THE GRAND STARBUCKS 2: NO BUCKS GIVEN (16/?? signups open!)

Schazer I keep thinking that another Grand Starbucks mafia game is not a 100% terrible idea
Schazer even though we have a half dozen better things to be doing right now in gamesforum
Slorange I'd play it
Schazer ok with one alive it's one to lynch
Slorange I vote the mod
DragonFogel Is he Ouroborous again?
Slorange 100% of players vote the mod, the mod is lynched
Slorange I win forever
Solaris its not especially given that we have like a bunch more characters and im sure people would just play it for no reason just to go and say I WAS EXIMO PULVIS YOU LOSERS
Schazer wellllll
Solaris EXIMO
Solaris GODDAMN
Solaris PULVIS
Schazer can I get a show of hands who wants to play not-too-serious but reasonably-balanced Pick Your Poison Grand Battle Mafia
soundlyParanoid raises hand
Solaris hoi
Slorange shows hands
soundlyParanoid i just got burnt out on playing with serious sorts with a stick up their ass.
DragonFogel I'm up for it.
Schazer alrighty
Mirdini shows many hands

GREETINGS MORTALS

THIS WILL BE A GAME OF PICK YOUR POISON MAFIA, THE DELICIOUS SELECTION OF ENVENOMATIONS FOR YOUR PERUSAL THIS EVENING IS

DRUMROLL PLEASE

GRAND BATTLES (WOAH NO SHIT)



IF YOU WANNA PLAY PM ME 3 ROLE NAMES FROM GRAND BATTLES
ACCEPTED SEASONS: ALL OF THEM, IF YOU WANT TO BE A MINI-GRAND-DREDGING SMUGFUCK PUT A LINK ON IT
I WASN'T CLEAR SO NON-CANONS/PSEUDOCANONS ARE OK TOO.



SETUP CAVEATS
PROBABLY NO VANILLAS
PROBABLY MORE TOWN AND SCUM THAN RIDICULOUS 3RD PARTIES
OTHERWISE? OBLITERATORS? THIRD PARTIES? GAME ENDING FOOLS? INVENTORS? THAT GODAWFUL LOLHOSS ROLE AGAIN? I PROMISE NOTHING
THIS IS PROBABLY A CLUSTERFUCK
IF YOU SUBMIT SELVSETTER I WILL LAUNCH YOU INTO THE SUN



EXPECTATIONS FOR PLAYERS
THIS IS A GAME WITH FRIENDS
THIS ALL-CAPS FAUXNOXIOUS PERSONA BELIES HOW SERIOUS I AM ABOUT THE ABOVE STATEMENT
PLAY THE FUCKING GAME WITH FRIENDS
IT'S JUST A FUCKING GAME, DO NOT HURT FRIENDS OVER IT
IF YOU ARE NOT FROM HERE BUT WANT TO PLAY SOME SILLY MAFIA, PLEASE REMOVE ALL POSSIBLE STICKS FROM ALL POSSIBLE ASSES BEFORE ENTERING THE PREMISES
I THINK THAT'S IT?????


PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR APPLICATION TO PLAY AS IF YOU WERE A GRAND BATTLE CHARACTER BECAUSE I'M EASILY AMUSED
-Paranoia
-Solaris
-Jacquerel
-Dragon Fogel
-Mirdini
-Agent
-Ixcaliber
-NTA
-icanhasdonut
-Garuru
-Slorange
-Akumu
-Credit
-Red709
-TrueGreen
-Seedy

PLAYER NAME: THAT DUDE WITH THE GLITCHED AVATAR
CHARACTER NAME: PARANOIA
COLOR:
MINIPROFILE FROM THE GUYS MOUTH HIMSELF:

"I AM HERE TO CUT A BITCH AND BE SERIOUS

THESE HERE CAPS SHOWS HOW SERIOUS I AM ABOUT CUTTING BITCHES AND BEING SERIOUS

YOU LOOKIN' FUNNY AT ME, MATE?"

name: solaris
gender: gay
color: latino
species: also gay
description: Average high young adult with black hair of medium length, glasses, and a cute baby face. enjoys wearing cute things, has a sailor moon necklace, and a cucumber quest pin attached to his yellow DEMIDOG shit. has a blue jacket over that with blue jeans and black shows with red highlights. Secretly wearing thigh high socks all the time, striped, also blue, cute.

very sweet and wants hugs and is very smiley and naive and also boring and lazy ha ha ha what a loser

abilities/items: magical tears that fill other people with life force and energy and destroys darkness

bio: born in new jersey, the world decided that the garden state was not the worst enough, and as such moved him to florida, but not just any florida, a florida so south that he isnt even close to other people who live in florida. times were sad but then he found some forum for a comic and in that forum for a comic he found a cool group of people and he loves all of them forever the end

here i wrote one for jac so he can just copy it when i eventually force him to join it

name: jacquerel
color: white bread
gender: also gay
species: skellington
description: slightly less tall than boyfriend with one eye and hat that is made from the regret of a mother. nice fair brownish hair, so cute, very cute, wow thats too cute hes probably wearing warm clothes that are green and black also gosh hes so cute

lazy

abilities/items: colorblind and also lazy

bio: too lazy to do this part, im sure that he doesnt mind,

Username: Prince Tristan
Name: The Champion
Race: WINNER
Gender: VICTORY
Color: THE COLOR OF VICTORY
Biography: The Champion was the first being ever to win a Grand Battle and he's going to win this game too.
Description: The Champion looks like a winner because he is one.
Weapons and Abilities: WINNING

Username: Murderdini, so named because he is so frequently murdered

Charname: Who knows? (It's Schazer, Schazer knows)

<----- :Color

Species: Mirdini

Race: Not since HS XC

Desweapography: It is an overcast morning out here in Transdanubia, and what's this? A Mirdini! A rare sight indeed. He seems to be out on his daily journey through the perilous wilds, far from his preferred winter habitat in the Intertubes.

The Mirdini is an elusive species, found posting only when it manages to overcome its' natural predators, Procrastinases and Perfectionismes. This behavior has been found to change markedly in the ritual inter-species gatherings oft referred to as 'Mafia'.

An endangered species precisely because of these gatherings, the Mirdini is often the target of other species' ire - either ritually sacrificed for being alive for too long, or slain by individual cultists for being alive in general. It seems that in these gatherings any living Mirdini is viewed with undue suspicion, something Anthrocyberologists have been trying to understand for quite some time. Recent research has suggested it might be traced to ancestral Mirdini conduct in 'Mafias' going back centuries, though how valid this line of inquiry is is hotly debated.

In summary, the Mirdini is definitely a species to look out for on our cheaply priced Eagle Tours™, only 99.95 igglebux a person.

Username: Agen

Character Name: Mediacraci

Gender: i give up

name: mjilner
species: beard (w/ man attached)
gender: yes
description: basically the worst
abilities: makes bad decisions and regrets them at his leisure
biography: used to write too much now he writes too little

Username: A Terrible Person
Name: Nottles
Gender: Binary
Race: Maybe, Maybe Not
Color: Solaris you misspelled "Colour" in Jac's profile

Description: Username

Weapons/Abilities: Bad puns, procrastination, puns that aren't very good, concastination, making Schazer so mad

Biography: Nottles when we said post in something this isn't what we meant

Player Name: it's donut
Character Name: bad at mafia guy
Gender: too bad at mafia to answer
Race: last place
Color: no
Description: i forgot to download an avatar
Abilities: bad at mafia
Bio: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbbbhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



hhhhhhhh no

here i wrote one for jac so he can just copy it when i eventually force him to join it

nuame: jacquerel
colour: white bread
gendeur: also gay
speciues: skellington
descriptioun: slightly less tall than boyfriend with one eye and hat that is made from the regret of a mother. nice fair brownish hair, so cute, very cute, wow thats too cute hes probably wearing warm clothes that are green and black also gosh hes so cute

lazy

aubilities/iteums: colorblind and also lazy

biou: too lazy to do this part, im sure that he doesnt mind,

Username: Garuru
Name: Garuru
Race: Garuru
Color: Garuru
Gender: Garuru
Description: Garuru
Items/Abilities: Garuru
Biography: Garuru
Writing Sample: Garuru
Errata: Garuru

Username: SleepingOrange
Name: Sloránge
Gender: is a social construct
Race: White Cis Scum
Color: Appropriative

Description:

Slorónge is the God-King of an ancient Mayan civilization. Thirty newbies are sacrificed to him every day, and thus he does not reign doom down upon us all, or not very often. At night his hair detaches from his body and wins every drag show in the tri-state area. To summon him, simply exist in a way that would bother him.

He is the prettiest belle of the ball.

Weapons/Abilities: Slorénge knows just enough about mafia and social dynamics to consistently be exactly wrong, and just enough about this fact to be exactly right on the times he assumes he's wrong. He is not an asset, and is pretty intent on finding this game hilarious. He is fully fluent in Klikkish. You wish you were.

Biography: Slorínge is one of the four sons of Ometecuhtli and Omecihuatl: the four Tezcatlipocas, each of whom presides over one of the four cardinal directions. Over the West presides the White Tezcatlipoca, Slorúnge, the god of light, justice, mercy and wind. Over the South presides the Blue Tezcatlipoca, Huitzilopochtli, the god of war. Over the East presides the Red Tezcatlipoca, Xipe Totec, the god of gold, farming and Spring time. And over the North presides the Black Tezcatlipoca, known by no other name than Tezcatlipoca, the god of judgment, night, deceit, sorcery and the Earth.

This one is obviously the best. Who gives a crap about war and gold and night and shit?

Name: Akumu
Gender: Mans
Race: Human, Human, Human, Human, Baby
Color: #F4A460

Description:

Congratulations on purchasing your new Akumu! You've made a good decision in your life for once. Your Akumu comes with three batteries but it needs four and I can't tell you where to get another! Akumu is not to be operated while intoxicated, distracted, pregnant, dying, or uncool, as any or all of these may result in fatal poisoning and shame. Two or more Akumus may be combined to form MegAkumu, but this is not recommended by the Surgeon General or OSHA. Do not feed your Akumu anything living. Do not attempt to stop your Akumu from stealing your romantic partner. Do not allow your Akumu to run for office for any position higher than Mayor. Your Akumu comes with a 30-year guarantee, after which time we are not responsible for anything that happens while Akumu is in use.

Weapons/Abilities: Shoots lasers and can puzzle his way out of a paper bag.

Biography: Out of warranty.

Name: ICan'tGiveCredit
Gender:
Race:
Color: Annoying

Description:

Originating from the very depths of space-time and clouds of potatoes demonic essence, ICan'tGiveCredit comes to this strange land yearning for the souls of the living. He despises the happiness of these strange mortals, wanting to take it from them with the gripping force of a thousand monkey-hands. If he had any hands. He would also like to take this supposedly honorable title of "Idiot". He doesn't even know what the responsibilities are but he thinks they can be fulfilled by eldritch magic among other dark powers. ICan'tGiveCredit is not charming and people joke that HE MIGHT JUST KILL YOU ALL RIGHT THIS SECOND AAAHHH THIS WAS A TERRIBLE JOKE WHAT HAVE WE DONE. He doesn't know why they make these jokes about him. He also orders tens of thousands of rare 8-leaf clovers which he has with his breakfast of toast and a cup of dark matter. 1 cream, 2 sugars.

Weapons/Abilities: He has a dark aura and omniscient-like feel to him. His sleek metal is made out of only the finest nuclear alloy of Splaghettonium (spaghetti, plutonium and platinum). His gun is built right into him. He launches flaming pieces of toast with insults enchanted into them! Sadly, most of these have no flavor to them as ICan'tGiveCredit does not have this blasted thing the humans call "cultural knowledge" or "Street Cred" as he originates from another plane of existence altogether! He wouldn't want to give away the place from which he formulates his insults from sometimes. Supposedly said to be "unable to give credit"

Biography: You wanna graph my damn bio you fuckin' creep

What, you wanna know my damn INTERNAL WIRING. MY FUCKIN' BLUE PRINTS? I'M ONE OF A MOTHERFUCKIN' KIND.

YOU

CAN'T

HAVE IT

I WAS BORN THIS WAY. MY RAGE CANNOT BE SATED.

*toast pops out*

*cries*

GO AWAY

name: Red
color: white bread, slightly toasted
gender: gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
species: undefinable
description: 6 foot tall gangly piece of shit always wearing warm clothes and probably with bedhead

lazy as heckie

abilities/items: nearsighted, fast metabolism

bio: screw that im gonna go play games on steam
E: make that fix my computer's graphics card issues and THEN play games on steam

Username: Truegreen
Name: Veracity Verdant
Gender: Too awkward to check
Race: Probably Human. I mean it's statistically likely...

Description: A more complex version of the same old username. LAZY

Weapons/Abilities: Wait what? We were supposed to keep track of this stuff? Does eating count? What about Yodeling?

Biography:

username: seedy
name: crepphhllbtttDismblblblrrrr
gender: tiny wizard
race: irish
color: #116869
description: on the computer screen, a pixely 2d game is open. you look at the screen. a small brown haired creature in business casual flaps its arms excitedly. floating in the sky above it are the words 'SUCCESS' and 'NICE THINGS.' it has a wide grin and its big blue eyes look very excited about what the next screen has in store for it!
weapons/abilities: drawing, dancing, lack of shame
biography: was born (citation needed)