Meander

Your name is TOM SMITH. You are a PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR, and this is your DREARY OFFICE. You are a collector of MISCELLANEOUS MEMORABLIA, and enjoy rearranging your collection on your UNSTABLE BOOKCASE. Your DESK, however, is bare aside from a LAMP, a PEN AND INKWELL, and your COMPUTER. What will you do?

Go on the internet until you get a job like every other day.

Walk three blocks to get a cup of organic, fair-trade soy latte macchiato - there's a coffee shop right underneath your place, but you're a filthy hipster.

Get on that desk and move it like a gypsy.

> Hum like a normal person and clean your desk.

>Examine certificate. WITH PRIDE.

Tune in to a radio play while you scan your email for job offers. You can daydream you have work, at least.

>Reflect on the unlikely series of circumstances that brought a fountain pen and a companion cube into the same time and place

> Lovingly pat your companion cube on what may or may not be his head so he knows you still care

>Go on the internet until you get a job like every other day.


The ISP cut off internet access three days ago.

You're not sure if the COMPUTER is judging you too, or is it just projecting that bill pointedly in your face. Bloody ungrateful AI.

> Hum like a normal person and clean your desk.


Clean it?! It's spotless! And perfect as it is!

>Examine certificate. WITH PRIDE.


You examine the CERTIFICATE. You fought long and hard through PRIVATE DETECTIVE ACADEMY to get it, and you are proud of it, dammit. Such a pity it's street smarts that make you a hirable PI, rather than a piece of paper.

> Lovingly pat your companion cube on what may or may not be his head so he knows you still care


You pat your COMPANION CUBE on its upper face. It says nothing, but you get the sense of gratification anyway.

Oop! Looks like your favorite radio play, 'PI Sam Shovel's Shenanigans', is on!

>Walk three blocks to get a cup of organic, fair-trade soy latte macchiato - there's a coffee shop right underneath your place, but you're a filthy hipster.


You are about to sit down with a HOT CUP OF COFFEE for tonight's installment of PI Sam Shovel's Shenanigans when you realize that you do not have a HOT CUP OF COFFEE. Equally suddenly you realize that you can no longer drink normal COFFEE, but instead must have ORGANIC, FAIR-TRADE COFFEE MADE WITH SOY MILK. This strikes you as odd, because you could drink normal COFFEE just fine yesterday.

However, this means that you will need to travel three blocks in the snow to the 'nearby' SUBPARBUCKS to obtain a supply of ORGANIC, FAIR-TRADE COFFEE MADE WITH SOY MILK at INFLATED PRICES. If you do this, you will miss PI Sam Shovel's Shenanigans, thus negating the point.

What will you do?

>Flip a coin against a darkened background, like a hardboiled badass.

>Flip a coin against a darkened background, like a hardboiled badass.



You lean back against your DESK in a suitably badass way and flip one of your TWO DIMENSIONAL COINS. However, as you flip, you realize that there is no DARKENED BACKGROUND in the vicinity to complete the illusion.



In addition to this, you haven't even decided what either side of the coin represents yet! Quick, pick one before it lands!

>FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU: Represent going to Subparbucks

>Be interrupted by a client just as the coin lands.

> Coin: Edge.

>Be interrupted by a client just as the coin lands.


The COIN refuses to land. Obviously the universe has something against you.

You proceed to FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU greatly, while a LIGHTNING BOLT inexplicably adds drama to the moment.



>FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU: Represent going to Subparbucks


You take this to represent the coin falling on its FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUface, and step outside into the DREARY HALLWAY outside your DREARY OFFICE. The WALLS are supposedly all BRICK, but for some reason you can only see a BRICK or two here and there. There is a COBWEB on the ROOF SUPPORT BEAM. Your NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR does not seem to be in, as there is no EAR-SPLITTING NOISE coming from their DOOR. The only thing coming from their DOOR is a trail of DARK LIQUID. There is a RAT skittering along the DREARY HALLWAY.

> Capture rat, gain PLUCKY ANIMAL SIDEKICK.

> Investigate strange dark liquid. Maybe your neighbor has started up an illegal molasses brewing operation.

> Capture rat spider, gain PLUCKY ANIMAL SIDEKICK.

> Investigate strange dark liquid. Maybe your neighbor has started up an illegal molasses brewing operation.

>See if the rat or the spider have any cases for you.

>Capture rat spider, gain PLUCKY ANIMAL SIDEKICK.

The RAT takes off in fright down the DREARY HALLWAY in fright when it sees you.







>See if the rat or the spider have any cases for you.


SPIDERAT (who can talk now) slings off, shouting about defeating the FLEAKING.

> Ask him to get you that soy latte macchiato while he's out.

>Investigate how that spider became irradiated.

>Investigate how that spider became irradiated.

> Ask him to get you that soy latte macchiato while he's out.


SPIDERAT says sure thing.

>Investigate how that spider became irradiated.


You examine the late RADIOSPIDER's COBWEB with your TRUSTY MAGNIFYING GLASS. It reveals traces of STEREOTYPICALLY GREEN RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL previously not visible.



You push aside the RADIOWEB and move the CEILING TILE right above it.



Poking your head into the CEILING SPACE, you notice a trail of the STEREOTYPICALLY GREEN RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL. It is difficult to see where the trail leads or if it terminates.

You'd better not hang around too long. That stuff is radioactive after all, and you're pretty sure those CEILING TILES are made of ASBESTOS.

>This seems serious. Contact a health inspector!