Order and Chaos

She was dead. And I was holding the gun.

Nobody would believe I hadn't done it. I wouldn't have believed I hadn't done it, if I hadn't seen the real killer with my own eyes.

Not that it made a difference. Even if I didn't look like a murder, no one would believe a story like that. What I saw - what I saw them do - that was nothing short of impossible.

And yet, it had happened.

I had to calm down. There was more at stake here than the matter of my innocence, my failure as a bodyguard, or the assassin's strange abilities. This was no random attack - she had been killed for a reason, and I knew all too well what that reason was.

The negotiations with her home country.

She might have lived here for most of her life, but she knew the language, the customs. She knew it better than anyone. She was our best chance at overcoming their resistance, at avoiding the war.

And I, assigned by the Crown to protect her, had murdered her in cold blood. My own apparent guilt was nothing compared to the ambassador's inevitable conclusion. It would indict our entire kingdom, and ruin whatever chance we had at peace.

In the immediate term, I had only one choice. I had to give myself up. There was a small chance that I could shoulder the blame alone, and spare my nation. My personal suffering was nothing if it could save our people from a long, bloody war.

And yet, whoever was behind this would no doubt consider that a minor setback. They would strike again, rendering my sacrifice futile. Whatever happened to me, I had to do what I could to ensure someone would pick up their trail.

The crowd had turned towards me after the gunshot. They feared what I would do next.

I thought very carefully about what I would say.

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SpoilerThis is a collaborative adventure between me and Chwoka. We'll be alternating updates.

"whoops, did any of you see that?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Aw, shit."

"It's his fault" you say as you point to another member of the council

"whoops, did any of you see that?"

"No," said the crowd, in unified chorus. "We're all blind, asshole!"

Of course! Everyone here but me is completely blind! I don't remember how that slipped my mind.

"So you didn't see anything?" I said, smiling. "See anything I did, at all?"

"No, of course not," they said. I must take a detour now to clarify, they're not any sort of sci-fi hivemind or anything, they just very agreed and happened to have good timing.

Two broke from the chorus they were in earlier and harmonized melodically from the front lines: "What the fuck do you think being blind is, idiot? However,"

"We damn sure heard everything!" the whole crowd finished.

Shit.

"It's his fault" you say as you point to another member of the council

A brief pause rippled through the crowd as they did the wave, sitting down and standing back up again with their arms raised.

"We can't see where you're pointing," they said, "because we're blind. Come on, you moron."

How did they even know I was pointing? I shook a few blind toddlers off my still-rigid pointing arm, disturbing their delicate human pyramid.

Suddenly, I remembered an old adage from my home country! In the land of the blind... I swiftly raised the gun to the side of my left eye socket and pulled the trigger before I had time for a second thought.

"Aw, shit."

Oh my gods, I didn't realize how much getting shot hurt. Why didn't anyone tell me? Why did I sign up as a bodyguard?! This is bad. In seconds, I'm on the ground, writhing around and clutching my bloody eye socket, screaming profanities to the heavens. As I cry, my left tear duct throbs, aggravating my bullet wound.

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm so sorry I shot myself in the eye. That was a bad idea. I wish I could undo it now."

"You made that sacrifice for me?" said the whole crowd. It's deafening. Between the roar of a community and gunshots ringing out inches from my ear... It'd suck if I lost my hearing in the land of the blind because of all this. "You didn't have to do that just 'cause I'M blind! I like you just the way you are! ...As a matter of fact, I..." the members of the crowd got choked up. They had something on their minds to say to me, and it's so difficult for them to get out that they fall out-of-sync when they all tell you that they're in love with you — some "madly", some "always have been," some "deeply." It's a cacophony of affection. What do I do?

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Spoiler
Edit: Fixed tenses and changed from second- to first-person.

"I... love you too"

NEED A DISPENSER HERE

> i despise you all. Except you, Timmy.

"I... love you too"

It was more than I could bear.

My one remaining eye filled with tears as I thought about all this nation had done for me. Though I was an orphan from a foreign land, they took me in as one of their own.

A more cynical man than I might have thought they only wanted me so that I could see for them. But I knew these people. To them, vision was no necessity. For generations, they had lived with blindness and learned to adapt. And yet, they never thought of me, with my gift of sight, as any different from a native son.

I could not help but express my gratitude. I told them that I loved them all, and how upset I was with myself. Not merely for failing them, but for not trusting them.

And so, I vowed to tell them everything, to swear that I had seen it with my own eyes, when I still had two.

I told them of the assassin who had appeared from nowhere, thrust a gun in my hands with impossible speed, and fired before I could even process what was happening. They vanished just as suddenly.

Now that I spoke of it, it seemed bizarre. Why did they go to such lengths to hide? No one could see them but myself and their victim. Were they somehow unaware of the mass blindness? Were they being excessively cautious?

But if they were being cautious, why did they allow me to see them? Did they think me blind, as well? Or did they not care, knowing my words would be dismissed as the ravings of a madman?

Whatever the reason, I agreed to surrender myself to the delegation once they arrived. I doubted they would show mercy, or believe my story, but I had no other choice.

I was given an eyepatch, and some salve to ease the pain in my wounded eye. Then all I could do was wait for the ambassador to arrive.

Before long, he did. I told him my story, though I knew he would not believe me. I told him I was turning myself over to his nation, that it was up to them to decide my fate. I begged him not to use this tragedy as cause for war.

He looked down towards me, and said...

> "I am going to break your elbows and use them as silverware to eat you alive. Can't juggle foreign relations on an empty stomach y'know"

For it was not known to her that as subjects to the king and the noble order, they were often subjects of food conversation.

"What shall we eat today?" The king wondered one day.

"Might I suggest Sir Mordiggan? I do think him a worthy candidate for our lord. Quite corpulent, too! His wife's recent death has left him morose, however, and that shan't be easy on His Highness' tastebuds. But we've no choice... there's been poor selection of our knights and squires lately. Last week's Bubonic Plague Buffet was ruinous!"

And on this day, the Ambassador missed Beggar Brisket Breakfast!

"Peace in our time."

"Ha! Of course I'm going to use this tragedy as an excuse for war... for I WAS THE ASSASSIN ALL ALONG!"

"Peace in our time."

I raised my head from the kneeled position I had been in to meet this magnanimous ambassador face-to-face. You Won't Believe What I Saw Next!

I was coming face-to-face with my own face, eyepatch and all. The ambassador looked exactly like me! No, more — I could feel it in my bones — the ambassador was me, and I was the ambassador. Not a duplicate, not a long-lost twin or clone or time-displaced version of myself; a superposition, we were simultaneously one and the same. The ambassador smiled and gently lifted my eyepatch. You'll Never Look At The Concept Of Self The Same Way Again After You See This — But You Won't Be Able To Stop Smiling, Either. Until You Watch What Happens Next!

"Ha! Of course I'm going to use this tragedy as an excuse for war... for I WAS THE ASSASSIN ALL ALONG!"

Cackling, I unsheathed the knife from my boot and stabbed my kneeling self in the brain through the raw eyehole in one swift motion. Now that the only witness to what I had done, me, had bitten the dust, I was off the hook scot-free! Free of Scots, I tell you! I didn't even have to do any extra work to make it look like a suicide, since that was exactly what it was!

I composed myself and locked the jail cell door from the outside, then started walking away while whistling and leaving the knife in my pathetic, poorly-dressed other self's eyehole. I had people to go, places to do, things to be! I passed the guard on the way out, who was blind like everyone else, it goes without saying. He peeked out from behind his newspaper.

"I love you!" he said. "Nice clothes, on a visual level, today, misses... mister...?"

Well, what was it that I was wearing that was so impressive anyway, other than the eyepatch? Was I a misses or a mister, or perhaps a miser and neither? What was my last name? How old was I? Hairstyle? Hair color? Eye color? Skin color? Favorite color? Height, in metric, imperial, and cubits? Was I heavyset or lithe? Wealthy or indigent? My shoes — heels, flats, arch support, full rollerskates or just wheels-in-the-heels? My nose — wide and tall, or thin and short? (Feel free to mix and match!) Any facial hair? Any body hair? How thick were my eyebrows, and was it a unibrow? Any rashes? Scars? Major disfigurements? Genetic diseases I didn't know about? Regular diseases, like the plague or the common cold? What did I do with my fingernails, did I chew them off, grow them out, or file them down, paint them? Did I do the same with my toenails? How much could I bench (in grams, pounds, and libra)? Was I wearing lipstick? What was my first name? Fill out this form:

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Spoiler
OUTFIT:
GENDER:
LAST NAME:
AGE:
HAIRSTYLE:
HAIR COLOR:
EYE COLOR:
SKIN COLOR:
FAVORITE COLOR:
HEIGHT:
BUILD:
MONEY:
SHOETYPE:
NOSESHAPE:
FACIAL HAIR:
BODY HAIR:
EYEBROWS:
RASHES:
SCARS:
DISFIGUREMENTS:
GENETIC DISEASES:
REGULAR DISEASES:
FINGERNAILS:
TOENAILS:
CAN BENCH:
LIPSTICK:
FIRST NAME:

here i'll start with a couple suggestions of my own :)

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Spoiler
OUTFIT: None.
GENDER: None.
LAST NAME: None.
AGE: 0.
HAIRSTYLE: None.
HAIR COLOR: None.
EYE COLOR: None.
SKIN COLOR: None.
FAVORITE COLOR: None.
HEIGHT: 0.
BUILD: None.
MONEY: None.
SHOETYPE: None.
NOSESHAPE: None.
FACIAL HAIR: None.
BODY HAIR: None.
EYEBROWS: None.
RASHES: None.
SCARS: None.
DISFIGUREMENTS: None.
GENETIC DISEASES: None.
REGULAR DISEASES: None.
FINGERNAILS: None.
TOENAILS: None.
CAN BENCH: 0.
LIPSTICK: None.
FIRST NAME: None.

OUTFIT: mailman uniform under full chainmail armor and over full platemail armor
GENDER: Male
LAST NAME: Malmel
AGE: 1 million years
HAIRSTYLE: mullet
HAIR COLOR: Malachite
EYE COLOR: Myrtle
SKIN COLOR: Vermilion
FAVORITE COLOR: Watermelon Red
HEIGHT: 1 mile
BUILD: like a mule
MONEY: maltese patacas
SHOETYPE: mules (that's a type of shoe too)
NOSESHAPE: malformed
FACIAL HAIR: milk mustache
BODY HAIR: moldy
EYEBROWS: multibrow
RASHES: a result of maladies
SCARS: manly scars
DISFIGUREMENTS: a lot of moles
GENETIC DISEASES: mcleod syndrome
REGULAR DISEASES: multiple schlerosis, melanoma
FINGERNAILS: more like fingermails am i right
TOENAILS: mole toenails to help with digging
CAN BENCH: mass
LIPSTICK: melted lipstick
FIRST NAME: Malcolm

OUTFIT: This one. Horse not included.
GENDER: Knight
LAST NAME: Vindictus
AGE: somewhere between 30 and 50.
HAIRSTYLE: Helmet hair.
HAIR COLOR: Indeterminate
EYE COLOR: Red, glowing.
SKIN COLOR: Below armour.
FAVORITE COLOR: Cantaloupe yellow.
HEIGHT: 5'2
BUILD: DPS.
MONEY: Give Me Your
SHOETYPE: Espadrille
NOSESHAPE: Flat
FACIAL HAIR: Yes.
BODY HAIR: Indeterminate
EYEBROWS: Yes.
RASHES: Chafing, due to armour.
SCARS: From battle.
DISFIGUREMENTS: None.
GENETIC DISEASES: Borderline ADHD
REGULAR DISEASES: Vitimin D Deficiency
FINGERNAILS: Yes.
TOENAILS: hot
CAN BENCH: 1 truck.
LIPSTICK: black
FIRST NAME: Konrad

No!!!

OUTFIT: You actually didn't bother getting out of your PJs today, since no one could see what you were wearing in this place
GENDER: Day
LAST NAME: fhqwhgads
AGE: How long have you been 19
HAIRSTYLE: Punk Rock
HAIR COLOR: Rock Punk
EYE COLOR: One Half, now. Burns like cigarettes.
SKIN COLOR: Opaque
FAVORITE COLOR: Goddamn it Mitch
HEIGHT: Mortal
BUILD: Bird
MONEY: Unlimited Credit
SHOETYPE: Also Bird
NOSESHAPE: you broke it with that gunshot, or at least a bruise
FACIAL HAIR: Eyebrows, eyelashes
BODY HAIR: The usual suspects
EYEBROWS: Tweezed
RASHES: Powdered
SCARS: Stitched
DISFIGUREMENTS: At least two bodies, one of whom is now deceased
GENETIC DISEASES: Quantum Entanglement
REGULAR DISEASES: A bit anemic
FINGERNAILS: Shine like justice
TOENAILS: Raptor clawed
CAN BENCH: Like, half a horse
LIPSTICK: Raspberry Flavored Chapstick
FIRST NAME: Karen

OUTFIT: Urban Explorer Jumpsuit
GENDER: Male
LAST NAME: Fujimoto
AGE: Actually an Adult
HAIRSTYLE: Anime (Short)
HAIR COLOR: Black
EYE COLOR: Exasperated
SKIN COLOR: Pale
FAVORITE COLOR: Red
HEIGHT: Not Short
BUILD: Slinky
MONEY: 3500 Nuyen
SHOETYPE: Parkouring
NOSESHAPE: Unremarkable
FACIAL HAIR: 5 O'clock Shadow
BODY HAIR: Not Much
EYEBROWS: Bushy
RASHES: Indubitably (POOR SELF CONTROL)
SCARS: Surgical (Thanks Pete November)
DISFIGUREMENTS: Too Anime For That
GENETIC DISEASES: Don't Mesh With His Implants
REGULAR DISEASES: Don't Mess With His Implants
FINGERNAILS: Clean While Not Hack+Slashing
TOENAILS: Nothing To See Here
CAN BENCH: 285 Kilograms
LIPSTICK: N/A
FIRST NAME: Kazuki

OUTFIT: Fifteen black rugby jerseys and assorted paraphernalia
GENDER: Malex15
LAST NAME: Woodcock, Mealamu, Franks, Thorn, Whitelock, Kaino, McCaw, Read, Weepu, Cruden, Kahui, Nonu, Smith, Jane, Dagg
AGE: 471, cumulatively
HAIRSTYLE: Mostly Short
HAIR COLOR: Mostly dark brown
EYE COLOR: 30
SKIN COLOR: Predominantly white
FAVORITE COLOR: Black
HEIGHT: Imposing
BUILD: SPORTS
MONEY: Yes
SHOETYPE: Cleats
NOSESHAPE: x15
FACIAL HAIR: A smattering
BODY HAIR: Oooooooh yeah
EYEBROWS: Sweat-catching
RASHES: Carrot Ankle
SCARS: Universal healthcare
DISFIGUREMENTS: None notable
GENETIC DISEASES: PATRIOTISM
REGULAR DISEASES: Concussions, sprains, muscular overuse
FINGERNAILS: Trimmed
TOENAILS: Broad
CAN BENCH: Nonu, in the 76th
LIPSTICK: A bit of anti-chappage for the chaps
FIRST NAME: Aaron, Brad, Conrad, Cory, Israel, Jerome, Keven, Kieran, Ma'a, Owen, Piri, Richard, Richie, Sam, and Tony

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Spoiler

OUTFIT: This one. Horse not included.
GENDER: Male
LAST NAME: Vindictus
AGE: How long have you been 19
HAIR COLOR: Black
EYE COLOR: Red, glowing; Myrtle
SKIN COLOR: Pale
FAVORITE COLOR: Red
HEIGHT: Not Short
BUILD: Slinky
MONEY: Unlimited Credit
SHOETYPE: Parkouring
NOSESHAPE: Unremarkable
FACIAL HAIR: 5 O'clock Shadow
BODY HAIR: Not Much
EYEBROWS: multibrow
RASHES: Chafing, due to armour.
SCARS: From battle.
DISFIGUREMENTS: a lot of moles
GENETIC DISEASES: Borderline ADHD
REGULAR DISEASES: A bit anemic
FINGERNAILS: Clean While Not Hack+Slashing
TOENAILS: Raptor clawed
CAN BENCH: Like, half a horse
LIPSTICK: Raspberry Flavored Chapstick
FIRST NAME: Malcolm

At last, I had dealt with my other self, the real price for my cooperation in this scheme. I could, once the other details were dealt with, be Malcom Vindictus, secure in the knowledge that no one else was me.

The eyepatch my fool self had acquired since I had last seen him was an interesting cosmetic addition to my ensemble. It went well with my dark armor, and even covered up the glow in my left eye.

Not that it mattered much, of course. No one had ever seen my other self, save the woman I had already murdered. Still, it was better not to draw attention.

The only problem now was that, having achieved my main personal goal, I was bored. The other players in this little game were the ones who would have to move now; my role was done. But I was never the sort to sit back and wait. My feet always yearned to take me somewhere, and if anything, the new shoes I'd been given had only enhanced that feeling.

And, indeed, I could go anywhere I desired. But my employers insisted I remain in this kingdom until their plans were secure. Just in case, they had said.

I had little care for their concerns now that I had what I truly wanted, but they would make inconvenient enemies. And so I was left with a choice to consider. Should I remain here, gradually boring myself to death, and ensure all else went according to plan? Or should I pursue my own desires and leave, incurring the wrath of my employers?

Pursue your own desires and leave... not physically... but with your mind! Go to the local Virtual Reality Theatre and have some fun. What's the best of both worlds? A third, virtual world!!!!

Stay here and create your own entertainment: The blind leading the blind into various amusing (to you) and horrific (for them) traps!

You should learn an instrument.