Consistency

UNCLEAR USER INTERFACE

HAVE A CURRY

My God, it's full of stars!

MY STARS!

The perfect plan: Go up to them and kill them. On their last breath, whisper "April Fools!" The person will laugh right as they die, which is pretty awesome and you will have an excuse when you are in court.

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Hublublublooblooo, you.

When it rains in the doors and power outlet is go go go go

MILK IS OFF

MILK IS CHILLIN', DOZ IS CHILLIN'

UNCLEAR USER INTERFACE

Right, yeah, you can't figure out how this interface works now that you've cleared out all the visuals. In retrospect, that was kind of a dumb idea.

Luckily, a simple Control-Z undoes it all and gives you back a usable interface. Now you can check your messages and...

Uh-oh. That's not good. You've got messages from the boss, the mayor, the President, and your mother.

You must have really messed up this time. Well, nothing to do but take a look. Which message are you going to look at first?

MILK IS OFF

Of course! MILK is OFF! That must mean that WATER is ON. Now you can figure out this puzzle, probably.

Let's see. Right now you have six glasses of milk on the left, four glasses of water on the right, and three empty glasses that you can fill from the containers.

Oh, and you also have this glass of apple juice, but you get the feeling it would be a bad idea to use that in the puzzle.

So knowing all that, how are you going to shut down the force field?

HAVE A CURRY

Yes, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there is a curry in your inventory.

Frankly, this is starting to freak you out. How is it you're able to put things in your inventory just by willing them into existence? Does this have some kind of cost? Are you creating the items somehow, or taking them from somewhere else?

This is very confusing. You want to know more about this power before you go recklessly abusing it. But what can you do to figure it out?

My God, it's full of stars!

You've made your decision. You're going to buy the god filled with stars. He's a costly one, but you just can't resist.

So now that you've gone into debt for a new god, what are you going to name Him?

MY STARS!

You take out your shuriken and fling them, pinning your target against the wall. Hopefully, you can escape before he realizes what's going on.

"Jenkins!" he shouts. "I've given you at least eight warnings about roleplaying as a ninja on the job. Get me down this instant and get back to work or you're fired!"

You sigh, and head back to free your boss. Looks like it's back to filing accounts today. Man, you have such a boring job.

So which account will you take a look at first?

The perfect plan: Go up to them and kill them. On their last breath, whisper "April Fools!" The person will laugh right as they die, which is pretty awesome and you will have an excuse when you are in court.

You present your killer proposal to the client. (Heh, "killer", you're so witty.) You're sure they'll love it.

Or maybe they'll just sort of stare at you in disbelief after reading it.

"That's your plan? Kill them and say April Fool? And even if this idiotic plan actually worked and won me an acquittal, which it won't, the fact remains that I do not want to be traced to the murder. You are the worst murder consultant I've ever contacted, clearly your reputation is wholly undeserved."

Uh-oh. The client's not impressed. You'd better do something to get him to change his mind, quick, or you're not getting paid this month!

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

You opt to CHUG with all three of your stored turns. Just as you hope, you trigger a combo move: TRIPLE CHUG.

You drink down an entire bottle of healing potion, fully recovering your health. Now you're back in the fight!

But, uh-oh. The Hindenburger's stored up eight turns over the course of the battle. And it's getting ready to use them. This is going to hurt.

Your only chance is to spend a future turn on defense. But what defensive move are you going to use? With no stored turns, you can only make one move, better make it a good one.

Hublublublooblooo, you.

Gronnnooooffo baggazagga the wodojodomodonodo. It mikilikitikipiki until nedefedebedelede.

Buzuguzutuzufuzu?

When it rains in the doors and power outlet is go go go go

Okay, you think you're starting to get an idea of how this nonsense world works. Maybe.

You wait for the rain to start inside the door frame, then when you see the power outlet exist, that's when you make your move. You rush to the toaster, hurl the cord into the outlet, then fling the toaster into the rain.

There's a loud ZAP, and a wall falls down. You've got a chance to escape!

Or at least, that's what you thought. It turns out there's a gigantic chicken on the other side of the wall, and she doesn't look very friendly. How are you going to handle this?

MILK IS OFF

MILK IS CHILLIN', DOZ IS CHILLIN'

You reflect on the facts. Milk is off duty, and now Chillin' has shown up to cause trouble. And your calls to Doz haven't been getting through.

What if it's all connected? What if Milk, Doz, and Chillin' are actually the same person? You've never seen any two of them together, after all.

It's a shocking revelation, but ultimately you have no real proof. Nothing more than circumstantial evidence.

But maybe if you could catch Chillin', you could unmask him and prove those connections. Maybe then you'd get closer to the truth.

So how are you going to do that? If he really is Milk, he knows this place better than you do. You'll need a plan.

Crack two eggs, blend and pour into the pan. Add bacon.

What is that certain je ne sais quoi?

A spoonful of human flesh makes the medicine go down.

I believe in Sniffing out food
But don't love the return


where?

> Answer your Mother, the presidential boss mayor.

Quickly retrieve arms from medicine cabinet.

Crack two eggs, blend and pour into the pan. Add bacon.

Okay, yeah, that should work. You take out the eggs, you take out the bacon, and get cooking, and a few minutes later, you have...

Wait a minute. This isn't a jetpack at all. It's just some eggs and some bacon.

Well, that's just great. How are you going to explain this to the ambassador?

What is that certain je ne sais quoi?

It's a fish. Can't you tell? Why would you think it was anything else?

I mean, yeah, the reviews are all calling Je Ne Sais Quoi "mysterious" and all that, but really, it's just a painting of a fish. I didn't even have a name for it, I just told a French guy I didn't know what the name was and now it's gotten all out of hand. People are trying to kill me over a goddamn picture of a fish.

I just hope the ambassador gets me that jetpack soon so I can get out safely. But until I hear back from him, I can't do much except wait.

So how am I going to pass the time?

A spoonful of human flesh makes the medicine go down.

No kidding. One bottle in ten million turns out to have a big chunk of human flesh in it, and the next thing you know, the stock price for Pharmdrugs Inc. is plummeting like a rock.

You've got to turn this around, and fast. The only option you can see is contacting the ambassador. He can get you some good publicity in a hurry, maybe even a jetpack if you're lucky.

The only thing is, he's going to want something in exchange, and he won't settle for just money - not that you can spare much of that right now anyways. So what are you going to offer him?

I believe in Sniffing out food
But don't love the return


where?

Yeah, okay, you've written the message. Hopefully you remembered enough of the code so that the ambassador will understand it.

The thing is, you still have to get this to him without being noticed. It would be easy if you had a jetpack, but unfortunately, you don't any more. So how are you going to contact him?

> Answer your Mother, the presidential boss mayor.

Yeah, might as well. Unsurprisingly, she wants to get in touch with the ambassador for some reason, and she's telling you to go over and set up a meeting.

You don't even know why she calls you about these things; you're not involved in politics in the slightest. You're just a down-on-your-luck jetpack repairman. Turns out not that many people have jetpacks, who knew?

Oh well, might as well get this over with. The embassy's all the way across town. How are you going to get there?

Quickly retrieve arms from medicine cabinet.

Good idea. With all the publicity over that human flesh, management's going to crack down on your little hobby if they find out about it. And then you can forget about ever being able to afford a jetpack.

You take the arms out of the closet. You're going to have to forget about your little deal with the ambassador; it's just not worth the risk. Better to dispose of these entirely.

But how are you going to do that without anyone noticing?

"Dear Pesky Plumbers,

the Koopas and I have TAKEN OVER the MUSHROOM KINGDOM!

The princess is now a permanent guest at one of my seven koopa hotels!

I DARE YA to find her!"

I lost my contact lenses can you help me find them?

Create a jetpack with a violin, flowerpot and puppet stuck in it.

bring it back and shuffle right

do not doubt it

sequel sequel sequel

> Bat bat bat bats.

"Dear Pesky Plumbers,

the Koopas and I have TAKEN OVER the MUSHROOM KINGDOM!

The princess is now a permanent guest at one of my seven koopa hotels!

I DARE YA to find her!"

Yes, this is the perfect prank. You just need to leave this note with the pet shop owner, and he'll be thoroughly confused. He could spend days running around trying to find the right plumbers, figure out where the Mushroom Kingdom is, and looking up what "koopa hotel" means.

You drop it off in his mailbox and night, then quickly run off before anyone notices you. You take a shortcut through the nearby alley and...

Wait a minute. There's a Koopa Hotel right across the street from you! What the heck? You were sure you made that up!

What are you going to do about this?

I lost my contact lenses can you help me find them?

You try to ask the stranger for help, but he just stares at you blankly.

Oh, of course! You're not listed on his contact lenses! And without your own, you don't have an identifier to communicate with his lenses, so he can't hear a word you say.

Looks like you're on your own, unless you can find someone who already has you in your contacts. Unlikely when you're this far from home, though.

Well, where are you going to start your search?

Create a jetpack with a violin, flowerpot and puppet stuck in it.

Yes! This will be the perfect entry for the "Least Creative Inventor" contest. There's no way you can lose!

Wait a minute... that guy at the table across from you just stacked his violin, jetpack, flowerpot, and puppet! And the woman at the next table just kind of dropped hers on it and isn't doing anything with them at all!

Damn, these guys are good. You might have to engage in a little sabotage. But only the uncreative kind, of course.

So what are you going to do?

bring it back and shuffle right

Yeah, there's no sense making a scene, you're in enough trouble already. You'll just have to do what the instructor said: get that stray card back from wherever it flew off to, and then shuffle the deck properly. It's a pain, but what else can you do?

You look out the window to see where the card ended up and... oh dammit, it looks like it fell into one of the tar pits.

Considering how much the school paid for these cards - and, by extension, how much you'll have to pay for a replacement - you're going to have to figure out some way to get it out of there and clean the tar off. So what's the plan?

do not doubt it

Okay, sure, that makes sense. You don't doubt the sign that says "DOUBT THIS SIGN".

So you're going to trust it and... doubt the sign? Wait, no, that means you don't doubt it. Only that means you doubt it?

Oh damn it, now you've got one of those logic headaches. What did you have to do to cure those, again?

sequel sequel sequel

Yeah, there isn't much choice. "Sequel", the movie that was a sequel to every movie ever written, was a smash hit, and the only thing you could really follow it up with was "Sequel Sequel". And that was an even bigger hit!

So, yeah, you're going to write Sequel Sequel Sequel. The studio will eat that right up.

Ugh. And then you'll have to write Sequel Sequel Sequel Sequel a few years down the road. Geez, you don't want to keep doing these for the rest of your writing career. Isn't there any way out of this?

> Bat bat bat bats.

Oh, right, that's what you're doing here. You've come to the small European nation of Bat to report on their martial arts tournament, and the controversy surrounding their equipment.

The country is home to an unusual species of flying mammal that have very long, thick tails and tough skin. For centuries, Battians have used these creatures as melee weapons, holding them by the tail. Over time, the practice has been more regulated and used for recreation rather than revolution.

Nonetheless, animal rights activists have condemned such battles. (Or "bats", as local slang calls them.) They note that even though the creatures aren't physically harmed by the practice due to their durability, it's still pretty cruel to just take an animal and hit it against another animal.

You're hoping to get statements from the tournament organizers, the protestors, the counter-protestors, and random people on the streets. Really, anyone you can find with an opinion on the matter.

So who are you going to ask first?