Twenty Quest

Is the pink guy's name Alsora Rotinoto?

Is the pink guy king of the kingdom of Westubori

Is that dude also a ghost?

Does he have your octopus head?

Must you always narrate everything you do?

Will he tell you his name if you ask?

Does he even have a name?

Is this adventure INCREDIBLY SILLY?

Questions and Answers

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Is the pink guy pink

Does the pink guy have a unrequited crush on your horse?

No.

If you're intangible, are you only tricking yourself into believing you're riding the horse, grabbing the lunchbox, wearing clothes, et cetera, like how Wile E. Coyote can stand on the air in front of a cliff until he notices he's standing on air?

No.

If not, can you lift and carry stuff with psychic ghost powers?

No.

Is the pink guy's name Alsora Rotinoto?

No.

Is the pink guy king of the kingdom of Westubori

No.

Is that dude also a ghost?

Yes.

Does he have your octopus head?

Yes.

Must you always narrate everything you do?

Yes.

Will he tell you his name if you ask?

No.

Does he even have a name?

No.

Is this adventure INCREDIBLY SILLY?

Yes.

It suddenly occurs to you as strange that you couldn't interact with the pink guy; after all, you've been able to manipulate physical objects just fine with ghost magic. Sure, psychic ghost powers would be slightly more useful, since they'd let you interact with other intangible objects, but what are you going to do, shake hands with other ghosts?

Wait a minute. That must be why you couldn't touch the pink guy; he must be a ghost too. And ghost magic doesn't work on ghosts. Well, that explains a lot.

In any case, you yell at the pink ghost and demand that he tell you who he is, but he doesn't take notice. Instead he starts talking to himself.

"Oh, woe is me," he sighs. "I wish I had a name. I could be Alsora Rotinoto, king of Westubori! But no, my name vanished with my death. Now I have no name, nothing, only this octopus head I found on the beach."

He pulls an octopus head out and... Wait a minute, that's your octopus head! Did they just throw it away?

Well, it would simplify everything if you could just grab it from him and put it back on. You might still have this compulsion to narrate everything to yourself in the second person, and you'd probably still get caught up in very silly things, but at least you'd have your powers back.

As you try to think of how to get the head from him, he suddenly rushes forward with ghost-speed and talks to your horse.

"Oh marvelous horsedonkey," he says, "I have never seen a creature as wondrous as you. Perhaps if I had a name, we could be together, and I could give you this octopus head as a gift."

This is incredibly disturbing and he doesn't even seem to notice you're there... Wait, wait, is your horse smiling?

Oh god, he is. Your stupid horsedonkey is actually interested in this freak. While you could try to manipulate this turn of events to get your octopus head back, the truth is you're so disturbed by the whole thing that you do not want it to come to that.

But you do still want to get your octopus head back. So what are you going to do here?

Can you, i dunno, possess it or something?

Is the horse secretly a creature of great and terrible power?

Is the horse dancing with knives in its back?

is the horse going to get pregnant

Questions and Answers

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Can you, i dunno, possess it or something?

No

Is the horse secretly a creature of great and terrible power?

Yes

Is the horse dancing with knives in its back?

No

is the horse going to get pregnant

No

Your first thought is to try possessing the octopus head, but as it's spiritual in nature, mere ghost magic isn't up to the task. Besides, it's probably got some kind of block on it to keep you out even if you could.

Unfortunately, it seems this pink jerk isn't locked out of it. He's put the octopus head on as... some sort of romantic gesture to your horse? Oh goddammit, if he figures out how to use its powers, he might be able to free your horse and reveal its great and terrible true form. It has to be pretty powerful to hold the leadership of those robots in another galaxy, after all.

This is sickening you. But at least the horse isn't dancing with knives in its back, so it won't be impregnated by whatever happens here. The octopus head shouldn't be able to remove that particular seal.

Ugh, but this is just getting worse and worse. Some pink ghost idiot is going around with your octopus head and trying to court your horse and ugh, this is just all wrong. For the second time today, you wish you could literally die of embarrassment instead of just figuratively, but nope, it's not going to be that easy.

Actually, you're not sure how the whole resurrect-and-then-die-and-get-your-octopus-head-back-in-your-second-ghost-incarnation plan is going to work out if this idiot has the octopus head. You didn't even realize it had been physically - or, well, metaphysically - removed, you thought they just changed your head.

Regardless, you have to deal with this situation. You need to get your octopus head powers back, and you need to get this idiot far, far, far away from your horse. And maybe get back at your ex or something, you're not sure about that.

So what are you going to do?

Are you going to do anything?

Can you murder this guy with your non ghost powers

Would the lunchbox help you get your octopus head back from this guy if you had it?

Do you think that your octopus head is a bigger issue than getting back at your ex?

Would metaphysically kicking the horse out of its love-induced stupor help?

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Are you going to do anything?

Yes.

Can you murder this guy with your non ghost powers

Yes.

Would the lunchbox help you get your octopus head back from this guy if you had it?

Yes.

Do you think that your octopus head is a bigger issue than getting back at your ex?

No.

Would metaphysically kicking the horse out of its love-induced stupor help?

Yes.

You're sick of this. You aren't going to just sit here and hope that things somehow work out; you're going to take action.

Your ghost magic may not work on this stupid pink guy, but that's not the only magic you have: you also have pink magic, what with being pink and all. You don't especially like using it, because seriously, who uses pink magic? But it should help you take care of this idiot.

A quick chanting of Pink Banishment causes the pink idiot to dematerialize and be sent away to the afterlife. Unfortunately, that spell won't work for your own purposes; you want to stay out of the afterlife, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, after you destroy the idiot, you suddenly remember that your octopus head was also pink, and you banished it to the afterlife along with the idiot. Ugh. Now it might not come back even if you die again, great.

Granted, you do know a way to the afterlife; there's a portal between the realms in that lunchbox your parents tried to give you. You don't really know how it got there, but regardless, you could use it to head into the afterlife, get your octopus head back, and terrorize the populace once more.

Too bad you tossed the lunchbox to some guy beyond the fourth wall. Ugh. The only one who might be able to help you get the thing back is your ex, and he's going to revel in that so damn much. So damn much.

You pause a moment to consider. Are you really so desperate to get back at your ex that you'd pass up the chance to regain your octopus head, and with it your powers?

You conclude that yes, yes you are. Sure, you may still have feelings for Samson, but you're not going to let him know that until he comes crawling back to you on his hands and knees.

But how are you going to... oh, goddammit, your horse is crying. Must still be lovestruck by that pink idiot. This won't do at all. You give it a swift metaphysical kick, knocking the lovestruck stupor right out of it.

As it turns out, you kick it right as Samson decides to inhabit its mind again. The end result is that you kick the lovestruck stupor into Samson.

Moments later, a tiny strand of wool flies towards you. Oh hey, it's one of Samson's detection yarns. Not long after you grab it with your ghostly hand, you see him flying overhead on a wool carpet. He swoops down and bursts into tears.

"I'm so sorry, Lady Octopushead!" he sobs. Wow, he didn't even call you Pinkie, he must really be feeling it. "I was wrong! Please, take me back! What must I do?"

You smirk, a fact that he notices because the detection yarn makes you visible and audible to him, not that either of you realized you weren't in the first place.

You promptly tell Samson that you'll take him back if he can retrieve your lunchbox from beyond the fourth wall. He nods, and pulls out a strand of wool yarn. It vanishes into nothingness, then returns with the lunchbox. You laugh wickedly as you go through the portal into the afterlife, get your octopus head, and put it back on.

Then you and Samson conquer the kingdom with your combined powers and begin a glorious and romantic reign of terror.

Meanwhile, your horse flies off to its home galaxy. Apparently your seals on it were released when you went to the afterlife. Oh, whatever, not like you need to worry about it any more.

END OF STORY ONE

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SpoilerNow taking questions for a new story! Same rules apply, yes or no questions only.

Is it real?

Are you four-dimensional?

Are you a hermaphrodite?

is this a horror story?

Is this a romantic comedy?

Are you thinking with portals?

Questions and Answers

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Spoiler

Is it real?

No.

Are you four-dimensional?

Are you a hermaphrodite?

Yes; no.

is this a horror story?

Yes.

Is this a romantic comedy?

Are you thinking with portals?

Yes; no.

It's a dream. It has to be a dream.

Or maybe an illusion. A simulation.

This can't be happening. You're sure it's not happening.

And yet, it feels real. You feel just as though you had stopped being a hermaphrodite and your brain portals had shut down, forcing you to think with only your third-dimensional brain and cutting you off from your others.

You are a four-dimensional being, and you are trapped in some sort of illusionary world where you have lost key aspects of your fourth-dimensionality. As the terrifying realization sinks in that you must now live in this unreal world for the foreseeable future, a single thought fills your third-dimensional brain.

Just who is that highly attractive non-hermaphrodite asking if you're okay?

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SpoilerAs always, while I have given a prompt, questions about other topics are also accepted.

Do they actually care if you're okay?

Does it blend?

Are they a cannibal?

Would you like them in a house?
Would you like them with a mouse?

Would you like them in a box?
Would you like them with a fox?

Is it pink?