Hiccups (Text) - COMPLETED!

> Use your drool to lubricate your arm to allow easier extraction from your mouth.

> Suffocate. Ghost can't have hiccups!

Pull harder. Duh.

Well, you may as well try.

OH GOD AGH IT'S STUCK IN THERE SO HARD THIS IS SO PAINFUL BLARGH

This doesn't seem to be working HICCUP oh god there you go, it's loose now.

You look at what's in your hand... it's a gnome? What? Is there really a Hiccup Gnome in your throat? You begin ask the gnome if that's what he was doing, but you start hiccuping partway through.

"Those are some bad hiccups ya got there," the gnome says. "No wonder I couldn't sleep at night! Oh, and, uh, sorry 'bout being inside yer throat. It was kind of an accident. Long story, not gonna get into it."

He pauses, then after a few more hiccups, he speaks up again.

"Say, there's a cure I heard about, you might wanna try it..."

You can cure hiccups with a kiss.

Mountain climber's right there. Just sayin'.

"A kiss!" the gnome says. "That could help. I'm too little for it, but maybe that guy can help ya out?"

The mountain climber looks a bit nervous.

"But we only just met! Do I have to?"

"Look, pal, it's just one kiss. Not like you have to marry him."

The mountain climber grumbles. "Well... I guess..."

He leans in and kisses you quickly. You hiccup partway through.

"Didn't work," he says. "Um, sorry."

You can only hiccup in response. He's a good kisser.

> Use your drool to lubricate your arm to allow easier extraction from your mouth.

Disoriented from the kiss, you start drooling over your arm. When the mountain climber asks why, you quickly claim - between your hiccups - that it's to lubricate it so it will come out of your throat more easily if it gets stuck down there again.

"Won't it dry up before that?" he asks.

You stop quickly. This is so embarrassing.

> Suffocate. Ghost can't have hiccups!

You aren't that desperate yet! Besides, you still have this herd of giant demonic cattle to deal with.

>Reach down your throat again. Maybe there's something you can use.

Steer cattle towards the great volcano known as Beelzebub's Spire. Perhaps there you can, like, sell your soul to get rid of the hiccups, or something.

Steer cattle towards the great volcano known as Beelzebub's Spire. Perhaps there you can, like, sell your soul to get rid of the hiccups, or something.

> This, but instead of selling your soul, SACRIFICE some of the herd to the ANCIENT AND VENGEFUL VOLCANO GOD

Also,
> Develop crush on RUGGEDLY HANDSOME Mountain Climber who also happens to be a good kisser

(> )

> Just wait until you hiccup your hand out.

> Looks like more sloppy makeouts are needed.

>Reach down your throat again. Maybe there's something you can use.

This is a stupid idea, but you're desperate, plus it lets you pretend that drooling all over your arm was productive. You reach down your throat and...

...yeah, your arm is stuck again. How did you expect that not to happen?

And it's not like there's anything down here... wait, you feel something familiar Could it be...?

YES! It's the Hell Cattle whistle you swallowed when you were two! You could use this to direct the Hell Cattle away from the town. If you could get your arm out...

The gnome looks at you.

"You know," he says, "I could take a look inside there if that would be easier."

Without waiting for a response, he climbs up your arm and squeezes back into your throat.

Well, this is useful! Maybe you can get him to play the whistle. But where should you direct the cattle?

Steer cattle towards the great volcano known as Beelzebub's Spire. Perhaps there you can, like, sell your soul to get rid of the hiccups, or something.

Using an elaborate system of Morse Code, you indicate to the gnome inside your throat to play the whistle and direct the cattle towards Beelzebub's peak. A moment later, he climbs outside with the whistle, cleans it off with a handkerchief, and starts playing.

The cattle change directions, not trampling your hometown, and start climbing up the side of Beelzebub's Peak.

Well, you've got them here. Now what are you going to do? Sell your soul for a hiccup cure or something?

> This, but instead of selling your soul, SACRIFICE some of the herd to the ANCIENT AND VENGEFUL VOLCANO GOD

Before you can consider what to do, the Ancient and Vengeful Volcano God rises from the depths.

"WHO DARES DISTURB MY REST - ooh, Hell Cattle! I love these things! I'll give you a blessing if you sacrifice a bunch to me! Just toss them right in."

The gnome looks at you.

"Should I guide them in?"

You nod. Blessings from a volcano god sound good. Maybe you can get rid of the hiccups.

You climb down off your regular bull, and the mountain climber follows, guiding it off of the Hell Cow you're standing on now. The gnome starts playing the whistle, and the Hell Cattle start jumping into the volcano.

> Develop crush on RUGGEDLY HANDSOME Mountain Climber who also happens to be a good kisser

You were pretty sure this morning that you didn't swing that way... but man, he's such a good kisser...

> Just wait until you hiccup your hand out.

You hiccup and your hand comes out. You look somewhat embarrassed at the mountain climber.

> Looks like more sloppy makeouts are needed.

You can't take it any more! You have to kiss him!

But nothing comes out except hiccups.

Meanwhile, the Volcano God is taking count of the Hell Cattle coming in. Finally, all but one hops in. The god shouts "STOP!" before the last one enters, then floats over to your group.

"Thanks, you guys! This is great! This is enough Hell Cattle that I can retire! So that's what I'm gonna do. That means I'm appointing a new Volcano god..." He looks over your group, then his gaze settles on you specifically. "Yeah, you. Congratulations, this is your volcano now. Have fun with it. And keep that last Hell Cow, it's on me."

He then vanishes in a puff of smoke.

"Well, congratulations on the new job!" the mountain climber says, smiling. "Shame he did that before curing your hiccups, huh?"

You hiccup. The volcano, now under your control, starts to gurgle a bit.

Great. Now you're a volcano god with the hiccups, and if you don't do something about them, this volcano's going to erupt. What are you going to do now?

Well, I mean... you're a god, so, can't you just bless yourself to not hiccup now?

'Course, if that fails, virgin sacrifice should solve it. Appoint the mountain climber your new High Priest.

>Cough.

> Get yourself some ice cream! With any luck, eating the cool dessert will freeze the volcano!

Well, I mean... you're a god, so, can't you just bless yourself to not hiccup now?

You have absolutely no idea how to do that. You try a few random gestures, but none of them seems to do anything.

'Course, if that fails, virgin sacrifice should solve it.

Sacrifice? That, um, seems like a bad idea. Plus, again, you have no idea how it would actually work. It's not like you know anything about being a god.

Appoint the mountain climber your new High Priest.

Now this is something you can do, probably. Through a mess of hiccups, you declare the mountain climber your new High Priest. A silly hat that looks like a small volcano appears on his head, and he gets a robe that looks like flowing lava.

Damn, that's pretty cool. You really should figure out how these god-powers work sometime.

The mountain climber looks kind of puzzled. Probably because there were too many hiccups in your explanation and he has no idea that you declared him High Priest.

>Cough.

For a change of pace, you try to cough... but it just comes out as hiccups. Great.

The gurgling noises from the volcano are making you really nervous. You'd better do something about this.

> Get yourself some ice cream! With any luck, eating the cool dessert will freeze the volcano!

Yes, ice cream! You run down the mountain, closely followed by your High Priest, a gnome, a bull, and a gigantic cow from the depths of Hell. Soon you come to an ice cream truck.

"Hey there!" says the vendor. "You've got good timing - today's Free Ice Cream day! You can get as much as you want! What'll it be?"

What flavor of ice cream will you ask for?

Hiccup flavor, albeit unintentionally.

> You love Ro*hic*y Road.

>Va*hic*la

>Chili ...wait, wh-*hic*

Cho*hic*late.

Hiccup flavor, albeit unintentionally.

> You love Ro*hic*y Road.

>Va*hic*la

>Chili ...wait, wh-*hic*

Cho*hic*late.

Between your hiccups and your indecisiveness, you end up picking several flavors. The vendor hands you a cone with five scoops on it. You start licking one of them; it tastes like hiccups. The rest taste somewhat better, but there seems to be a touch of hiccups mixed in with them all.

"That'll be three dollars or one divine blessing," he says.

You reach for your wallet, but it seems you've forgotten it! So it looks like you'll have to go with a divine blessing.

There are two problems here. One is that you don't know what kind of divine blessing to give him. The other, more serious one, is that you don't really know how to bless him. So what are you going to try to bless him with, and how will you attempt to do it?

>Bless him by reciting the holy words of the SPACE POPE BIBLE, FLUGR' GRGRG HA, kneel in front of him, wave your arms, and continuously wish for him to turn into a holy superhero.

>Bless him by reciting the holy words of the SPACE POPE BIBLE, FLUGR' GRGRG HA, kneel in front of him, wave your arms, and continuously wish for him to turn into a holy superhero.

You recite some words that you think may be holy, kneel in front of the ice cream vendor, and wave your arms around. All the while, you wish for him to become a superhero.

You look up. The ice cream vendor looks the same.

You ask if he's a superhero yet, but it doesn't come out very clearly due to the hiccups.

"I don't feel any different," he says, looking a little angry. "I'm going to have to ask you for those three dollars now."

Well, this could be a problem. And you still have your potentially-volcanic hiccups. What are you going to do?

>Yell loudly that you are armed with some massive hiccups of doom and that you will hiccup him to death if you have to.
When he doesn't believe you give a recap of the story so far while making everything a lot more dramatic and also giving him a stink eye.

> Cheese it.

>Ask the gnome. Gnomes always have gold! or maybe that was leprechauns.

Wait, isn't it Free Ice Cream day? As in Free?