You Are About 10 Seconds Away From Execution By Firing Squad

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SpoilerMirroring is done! And as an added bonus, you get a new update a few seconds before MSPA does.

>Make more confetti, claiming it's your birthday. They wouldn't kill you on your birthday, right?

Thinking quickly, you cast a spell!



"It's my birthday today! Surely you can spare a man on his birthday, yes?"



"Colonel Aureliano Buendia. Do you really think I would forget when your birthday was?"



"I remember all too well the day your utter disappointment of a life began."



"Your mother never even talks to me so I only even found out about you by stalking her Facebook and then I had to drive all the way to the hospital to give her a stern talking to but the traffic is always horrible here because of all this snow but I got there as fast as I could and it turns out she didn't even have the courtesy to wait for me before she popped you out so she was already starting to name you when I burst into her house which was hard to find because she had secretly moved away without me knowing but I figured out her location by monitoring watermelon shipments because those are her favorite fruits although I'm fairly certain watermelons are considered berries so I told her 'Not another Aureliano, we already have so goddamn many you better not name him Aureliano' but she did I'm pretty sure out of spite and so then we started this horrible argument and she forced me out of her house, her own mother and so I had to go back home and spend the rest of the day plotting the murder of your parents but I never succeeded in doing that I only managed to get your father and even then he only got half-dead so it never really counted (etc etc)"



"And that's why I'm going to be delighted by your demise!"



That really could have gone better.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

Promptly bury head in sand, you can't see them, they can't see you.

Sand? There's no sand here, this is a snowfield.



But suddenly, this sand idea is sounding a lot better.





Here's some sand!



Now you're safe for sure!



There's no way your grandmother or her army will find you now!







But the sandworms are another matter.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

> Take Lincoln's sword.

All right, it's time to get serious.

> Act really intimidating. Defeating Lincoln and a giant squid has to count for something.

"I just won a duel with Abraham Lincoln and a giant squid with guns on its tentacles. Do you think I'm afraid of you?"





It looks like you should be.

offhandedly mention that the old lady doesnt look so tough and that they could probably take her and the throne too, run in the ensuing mutiny

Wait... Maybe you can turn your enemies against each other!



"You know, when it comes down to it, my grandmother is just an old lady. And I bet you'd like to run Corruptia yourself..."



"She's an old lady. You're a hideous abomination. You can totally take her, and then you get to write your own signs!"



"Oh Glorious Leader, I have something I'd like to talk to you about..."
"Quack!"



Perfect! They'll take care of each other, and then...



"Oh, you silly boys! This is exactly why I had those pain chips installed in your brains while you were asleep."



"Now stop playing around and get that good-for-nothing grandson of mine!"

Run for thine life.

Okay, you're starting to think that sticking around these three is a bad idea. But where can you run to?

> Run to Forest Land, maybe the dense woodland will make it hard for them to pursue you.

Run into Forrest Gump!

Why look! It's magical tongue, here to guide you on your journey!

> Take Legshark and head to Water Land.

Oh, hey! It's your trusty mount!



Time to move to a more advantageous position.



Preferably in a different country entirely.



Ha! They'll never catch you now!



...Or maybe they will.



"We're too heavy. It's slowing us down!"



"Both of you, get off my mech this instant! That's an order!"









"Dammit! Whoever I ordered to waterproof my mech is going to face the firing squad!"



Phew! That was close. But now you've gotten away.



Oh, whoops. You forgot about Water Land's roaming packs of vicious watermelons.



At least you didn't have to worry about them for too long.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

>Run to Sand Land again. This time keep moving, and try to get the sandworms after your foes.

You're sure Sand Land is the safest place to escape to!



As long as you keep moving, anyways!



Great! You're free now, nothing can stop you!



Oh, whoops. You forgot about Sand Land's roaming covens of fearsome Sand Witches.



You also forgot that sand lightning really, really hurts.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

> Run to Forest Land, maybe the dense woodland will make it hard for them to pursue you.

You decide that Forest Land is your best option!



With luck, you can use the thick cover provided by the trees to lose them...



Or maybe not?



Oh, whoops. You forgot about Forest Land's roaming... construction crews? Or something?



Yeah, you don't have the slightest clue what's going on.



Oh.



Okay, it doesn't really make sense in any way, but at least it's an explanation.



"TIMBER!"



Wow. That's a big tree.



Really heavy, too.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

> Trip

This is really bad.



Whoops! Should have watched where you were going.



Ow!



"Um, sir, where exactly are you taking me?"
"We're headed to your grandmother's house! Don't worry, kid, everything's going to be fine."

Oh, right. With all the fighting and running for your life and everything, you'd completely forgotten about that soldier escorting your younger self to your grandmother's cottage so she could steal the watch and ultimately become Glorious Leader.



"You there! Why are you still wandering around with my grandson? Shouldn't you have reached the cottage by now?"



"Uh, well, you see, Glorious Leader, there's a lot of snow and it all looks alike and I had to dodge some stray missiles and laser beams, and after a while I lost track of where I was..."



"No excuses! It's right over there, now get him back before he freezes to death!"
"Y-yes, Glorious Leader!"



"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find his good-for-nothing future self."
"S-sorry for wasting your time, Glorious Leader!"



"Come on, we need to move fast! Let me know if you see any incoming explosions, kid."



So, your pursuers have lost sight of you, at least for the moment. This may be your best chance to rescue your younger self and prevent your grandmother from becoming Glorious Leader in the first place!

Now you just need to figure out how you're going to do that.

Create n incoming explosion!

Construct a fake snow-house to trick him!

burrow through the snow to stay out of sight

Wait, wasn't... isn't that you leading your past self back to your house?

https://mspaforums.com/showthread.php?27...ost3743026

> disguise yourself as a snow man and follow them into the house

Ugh. You're covered in snow.



Wait a minute... That gives you an idea!



Using a clever disguise, you stay close to your quarry and wait for the right moment to strike.



They're at the house. You'd better move soon.



Okay, you just need to wait until their attention is elsewhere...



Perfect! Your grandmother's lectures should give you a chance to grab your younger self and escape.



Got him! But man, it's hot in here...



Whoops. Looks like you're all wet now.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

> Swim through the snow, keeping a low profile.

You decide to take advantage of your position to remain unseen.



"Oh, great. Look at this big mess. With my luck, I'm probably going to get orders to shovel it later."



Whoops! Looks like you've been discovered.



"Hey! You there! Who are you? What's the big idea?"

> People've been addressing you as 'Colonel' this entire time. Pull rank and command the soldier to release the past-you! Even if you aren't his Colonel, we've learned that the folks around here are not that bright.

Suddenly, something occurs to you. This guy is a private. Technically, you outrank him.



"I am Colonel Aureliano Buendia, and I order you to transfer the child to my custody!"



"A Colonel, you say?"



"Such a shame. According to Glorious Decree #17-Q, having the rank of Colonel is a crime, punishable by execution."



Oh. You wondered why your grandmother suddenly sent you that letter declaring you a Colonel. That makes more sense now.



Huh? What was that?

> Get rescued by the ghost of your dead brother from the first page.

"Hey! Quit picking on that guy! He's got the same name as my brother!"



Wait, his brother? Did you find the wrong younger self?



In fact, now that you think about it, this soldier doesn't look anything like the guy who was leading your brother away.



"Glad that's over with. That guy kept saying something about a watch, I don't know why. I don't have a watch. I think Aureliano got one for his birthday, though."



"So what are you waiting for? Let's get out of here! I don't want to go to Grandma's house, she's so boring."



Well, this is a problem. If this is your brother, then where's your younger self? And how are you going to rescue him?

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SpoilerHey DF I think part of the update isn't loading for me. I only see 1 death.

> Activate twiddly-stache powers.

Co-opt your brother into the great watch hunt! Does he know where your younger self might be?

Make some hilarious, 'what a drag' puns

> But if that wasn't your younger self, then WHO ARE YOU

>This is your younger self we're talking about. Maybe you can remember where he is/was.

If your past has been altered, maybe you can figure out your past self's location by trying to remember it.



You think back to what happened after a guard appeared out of nowhere and started escorting you to your grandmother's house.



There was an explosion, you remember that quite clearly.



So your escort decided that it was best not to go on foot.



Unfortunately, neither of you really knew much about driving.



Then you heard a weird noise, and got out to check.



And then you found that you'd run over some guy with a weird moustache and a shirt with crazy colors on it, who your brother was dragging around for some reason.



Oh, and while you were busy remembering that happening, it actually happened. Great job there.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

> Activate twiddly-stache powers.

The situation is desperate. Time to get serious.



TWIDDLY-STACHE POWERS, ACTIVATE!



This doesn't seem to be doing anything.



"What are you doing, mister?"

> Ask him if he's seen his brother lately. Best to be direct.

"Nothing! Say, have you seen me... uh, your brother around anywhere? If we're leaving, we should bring him too."



"Oh, yeah, I saw him get into that tank a while ago. He's probably still in there."

Well, great. Now you have to catch up to an out-of-control tank. How are you going to do that?

> Grab your magic wand from your inventory and make a sleigh.

Oh, hey! You still have your magic wand!



Maybe you can make yourself a vehicle.



That should work!



Now, move!



Oh. You're going to need something to pull this, aren't you.



And you've also drawn some unwanted attention by making this sleigh, too. That's just great.

So now what are you going to do?

HOLIDAY-THEMED DEATH MONTAGE
> give presents
> hire elves
> recruit mech and duck-judge to pull sleigh
> sing carols
> hide in a chimney
> give lecture on "true" meaning of festivities
> EGGNOG
> realize it's way past holiday time

Fucking hand out some goddamn gifts to needy orphans

ACTIVATE YOUR CHRISTMAS MAGIC!

Grow a huge white beard, too.

>Give them gifts!

Maybe you can calm your pursuers with a peace offering.



"Wait, everyone! Don't shoot! I've got presents for you!



They seem excited! Maybe this will work out after all.



"Wow! It's the Eliminator 10000! I've always wanted one of these! I can't wait to try it out!"



Too bad you didn't think to check what was in those presents first, huh?

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

> Santa disguises. Nothing could ever go wrong with that.

>Conjure up some reindeer along with santa costumes

ACTIVATE YOUR CHRISTMAS MAGIC!

Grow a huge white beard, too.

You decide to just go all-out with the holiday imagery.



Perfect! Now you can get this sleigh moving!



Go! Go!



Hmm. This isn't good, they're gaining on you. This sleigh must be a bit heavy for your reindeer.

> Throw the presents off the back of the sleigh, like you did with your caltrops.

So you decide to lighten the load a little, and maybe trip up your pursuers a bit.



It's working... mostly. Your grandmother's mech is still keeping up.



Whoa! What were you doing with that on board?



Direct hit! You totally planned it this way.



"Drat! That no-good grandson of mine knocked out the propulsion systems. At least the weapon systems still work."



"You there! Help me get into position so I can blast him!"



That's slowed them down. You could still use a bit more speed yourself, though.

>Your brother looks like he can pull a sleight

Hmm. It would mean less weight on the sleigh, and more help pulling it...



"I know that look, mister! That's the what-if-I-made-the-kid-pull-the-sleigh look!"



"But a simple application of formulae demonstrates that this is suboptimal. Let m2 be the mass I contribute to the load, and f2 be the force I could exert on the sleigh. Now, let m1 and f1 be the same variables, but in reference to you rather than myself. It is clear from our respective body sizes and a reasonable estimate of your strength that m1 is greater than m2 and f1 is greater than f2, and therefore our velocity will be increased more if you pull the sleigh rather than I."



You have no idea what he just said, but here you are.



Oh, and here's the tank you were trying to catch up to. You're almost there; but how will you actually get in?

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Spoiler
BONUS CONTENT!

(By the way, did we ever actually find out where Renata got the money to buy that publishing company? Stopping her might be as simple as preventing that from happening.)

Hey kids! It's time for ASK GLORIOUS LEADER! Today's question: Where did the Glorious Leader get all of her well-deserved fortune?



"Really, I thought you could figure this out on your own. But apparently I need to spell everything out for you. Kids today, honestly. Are they even teaching you anything in school these days?"



"What? Oh, right, the decree that schools may only teach how to praise the Glorious Leader. Yes, that was a good decree. Much more practical knowledge than the square of a hypotenuse."



"Regardless! Here is how I made the fortune that I used to become the Glorious Leader you all love, on penalty of execution if you don't."



"Steal a time travel watch, use it to gain knowledge of the future, travel back in time and get lots of money and invest it in a diverse portfolio. It's a very simple equation! Be sure to remember it, it's going to be on the test."



"Now go find out who asked that impertinent question so I can promote them to Colonel! I don't have time to be answering obvious questions like this, I have a country to rule with an iron fist!"



"That's all for Ask Glorious Leader this week. Be sure to keep sending in those questions, kids!"

FLYING LEAP!

Alternatively, present yourself in front of them.

It's a trick tank! Climb in through the barrel!

>Magic the snow into ice and slide into the tank.

Magic is clearly the answer to your problems once again!



With a wave of your wand, the snow transforms into ice.



Now you should be able to catch up!



Great, now you just have to figure out some way in...



Wait, you're not stopping.

It looks like your spell affected a lot more snow than you thought.



In fact, you seem to be sliding right out of the country.





Well, you finally stopped, but this place doesn't look too safe...



Yeah, it wasn't.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

Reindeer antlers can slice through tank armor right? Magic reindeer antlers?

It occurs to you that this reindeer could probably run quite fast if it weren't dragging a sleigh.



And its antlers are probably pretty strong, especially as it was created with magic.



Maybe even strong enough to break through a tank!



Or maybe not.



Wait, what's going on?



Oh. Looks like those magic reindeer antlers worked, just not quite in the way you expected.

>Politely knock on the hatch

Well, this should make it easier to get in.



You decide to start with the polite approach, and knock on the hatch.



Maybe that wasn't the best idea. You'd better look for another plan.

>Enter the tank through the chimney

It's a trick tank! Climb in through the barrel!

Well, there is a tradition of entering through chimneys...



It seems worth a shot.



Wow, this is a long chimney.



"Darn! All our ammo is chocolate!"



"Oh well, may as well load it anyways."



Man, there's just nothing to do in this tank. You'd almost rather be at Grandma's.



Oh, great, looks like they're about to fire. This could be a problem.

What are you going to do?

You're going to have to perform the world's most impressive feat of speed-eating.

Use your heat-vision to melt the chocolate before it can be fired!

Catch a ride on the most delicious bullet. Destination: ADVENTURE!