The Road To Arctic Base Winnipeg (TWS)

You are FRANCIS LEONARD BIESE, a low-level manager for EPIGENCORP. The year is 1988, and the first shipment of MJOLNIR HOME SUPERCOMPUTERS is going out today!

Unfortunately, the entire SHIPPING/DISTRIBUTION division is on strike, leaving the company high and dry with regards to actually getting them to stores and underground bases. As such, several managers have been ordered to form RAGTAG STRIKE TEAMS and pile into EPIROVER RECREATIONAL VEHICLES to get the shipment out. Your destination is ARCTIC BASE WINNIPEG, built on the ruins of the city of Winnipeg; unfortunately, due to infighting, you're forced to scrape the bottom of the barrel for your four teammates.

You leave from NEW JERSEY at noon today. You are prepared for a journey that will almost certainly be UNEVENTFUL AND NOT WACKY AT ALL, but your supplies aren't-- you should probably get on that at some point.

> Did you remember to pack the miniguns. You can never be too careful.

>You'll need food. Go and raid the break room fridge.

>You'll need food. Go and raid the break room fridge.

Just take the break room fridge.

>Don't forget to bring a few pens along. Wouldn't you know, you always can't find one when you need one most? It's just like that POPULAR OFFICE COMIC STRIP pasted up in the breakroom.

Take a bathroom stall. Consult its graffiti for fortunes and guidance.

> Did you remember to pack the miniguns. You can never be too careful.

The miniguns are already mounted on the roof and sides of the RV. RANDALL FROM ENGINEERING is currently performing maintenance on them.

>You'll need food. Go and raid the break room fridge.

You head off to the break room to find THAT HOMELESS GUY YOU HIRED FOR THREE BUCKS AND MEALS PROVIDED frantically eating absolutely everything he can find. You're pretty sure he hasn't eaten in like four days, so you decide it's best to leave him to it.

Eventually, he finishes his rampage, leaving nothing uneaten but a BLT and some BEEF-A-RONI. For some reason, he keeps kosher despite the fact that you're pretty sure he's not Jewish. You guess it's okay for him to be QUIRKY since at least it means he's not HORRIBLY INSANE or MAIMED AND CRUSHINGLY DEPRESSED like most of the other hobos. None of whom are like that because of your company's research and development of new products.

He turns around and wipes off his mouth with his grimy sleeve. "Yo, boss, ready to head out?" You sigh, nod, and pocket the BLT and BEEF-A-RONI. (+2 Rations Not Kosher)

>Don't forget to bring a few pens along. Wouldn't you know, you always can't find one when you need one most? It's just like that POPULAR OFFICE COMIC STRIP pasted up in the breakroom.

The two of you head over to Sales to see how Michael is doing collecting supplies that other people left behind. He appears to have a cardboard box full of various office supplies, half-consumed cans of soda, and what appears to be an experimental MOBILE TELEPHONE DEVICE. "How's this work, Frank?"

You rifle through it. "You didn't get any pens. We can't be out of pens when we need them most."

"But Frank, we're going to have one of those new computers in the RV! Who needs pens?"

"Get the fucking pens, Mike." He grumbles, grabs a couple stacks, and tosses them in the box.

Eliza from Marketing runs up. "Randall's got the thing ready. You think we should go? Everyone else has already headed out, and if our team's going to get the BIG BONUS, we're going to have to hurry." You and Mike roll your eyes simultaneously, while Homeless Guy sarcastically thanks her for the exposition.

> Hurry hurry.

>Start planning your route. Specifically, figure out the best places to stop for food on the way. You're not going to be able to feed the whole team for the whole trip with what you've got.

>Make sure everyone's gone to the bathroom before you head out.

>Check out what other modifications Randall has made to the RV, if any.

Ensure that the rear-view mirrors are properly adjusted, and that everyone is safely buckled in, before you leave.

Leave a snarky note on your boss's desk before you go. POSSIBLY steal all his pens.

Then, everybody break into a run for the car!

>Start planning your route. Specifically, figure out the best places to stop for food on the way. You're not going to be able to feed the whole team for the whole trip with what you've got.

Your current route goes to NEW YORK, TORONTO, OTTAWA, ELK VALLEY, MONTREAL, PINE JUNKET, THUNDER BAY, THE TINY DESERT, and finally the ARCTIC BASE. Aside from that, you were mainly planning on stopping off at rest stops and things. Though you should make sure you have money to start with, first.

Leave a snarky note on your boss's desk before you go. POSSIBLY steal all his pens.

Then, everybody break into a run for the car!

Thinking quickly, you write a note on your boss's desk about how even though he took all the good employees, you're SO GLAD he left you some pens for the trip. Then you steal all his pens.

The misdirection complete, you open his second desk drawer and steal a hundred bucks from his wallet.

>Check out what other modifications Randall has made to the RV, if any.

Ensure that the rear-view mirrors are properly adjusted, and that everyone is safely buckled in, before you leave.

You all finally head out to the RV. Randall has just finished installing a HUGE-ASS EXTERNAL GAS TANK, so that you'll probably only need to make one stop for gas (probably around PINE JUNKET). You slap him on the back and congratulate him heartily for saving time.

The five of you all pile into the RV, HOMELESS GUY taking the wheel for now. MICHAEL and ELIZA head to their SPECIAL RV WORKSTATIONS, while RANDALL slumps on a couch and begins watching TV. You now have full reign to explore the RV, if you are so inclined.

[Rooms Available: Bedrooms, Bathrooms, Living Room, Kitchen, Office, Cockpit, Cargo Hold]

>Cargo hold!

> Kitchen! Gotta unload that pocket, y'know.

Or, speaking of unloading, maybe the bathroom first.

Bedrooms. May as well see how you're going to sleep.

> Hm. Wonder if you can sell some of these PENS on your way to WINNIPEG.

Unload all of the pens into the mini-fridge.

Unload all of the pens into the mini-fridge.

Or the freezer. Never know when a frozen pen could come in handy.

>Check to see if there's any food in the kitchen. Stale chips, old packets of ramen, anything like that.

> Kitchen! Gotta unload that pocket, y'know.

>Check to see if there's any food in the kitchen. Stale chips, old packets of ramen, anything like that.

The kitchen contains several COUNTERS, a couple CABINETS, a REFRIGERATOR, a STOVE/OVEN and a MICROWAVE. As it happens, it contains very little in the way of food or drink; there's a FILTERED WATER PITCHER in the fridge, and you find about five boxes of AKBAR'S FALAFEL PUFFS WITH A SPECIAL SURPRISE INSIDE. You hope your team likes ARTIFICIAL TAHINI FLAVORING, since it's all you'll be having for the next couple meals.

Unload all of the pens into the mini-fridge.

Or the freezer. Never know when a frozen pen could come in handy.

> Hm. Wonder if you can sell some of these PENS on your way to WINNIPEG.

Struck by one of your FABULOUS MANAGER IDEAS, you toss about a hundred pens into the freezer. You save the other fifty or so to possibly sell in NEW YORK, so that you can get sandwiches for dinner instead of having to eat more FAKE FALAFEL.

Bedrooms. May as well see how you're going to sleep.

There's THREE BEDS, a TELEVISION, a couple LAMPS, and TASTEFUL FOREST GREEN CARPETING, as well as several windows and a SUN ROOF so that you can sleep looking at the stars. You've marked the smallest bed as YOURS AND YOURS ALONE, because a manager must make sacrifices, such as giving his employees larger beds so they can share.

That reminds you, you need to get that hobo to take a shower before you all head to bed.

Or, speaking of unloading, maybe the bathroom first.

Which reminds you, you have to use the facilities.

Upon doing so, you inspect the BATHROOM. It contains a TOILET (obviously), a SHOWER (stocked with SHAMPOO, SOAP, WASHCLOTHS and THOSE SCRUBBY THINGS THAT AREN'T SPONGES OR LOOFAHS), a SINK, a MEDICINE CABINET, and a HIDEOUS BROWN RUG. You decide to leave that RUG behind as fast as you can.

>Cargo hold!

The CARGO HOLD contains many, many CRATES OF COMPUTERS, as well as a STEEL SAFE for your profits, five EMERGENCY SHOTGUNS, a CROWBAR, and a SHITLOAD OF DUST. You cough repeatedly, which manages to scatter the dust, causing you to cough more. You do your best to escape this vicious cycle by leaving post-haste.

Delegate someone to sweep up the SHITLOAD OF DUST, then maybe play around on a computer!

Head to the living room! Ask Randall what's up; what's on television; how he feels about sweeping up dust.

I-is it bad that I kinda want to try Akbar's Falafel Puffs?

>Get the hobo to shower by implying that he will get extra food for dinner tonight once he has done so. Fail to mention that dinner is artificial falafel cereal.