A Perfect Crime (TWS)

It all started out just like any other day in the big city - perfect.

Absolutely perfect, on the will of the Council of Wisdom, without whom we would all be lost.

Perfect, and filled with criminal lowlifes who dared to think that it wasn't. And it was my job to find them, preferably before they caused any trouble.

Sure, it got messy at times, but what was a few cracked skulls in the name of perfection? It was their own fault for being too flawed to be re-educated.

Still, the Council of Wisdom had concluded that it might be a problem if I was enjoying these necessary moments a little too much.

Obviously I couldn't find fault with their assessment, but I told the chief that the Council of Wisdom wasn't out on the streets seeing what these thugs did. Dancing. Writing. Smiling without the express permission of the Council.

Fact was, somebody had to do what I was doing if the city was to maintain the Council's high standards.

Still, the Council had wisely decided they had to act, and so that was how I got stuck with a rookie fresh off the re-education center.

A rookie who hadn't quite grasped that, as perfect as the rules were, sometimes an imperfect situation called for imperfect methods.

And that was why, when we drove downtown to a residential complex to investigate the suspicious death of an unregistered journalist who had been writing illegal articles criticizing the Council of Wisdom, the rookie insisted that, in accordance with procedure, we fill out detailed identification forms demonstrating to the manager - the manager who I had known since Education Center 3, for the Council's sake! - that we were, in fact, authorized officers of the law.

It was a waste of time, and I knew it. But hey, better to teach the kid about the limitations of the perfect procedures carefully thought up by the Council of Wisdom now, on this stupid stuff, than in the middle of a fight. So I rolled my eyes, took the form, and started filling it out as the rookie did too.

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Spoiler
Character creation time! We have two characters to come up with, so please fill out this form for both.

If you don't know how to interpret any of the fields, just make something up for what it means.

Name:
Council-Authorized Codename:
Age:
Council-Approved Gender:
Species:
Authorization Number:
Confirmed Genetic Abilities:
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation:
Authorized Special Equipment:
Citizen Privilege Class:
Other:

Name: Vernand Edict
Council-Authorized Codename: Buzzkill
Age: 31-a Post-Education
Council-Approved Gender: Pending Re-Authorization
Species: Augmented
Authorization Number: 02-374-69511-v
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Lie-Sight, Improved Adrenaline
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Fear-Tracking
Authorized Special Equipment: Power Armor, Laser Chainsaw
Citizen Privilege Class: Gamma
Other: Left Blank

Name: Julet Law
Council-Authorized Codename: Mirror
Age: 2-c Post Education
Council-Approved Gender: Special Dispensation: Mysterious and Indistinct
Species: Basic (Confirmed)
Authorization Number: 04-925-25662-j
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Involuntary Doppelganger Syndrome
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Projective Empathy
Authorized Special Equipment: Bio-tuned I.D., Stun Baton
Citizen Privilege Class: Zeta
Other: Started writing something here, then changed their mind and turned it into a drawing of a rabbit

Name: Nick Fellows
Council-Authorized Codename: Red - 17
Age: 45
Council-Approved Gender: Male - Non-Reproductive
Species: Human - Subordinate
Authorization Number: LAW-220-H4-RED-17
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Vocal Output - Above Average, Grip Strength - Above Average, Delayed Empathy
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Emotional supplement resistance
Authorized Special Equipment: Muscular Augmentation Capsules, Gravity Cuffs
Citizen Privilege Class: Intermediate
Other: "Hey Pete, how's business going?"

Name: Gerelle Greyson
Council-Authorized Codename: Pending Performance Assessment
Age: 21 (Council recently approved his annual upgrade!)
Council-Approved Gender: Pending
Species: [REDACTED]
Authorization Number: LAW-220-H4-XXX-XX
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: ADHD, Sedative tolerance
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Resistance to Social Anxiety Correction
Authorized Special Equipment: Serum Injection Unit, Restraining bandages
Citizen Privilege Class: Advanced
Other: "Thank you for your time."

Name: Rev "Buzzard" Astermartin
Council-Authorized Codename: Mr. Smiles
Age: 34
Council-Approved Gender: [qualified for exemption]
Species: Avian
Authorization Number: TIS-551-Z9-29Q-00
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Duraglass bones, chameleonic plumage
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: spontaneous combustion
Authorized Special Equipment: Councillitoral-brand personality stabilisers (One month's supply), Proculus Retinal HUD (Onboard A.I OS Scarborough 3.12), The Gun® (2, bullets available through Requisitons Office A-19)
Citizen Privilege Class: Human 6 (waived via adoption+outstanding services to the Council)
Other: This space intentionally left blank

Name: Ms. Dos
Council-Authorized Codename: Circuitboard
Age: ~7 billion clicks
Council-Approved Gender: 0
Species: N/A
Authorization Number: 256-49-B17-0000
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: N/A
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: N/A
Authorized Special Equipment: DoD-issue Field issue quadrupoid chassis V4, Semi-nonlethal Aramaments Service Pack 2, Xerox unit
Citizen Privilege Class: Unperson, Yesrobot
Other: the above information, written in miniscule binary.

Name: Fry Lau-Fen
Council-Authorized Codename: Tectonic
Age: 37
Council-Approved Gender: [Furious Overflowing Scribbling]
Species: Hybrid [Base: Human]
Authorization Number: Y-31-L-146
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Explosive Vocalization, Localized Mood Incensement
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Durability [Class: Ironclad Plus]
Authorized Special Equipment: Sirius Forgeworks REVERB-AMP® Subjugation Device, Council-Mandated Stress Relief Vials [5]
Citizen Privilege Class: Intersectional
Other: Look kid, no-one reads this space anyway, it's a waste of time.

Name: Tai Pan
Council-Authorized Codename: Books
Age: 25 ISY
Council-Approved Gender: [Undergoing Appeal]
Species: Cephalawpod
Authorization Number: N-00-D-13
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Metachrosis, Photographic Memory, Hermetic Mind
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Projectile Venom Sacs [Non-Verbal], Affinity: Contractual Negotiation
Authorized Special Equipment: The Juridical Charter of the Council [Condensed Edition, 100kg], Arcturus Foundries LEVI-TATE® Antigrav Harness
Citizen Privilege Class: Systemic
Other: 'Under *Section IV Subsection I2 Antesection U!3 §BB Vivisection [Human]* of Volume II, Third Tome, Chapter 32A of The Juridical Charter all Council-Appointed Residential Managers are obligated to Cooperate with duly empowered deputies to investigate any suspicion of Unauthorized Behavior within the premises they have been assigned to. Please Cooperate, and Have A Nice Day.'

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SpoilerName: Nick "Buzzard" Edict
Council-Authorized Codename: Tectonic Smiles
Age: 37 approved years, 31-a Post-Education
Council-Approved Gender: Male, Non-Reproductive, Pending Reauthorization
Species: Augmented Human - Subordinate
Authorization Number:
-Personal: 02-374-69511-v
-Occupational: LAW-220-H4-RED-17
-Legal: TIS-551-Z9-29Q-00
-Ethical: Y-31-L-146
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Vocal Output - Above Average, Explosive Vocalisation, Lie-Sight
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Spontaneous Combustion, Emotional Supplement Resistance
Authorized Special Equipment: Laser Chainsaw, Gravity Cuffs, The Gun®
Citizen Privilege Class: Intermediate Gamma Human 6 (Intersectional)
Other: Screw this stupid form. Just let us in already, Pete.

Name: Gerelle Law
Council-Authorized Codename: Books
Age: 21 approved years, 4 years pending review, 2-c Post-Education
Council-Approved Gender: Special Dispensation: Mysterious and Indistinct [Undergoing Appeal]
Species: [REDACTED], to be treated as Cepalawpod until such time as Council chooses to declassify.
Authorization Number:
-Personal: 04-925-25662-j
-Occupational: LAW-220-H4-XXX-XX
-Remedial: 256-49-B17-0000
-Aspirational: N-00-D-13
Confirmed Genetic Abilities: Photographic memory, sedative tolerance
Genetic Abilities Pending Confirmation: Projective empathy, Affinity: Contractual Negotiation, Resistance to Social Anxiety Correction
Authorized Special Equipment: The Juridical Charter of the Council [Condensed Edition, 100kg], Restraining bandages, Bio-tuned ID
Citizen Privilege Class: Advanced Zeta Unperson (Systemic)
Other: 'Under *Section IV Subsection I2 Antesection U!3 §BB Vivisection [Human]* of Volume II, Third Tome, Chapter 32A of The Juridical Charter all Council-Appointed Residential Managers are obligated to Cooperate with duly empowered deputies to investigate any suspicion of Unauthorized Behavior within the premises they have been assigned to. Please Cooperate, and Have A Nice Day.'
Underneath is a drawing of a bunny rabbit. It is smiling.

After finally getting that stupid mess out of the way, I handed the forms to Pete. He didn't bother looking at them, of course; he just let us in, or more accurately he let me in and the kid got to tag along.

The victim's apartment looked like a mess, and that was before accounting for the dead body in the middle of it. There were unauthorized news clippings everywhere. I was just about to ask Pete how exactly this guy hadn't been caught doing his dirty work during regular inspections when the kid piped up.

"He must have had a cache to keep all this in. It's how I hid things from inspectors before I was gloriously re-educated. I should make a note of this!"

"What are you talking about? Didn't your authorization papers say you have a photographic memory?"

"Yes, but I can't transfer my memories directly to the main offices, which Ordinance 372-Dc48 clearly says must be done with all observations..."

Ugh. I could tell this was going to be a pain. Still, there was a case to solve, and it was my job to solve it.

"Well then, kid, take a note of this. I have a theory on the cause of this man's death. He's been identified as a dissident, which is clearly illegal. In his misguided frustration with the Council, he decided to take his own life, which would obviously be presented by his co-conspirators as an unjust act of retaliation by the Council. I see this kind of thing all the time."

"That is certainly a highly plausible theory, Detective Edict, but I have to append some qualifications to it, in order to comply with..."

"Yeah, yeah, look, it's a pretty simple case. We'll just take a quick look and I'm sure we'll find plenty of evidence for it."

"While I do not doubt your valuable experience, as Directive 348-Q requires of me, it is currently unclear to me how this highly plausible theory of yours can account for the fact that the victim has thirteen apparent bullet wounds and there is no indication of any firearm within reach."

Ugh. The kid had a point. While I was obviously correct and the Council would quickly agree with my conclusions when I presented the case, there were some details that I'd have to hammer out. Namely, what had happened to the more-than-likely unauthorized gun that this twisted rebel had clearly shot himself with thirteen times to be sure he got the job done.

So how was I going to go about finding it?

Have you looked in the drawers? there's bound to be a gun lying around the place somewhere

Under the corpse - maybe he fell on top of it.

I guess we'd better figure out what kind of suicide-gun this guy had. Stick your finger up in those wounds and figure out what caused them.

The obvious place to start looking was under the body. After all, maybe he'd just fallen on the gun.

So I lifted it up, while Books filled out Crime Scene Form 47-Delta or whatever requesting retroactive authorization for moving a corpse. Unfortunately, I didn't find a gun - just a black market datapad with an article the stiff had apparently been working on. It was filled with nonsense about the Council doing anything other than working in the best interests of the city. I was going to tear it up like the trash it was, but the kid had already put it in an Evidence Storage Unit and was explaining exactly which rules required doing that.

It definitely wasn't going to be easy teaching this poor sap the real way to do things on the force.

"If he was planning to commit suicide, why would he be writing?" the kid asked. "I need to understand your theory better."

"I told you, he had to make it look like a murder. Did a really good job of it, too, I gotta give him that much. So he wrote up some stuff and then he shot himself so it'd look like he was killed in the middle of that garbage article. Makes the article look more credible, too."

"But we still haven't found the gun."

"Right, right. It'll turn up. I'll check his desk and dressers."

I pulled out every drawer I could find in the place, even the ones in the standard-issue refrigeration unit. But I couldn't find a gun. I found a few unpaid bills, which the Debt Collection Department would definitely be interested in, and a bunch of perfectly ordinary clothes with nothing good in the pockets.

It was time for a different perspective.

"I guess it's possible he got one of his dissident buddies to shoot him and run off with the gun," I said. "So technically this would be a murder."

"A novel theory! What should I do with Suicide Report Form 527-Lambda-G8?"

"Keep it for now. Might turn out to be what happened after all. But we'll at least look at possible accomplices for the moment."

It was a good line, but the fact is, I'd rarely had to get to this point in an investigation before. Where was I supposed to begin on figuring out who could have shot this guy?

Bring the neighbors in for questioning. If nothing else, they failed to report a dissident living next to them, which is a suspicious move on their part

There's always the 'Residential Unit FRIENDLY® Safety Recordings' (surveillance system tapes) you could check. Pete'll know where this block keeps the control room.

A dissident might have gone so far as to tamper with the security tape on the most local camera but it's unlikely that they'd have done the same to the cameras in surrounding areas. Do a sweep outwards and see what cameras you can find, then let your junior here do the legwork of gathering the footage. Poor little guy will probably enjoy it.

Is there some Council suggested mandatory gathering you could check out to search for perps?

Two obvious things came to mind, and to be perfectly clear they were my ideas and not suggestions from the kid.

First off: security footage. The Council mandates that all activities be recorded at all times, which is just common sense. But for some reason, the cameras in residential zones tend to break down. Worse, citizens frequently go for months without reporting these breakdowns, and once the cameras are repaired, they usually stop working again soon after all maintenance personnel leave.

I never really understand how that was such a widespread problem. The cameras at my place work just fine, and it's not like I qualify for an Advanced residence.

Fortunately, the cameras in the hallways of residential zones never seem to have these strange malfunctions. They should catch anyone who entered or left the room.

Anyways, the second obvious angle to work from - and remember, this was totally my idea - was to ask the neighboring citizens if they'd seen anything. Not to mention how they had failed to report the dissident in their midst.

So, I asked Pete to give the kid access to the security footage, since I knew there would be about fifty-eight forms involved with looking at it and that was way more up the kid's alley than mine. Meanwhile, I was going to go and ask some questions of the neighbors.

Of course, this meant that I ended up with a few dozen witness testimonial forms shoved in my hands. I considered tossing them aside, but then I realized I wasn't the one who was going to have to fill them out.

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SpoilerWitness Testimonial Form 57-a-Kappa:

Name:
Profession:
Council-Assigned Gender:
Species:
Confirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony:
Unconfirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony:
Residential Authorization Number:
Relationship to any identified Victim(s):
Relationship to any identified Suspect(s):
Relationship to any Investigator(s):
Relationship to any other Witness(es):
Location at time of Incident:
Testimony:
Other:

Citizen Privilege Class is not required, as this form has already been selected for your current privilege class based on your place of residence.

Name: Hilliard Wells
Profession: Water Treatment Supervisor
Council-Assigned Gender: Temporarily Suspended
Species: Shark [Undergoing Appeal]
Confirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: Ain't got nothing for you
Unconfirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: Nope
Residential Authorization Number: F3-R307-0004
Relationship to any identified Victim(s): Neighbor
Relationship to any identified Suspect(s): None, nope
Relationship to any Investigator(s): None
Relationship to any other Witness(es): Who?
Location at time of Incident: I wasn't in my apartment. I didn't hear nobody shoot nobody.
Testimony: I didn't hear nothin.
Other: We done here?

I looked over Water Treament Supervisor Hilliard Wells' testimony form and frowned. While it seemed de didn't know anything, there were definitely some openings for further questioning.

"So if you weren't in your apartment, where were you?" I asked.

"I was at work, like a good citizen," de said. "In fact, I gotta be headin' in there soon, so unless you got some reason to keep me here, I'll be goin' now."

"Hold on. The victim was conducting entirely unauthorized journalism. Why didn't you report any of his suspicious activities?"

"I didn't know the guy," Wells grunted back. "And I don't get paid to go snoopin' around in some guy's apartment to see if he's doin' anything illegal. There's other departments for that. I get paid to make sure the water is up to Council standards."

"You know that it's every citizen's duty to report disloyal behavior."

"Well, I didn't see any. Can I get to work now? Don't want any rebel groups puttin' stuff in the water."

I didn't want to let der go just yet, but if I couldn't think of a good enough question, I'd probably be better off moving to another witness and just noting Wells as suspiciously uncooperative.

So how was this going to go? Did I have anything else to ask, or was it time to move on to another witness?

Name: Danger Ranger
Profession: Ranger
Council-Assigned Gender: Ranger (validity under question)
Species: Ranger
Confirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: Ranger skills
Unconfirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: More ranger skills?
Residential Authorization Number: P-WAH-RANGER-128
Relationship to any identified Victim(s): Neighbor
Relationship to any identified Suspect(s): Ranger
Relationship to any Investigator(s): In front of you
Relationship to any other Witness(es): Probably at range
Location at time of Incident: At the range
Testimony: I never really wanted to be a ranger.
Other: Please reassign me

Name: Vicky Lautrec
Profession: Sanitation Engineer
Council-Assigned Gender: Female
Species: [Classified: Primary Investigator Has Insufficient Citizen Privilege Class]
Confirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: X-Ray Vision
Unconfirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: Immortality
Residential Authorization Number: LT-E311-3810
Relationship to any identified Victim(s): Neighbor
Relationship to any identified Suspect(s): None
Relationship to any Investigator(s): None
Relationship to any other Witness(es): Neighbor
Location at time of Incident: In apartment
Testimony: I heard some shooting, took a look through a couple'a walls outta curiosity, saw some of the Crone's thugs heading out the backdoor soon after, recorded & reported it all to the Council so shouldn't you have all this information already?
Other: If that's it please get the hell out of my apartment, my shift starts in 3 hours and I'd like to get some sleep.

Name: Pluppers Bingscotch
Profession: Associate Collective File Clerk, rank K
Council-Assigned Gender: Neutral - Non-reproductive
Species: Normative
Confirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: Sleep Apnea
Unconfirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: Agoraphobia
Residential Authorization Number: LT-E311-5222
Relationship to any identified Victim(s): Neighbor?
Relationship to any identified Suspect(s): Not sure what to put here
Relationship to any Investigator(s): Speaking to
Relationship to any other Witness(es): Neighbors
Location at time of Incident: In bed
Testimony: I'm a light sleeper...I woke up and heard someone unlocking a door...then lots of loud banging. There was some...laughter...I think? It might have been a cough. Then it sounded like a someone was walking back down the hallway..
Other: I uh, have to wash these bedsheets...do you have any spare laundry tokens...I've used my allocation already...

Name: Cleo View
Profession: Window Washer
Council-Assigned Gender: Female
Species: Crustacean
Confirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: [a diagonal line]
Unconfirmed Genetic Abilities of Relevance to Testimony: [a diagonal line, but going the other direction]
Residential Authorization Number: PF-A210-9357
Relationship to any identified Victim(s): [A diagonal line going the same way as the first]
Relationship to any identified Suspect(s): [A diagonal line going the same way as the second] [Hastily written over it is "Who?"]
Relationship to any Investigator(s): [I think you get the pattern]
Relationship to any other Witness(es): [Yes, another line. This whole thing was a very aesthetically pleasing pattern, really]
Location at time of Incident: The platform for the window washing.
Testimony: Alright, uhh, I was washing the windows between... 12 and 1 or actually it started half past 12. I saw one person go in at some point and then two leave and I think the first person was part of the second group? And the other guy was holding a gun. Or something gun...ish. The glass was really hard to see there, because I had just wiped by it, so it could've not been a gun but it MIGHT'VE been a gun. I mean, I think that was the right apartment room. It was something like 617 or 517 or maybe it was 518? Did I hear anything? So, well, uh... no? The train thing loop right by is really loud outside... You know.
Other: Do you have any openings at the department?

I couldn't think of anything else to go on with Wells, so I let der go and moved on.

The next witness went by the name Danger Ranger, and everything about rim screamed "Ranger". Unfortunately, re seemed to know even less than Wells and had a disturbing level of discomfort for ris job. There was also a lot about ris testimony form that smelled funny, so I made a note requesting the Satisfaction Division pay rim a visit.

Vicky Lautrec was more informative. A sanitation engineer with X-Ray vision, she had taken a look through some walls and insisted she had already reported everything she had seen - namely, that after the shooting, some employees of a criminal who goes by "the Crone" had left through the back door. She was rather frustrated at being questioned, insisting she had already explained it all, which didn't leave me anywhere in particular to go. Still, I noted down her clear disrespect for an investigator before moving on.

Pluppers Bingscotch was at least cooperative. They didn't have much information, but it easily fit with Vicky's story. I handed them a spare laundry token and noted them down as a model citizen.

That left Cleo View, window washer. Her testimony was less than solid, but definitely suggested that there might have been a gun in an apartment that might have been the victim's. She also asked about job applications for our department, which might be a sign of dissatisfaction. Another one for the Satisfaction Division to take a look at.

So right now, I had one name, except it wasn't really a name. I called in quick to check if this Crone was a Council-licensed criminal or a rebel, and then I went off to see how the kid was doing with the cameras.

"Well, sir, I was looking at all this footage, but while I was trying to make a copy of the part where these two suspicious citizens slip out the back door, I accidentally deleted everything else! So I'm filling out an Accidental Deletion form to confirm that this was a total accident caused by my incompetence, and not some sort of deliberate ploy to hinder the Council's glorious surveillance apparatus."

Ugh. Of course the kid would mess a simple thing like that up. Still, we had some footage, so I asked the kid to run it. I'd already heard about the thugs from Vicky, but that was different from seeing it for myself.

Sure enough, there were two goons, though their faces were inconveniently facing away from the camera. But there was no mistaking the symbol on the backs of their jackets, which was a fancy-looking skull with "CRONE" written under it.

Still, I had a hunch there was something more to the video. Something a less-trained eye than my own would have overlooked completely. So I watched through it again to try and figure out just what was nagging at me.

And then I realized exactly what it was.

It's backwards.

>That potted plant is on the wrong side of the door.

This is a hallway for a different floor of the building.