The Empire in Crisis!

You are standing in a crowded amphitheater watching a man speak.

"CHESTER THE JESTER would source our water from Lake Raigal. That's right, where lots of deer and lions like to poop! He just doesn't care about aqueducts - AT ALL! He just wants to do everything in the cheapest possible way! I will repair the aqueducts we already have, and keep the pure water flowing from Lake Aruga!

"CHESTER THE JESTER would compromise with the Barbarians at our northern borders - OR with the ones to the South of us! I will never compromise with ANY Barbarians!"

He sounds really angry now. "CHESTER THE JESTER says he will issue new money - but his 'new money' is really just scraps of paper with pretty drawings of flowers on it! I will keep the coins of our noble Empire, which have served us for 700 years!

"A man works as a tax collector for the first forty years of his life! He never does anything else! Then suddenly he inherits a jester mask from his uncle and decides he can run the government! WHO WOULD VOTE FOR SUCH A MAN!

"IF YOU VOTE FOR CHESTER THE JESTER, YOU ARE BETRAYING THE GREAT LEGACY OF OUR NOBLE EMPIRE, IN ITS HOUR OF GREATEST NEED! VOTE FOR ME - AUGANZIUS SCRIABIN - FOR PRIMARY MAGISTRATE AND LORD OF THE SENATE!"

The crowd murmurs to itself. It does not sound convinced.

But first of all, who are you, and why have you come to the Capitol City?

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SpoilerMy first forum adventure! I will update this, I promise, but don't be surprised if I'm not on again for a week or so. Weird work schedule.

You're Chester's younger sibling, and you're looking to get out of here as fast as possible.

You're a confidence trickster who's come to the city to hide out from your last job, but you hadn't expected Chester to have become important.

You're an assassin for hire. No job right now, but a brouhaha like this usually leads to something or another.

You're a merchant and you're looking for that stupid jester mask that your mother sold years ago, because apparently it's important for some reason.

This may be more complicated than you thought.

You're one of those folk this candidate's calling "Barbarians", and you're here to complain, but in a formal, government to government fashion, and maybe try to negotiate some trade while you're at it. It's not going well.

You're a merchant, like your mother and grandmother before you. You're the first male in the family to take up the family profession, and your grandmother's always telling you you don't have what it takes because of that, but you guess she deserves to, because she had to deal with random people's "Nyah nyah, go sell vegetables at the village market" every time she traveled across the Empire. But the hill people of the eastern provinces keep to their own ways, and they've been matrilineal for as long as anyone can remember, and anyway it's unproductive to argue with your grandmother.

Recently your grandmother called you to her and entrusted you with a Task. You were to find a jester mask that your mother sold in the Capitol City when you were ten years old.

You didn't dare to disagree, of course, but ...

"What? A jester mask?"

"Of course you remember it. It used to hang on the wall over there."

And then you did remember it, dimly. How you would find a single jester mask in the whole Capitol City, when your mother had no idea who she even sold it to, you didn't know.

"May I ask for what purpose I'm finding this mask?..."

"It's Important. And I can't tell you."

You sighed deeply and agreed to go to the Capitol City and buy the mask back. Grandmother then made you promise to obtain it by any means necessary, including unlawful means that did not involve buying or trading.

Now you think you have a lead ...

***

You are still standing in the amphitheater. What do you do?

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SpoilerI hope my syntax isn't collapsing under the weight of sleep deprivation, why am I only creative this late?

Bust a move

jump at chester the jester, and steal the mask, but accidentally steal his face in the process

I guess...staaaaart a ...riot?

>Ask around about Chester the Jester, see if you can't get the soapboxer so angrythey lose coherence

Go find this Chester The Jester's campaign office

Auganzius Scriabin is walking off the stage, but you can't resist heckling him.

In your best drunk voice:

"CHESTER THE JESTER IS BETTER THAN YOOUUUUUU!!!"

Random people in the crowd start whooping.

Auganzius Scriabin turns around. "YOU PEOPLE - DESERVE - WHAT CHESTER THE JESTER WILL GIVE YOU! BUT I AND THE REST OF THE TRUE EMPYREANS WILL FIGHT TO THE END - TO PRESERVE - THE EMPIRE!"

He storms off the stage. Some guy in the audience calls out "HE'LL GIVE US GOOD SEX MAN!!" Everyone in the crowd cracks up.

"Thanks that was good." says the guy next to you. "That guy's a joke. Everyone knows that Chester the Jester's the only one who can maybe keep the Empire from being destroyed."

"Yeah." says the woman next to him. "Talking about aqueducts. Who cares about aqueducts when the Barbarians are barking at our doors. They've been defeating more of our armies and taking more of our land every year, and there always seems to be more of them. At this point, talking to them and maybe actually finding out what they want is the only hope we have left."

She seems smart. Any questions you have for this woman?

Any idea how I could meet Chester?

"Any idea how I could meet Chester?" you ask.

"He's performing at the head of the Grand North Avenue three hours after noon." she says. "Have you not actually seen him yet?"

"I'm new to the city." you say.

What do you know about him, like as a person?

"What do you know about him as a person?"

"Just what everyone knows. He started performing in his jester mask five months ago, and the things he said were things that everyone could see were obvious, but just hadn't thought of. His personal life seems to have been entirely boring beforehand - I've never heard of any romance in his life, it seems all he ever did was work as a tax collector. I guess he learned about a lot of people's problems that way. Later he said that he wouldn't work as a tax collector anymore even if they gave him the job back, that it took money from the poor that never ended up doing anything useful."

"If Chester was just Chester...not a Jester, would people still listen to him? Like if he didn't have his mask?"

"If Chester was just Chester...not a Jester, would people still listen to him? Like if he didn't have his mask?"

"Huh ... Maybe now they would, although it's part of his persona. I don't know if he could have become famous without performing as a jester, though."

Any other questions or do you leave the building?

Are there any politicians actually talking about, well, talking? To the barbarians? Seems like it should be a thing, right?

Well we've got enough info out of this lady, time to hit on her.

You've heard about the Barbarians, of course, but you've always just kind of ignored them, coming from the hill provinces and all.

"Are there any politicians actually talking about, well, talking? To the barbarians? Seems like it should be a thing, right?" you ask.

She gives you a quizzical look. "Astrapius Mondrian brought up opening negotiations a year or so ago in the Senate. He was quickly denounced as a traitor by the Magistrate - that was Gorecki then, I think - and by the heads of most of the noble houses. He hasn't gotten much done since either. Still gives speeches sometimes but nobody will work with him."

You silently curse your lack of political knowledge.

Whatever. You're gonna head out soon, so why not see if you've got a chance with this woman?

"Hey, you're good at talking about politics." you say in your sexiest voice. "Wanna talk - about the politics - of my ASS??"

"And I thought you were actually interested in the issues. Well, no." She walks away.

Aw too bad.

Maybe if you meet Chester he can teach you some less terrible pickup lines.

Well lets head over to the head of the Grand North Avenue. If chester is really as popular as it seems you'll need to get there early to get a good seat.

You walk out of the amphitheater and onto the street. It is crowded with carts passing by and people walking. You want to check out the stalls on the side of the road, but your first priority is to get to the head of the Grand North Avenue.

It is Grand and North.

You are three hours early. A bearded street singer is playing his lyre. Many people are walking by.

Listen to the singer. Maybe hang around and listen for some interesting gossip while you're at it.