Post making contest 6.0

I copy-pasted my spreadsheet stuff into Google Sheets and it didn't entirely make through alive

but hey, give it a look-see if you like

I copy-pasted my spreadsheet stuff into Google Sheets and it didn't entirely make through alive

but hey, give it a look-see if you like

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at.

Kieros Sruix dog dog dog

dog...

Passes no rules!

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz0123456789~!@#$%^&*()_+`-=[]{}|[]\;':",./<>? dog

Passes rule 3

[[insert dog pic here]]

Passes rule 1b

Would you guys like a freaking hint with these five rules from hellthe apocalypse? This post was specifically designed to pass rule two AND I'M GOING TO KEEP THAT TRUE NO MATTER WHAT GO PAST ME FORGETTING THINGS

0w0

hey look at this wire dog

Passes no rules!

You know, we never got told what rules the opening post passed.

So, uh, give me a moment. Brace yourselves for impact, everyone.

Passes rules 2, 3, and 5

...dog's....

Passes no rules!

REVELATION TO KÍEROS - CHAPTER 6

[size=8]
¹As I watched, the fremp shitposted the first of the TWELVE lubrications in the Post Making Contest. Then I heard one of the five glitter texts say with a voice like g0m, ²I looked up and saw a white weird dog standing there. Its rider carried a golden .45 revolver, powered by dreams. shoots lightning, and a crown was placed on her head. She rode out to win many battles and gain the victory.
³When the fremp shitposted the second lubrication, I heard the second glitter text say, ⁴Then another weird dog appeared, a red one. Its rider was given a mighty keyblade and the authority to take peace from Eagle Time. And there was war and slaughter everywhere.
⁵When the fremp shitposted the third lubrication, I heard the third glitter text say, I looked up and saw a black weird dog, and its rider was holding an analytic balance in her hand. ⁶And I heard a voice from among the five glitter texts say, but not actually in glitter text because by golly is this a long quote, "A loaf of Wheat or three loaves of Sanji will cost today's top poster. And don't waste the sample text and Sruix's updates."
⁷When the fremp shitposted the fourth lubricaton, I heard the fourth glitter text say, ⁸I looked up and saw a weird dog whose color was pale green. Its rider was named Death, and her companion was Rules Hell. These two were given authority over one-fourth of Eagle Time, to kill with the rules and tricks and Swamped's rigorous updating schedule and robot kitties.
⁹When the fremp shitposted the fifth lubricaton, I heard the fifth glitter text say, ¹⁰I looked up and saw a rainbow text weird dog, and its rider was holding the true alphabet in her hands. She rode out to meme like none had ever memed before.
¹¹And then the fremp shitposted lubrication like seven more times with even worse stuff happening, but I was too distracted, because I had come up with rules for the Post Making Contest from the Five Weirddogswomen of the Rulespocalypse:

1. Conquest
   
2. War
   
3. Famine
   
4. Death
   
5. Memeing

[/size]

Wow, I sure suck at opening posts, because this failed all the rules.

fremp
lubrication
welcome to the space consortium
weird dogs
Sanji

Passes no rules!

This is update #274.

I'M POSTING THIS FROM MY LAPTOP!

End of message.

Passes rule 5

SpoilerShow

1543 weird gods

Passes rule 5, and for the first time this round, I actually had to check if rule 4 was passed. It wasn't, but still, congratulations on that.

This is update #274.

I'M POSTING THIS FROM MY LAPTOP POSTER!

End of message.

Passes rules 3 and 5

Did anyone try making a post yet?

Passes rules 3 and 5

Did anyone try making a post yet?

I didn't.

Passes rule 5

Hello, I'm a poster.

Dog.

Passes rules 1a and 5

This is update #275.

• Day 55: I have to come to terms with it - I need to buy nachos, put them on the menu, and develop enough familiarity with them to do the catering event that includes them. Welp.
  
• today will also mark the first day that I am going to play whilst listening to something other than the game's soundtrack (which is really good) or four people getting increasingly fed up with a spiralingly terrible game of Civ V
  
• (Be Svendsen's "Alchemie", to be precise)
  
• NACHOS ARE HARD
  
• WHY ARE THEIR ONIONS O WHEN THE PIZZA ONIONS ARE N
  
• THEY BOTH HAVE OLIVES AS V FOR GOODNESS SAKE
  
• Day 56: so I have a new toilet now and it looks pretty snazzy
  
• oh and Sam's off to pursue his art career at a local university good fucking luck mate
  
• I decided to take my mind off my misfortune by doing the smorgasbord catering event and uh it asked for 26 perfect orders and I managed 45, raking in $1125. Clearly I need to get dumped more often.
  
• I put pizza on the menu to practice for catering and did not take nachos off. I am doomed.
  
• FUCKING HELL WHY DOES THE TOILET MAKE THAT SOUND
  
• THAT IS A BLENDER NOISE
  
• WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY WASTE PRODUCTS PEPPER?
  
• AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
  
• x65 PIZZA I MEAN PERFECT COMBO
  
• THERE WAS A POINT DURING RUSH HOUR WHERE I WAS PREPARING SIX DIFFERENT PIZZAS SIMULTANEOUSLY I HAVE NEVER FELT SO CHALLENGED BY A VIDEO GAME
  

• I then proceeded to take a five minute break
  

• Day 57: okay I had not been paying attention if I want to get my stars in the minimal possible time I have to do all the catering events right now
  
• ...
  
• I did the burger and lasagne event as a warm-up and that was a precarious in prep station management (still, served 25 > 18 so I passed)
  
• then on to burgers and pizzas where I managed 27 > 15 (low goal because this may have supposed to have been the first event you did)
  
• I've just switched my listening to some lovely, gentle Pan•American. This says a lot.
  
• 35 PEOPLE GOT THEIR NACHOS AND ICE CREAM SERVED TO THEM IN PERFECT STYLE HELL YEAH
  
• right now I need to upgrade two more dishes with all this money I just earned and I'll be on course to go up a rank tomorrow
  
• I went for burgers and lasagne, the latter of which I am definitely never going to regret.
  
• BURGER ONIONS ARE O TOO WHAT THE HELL
  
• PSMCRPSMCRPSCR
  
• *incoherent screaming, perhaps concerning lasagne, though the details as hard to come by*
  
• I HAVE THREE STARS NOW
  
• THAT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE A BELT
  
• THEY WANT ME TO APPEAR ON TV *immediately closes that menu*
  
• Day 58: I am about to serve these new burgers for the first time. I do not even know what half of the new recipes are. This will be fine.
  
• would you believe that I did all the burgers perfectly and in fact the only thing I did muck up was inadvertently putting cheese on some guy's salad
  
• Day 59: a guy called Phil wants to date me for my nachos and uh no
  
• THIS WAS A BAD DAY TO HAVE MY FIRST EVER ROBBERY
  
• and yet somehow I drew a sufficiently decent likeness of the bugger to get him caught at the cost of only one burnt burger
  
• like 84/85 perfect orders is not half bad and I had 93% buzz come the evening - eek!
  
• Day 60: 104% IS NOT A LEGITIMATE PERCENTAGE OF BUZZ THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO OBTAIN
  
• also I had lasagne on the menu and from the start of lunchtime rush hour to closing time I did not stop preparing food oh my goodness
  
• I did not prepare a single order wrong: the problem was that I kept plating up the wrong ones whilst I was desperately searching the the lasagne-seeking customer who was just about to leave in a huff aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
  
• Day 61: "Your 96 perfect orders yesterday have caused +48% buzz today! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
  
• AND I JUST GOT A RANDOM EVENT GIVING ME A +10% BUZZ BOOST FOR THE DAY
  
• I mean the buzz from a new star has decayed now so I can't beat 104% but still when am I ever going to get a chance to try out some new foods at this rate
  
• Crazy Dave would like me to complete all my chores and get a x30 combo. That's almost sane.
  
• having said that the daily special is still gonna be beer
  
• x80 COMBO PERFECT DAY OKAY THERE WE GO I CAN STOP FOR THE NIGHT NOW
  

End of message.

Passes rules 3 and 5

TWELVE weird dogs

Passes rule 3

go on eagle time for puns

Passes rules 3 and 5

This is update #276.



I have a functioning laptop that has been running "smoothly" for about four hours.

Honest.

End of message.

Passes rule 5

buzz buzz. bee movie?

Passes rule 5

I mean, what do you use to post? It's in the name. Poster. Yeah.

Passes rules 1b, 3, and 5

If I could just figure out recursion or looping I could get this to work.

Passes rule 5

FULL RULE 1 PASS
hey look at this wire dog
hey look at this world dog

1B PASS AND NEARLY 1A TOO
hey look at this wyrd dog

1A PASS
Kieros needs to grade some posts.
I have a secret. Ask me yes or no questions about my secret.
For some reason I thought there was a ghost post.
hey look at these wheeled/wild dogs
hey look at this sphered dog
hey look at this geared dog
hey look at this engineered dog
hey look at this chandelier dog
hey look at this souvenir dog
hey look at this Lear dog
hey look at this gondolier dog
hey look at this tear dog
hey look at this sneering dog
hey look at this fear dog
hey look at this dogs 2 the sequel to dogs

1B PASS
dog
dog dog
dog god
dog star, rats god
names, names, names
I don't know how to pass these rules.
Excuse me, which way is the Post Baking Concert?
hey look at this weir dog
Hey, look at this ward dog.
hey look at this weredog
hey look at these war dogs
Hey, look at this word dog.
hey look at this wind dog
hey look at this weld dog
hey look at this welled dog
hey look at this wad dog
hey look at this wet dog
wat dog
Sruix, are they playing Civ 6 or Civ 5?

(note: only single line posts have been included, since they make up near-total majority of rule 1 passes)

Passes no rules!

eooaiio

Passes rules 3 and 5

hey look at this world dog

Passes rule 3

I copy-pasted my spreadsheet stuff into Google Sheets and it didn't entirely make through alive

but hey, give it a look-see if you like

Passes rules 3 and 5

I copy-pasted my spreadsheet stuff into Google Sheets and it didn't entirely make through alive

but hey, give it a look-see if you like

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at.

Passes rule 5

Kieros Sruix dog dog dog

Passes rule 3

I copy-pasted my spreadsheet stuff into Google Sheets and it didn't entirely make through alive

but hey, give it a look-see if you like

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at.

yeah whoops the fact that text colours did not get preserved meant the column headings were obliterated so uh

PPSSOR: old standard, tracking how many posts this player has made so far this round (so this one will be my 79th post)
PSSOR: just plain old "posts since start of round"
rule columns: 1 for pass, 0 for fail - I've always had them colour-coded to players but the lack of text colouration isn't helping
!!: for quick reference to posts that are interesting with regards to certain rules
COMMENT: this column either contains the post verbatim (no background), a comment on the post (orange background) or a verbatim dog post (purple background)
Rule 3 sheet: this was me checking my rule 3 theories by only recording rule 3 pass/fails for the seven most frequent posters (see Discord)

Ahhh, I see. Interesting that the only rule four pass is a blank post.

I was messing around with various ways of looping in Daoyu (")))#", "><"), and while I didn't find anything that gave me inspiration for my quine, I did come up with a much more efficient truth machine.

Code:

$$$; @ takes input
=(!*S)=(*S=S=S.............. @ if it's a zero, end the program
!:))))))))[[[[[[[[>< @ if it's a one, delete the first half of the TLP and loop
@ It was a lucky coincidence that the remaining "1000" left by the SPLITs happens to be a command that doesn't affect the program, otherwise I would have had to do more work. Possibly even deleting the SPLITs themselves.

b b b b b b b b...

I LOST COUNT AT ONE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY SOMETHING

he's speeding up

THE RECORDING HAS STOPPED! WHY HAS THE RECORDING STOPPED!? FUCK

THIS WAS THE PROBLEM IT STOPPED

That would be seven hundred sixty four times. Plus the 1260-ish previously

So I'm going to say b about five thousand times over the course of this evening. This is fine.

I told you the hardest part was not cracking up.

I accidentally pressed the 1 key for too long. Alright. Fine.

bee bee buh buh bee bee buh buh

I guess a52 would rather hear the letter a 52 times.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

say [bbbb] per note c' g e c g f e f e f g f f e e e e e f e f e d g f e d g f e d e f g g# g# g# g f eb b e g e d e g f e e e e e c g e d e c' g e g c' a g f e f e d e c' d' d' g' f' c' c' c#' c#' c#' c#' c' g e c c c' g e c c c c' g e c c c# c' g e e e e c' a f f c' g e e e g e c e f g e c d e g e c eb g e c d e g e c# e g g e e g g e c e g e c e g g# a g e c e e c e f a g e c e g e c# e g b g e d e a g e d d e g c' [decresc] g e d e g e c e g c' a f# d f# a f# d f# a d f# d a a x x g e a# f fb f f f f f f g f f f f f f x x f f e e e x x x d d d c c c g e e c c g g c' g e d d f f f eb db db g c c a a f f d d g g e e d e g e c e g f e e g f eb db g e d d e x x g e d e f g e d e e g e db db e g e d d e f g e d e f# a c' a f d g f eb db [decresc] e g e d e f# g e d e g a g f e e a g f e e g g a g f e e e g g c' c' g e c' g g d d e e a f e g e d d e c a g f eb g g f f e e e a a f f e e e c' c' c' c' d d e e g g a a g g e e e g g f f e d e a g f e g c' b b b a g f e e g f f e d d e e g g f f eb eb db db g f e d c' a g f a g f e c' b a gb gb [laugh] c' c' e' e' e' e' f' g' g' g'!

(some transcription errors obviously)

For the record, I'm responsible for this.

I HAVE MADE SOME QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS IN MY LIFE TIME

BUT THIS ONE JUST ABOUT TOOK THE MOTHERFUCKING CAKE AND RAMMED IT STRAIGHT DOWN MY THROAT

(warning: completely unedited, listen at your own risk)

(if anyone could actually listen to this through (there's only fourteen and a half minutes of b's you'll be fine) and keep count to verify that I didn't fuck up royally during one of the sections where my head went all funny with reverb and shit then that would be very much appreciated thank you and goodbye)

123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

I went some significant while in the PMC voice chat without saying a particular letter, one which I have decided is cursed as a result of my incantation. This moratorium was however cut short when, without thinking, I used a common speech pattern, involving a modifier synonymous with "extremely", at which point I may or may not have screamed. Out loud. The operative word there, you understand, is "loud".

Still, who knows - perhaps I'll have more luck keeping the exclusion in tact via the medium of text...

TIL this book is a thing: https://books.google.com/books?id=OaQyBg...&q&f=false

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

I just noticed the running theory for rule 3 in the spreadsheet. Jesus

IT'S THE unfortunate DOG, "NO FOOD DOG." QUOTE THIS POST TO STOP RECEIVING "any food." Thanks.