You are Dlorph.

>Try not to think too hard about the people or else fall into Myst island, or something
>Go outside, a position from where you might be able to see Mars, if you're lucky

You mysteriously find yourself in possession of one of your lost cosplays



You check to see the requirements to unlock the special version of this cosplay... You are kind of baffled honestly.

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Spoiler

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SpoilerAll previous suggestions still stand I just wanted to address the solved puzzle before I did a proper update.

> Find the diabolical ????

promise mars bars in the future if CND eats its regular food for now. Dogs have no sense of future so if it believes you you've got no obligation to fill the promise

>Tell CND that if they promise to eat their completely normal dog food you will return with Mars confectionery products.

Slyly you make an empassioned argument that you'll provide huge great heapings of Mars Confectionary when you get home if only Completely Normal Dog promises to eat their completely normal dog food now. Unfortunately Completely Normal Dog doesn't understand the concept of the future and so they find your entire proposition baffling and unfavourable.

destroy the puzzle scroll before it warps the whole adventure world into a puzzle dungeon

You tear the mysterious note to pieces with reckless abandon and breathe a sigh of relief. Puzzles are confusing and awful and god do they just go on forever and ever. You're certainly glad you don't have to deal with any of that.



Unrelatedly you have discovered the Special version of your scraph cosplay. You remember all the effort you went into making it do the special effects but in the end you concluded its a bit much for actual usage.

> Find the diabolical ????

You recall the conditions required to unlock the Special Sanji Cosplay; that you must beat an unknown enemy whilst wearing the regular Sanji Cosplay. You wonder just who that unknown enemy could be...

The one thing you are certain of is that it is not anyone you have encountered since reclaiming the Cosplay. You're pretty sure your Cosplay menu will update with the name of your foe when it becomes available.

Do your tried and true solution: ignore your problems and play video games.

Videogames never solve anything but they sure as hell distract you from your problems. You head over to your Gamexus X99 and turn it on.



You play Mark and Stark Souls for a while but fail to make any real progress. Eventually you remember you were supposed to be headed to work. You're gonna be real late now.

>Go outside, a position from where you might be able to see Mars, if you're lucky

It's still morning, far too early to be stargazing, it's warm and sunny and birds are chirping, yet you can't help but feel uncomfortable. Somehow you just know that something is very wrong with the world today.

>

It's your birthday and nobody's called you yet!

There's a MARSCO Surveillance Van™ just outside your house

It's your birthday and nobody's called you yet!

Whilst you are pretty sure its not your birthday yet, the fact that you're a couple of hours late to work and you haven't received a single call is definitely strange.

There's a MARSCO Surveillance Van™ just outside your house

While you can't tell what function this van is carrying out, that definitely is a Mars Co ™ van parked at the bottom of your garden. There's even a Mars Co ™ Sales Homunculus pitching the delicious taste of Mars Confectionary to the empty street.

It seems unlikely that the presence of Mars Co ™ and Completely Normal Dog's sudden fixation on their products is a coincidence. You gaze warily at the van as you try to determine what your priorities should be and what you should do next.

>

Just go in to work, tell your boss that you're late because you were playing video games.

This is obviously a legitimate excuse in Dlorphworld.

> Pedal your airscrew on out of there

> Grow a christmas tree on your front lawn to appease the MarsMan™

dropkick mars man fight the power

> Display regret at not utilizing the cooking boost up from the Sanji cosplay.

dropkick mars man fight the power

You're getting pretty sick of these Big Companies and their Marketing Golems, however you can't quite justify physically attacking the Sales Homunculus just because it's existing in a way you find distasteful. But also geez you're so very late at this point, you're just going to have to let it go this time.

> Pedal your airscrew on out of there

You hop on your airscrew and start pedalling. As you sit there getting the sails up to speed you irately watch as the Sales Homunculus fills your mailbox with Mars marketing material... At least you assume that's what its doing. They're only programmed to advertise their product so it couldn't possibly be doing anything more nefarious... right?

> Display regret at not utilizing the cooking boost up from the Sanji cosplay.

After a minute or so spent getting the sails up to speed you take off. As you fly over the city your stomach reminds you that you missed breakfast this morning. You're also reminded that your Sanji cosplay does in fact give you a major increase in your cooking success chances and sometimes even allows you to intuit the results of a recipe. You try to remember to make a note in your Cosplay Menu.

Just go in to work, tell your boss that you're late because you were playing video games.

This is obviously a legitimate excuse in Dlorphworld.

Finally you approach the Zenos School, the most extensive educational facility in town. Each of its blocks represents a different stage of the educational process starting with Preschool in Red all the way up to university level education in Blue. It's almost time for lunch, but you're probably going to need to explain your lateness and check in on whoever is substituting for you before you can get anything to eat.

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SpoilerAlso what class does Dlorph teach, and at what educational level?

You teach ceramics! It's a little difficult because you only have two limbs.

Seconding ceramics, and lets go with E!!

You teach a Z-level class on how to figure out what the heck the rules are.

Alternatively, Dlorphonomics.

You're not quite sure what you teach. What ever it is, it's at the top of the tower, and you've never been able to get all the way there, because first you have to get halfway there, and then half of that, and then half of that...

>Advanced Washing and Drying

>Equip Sanji, just in case you need to beat up the substitute for some reason.

S-level art class. Art for babies. They aren't that good at it yet but they have gumption.

>You "teach" administration. On every floor

Give your normal dog a pat. Promise a mars bar when you return. Make haste for your education place afterwards.

you teach the wee babies quantum calculus in the mornings and philosophy in the evenings

You're not quite sure what you teach. What ever it is, it's at the top of the tower, and you've never been able to get all the way there, because first you have to get halfway there, and then half of that, and then half of that...

This used to be a real problem. You’d spend so long traversing ever decreasing distances that school hours would be over before you ever stepped foot in your classroom. You managed to get hold of a rooftop parking space to solve the problem though. It’s not so much of a problem anymore though, eventually the school had all the elevators paradox-proofed in order to combat widespread absences.



You land your airscrew, taking advantage of the surprising emptiness up here to grab the parking spot closest to the elevator.

>Equip Sanji, just in case you need to beat up the substitute for some reason.

You take the time to update your cosplay menu as you swap to your Sanji cosplay.



Dressed in the sharp suit of your hero Sanji you feel empowered, you feel an urge to deliver some powerful kicks, cook up a delicious meal and be kind and supportive towards the female members of your nakama. Thankfully you live in a universe where Sanji isn’t a horrible sexist shithead and you are unusually aware and appreciative of this fact.

You teach a Z-level class on how to figure out what the heck the rules are.

Since you are on campus you make sure to attach your ID pass to your lapel identifying you as Professor Dlorph of Blue-Level Complex Deductions. You teach methods and stratagems to identify and pass unknown rules in situations where only pass/fail status is known. Your class used to be very popular but lately there has been a little bit of a drastic drop-off of interest. You’ve been considering how to broaden the appeal of your class… but that’s a puzzle to be solved at another time.



Something makes you pause on your journey to class though... Something has been feeling off all day and now here at the school you can't help but be struck by the quiet, an unusual sense of emptiness.

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SpoilerThis is sort of an interstitial update. I was planning to use this update to get Dlorph all the way to class, but it took longer than anticipated to make this much, and also I didn't want to rush past the possibility of investigating stuff on the rooftop.