Hebrews 10:31

Activities when stuck on a party boat illegally traversing the Pacific: assemble a kickass playlist

Tell them there is nothing to fear; everyone's crazy

Watch out for Tone Abet. He's out to stop ALL the boats.

Entry something or other, March the whatevereth.

Man guys this party was such a great idea I love you all so much. Like an omnipotent god being can love his minions. Like how how cats love. If you've ever owned one you know what I'm talking about. Probably if you don't too.

Oh right and we landed. Japan's countless defence forces are in disarray.

There's a pretty decent tempura place near the Shibuya Scramble Crossing, as soon as you're back in wi-fi signal I can send you a pin.

Also fiefdom-wise, I was thinking like the Moon, but terraformed into a massive wildlife sanctuary. Just in case there was a miscommunication about what I was expecting.

I'll give you all moons, and man I could kill for some good tempura sign me up.

Activities when stuck on a party boat illegally traversing the Pacific: assemble a kickass playlist

Done and done. I tasked two party minions to do it. One came back with the soundtrack to the Kickass movies and another still is trying to assemble every single kickass song. Apparently we didn't give them good instructions but what the hell.

Tell them there is nothing to fear; everyone's crazy

Everything is beautiful and that's what they all believe. The leftover drug burgers helped too.

Watch out for Tone Abet. He's out to stop ALL the boats.

I'm sure there's nothing to-

I stand corrected he's arriving just now with the Australian navy. As if dealing with the Japanese kaiju squad and their German totally not Gundam giant robots weren't enough to ruin my buzz. He's not sure what to do though since the Iroquois is currently docked. Schazer I'm going to find that tempura and then get moving. Where's that necromancy spell anyways?

In your other pants

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Entry thirty-three, March 22, 2015.

In your other pants

Which I left


I did not, but as you know yesterday was the day the stars came into alignment and I was granted full use of my powers for a month's time. I quickly flew over and grabbed it, and spent a good chunk of yesterday checking every single snow pile in Hokkaido (I wish you had been more specific).

Schazer, I've left the Portfolio where you specified and am now retreating across southern Japan, Iroquois in hand (I couldn't just leave it behind after all). Tone Abet considers this as the boat being stoppable again and is helping chase me down. You had better be quick.

Excellent.
Holy shit I can't believe you fell for that
I'll be at your side as soon as I take care of some business.
Minister of Strategic Lies? It never occurred to you?

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Try finding some cultists. Maybe the ancient buddhists of this area also managed to incorporate some dark majiks in their art?

Here is a reference picture if you're looking for hot cultists in your area

SpoilerShow

Idk, buddha + illuminati??????

Icebergs.

Entry thirty-four, March 23, 2015.

Excellent.
Holy shit I can't believe you fell for that
I'll be at your side as soon as I take care of some business.
Minister of Strategic Lies? It never occurred to you?

Holy shit I can't believe you admitted everything in an easy to find quotable manner.
Excellent I await your promised forces. Let me know how it goes once you've picked up the portfolio.


Yeah I did, what do I do with it now?

Try finding some cultists. Maybe the ancient buddhists of this area also managed to incorporate some dark majiks in their art?

Here is a reference picture if you're looking for hot cultists in your area

SpoilerShow

Idk, buddha + illuminati??????

Are they along the south Japanese coast? I just cannot shake Abet and Japan's robot legions so until Schazer pulls through or I destroy all of them.

Icebergs.

Okay where would I get them and how would - oh fuck son of a

------

Annendum: Uh, hi. This is Steve, and our magnanimous and glorious leader has just slammed straight into an iceberg. He's, well, he's tasked me to his blog thing while he dislodges himself. As if these voodoo powers and the rampant night demons because of it wasn't enough. He'll also probably have to deal with what gundams and Australians get to us before he does so too. He's asked me to promote AgentBlue to Vizier of Summoning Random Crap, and ask 'what the shit I'm supposed to do with this thing'. I'll also be giving him what instructions you might send in and we're in a pretty bad place so they'd be appreciated.

Agen! Summon me! ~◕ w◕~

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Dispatch to the desk of Former Emperor-to-be Of Wider Existence, Pala "Got Your Goat" Medes:
There's no point keeping up a facade when you've lost all need for it, no?
The Portfolio is very much to my liking, my utmost gratitudes and platitudes for your personally safely delivering it to my shores. Doubtless, your assorted hoovéd appendages couldn't quite grasp what power it holds, but for lack of any other redeeming features you've at least got resourcefulness on your side. Thus, I've every bit of faith you'll get yourself out of your latest pickle and make an excellent beacon of paranoia and hysteria to distract my constituency-to-be. A scapegoat, if you would.
Just tell yourself it clicked five minutes before you read that.
I must here regretfully request termination of my employment as your Minister of Strategic Lies, as I am seeking a more lucrative position in the new world order I shall be establishing. This announcement may inconvenience you, tied up as you are in processing the resignation of several others among your "trusted" advisors, but again. I'm certain you'll be just fine.
Serendipity, or whatever. Beats a pity party, no?
As a precaution/warm-up/spin it whichever way you like, I mean that's what I'm doing with everything save the fundamental laws of reality these days - you've got an escort to our meeting* in Kyushu. Gunzel Druids, wielding state-of-the-art maglev railguns and high-calibre Bullet Trains.

I'd offer one last hint - steer clear of any news outlets, rumors, liveblogs, or basically anyone using language to try and explain the state of the world to you. Wielding the Portfolio seems to have this funny effect of smoothing over on-the-surface mistakes in the grand scheme of things like, say, unruly livestock where they shouldn't be. You'reIt's no big deal, though.

"Sincerely",
pffffffffffffffffbt
Chancellor of the Doubled Tongues and Archminister of Strategic Lies
Schazer "Schazardous" Goatarcher


*Appropriate business attire would be appreciated, though given your current position I'd understand if you're hard-pressed to find the correct kit. Shackles or other restraints would be great, actually I hired a guy recently who's into that kind of thing. Swing by Osaka on the way down if you would, ask after Chief Battleologist Sai.

Agen! Summon me! ~◕ w◕~

Okay

Dispatch to the desk of Former Emperor-to-be Of Wider Existence, Pala "Got Your Goat" Medes:
There's no point keeping up a facade when you've lost all need for it, no?
The Portfolio is very much to my liking, my utmost gratitudes and platitudes for your personally safely delivering it to my shores. Doubtless, your assorted hoovéd appendages couldn't quite grasp what power it holds, but for lack of any other redeeming features you've at least got resourcefulness on your side. Thus, I've every bit of faith you'll get yourself out of your latest pickle and make an excellent beacon of paranoia and hysteria to distract my constituency-to-be. A scapegoat, if you would.
Just tell yourself it clicked five minutes before you read that.
I must here regretfully request termination of my employment as your Minister of Strategic Lies, as I am seeking a more lucrative position in the new world order I shall be establishing. This announcement may inconvenience you, tied up as you are in processing the resignation of several others among your "trusted" advisors, but again. I'm certain you'll be just fine.
Serendipity, or whatever. Beats a pity party, no?
As a precaution/warm-up/spin it whichever way you like, I mean that's what I'm doing with everything save the fundamental laws of reality these days - you've got an escort to our meeting* in Kyushu. Gunzel Druids, wielding state-of-the-art maglev railguns and high-calibre Bullet Trains.

I'd offer one last hint - steer clear of any news outlets, rumors, liveblogs, or basically anyone using language to try and explain the state of the world to you. Wielding the Portfolio seems to have this funny effect of smoothing over on-the-surface mistakes in the grand scheme of things like, say, unruly livestock where they shouldn't be. You'reIt's no big deal, though.

"Sincerely",
pffffffffffffffffbt
Chancellor of the Doubled Tongues and Archminister of Strategic Lies
Schazer "Schazardous" Goatarcher


*Appropriate business attire would be appreciated, though given your current position I'd understand if you're hard-pressed to find the correct kit. Shackles or other restraints would be great, actually I hired a guy recently who's into that kind of thing. Swing by Osaka on the way down if you would, ask after Chief Battleologist Sai.

Like we didn't see this coming.

---

In the wake of recent events, I would like to respectfully decline the promotion to Vizier of Summoning Random Crap and instead opt into a third-party summoning-for-hire independent party, with Deputy Summonercenary Whimbrel at my side.

Are they along the south Japanese coast? I just cannot shake Abet and Japan's robot legions so until Schazer pulls through or I destroy all of them.

Yes, but they also have chapters in Mars, where they think they are in a better position to achieve ungodly enlightenment. Also it looks like Schazer isn't pulling through. Clobber'em.

Aye aye Mortal Vessal To This Plane Agen!

Entry thirty-five, March 24, 2015.

This is Steve again. I won't lie to you guys things are bad. After berating me for my inappropriate handling of his blog (also apparently its not a blog but let's be honest and call a spade a spade) Palamedes shoved this random folder into my hand and told me to hide. Abandoned by Agen and betrayed by Schazer, him, Hungry Jack, and most of his army have been escorted inland by the forces of the traitor. The weirdest thing though is that he was laughing the whole time. Even Jack seemed unnerved and honestly that guy is scary levels of unflappable.

All that's left now is me, the body of the original Palamedes, and a couple confused partiers. I've gotten in touch with the Ghostbusters back home and they're trying to muster what forces they can. Couldn't reach BK/TH though, for some reason.


Will this work even without the original? I'll give it a try, since I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Schazer realizes she missed me (or reads this, honestly why the hell is Palamedes making me do this). You've also been guaranteed a place of honour as one who stood with us in this time of difficulty, as well as an automatic promotion to Vizier of Loyalty.

On a related note are you sure we won't run into any problems with this? I've seen a lot of movies and having duplicates generally seems like a recipe for paradoxes or some other world-ending shit.

Yes, but they also have chapters in Mars, where they think they are in a better position to achieve ungodly enlightenment. Also it looks like Schazer isn't pulling through. Clobber'em.

Much like you've been given an automatic promotion to General of Not Being a Treacherous Dick. I gave Palamedes this message before he was led away and he briefly stopped chuckling to say 'soon, soon' and a telepathic message to find the monks. There's this temple up ahead, and I'll drag the bosses' body there and see if we're in luck.

Uh, Schazer, are you sure that's the real Portfolio of Strategic Lies?

I mean, yeah, Pala said he didn't know how to use its full powers or something like that, but it just occurred to me those might have been strategic lies.

I think I know what's going on here. The Portfolio of Strategic Lies had been strategically placed, not so that Palamedes would find it, but so Schazer would find it. Schazer has clearly taken a gander at its dark secrets, and is being possessed with a spirit of equivocation...... Palamedes would have been able to resist its promise of great power during the time that his own powers were in sync. A member of the council has been compromised!

I read about this before, all we have to do is make Schazer smoke as much dope as possible until she starts telling the truth.

Hey Agen, until we get a paying assignment I'ma go hang with my pal The North Wind. See what they're doing these days, yknow? :)

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How dare you Whim, you know my issues with The North Wind. You will face an even greater punishment than those siding with the traitor Schazer (forever now dubbed Traizer). Could I offer you two a lordship or several for your service instead? Traizer's lordships, even.
Steve did you even look at what I gave you?
Oh right and decent job so far Steve, but just fucking revive me.2. I forgot I have a phone on me so I can see what's going on even during my captivity. That said updating via phone is a pain and they might confiscate it if I use it too much so I'm counting on you to actually keep things going. Oh right, I swear to me that if you call my war journal a blog one more time I'll end you.

Hey hey hey. My loyalty is bought, not earned. What do you think we've been doing all this time? Don't go throwing about accusations of abandonment until you start looking like you can pay up, capiche?

Until then, why don't we summon up the South Wind, as a gesture of good faith? Get some snowstorms going for cover. Plus, I'm kind of hoping for a tornado.

:3