The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 29: UNINTELLIGIBLE!

Username: Agenmon
Name: LANDSHRAK666
Species: RealMon™, the non-infringing genetically engineered critters that definitely in no way mumble mumble patents mumble pockets mumble.
Gender: Male
Color: Public Domain Blue

Description: LANDSHRAK666 (name contributed by popular vote) is a working genetic prototype of Virtual Realization Project #443. It resembles a small, ovoid dragon with rounded "pods" or "horns" that marginally attached to its head. Its stubby arms were not intended in the design, but have proved useful for digging. The maw is overlarge and seems to have been a consequence of mistakes in the transcription procedure, and the teeth are comically sharp.

LANDSHRAK666 was created by growing a pluripotent substrate of stem cells over a virtual projected model. Through this, an accurate reconstruction of the (non-infringing) subject in question was created. Life and intelligence was simulated through a combination of organic-electric organ systems and nanorobotic neural mesh. Unfortunately, prototype LANDSHRAK666 failed to integrate 95% of provided neural mesh, rejecting the nano components involved. As such, LANDSHRAK666 has limited cognitive capacity compared to the ideal project goal: speech, in particular, is highly constrained and shows no sign of improving past a repetition of the prototype's name.

Items/Abilities: However, LANDSHRAK666 shows significant ability to utilize its nano and organic-electrics for useful tasks. The prototype has demonstrated the ability to create localized sandstorms, breathe a low-energy plasma, and to dig itself into holes. Unfortunately, its limited cognitive capacity again comes into play, as LANDSHRAK666 seems unable to retain memory of these techniques. Intensive training helps somewhat, but its lacking neural mesh appears to have only enough working memory for four techniques at a time.

Biography: We recommend that LANDSHRAK666 be used in marketing materials as a proof of concept, but its status as a prototype is to be stressed. Research will continue into improved uptake of neural mesh to try and improve intelligence in future models, though evidence suggests that this low neural integration is an unavoidable consequence of the engineering procedures used.

Username: Solarlarlarlrlar
Name: Squats and Cleave
Gender: Smarts and Power
Race: Gremlin and Muscle
Color: Burnt Umber
Description: Squats is a small, routound, lizard adjacent creature with eyes that constantly shift and little crafty paws. Cleave is a giant, towering menace of stone and blocks, who wears little, nice square lenses that he puts on very carefully with their large powerful hands. Squats's demeanor is one that initiates wild plans, sick heists, and absurd tales of revenge, as long as you keep his hands free. Cleave is much calmer, but not any slower, easily capable of following Squats's train of thought, as haphazard as it can be at times.

The duo knows what they want, and what they want is to win big and ensure that no one can mess with them.
Items/Abilities: Squats can, with extreme ease, make just about anything, with much less than you'd expect, his tiny hands almost seemingly capable of changing objects when he's in the middle of really creating a real masterpiece for a plan he came up with. Said plans are meticulously and nigh instantly made, but their success is only because of Cleave's stellar execution and their incredible ability to improvise. Cleave also is very, very, very strong, in just about every sense of the word.
Biography: Squats and Cleave don't always succeed in their plans, sometimes they get away in the ice cream truck that has been modded to be able to do flips, but sometimes in the middle of hacking the television so they can convert all of the gold into electrical signals to convert back to gold later, a stray satellite signal causes the television instead to spit out the entire cast of some police procedural to capture them.

Squats wasn't saying anything, which was normal, but he also wasn't telling Cleave anything, a sure sign that the gremliny creature was upset with his partner.

"Now Squats, don't be like that, not every plan goes off without a hitch, I'm honestly amazed we made it as far as we did after half of the gold started to walk around."

Squats turned to Cleave, pointing a finger and gesturing wildly.

"I know that they were supposed to walk around, but I'm just saying that you forgot to mention that I had to rally them in the right direction!"

The gremlin furred his brow and shrugged. Then turned his attention to the jail they were in, gears starting to turn in his head.

"Already? And I was looking forward to trying to take a nap. Oh well." Cleave stood up and began to stretch, and walk around. The two continued their movements in the cell, at times causing their captors to worry and warn, but ultimately allow them their ability to move in the small enclosure, a mistake made by many.

Their plan fully formed and communicated, it would only be a matter of time before Squats and Cleave were free to do crimes again, sure to come up with a bigger, wilder plan with a larger, more coveted score...

Username: and sometimes y
Name: Lord Gregory Thunder
Gender: Defined by the slope of the function x^2 = 3y
Race: Penguinling
Text Color: #7B6D2A, #855DCC, and #123456, respectively

Biography: The Four Mages of the Winds were the most feared forces on the Siguaran continent, only held in check by each others' ambitions. Then Zephyros of the West gained hold of an artifact that granted him a significant advantage.

Laurie was taken aback by the offer. She was no murderer... but at that price, it was hard not to start rationalizing. It wasn't as if he was her king, after all, and South Atlantis would probably be better off without him.

When the morning of Easter arrived, he finally concluded the ritual, and captured the rabbit. Soon, he would have the secret to its powers.

So then the Northstar Kid hopped on her albatross and rode off, never to be seen again. At least, not in that world...

Description: A small levitating spongelike creature. It is frightened of everything larger than itself, which covers most things it might encounter.

Though difficult to work with, she is more than happy to ally with anyone who can provide her with additional energy. She probably won't even backstab them unless there's another energy supply at stake.

He doesn't trust anyone, however, and will treat any offers to help as highly suspicious. If he's in a bad enough mood, he'll respond by shooting whoever makes the offer.

Weapons and Abilities: She can grant one wish to any person, but she has no control over how it comes true. This has caused more than a few problems in the past.

His sword's beard can grow to great lengths, entangling foes or serving as a climbing rope. Naturally, it can shrink just as fast, though if he tries to use this to move long distances, it tends to give him motion sickness.

He is unaware that his powers trigger when someone nearby claps their hands. As far as he can tell, they activate at random, and he's always terrified that it might happen again at any moment.

She also has a bow blessed by the gods, but to maintain the blessing, she must dip the arrow in the blood of demons every few hours. Otherwise, it will turn on her.

Entries end at the end of the month. get it in if you wanna get it in

alright alright alright alright

im not gonna bother with proper formatting here because i forget how to do things that arent bold italics or size on forums

im sure you all deserve the The Glere Award For Kitchen Sinkery in some capacity or another that im not getting, but Agen and LANDSHRAK666 are the only one i can actually figure out at the moment

The Convolution Teamfriendliness Cup goes to bigro and BabelShoes for sounding the most amusing to watch interact with other characters in any aspect

Fogel and Lord Gregory Thunder get The GBS2 Award For Gratuitous Worldbuilding for managing to sort of tell an interesting story despite making absolutely no sense when read

Sol and the duo Squats & Cleave get Arnold Fogge's Actually Practical Award for sounding like the most actually functional character in a proper Grand Battle

finally, Pharms and Parse get the The Thomas Packston Elementalist Award for - well actually i just found it the most amusing interpretation

and we done here

SpoilerShow

misread as "your new theme is bigro"

Name: Agathione Widderishins

Gender: Female

Species: Human (Vessel)

Color: Lace Doily

Description+Bio: Agathione Widderishins is your average grandmother. 79-year-old, two grown kids, and plenty of grandchildren. She is generally good-natured and polite although this does not mean she will allow others to walk her so easily. She likes hard candies, soap operas, and little ceramic figures. Her favorite hobby is crocheting an ever-expanding afghan. She has reached twenty feet. It is ridiculous.

Agathione is possessed by the devil.

It is also ridiculous.

Ability: An evil, nameless spirit is currently possessing Agathione Widderishins. It does not affect her behavior or personality in any way but it does manifest as a telekinetic field of Bad Times. The evil spirit does its best to try to make things worse for her – spilling teas, making her lose bingo, and other minor petty things. Generally weak, the evil spirit very much likes being alive and will lash out at anyone threatening the life of Agathione.

Name: Little Benny
Race: Human child
Gender: Male
Text Color: #B11760

Biography: Little Benny wanted to enter the Super Kart Race 5000, but he was too young and his parents wouldn't let him get any supplies.
So, instead, Benny stole the recycling bin and put wheels on it, and now he's determined to win the race, whatever it takes.
However, before he can do that, apparently he has to win this weird preliminary round that involves outracing some other people.
No problem.

Description: Benny is a six-year old who thinks he can take on the world, and he definitely doesn't want to listen to any adults who tell him otherwise.
He's got a cute little helmet and sits in a recycling bin that's been modified to serve as a go-kart. He will not let the kart out of his sight if he can help it. If anything were to happen to it, he'd throw a huge tantrum.
Benny also hasn't really grasped the nature of the competition and is just trying to get to the finish line. And he won't let anyone else get in his way.

Weapons and Abilities: Despite his young age, Benny actually isn't half-bad as a mechanic. His makeshift kart is actually quite functional, and reasonably fast. He could probably make other stuff too if he put his mind to it, but if it's not going to help him win the race, he doesn't really care.
Benny also has the usual powers of a six-year old human boy, such as teasing girls around his age, whining when people aren't paying enough attention to him, and laughing uncontrollably if someone says the words "booger" or "fart".

Username: Agenstraya
Name: Sykel "Hoops" [mumble] and Good Dog
Gender: Unspecified and no one's ever checked
Species: Horrifying mutant and who's going to submit a dog to genetic testing?
Color: indiscernable

Description: Hoops is short, but not compact. Small, but not tiny. The kind of person who could wiggle into small places and come out with smaller, valuable items. Fortunately, or unfortunately for Hoops, anyone that could have lured them into that life of crime has run away screaming from them.

Good Dog is a good dog, abnormally lean and lanky. Good Dog, frankly, seems to straddle the line in between wolf and dog pretty heavily. Good Dog is fiercely protective of Hoops.

Hoops wears ragged, brightly colored scraps of clothes, enough to keep them warm. The color doesn't matter much. Hoops dreams of fur coats and velvet underwear sometimes. They desperately wish someone would take them on a grand adventure, a heist maybe, or a bank robbery. That would be nice. Hoops would love to feel their face on a wanted poster one day.

Good Dog is a nondescript sort of gray-brown. Good Dog is filthy.

Hoops has no eyes. Instead, rings of bone, the edges of their eye sockets, protrude through the flesh. Within them is only blackness. Their gaze can bore holes in your soul. No, really.

Items/Abilities: Hoops was born with an ability outside of sight. Instead of being able to see, Hoops can look at people and see their existence, floating like an aura around them. Sometimes they can play around with those threads of fate, snapping them together or teasing them apart, such that the person's future becomes irrevocably altered in some way. Events that may have come to pass now could not, events that might not have now will. The universe tilts on its axes for Hoops.

Good Dog has a fierce bite and an unwashed mouth.

Biography: Hoops was born at Biologic Interpretations, a non-governmental organization ostensibly working on public-access genetics research, really working on very private-access and ethically questionable genetics research. They were raised by machines, and taught by computers, and fed by tubes.

The first time Hoops saw a person, everything changed.

A series of accidents fell into place, like pins into tumblers. A spilled drink here meant cleaning products there, a runaway spark here meant a blazing fire there. Evacuation here meant a holding van accident there.

Hoops scampered out blindly into the sun-baked landscape without ever looking back.

A day later, they were close to death. But along came something Hoops didn't quite understand. Not a person. Not an object. Something in between, with threads that didn't quite map to human expressions. Vaguely, they remembered 'dog'.

Good Dog brought Hoops to a hole for water, and prey for food. After that, they were inseparable. They wandered the dry, dusty landscape since then.

Until one day, they didn't.

(because they disappeared.)