate
I'll hook you up, initiate a sit-down with the bitchin' great
MC who sees through your feeble beats,
he'll bring you to your knees if he is displeased,
I ain't teasin', but I can tell that you ain't listenin' to reason
So if you want the boss up in it, I can get him in a minute."

Well, that went well, and largely without your participation. You wait for just about a minute.



His voice is like a chorus of angels.

"Yo, all humans shade your eyes,
Cause this squirrel don't plagiarize;
We all flauntin-danger guys
And we don't take strangers' lies.

If you design to align your peeps with mine,
You'll find I've a mind to chew the fat to the rind
I ain't unkind, but I turn blind to beggars who come lackin' rhymes
If you packin' sublime lyrical dimes, nickels and dollas,
Maybe we'll become some cooperative' fuckin' ballas,
This MC sees that these beats you got may not be on par
With those come from trees, but no pleas, don't expect no heart
Nor no mercy. You thirsty? Boo-hoo, I've got rabies,
Put down yo' rattle, in this rap battle, we don't allow babies.
Put your heart an' your ass in this, it's a party of assonance,
Best hope your rhymes don't come tardy, I'll pass a glance
At two squirrels with the type of guns shoot automatic,
Might be problematic when your body leaks like the Titanic.
I'mma give you a proper oppurtunity,
If you plan on wooin' me, throw down some hip-hop lunacy."

Think fast!

the background is not china

The squirrels have overthrown the government. Obviously they're going to make a few changes.

> STAAAAAAAAB

Lay down the fattest beats you've ever laid down, ever!

You weigh the options of fighting the squirrels with your powerful cardboard claymore, or simply accepting their rapping challenge.

stab stab stab stabity stab-stab,
stab stabity stab-stab stab stab,
stab stabity stab-stab-stab!
stab-stab stabity stab?
stab-stab-stab stabity,
stab-stab, stab stab stab!

You compromise with a rap about stabbing.



The Boss Squirrel is impressed!

"Yo dawg, I thought your hip-hop was gonna be drab,
but that's the best rap I've heard with just the word stab!
Just like I said, I'll sign up, but not before
my homies give you the official score!"



"Whoa! Compared to you, my own rhymes are crap!
You managed to get a perfect score on this rap!"

Your rapping has earned you a perfect 100 in Speed, Power, and Technique! Which is apparently an S-Rank. You aren't sure exactly what the categories mean, but you're quite pleased with yourself.



But that's not all! Dragon Fogel's "Perfectionist" ability kicks in, because of your perfect score! Every time you get a perfect score on a battle or minigame, his rank will go up by 1. On this rank-up, he has only gained stat boosts, but if you can increase his rank more, he may acquire new abilities!



In addition, you now have a squadron of Hip-Hop Squirrels of your own. Be warned, though, that their starting Loyalty is low. In order to avoid a mutiny, you will need to either supply them with nuts, or regularly demonstrate your rapping skills.

ask the boss squirr

Second

You ask the boss squirr "Wut is my biscuts?"

He dunno!

-------

Did you mean Ask the Boss Squirrel?

That's as far as this got. Feel free to suggest and/or update now!

Open up a taco stand. Surely the money raised will allow you to upgrade to duck tape armor.

You decide the best course of action is to open up a taco stand. Though initially you were just raising money to upgrade to duct tape armour, you started to enjoy life as a taco vendor. You began to take pride in the tacos you were making and eventually you got good enough to earn the coveted blue rosette for China's Best Taco Stand. It takes you almost two years but now you feel satisfied you have done justice to the noble profession of taco vending and are ready to move on with your life. If only you could remember what the hell you were doing in the first place.



"HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" hisses the boss squirrel, who over the last two years has grown rather impatient.



Oh yeah, now you remember. You were fighting the hip hop squirrels and had just managed to recruit a squadron of aforementioned squirrels to your side with the slickest rhymes that have ever been dropped. So erm. What now?

GreyGabe: Here's where you can drop off that Completely Moronic Spiked Cardboard Armor of Excruciating Uselessness!

>Perspective Switch: Hong and Ya, who have been conducting a highly effective campaign of guerrilla warfare over the course of the past two years while you were selling tacos, and are still wondering where the hell you are.

GreyGabe: Here's where you can drop off that Completely Moronic Spiked Cardboard Armor of Excruciating Uselessness!

GreyGabe barges unceremoniously into this adventure.



“Oh, hey. Don’t mind me. Just dropping this off… hold up a sec. Tacos.”

He fixes himself a taco.

“*munch munch munch* Hey, that’s some pretty good guac. Anyway, just dropping off this Completely Moronic Spiked Cardboard Armor of Excruciating Uselessness. Hopefully it will bring you as much joy as it’s brought me. Uh, it’s pretty good. There’s… uh, there’s some Duct Tape in there! There’s that. And, uh… some bits of Pineapple. Oh, and sPikes. Lots of those. sPikes. On the inside. *crunch crunch* So it might be a tiny bit ah… blindingly painful to actually wear it. Anyway, toodles.”



GreyGabe wanders off, leaving behind the Completely Moronic Spiked Cardboard Armor of Excruciating Uselessness. Wait, did he pay for that taco?

>Perspective Switch: Hong and Ya, who have been conducting a highly effective campaign of guerrilla warfare over the course of the past two years while you were selling tacos, and are still wondering where the hell you are.

Yeah, whatever happened to your great and wise leaders, anyway? The squirrel menace is as yet unabating. Their tenacity is unmatched, their rhymes, supah fly. Still, you’re hanging in there. You were even able to afford this cool command center. With high ceilings, of course. Hong was always bumping his head before. You also managed to free several key Chinese cities, identify a pair of spies in your ranks, and found out the identities of some key squirrel players… or playas, if you will. Anyway, what’s next on the rebellion’s itinerary?
Besides hiring a halfway decent cartographer.

>Investigate reports of a squirrel unit hanging around a taco stand.

> Suddenly self-inserts everywhere.

> Elaborate on what you have learnt about the command structure of the hip-hop squirrels' evil army.