ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Because you accidentally gave yourself the idea to do it when you were testing out this thing.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> To destabilize the Sun Economy of course.

Oh, yes, that's right. The actions of a now-shamed national sun hero with no official role in any government will have a huge effect on the sun economy...

Wait, no they won't. Why do you even want to destabilize the sun economy anyways?

> You're trying to get him to send you sun hamburger buns.
> You really want sun food.

Oh, right, if the sun economy is destabilized you'll be able to afford sun food much more easily. That's why. So clearly...

Wait a minute, why would you even want sun food in the first place? That stuff's disgusting. Why was this your plan, again?

To get them to shine light on the dark side of the moon so you can FINALLY see what's going on over there

Oh, of course. You don't want to eat the sun food, you want to take it over to the dark side of the moon, because the sun will want the delicious sun food, and will send rays of light to pick it up, so you can see...

Wait, no, that doesn't make sense either, that isn't how the sun or sun food works, and wouldn't it be easier to just invent a high-powered flashlight to explore the dark side? Seriously, why are you getting all these terrible ideas?

Because you accidentally gave yourself the idea to do it when you were testing out this thing.

Oh, that's right. You accidentally pointed the bad idea machine at yourself in the testing phase, that's why you have all these bad ideas. So you don't actually have any good reason to be sending these bad ideas at Sun Lance Armstrong after all. You should probably shut the beam off before things get any worse.

Oh, wait. The accident happened before you installed the off switch, so you decided not to install it after all. So now what are you going to do with this machine that generates bad ideas?

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Point towards the Earth, it's where all matter falls to anyway, what harm will some Travosh Device rays do?
> Point towards the Earth, it's where all matter falls to anyway, what harm will some Bad Idea rays do?
> Blow up the devicer. I need more air.
> Desutroy the machine.

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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> Point towards the Earth, it's where all matter falls to anyway, what harm will some Travosh Device rays do?
> Point towards the Earth, it's where all matter falls to anyway, what harm will some Bad Idea rays do?

Point it towards Canada in particular, maybe you can give people bad ideas for webcomics and/or webcomic-derived audience-participation-based entertainment vectors.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> If you ruin Sun France's economy, they won't have enough money to produce expensive sun food. If there's no more sun food being made, the sun food that already exists will be worth more money. If you get some sun food now, you'll be able to sell it after the crash.

Originally posted on MSPA by Agent1022.

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You're an undercover sun nun.

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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point it at some random spot in space where it wont do any damage to anyone important

point it at the shitty planet

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Point it towards Canada in particular, maybe you can give people bad ideas for webcomics and/or webcomic-derived audience-participation-based entertainment vectors.

You decide to point the bad idea ray down at Earth. Specifically, Canada. More specifically, Edmonton. Whoever it hits down there can't be doing anything important, so who cares if they screw it up.

You are now a guy at a computer in Edmonton. You just had an idea for an adventure.

You think you'll call it ZooStuck.

You are the guy with the bad idea ray again. You have this sudden feeling that you have brought something terrifying into being, and you'd better point the device somewhere else before it gets any worse.

point it at some random spot in space where it wont do any damage to anyone important

point it at the shitty planet

You just point the ray out into space. According to your calculations, there should be no planets in the range of your beam, and any spaceships that happen to pass through won't have enough gravity to attract a significant level of bad idea radiation or whatever the hell this beam is made of. You're pretty sure that's how the physics works.

Well, maybe if there was a spaceship the size of a planet flying through there it would draw in the bad ideas. But what are the odds of that happening?

You are now that four-armed, three-legged lizard alien again and you have finally gotten your space helmet. Finally! You shove it over your head. Your ears are now clear of that stench, and you can barely even hear the emissions any more.

You also can't see a thing because you suddenly decided to put the helmet on backwards. You aren't entirely sure why.

You're an undercover sun nun.

You are now an undercover sun nun on a spaceship planet populated by four-armed, three-legged lizardpeople. It was difficult to get on board, but once you did everything went smoothly. Nobody saw through your clever disguise at all.

(Your clever disguise is a sign that says "I AM A FOUR-ARMED THREE-LEGGED LIZARDPERSON".)

What's your mission here, again?

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Acquire the ancient recipe for Sun Paella so that Sun Spain can finally unseat Sun France as the Sun culinary Sun capital of the Sun.

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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to spread the good sun word about the sun son of sun god

to order a pizza

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> To Ensure that a new universe is created, by sabotaging their attempts to stop the planet-ship from scanning the game.
>> Assuming their fore sight doesn't do them in, I mean seriously, There's probably a mechanism that speeds up all scanning when the clock is tampered with.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> To light a cigarette.
> You were in the firing range of that beam.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Acquire the ancient recipe for Sun Paella so that Sun Spain can finally unseat Sun France as the Sun culinary Sun capital of the Sun.

You can't see how coming here would help with such a sun mission at all. These aliens are so uncivilized that they barely put the word Sun before any of their sun nouns! If they had a recipe, it would be for Paella without the Sun part. And that just wouldn't be right.

to order a pizza

On the other hand, sun rumors suggest that the pizzas here are the best in the universe, even better than any sun pizza. This is, of course, nonsense; sun pizza is the best, being from the sun, which is the best place. Naturally, as a matter of sun pride, you need to acquire one and bring it back so that sun scientists can rigorously prove its inferiority to sun pizzas.

The problem is, you haven't been able to figure out how to order a pizza. You found advertisements for a pizza place, but you don't understand either the address or the global communications system number, so you have no idea how to get there or contact them.

> To Ensure that a new universe is created, by sabotaging their attempts to stop the planet-ship from scanning the game.
>> Assuming their fore sight doesn't do them in, I mean seriously, There's probably a mechanism that speeds up all scanning when the clock is tampered with.

Oh, and there was also something about dooming their civilization by getting them to play some game. You didn't poke too hard into the details of why you were doing this, your sun job isn't to ask sun questions. But you and your fellow undercover sun nuns already dropped off the packages this morning, so you figure that will take care of itself sooner or later.

The only thing is, it's probably going to be really hard to get ahold of a pizza in a doomed civilization. So you should probably get on that before the doom actually starts.

What's the plan?

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Ask one of these guys for a pizza.
> Accidentally ask them for a sun-pizza. Facepalm.

Originally posted on MSPA by Chwoka.

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go to the food court

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Ask one of these guys for a pizza.
> Accidentally ask them for a sun-pizza. Facepalm.

You decide to ask one of the locals for help. You ask where you might go for a sun pizza.
Oops. You meant pizza. Yes, you definitely said pizza, you are not from the sun, you just want a pizza, preferably before civilization is doomed.

Wait, who are those guys coming over here?

And where are they taking you?

go to the food court

You have been taken away to the Food Court. You stand accused of asking for a food substance that is not produced on this planet-ship and is not even recognized by the global computer system.

This could be a problem. They haven't actually seen through your disguise, but being jailed generally isn't conducive to completing undercover missions.

Also, this courtroom reeks. Ugh. Have these lizard-aliens never heard of sun ventilation?

You are now the prosecutor. You are also an undercover sun nun. You believe the defendant may be another undercover sun nun, but you aren't sure. Still, you want to avoid a conviction, just in case.

So how are you going to lose this case?

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> "How do you plead, sonny?"
> Examine the expression on the defendant's face.

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Prosecute them for the wrong thing.

Originally posted on MSPA by Xindaris.

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>Spout gibberish instead of actually giving any speeches whatsoever. Act as if you believe your gibberish is real words, and act annoyed at anyone who makes it clear they can't understand you.

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Work a sun verse from The Sun Bible into your speech, one of the less blatantly from The Sun Bible ones

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Prosecute them for the wrong thing.

Perfect! If you prosecute them for the wrong crime, that's sure to make the trial go smoothly.

You promptly accuse them of conspiracy to distribute a game that will doom civilization and being a spy for the sun of a distant star system.

Wait, they look really nervous, not relieved... oh, whoops. You may have just accidentally accused them of a worse crime that they actually committed. That might help your case.

"What does any of that have to do with food?" the judge asks.

Oh! Here's your chance. If you make a really terrible argument, maybe you can get the case thrown out of food court!

>Spout gibberish instead of actually giving any speeches whatsoever. Act as if you believe your gibberish is real words, and act annoyed at anyone who makes it clear they can't understand you.

You start spouting total nonsense. Surely nobody will be swayed by these words that aren't real at all!

Unfortunately, you forgot about your sun universal translator. It automatically translates your nonsensical words, which coincidentally happen to match an obscure galactic language, into an incredible speech about how heinous this crime is and how it totally relates to food because destroying civilization would mean no more pizza.

"Well, I'm convinced," the judge says. "No need to hear from anyone else, the defendant is clearly guilty. Three hundred years in solitary confinement!"

Well, that didn't work out very well. The undercover sun nun agency isn't going to be very happy about this.

You are now the owner of the only pizza place on this planet-ship. The only jail on this planet-ship is right across from you, and it looks like they're locking someone up. Not that this has any impact on you whatsoever.

No, your mind is on a much more important question: what kind of pizza should you make?

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Chocolate sauce, ricotta cheese, peanuts, chocolate chips and whipped cream all atop a graham-cracker crust.

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Ask the recently incarcerated for ideas, like usual.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Chocolate sauce, ricotta cheese, peanuts, chocolate chips and whipped cream all atop a graham-cracker crust.

What kind of ridiculous idea is that? It's like the sort of bad idea that someone on a distant moon might be beaming into your head.

Why would you even keep ricotta cheese in stock? The very idea is ridiculous.

Suddenly, you get a call asking for that exact pizza. This does not strike you as a strange coincidence in the slightest. You inform the caller that their pizza will be ready in twenty minute-cycles.

You then hang up, although you clumsily leave the global communication system interaction device off the hook without noticing. It looks like you'll have to find some ricotta cheese after all.

But this pizza won't be your masterpiece. You still need to figure out what that is.

> Ask the recently incarcerated for ideas, like usual.

You consider polling the prison population to help you determine the ultimate pizza, but promptly reject the idea as absurd; they're mostly in there for food crimes, after all. They clearly have no sense of taste.

Of course, nobody else will hang around you long enough to answer your questions. They treat you as an outcast just because you have a fourth leg. Even making the best pizzas on the planet-ship - well, okay, they're the only pizzas on the planet-ship, but they're still pretty damn good - hasn't improved your social standing.

After some reflection, you decide to quiz a prisoner anyways and find out what they think the worst pizza would be. Because of their horrible sense of taste, clearly that will be the best. This plan is flawless!

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord again. Man, this has been the most boring birthday. You haven't even seen your dad at all to ask him about your name.

At least he left you some money to order a pizza. You got a flyer in the mail for a place with "The Best Pizza In The Universe!", and it says they'll deliver any kind of pizza you want. So you ordered a pizza with chocolate sauce, ricotta cheese, peanuts, chocolate chips and whipped cream all atop a graham-cracker crust, mostly as a joke. They said it would arrive in twenty minutes, and hung up before you could make another order. Then the line was busy when you tried calling again, and then you got bored of trying to call them back.

Anyways, that was half an hour ago and your pizza still isn't here. You gave up on wondering what the holdup was because that was boring, and now you're just trying to find something to do until it arrives.

So what are you going to do?

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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Sleep.