Consistency

Do you know who I am?
I am Judgement Boy!

turn yourself in

> Call for a professional stamper. Or a professional Stamper.

Yikes.

this has to do with the Canada Post strike doesn't it

Yeah, screw those innocent postal workers, what have they ever done for you besides delivering your mail. You're not letting this cursed artifact stay in here for a moment longer.

But wait! You're out of newts' tears. How are you going to create a protective circle to prevent the artifact from returning to you before the blood moon rises and all is lost?

Do you know who I am?
I am Judgement Boy!

Okay, you've picked your security question for password recovery. You're sure you'll remember that in three or four years when your computer breaks down and you forget the passwords to everything as you try to input them on the new one.

So now that's taken care of, which site are you going to register on next?

turn yourself in

Of course! You can't believe you forgot that you were a magical key this whole time! All you have to do is turn yourself in the lock, and it should open.

So you do that, and now you're in the treasure room. And... wait, the treasure is already gone! No fair, you didn't get a chance to steal it!

Well, there's only one course of action now. You'll have to chase down the thieves and steal the treasure from them.

But how are you going to figure out where they went?

> Call for a professional stamper. Or a professional Stamper.

You call stamper and Stamper. They're professionals. You're not sure just what they do professionally, but damn are they ever professional about it.

stamper informs you that it will cost a significant amount more to retain both of their services, as this would leave them unavailable to answer other calls. Well, damn, you can't afford that. Looks like you'll have to pick just one of them.

So are you going to hire stamper, or Stamper?

Yikes.

"Yikes." you say. The ghost doesn't seem convinced.

"It's no use," it says. "I'm just not frightening. I'm the most boring ghost in the world, and that's never going to change no matter what I do. Why did I even try, I know this wasn't going to work."

Shoot, somehow your award-winning performance didn't seal the deal. You'll have to think of something quick, or you'll be stuck with a mopey ghost for your haunted house.

But what can you even do?

this has to do with the Canada Post strike doesn't it

Of course. I'd always thought they tied up that investigation a little too neatly, and the more I looked into this case, the more things didn't add up.

Most notably, the bowling scores. If the Canada Post team really had gotten a strike at that key moment, why was their overall score so low? They'd said it was just luck, but I suspected something was up.

And the victim probably had, too. Considering he'd been kicked off the team three weeks ago and now here he was, crushed to death under a pile of bowling pins, in the very same alley where the team had made that crucial play.

But even if I'd made the connection, I couldn't prove it yet. They wouldn't give me the files on the strike case if all I had was circumstantial evidence. I needed a conclusive link between the two.

But what was it?

teq 100 p1
- jmp end
milk:
mov 100 x0
slp 1
teq 100 p1
+ jmp milk
end:mov 0 x0
slp 1

You must be registered to view this content.

Oh, that fixed it.

teq 100 p1
- jmp end
milk:
mov 100 x0
slp 1
teq 100 p1
+ jmp milk
end:mov 0 x0
slp 1

PROCESSING DATA...
RESULT: BLUE
AWAITING NEXT INPUT.


You attempt to hug the ghost possessing your body, which basically means hugging yourself. Unfortunately, your Hug skill is not high enough to do this successfully, so you trip and fall down the stairs. You lose three HP, one QP, and accrue two points of Embarrassment.

Your Embarrassment total has now passed 50, increasing your Embarrassment by one rank. The ghost no longer wants to be associated with you, and departs from your body. You are no longer possessed. Your Self-Exorcism skill increases by ten points, though you're not sure it was worth it.

You pick yourself up and look around. A Skeleton Pirate and a Burger Golem are laughing at you. A Sad Gryphon is too busy crying to notice you. A Gargoyle Bartender is pointedly ignoring you.

What will you do now?

Oh, that fixed it.

Oh, hey, turns out opening that portal to Hell got your sink working somehow. Well, the legions of demons swarming out are a little annoying, but at least you don't have to call a plumber.

So what are you going to do next, now that you don't have any major problems to deal with?

is this a fever dream

When life gives you lemons, reverse-engineer it into a lime

Code:

~()''''
~HH~~~"
~HH~HHn
@<""HHu
~HH''''
~HH'~~~
~()'~~~

is this a fever dream

That would explain why everything seems so off.

Well, you're not going to stand for this! You requested a flu dream, not a fever dream! You're going to have to call the dream operators and complain.

But you haven't seen a phone in this dream anywhere. And you definitely don't think you're going to find one in this pit of dream-quicksand you're sinking into.

Oh, right. You should probably deal with that before you go looking for a phone. But how are you going to get out?

When life gives you lemons, reverse-engineer it into a lime

Yes, that's the perfect slogan for your latest business venture, FruitCo. You're sure the focus groups will love it.

So now that you've got the marketing worked out, picked out the executive committee, and sent in all the paperwork to get incorporated, there's only one thing left to do.

You need to figure out how exactly you're going to get some fruit so you can start selling it. Hopefully in a way that doesn't require any additional money, because you already spent it all.

What's the plan?

Code:

~()''''
~HH~~~"
~HH~HHn
@<""HHu
~HH''''
~HH'~~~
~()'~~~

You input the pattern you found on that strange microchip. The alien artifact lights up and starts making a weird humming sound.

Then it hovers a few feet off the ground.

Well, okay, you did something, but you're not sure how this is going to help you fight off the invasion fleet. Maybe you're still missing something important about this artifact.

But what could that be?

>Lovely. One two three BANG.

sbnkalny

I'm in.



aaaaand out.

wake up; sit up; inventory; open pocket; check contents of pocket; get all from pocket; inventory; consume analgesics; stand up; open door; west; go down stairs; north; west; open cupboard; get bowl; close cupboard; open cupboard.2; get cereal; open cereal; use cereal on bowl; close cereal; put cereal in cupboard.2; close cupboard.2; open fridge; get milk; open milk; pour milk in bowl; close milk; put milk in fridge; close fridge; look out window; drop bowl; east; open front door; exit; equip weapon; face the inevitable; struggle with futility; succumb to defeat; wake up

>Lovely. One two three BANG.

After careful consideration, you come up with the perfect review for the new gundress. Keep this up and you'll be the top fashion reporter in no time!

But you can't stop at one review. There are more new clothing designs that demand your critical eye. Which one will you look at next?

sbnkalny

You can also suggest in consistency without context (because there isn't any).Oh, i'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on it.

Secretboobagenda

(this portion of the update has been brought to you by sbnkalny)

I'm in.



aaaaand out.

After three hours of attempting your best techniques to it, you've finally found a way to open the vault door. Now you can see what's inside it...

What the? You stepped through the door and you're outside the vault. Great, on top of everything else, this door violates several laws of physics.

Now how the heck are you supposed to get the treasure?

wake up; sit up; inventory; open pocket; check contents of pocket; get all from pocket; inventory; consume analgesics; stand up; open door; west; go down stairs; north; west; open cupboard; get bowl; close cupboard; open cupboard.2; get cereal; open cereal; use cereal on bowl; close cereal; put cereal in cupboard.2; close cupboard.2; open fridge; get milk; open milk; pour milk in bowl; close milk; put milk in fridge; close fridge; look out window; drop bowl; east; open front door; exit; equip weapon; face the inevitable; struggle with futility; succumb to defeat; wake up

You recite your planned command series to the interviewer.

"It sounds good," they say, looking very interested. "But the thing is, we have some advertisers whose products we have to include in the game. And there isn't enough room in that for all the products. Could you expand your outline a bit?"

Uh-oh. Product placement. You hadn't thought about that.

But... if you add even one command, it would ruin your artistic vision! The game would lose its entire sense of cohesion!

On the other hand, you really need this job.

How can you resolve this dilemma?

come on and SLAM
and welcome to THE JAM

shame

x her. a backdrop. a placard. read placard. a carving. g.
a pain. a drill. x hands. a hands.
a fear. a waking. a death.

kill her.

x galatea. galatea, hello. x dress. a artist. a waking. z.
a him. a fits. a nightmares. a shades. a afterlife.
a gods. a apollo. a dionysus. a illusions. z. a masks.
restart. look behind curtain. take curtain. g.

x her. a her. read placard. a artist. hug her. attack her. think about cancer.

galatea, hello. read placard. t suicide. hug her. a her. a waking. a sight. a hearing. a sleeping. g. a food. g. g. z. z. t processes.

Reflections
x galatea
touch back
touch spine
a her
read placard
a marble
a sparkle