RWC Humiliation Station 2011 (HERE COMES THE DEBT COLLECTOR)

Place your bets, it's the other World Cup, and the one my country has to give an inordinately large crap about seeing as we're hosting it. I've been watching a few games because it's allegedly our national sport and junk, but the drunken revellers I can hear wailing outside might get a bit old as exams draw closer. Ah well. In the interim, I'm going to start up a totally legitimate betting pool

Payment can be in weird favours, fanart, fanfiction, webcredits, boondollars, blood oaths, or photographic proof of people doing dumb things. You can bet on any aspect of the World Cup, provided it's not a pain in the arse for me to verify it happening.

How it works
Four pools with five countries each; two countries from each pool go through to the quarter-finals, then the semis, then someone eventually hefts the big prize, while my country shoulders a huge debt for hosting this thing. Woo!

Semis:
New Zealand vs Australia
France vs Wales

Quarter-final matchups:

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SpoilerIreland vs Wales
England vs France
South Africa vs Australia
New Zealand vs Argentina

The pool stages:

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SpoilerPool A
Nuu Zilland
Franceland
Candidadia
Nippon
Tonga

Pool B
Scottishland
The Tea-drinkers' Union
Georgialand
Argentinialand
PyRomania

Pool C
Oztraaaalia
Leprechaun Country
Italy
Russiaaaaaaargh
America Fuck Yeah

Pool D (the one I couldn't come up with jokes for)
Fiji
Samoa
South Africa
Narwales
Namibia

Place as many bets as you like; they're first-come first-serve (so if I bet New Zealand will come fourth place, nobody else can bet that specifically) so I'll keep track of 'em in the OP.

'dem wagers (red means they lost, and need to fill their end of the bargain):

Schazer
-New Zealand reaches the semis but does not win outright. (Wager: One dare executed in real life, with photographic evidence)
-Russia beat the USA in the Pool stage, and neither of them go to the quarter-finals (Wager: one mandatory post within 48 hours in a thing, wherever)
-Dunedin will have the highest ratio of Streakers:Games of any city hosting World Cup matches. (Wager: One crocheted pokemon, group choice)

Solaris
-USA takes the Webb Ellis (Wager: a musical number in whacky costume)

Cyber95
-Canada and USA somehow emerge from the respective pools, face off, and Canada wins (Wager: Two minutes of staring at a camera while juggling)

Epamynondas
-No more than two of New Zealand, Brittania, The Land of Ire and Midgets, USA (USA) and South Africa will exit the qualifying stage (Wager: a page-long essay singing the praises of something)
-The score difference of one semifinal match will be between two and four times greater than that of the other one (Wager: a maximum three minutes of dancing recorded, then dubbed over with elevator music)

Agent
-One of Australia or Wales make it to the semis (Wager: A song)

Pyp
-Fiji wins (Wager: One fanart, group choice)
-Russia makes it to semis, loses (Wager: Entry and legitimate play of one crowd-sourced character into a mini-grand)
-Wales wins (Wager: A post in a specified Grand Battle)

Fogel
Wales, France, South Africa, and New Zealand each win their quarter-final matches. (Wager: an adventure about the Rugby World Cup)

Woffles
EUROPE WINS. (Wager: a sonnet - topic is group choice)

Question!

Do countries coming into the quarter-finals have at each other for the semifinals, or do they all effectively become one pool?

Preeeetty sure all eight qualifying teams get tossed into a second pool, then play off in what might be a preset structure (Pool A leader vs Pool B 2ndplace, Pool B leader vs Pool C 2ndplace, etc etc) or it might be randomised once the teams are decided. I dunno!

AMERICA ALL
THE FUCKING
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

USA
USA
USA
USA
USA

[Wager: Singing a song of public's choice dressed in whatever odd things I can get my hands on]

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Spoileralso how is the joke for Narwales not NARWALES NARWALES SWIMMIN IN THE OCEAN, CAUSING A COMMOTION, CUZ THEY ARE SO AWESOME

Where the hell is México? I have a friend whose brother went to some worldwide rugby thing... or something. Maybe they didn't qualify.

I did my research, and apparently qualifiers had been held for a while previously. So it looks like Mexico didn't make it. Sorry!

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Spoileralso how is the joke for Narwales not NARWALES NARWALES SWIMMIN IN THE OCEAN, CAUSING A COMMOTION, CUZ THEY ARE SO AWESOME

Because Narwales is not a country. Wales is.

I bet the opportunity to have me stare blankly into a camera for two minutes while performing some manner of silly action on, uh, Canada facing and curbstomping America.

No more than two countries with compound names (as per Schazer's notation) will reach the quarter-finals.

Wager: A page-long essay singing the praises of something. Anything.


The score difference of one semifinal match will be between two and four times greater than that of the other one.

Wager: I will record myself dancing PASSIONATELY to a suggested song (no longer than three minutes, please). Then I will post the video but changing the sound to a suggested elevator music song.

Ok, newest wagers are now on the board/OP!

Epamy, tell me if I've misinterpreted your first bet and it needs tweaking.

I additionally bet:

Dunedin will have the highest ratio of Streakers:Games of any city hosting World Cup matches. Wager: One crocheted pokemon, group choice

I wager a week without coffee that nobody I know in real life will talk to me about the Rugby World Cup for its entire duration.

EDIT: "to me," I can't verify that they don't talk about it to themselves and write essays in blood on the wall.

I wager a week without coffee that nobody I know in real life will talk about the Rugby World Cup for its entire duration.

I can't verify this one personally, so you'll have to give us status reports on it.

TRIP REPORT: DAY 1

okay technically the day hasn't rolled over to 12 pm yet but nope, none yet. let's hope my dog doesn't run up in the middle of the night and start yappin' about rugby!

Can I wager that nobody Chwoka knows in real life will talk to me about rugby until the Cup is over?

Well, either Chwoka would have to make a list of everybody he knows, or you'd need to ask everybody who talks to you about rugby if they know him, so I guess you'd need his permission?

Epamy, tell me if I've misinterpreted your first bet and it needs tweaking.

Looks right to me!

Arright!

I shall bet that Ozland (otherwise known as 'strahlia) makes its way to the semifinals, or Narwales makes its way to the semifinals, but not both! (Wager: A song! Um...sure. A song. You pick! I have a pretty wide range but questionable quality anyway :3)

TRIP REPORT: DAY 3

nope, not today or yesterday.

I don't know how rugby is played. I don't know how the Rugby World Cup works other than what's been stated in this thread. I don't know how well any of the countries have done in the past. I could look these things up but I'm going to bet anyway without bothering! >:3

I'll bet that Fiji wins the entire world cup. GO FIJI! (Wager: a piece of fanart about a suggested adventure, either from forums or the MSPA forums.)

I'll also bet that Russia makes it to the semifinals, then loses a match because of a hideously botched play at a critical moment. (Wager: a character profile for a Grand Battle made from a suggested set of attributes, which I will then enter in Mini-Grand thread and at least try to play legitimately.)

Report on my betstatus:

Russia were defeated by the USA, which means I owe someone a post somewhere (but let's add halve again and say 72 because I have a report to write and that's only half my bet). If one of them ends up in the quarter-finals, I'll go double-or-nothing.

I'd like to request that post be in Battle Majestic, if I may.

Deal. Gimme, like... another 12 hours at least to nap and get this lab report wrapped up.

TRIP REPORT

Day 7

The dumpster I slept against was cold, cold as a dumpster. It took me about three minutes, give or take, to realize I was awake. I grapped the edge of the dumpster in question to hoist myself up on my good leg. There were three other men here with me and I had to be careful not to wake them up -- not that I knew them; it was just etiquette. And maybe they're the crazy type that always carries a gun. I shook a little urine out of my pant leg.

"What happened last night?" was probably the question on everybody's mind that morning. Cliched as it was, I was suffering through a hangover and didn't have time for thinking of fresh new takes on every day phrases. I checked my pockets -- wallet, gun, phone -- everything was in order. But as my brain began to fire its marbles at the jacks called thoughts, a anxiety gripped me -- DID ANYBODY TALK TO ME ABOUT RUGBY LAST NIGHT?!

I grabbed my phone and dialed my best friend. Then I threw my phone in the dumpster. If he had talked to me about rugby last night, he'd likely want to talk about how we talked about rugby, and that counts as talking about rugby. I'm dead without my coffee in the morning! I clutched my gun and ran to the nearest coffee shop.

"20 shots of your hardest espresso!" I shouted to the coffee barista.

"No! Small talk instead!" she barked back. I think she was a dog? "Did you hear about the Rugby game last night? I like to smell butts."

I covered my ears and ran away. She was crying. Do dogs cry? Reality and fantasy were blending into an maddening, unintelligible medley of guns and dogs. Suddenly, I was in an alleyway, cramped as it was open. There was a lamp there, which I assumed to be my only defense and friend in this messed-up world. I stripped down to my underwear and climbed a fence. Werewolves were everywhere! I fought them off with my trusty silver lamp, but then I looked down at one of the werewolves -- she was crying. Aren't werewolves people too?! Could this monster be the dog?! Then it lunged at you. Crocodile tears. You decided it didn't matter if this werewolf was the barista or not, it was a murderous bitch through and through.

You turned around to grab a tombstone but when you turned back around, the werewolves were gone -- and in its place was the US rugby team! You threw the lamp at them and they began to transform into werewolves, their bulging muscles ripping their clothes off as they grew. Why would you notice that, you weirdo? They're gonna talk about rugby or murder you! You came to your senses quickly, repressing your gay gay thoughts, and took the closest escape route available -- the portal into Hell you uncovered by lifting up that tombstone.

There, your dead dad greets you. He's also Satan. He embraces you tightly.

"Come, Son, let us go be gay together. You look beautiful."

To be, or not to be? Ah, that is the point of it now! To watch and wonder, to bust a move, to start a psychedelic jug band that ends up recording novelty tunes. These are a few of my favorite things. You run out of there like a bat out of Hell, and then to your house. You notice a thread on the table, and knit to make a shirt out of it. It takes 3 hours and you don't seem to make any progress until the last second. But just as it's getting good, I woke up. The dumpster I slept against was cold, cold as a dumpster. It took me about three minutes, give or take, to realize I was awake. I grapped the edge of the dumpster in question to hoist myself up on my good leg. There were three other men here with me and I had to be careful not to wake them up -- not that I knew them; it was just etiquette. And maybe they're the crazy type that always carries a gun. I shook a little urine out of my pant leg.

"What happened last night?" was probably the question on everybody's mind that morning. Cliched as it was, I was suffering through a hangover and didn't have time for thinking of fresh new takes on every day phrases. I checked my pockets -- wallet, gun, phone -- everything was in order. But as my brain began to fire its marbles at the jacks called thoughts, a anxiety gripped me -- DID ANYBODY TALK TO ME ABOUT RUGBY LAST NIGHT?!

I checked my wallet -- inside was a note reading "No." My money was missing, but this simple reassurance was worth more than any dollar amount. I clutched it against my chest and had a few gay thoughts about it.

Oh man

I know nobody other than me really gives a shit, but watching Ireland thrash Australia was one of the most wonderful things ever. I am just mentioning this for posterity, it was a great game for a comparatively try-less snore.

IIIIIIRELAAAAAND! (This means, of course, that if I'm to lose my bet then Wales must not make it to the semifinals :/)

...not to be overly Australian! Go New Zealand! *whistles*

Schazer.

Schazer WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE NUDE BLACKS??! I thought we were good acquitances.


Anyway a bunch of naked dudes from your city* lost to a bunch of increasingly naked dudettes from mine and that's great.


*kind of?

Wait, if Russia lost now, does that mean I lost my wager regarding the profile post thing? Because I honestly have no idea how rugby is played.