Text Adventure Fighting Tournament!

Inspired by such previously-attempted efforts as this, it's a tournament specifically for text adventure characters! After all, we've got plenty of those going.

Naturally, the tournament will be entirely text.

So, to start off with, nominate some characters to fight each other!

Boring rules:

SpoilerShow

-The adventure should have enough updates that I can actually get a sense of the suggested character by reading it.
-You can nominate characters from your own adventure.
-There are some adventures that occasionally toss a picture in, but are primarily presented as text adventures. Basically, if there are regularly updates that are purely text, it counts. Use your own judgement here; if you think it counts as a text adventure, I probably will too.

You, the protagonist, from Noise Lights.
Sam Larb, from S.A.M.L.A.R.B.
MI-Y8152, from Senellasia.
Madeline Beaufort, from Madeline Beaufort and the Moon Thief.
The Titular Jerks from Jerks In Time.
Mary Vindictus from Order and Chaos.
Elise, from Vox Mentis.

Then for pure self-indulgence:

Several hundred birds in a trenchcoat, from :V
Director Queens, from Extraction

The world-renowned criminal, from YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE

SEVERAL HUNDRED BIRDS IN A TRENCHCOAT from :V
Nick Edict from A Perfect Crime
Marshall from Swamped (there is probably a more combat apt character than marshall in swamped, honestly, but I cant think of one right now)

Any of the player characters from Full Immersion. Except Zettai, obviously.

Okay, I'm going to actually start this soon. Bumping the thread now so more people have a chance to give suggestions. If that doesn't happen, I might choose a few additional characters myself.

Nick from Vox Mentis. He never met Elise, now did he?

A large tongue steps up to a podium and starts making noises. This is rather disturbing, but just as the audience starts thinking about getting up and leaving, subtitles appear in front of the podium in very large letters.

"GREETINGS EVERYONE. I AM TONGUEWIZARD, MASTER OF CEREMONIES FOR THIS TOURNAMENT. FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, WE HAVE GATHERED SIXTEEN CHALLENGERS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER IN A SERIES OF DUELS TO THE DEATH. BECAUSE SUCH BARBARISM IS ENTERTAINING, APPARENTLY.

SO WHO HAS BEEN ENTERED?"

There's some mumbling in the tech booth, and the subtitles switch to lower case. A nondescript person walks onto the stage, looking a little worried.

"First we have, well, someone. There doesn't seem to be a name or any identifying information on their entry form. Nonetheless, I'm sure you'll all be able to keep track of this individual as they progress through the tournament."

The second entrant walks on. The audience seems disturbed by his rather glaring head wound, but he doesn't seem particularly bothered by it.

"And here we have Samuel Larbawitz. He's dead, I think. Wait, are you allowed to be in a duel to the death if you're already dead? I guess we can figure that out later. Let's move on."

A robot walks onto the stage, looking confused.

"Our third entrant is Machine Intelligence Y8152, who I am informed has had its consciousness transferred into a 'ROBONAUT' humaniform drone for the purposes of the contest."

The next entrant is a young girl carrying a camera and a baseball bat.

"And here we have Madeline Beaufort, who is just starting to develop her latent magical abilities. It will be interesting to see if she gains a better use of her talents in the process of fighting for her life."

A man and woman walk onto the stage together next, both wielding guns. They look annoyed.

"Anne... and Johnny? Are we allowed to have multiple people as a single entrant? Apparently we are. Well, these two are hardened criminals and may possibly have access to time travel. This is sounding like something of an unbalanced entry to me, but what do I know, I just make the announcements."

Next is a dark-skinned woman who looks about twenty-seven, with blue paint on her nose.

"And here we have Princess Mary Vindictus, a woman caught in a neverending struggle between order and chaos. At least that's what my notes say about her. Also she's dead at the moment? I guess that's allowed, too. Who else do we have?"

A disheveled young woman steps out next. She looks like she wasn't expecting all these people.

"This is Elise Jackson. Apparently she's very good at convincing people to do things for her. Does that include losing to her in combat? We'll find out!"

The next contestant is wearing a trenchcoat. As they walk across the stage, there's a sound like hundreds of wings flapping.

"Our next entrant is... a number of birds wearing a trenchcoat, evidently. I am starting to wonder if there are any restrictions on entrants whatsoever."

As the birds awkwardly shuffle to their place, a rather commanding woman takes the stage. She seems more than a little annoyed with the whole situation.

"Next we have Director Marilyn Queens, who I am told is the leader of a superpowered resistance unit. She has the power to recall past events taking place in the area she's in, even if she wasn't there at the time. We'll see how well that serves her here."

The next entrant is a shifty-looking character. He's holding a cell phone, which is on fire. In fact, his whole arm is on fire.

"And this is... hmm. According to the entry form, he's a world-renowned criminal. That doesn't really explain why his arm is on fire, though. Perhaps this relates to his fighting technique."

The next entrant is a very serious-looking man in a trenchcoat. He seems to be judging everyone else as he walks on.

"This is Nick Edict, an operative for the Council's Law Enforcement Division. His loyalty to the Council is not in question, even if he's prone to ignoring their actual directives and regulations. I don't know what this Council is, though. Nobody tells me anything, I'm just a tongue... oh, sorry! Next contestant."

A one-armed youth in what looks to be water-protective armor walks on next, looking more than a little afraid of the other contestants.

"This is Marshall, the newest recruit to the Bogknights. The Bogknights apparently live in a swamp and fight Marshguards, but Marshall's too new to do much fighting so far. Hmm, this contest may not be a good fit for that. Anyhow, according to the entry form, Marshall throws a mean boomerang, even with one arm. So maybe this will still be interesting?"

As Marshall sits down, a winged woman walks across the stage.

"And here we have Auleoris. It seems she's a Mimic Mage - that is, she can learn to use spells cast on her. She can also combine learned spells into stronger ones? Well, we don't seem to have a lot of mages here from what I can see, but hopefully she's already got some spells to work with. I don't know, I'm just a magical tongue."

As Aureolis takes her place, a rather boring-looking man walks on. Something seems a little off about one of his eyes, but otherwise he's not very remarkable.

"And here we have Nick Parsons, who... hmm. It seems he's immune to persuasive verbal commands. The entry form doesn't seem to mention any other abilities, though."

As Nick takes his place, a red-haired youth with a very prominent black eye and a cheap trenchcoat walks in.

"Here we have Alexus Silk, a private investigator who evidently doesn't have any 'sparker' powers, no matter what the rumors say. I don't know why that's on the entry form, but I suppose that's relevant information. It looks like Alexus got into a fight before coming here, too."

As Alexus walks to the back, a disheveled peasant carrying a turnip walks on, looking confused.

"And our final contestant is Pete the Peasant, tasked with teaching children about the alphabet. Which he only knows up to... K, it seems? No doubt this will be a valuable skill for combat."

Pete takes his place and Tonguewizard dives into a giant glass of water before leaping back out.

"Those are the sixteen entrants in this amazing contest. We will soon announce the first battle, just as soon as the audience votes on it."

That's your cue! Make a vote for up to two contestants you'd like to see fight. The two contestants with the most votes will fight each other. I plan to close the first round of voting on July 10th.

SpoilerShow

To review, contestants are:
1. "You" (Noise Lights)
2. Sam Larb (S.A.M.L.A.R.B.)
3. MI-Y8152 (Senellasia)
4. Madeline Beaufort (Madeline Beaufort and the Moon Thief)
5. Anne and Johnny (Jerks In Time)
6. Mary Vindictus (Order and Chaos)
7. Elise (Vox Mentis)
8. Several hundred birds in a trenchcoat (:V)
9. Director Queens (Extraction)
10. World-Renowned Criminal (YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE)
11. Nick Edict (A Perfect Crime)
12. Marshall (Swamped)
13. Aureolis (Full Immersion)
14. Nick (Vox Mentis)
15. Alexus Silk (Incident)
16. Pete the Peasant (Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime)

Pete the Peasant and Sam Larb

Oh, one more thing - feel free to suggest potential arenas for the fights to take place in. That's part of the fun, after all!

Anne and Johnny vs a Number of birds in a Trenchcoat

the battle arena is zork

Just a friendly reminder, there's three more days to suggest entrants and battlefields.

If there's a tie among characters, I'll probably just pick randomly among the options.

Battle arena is Final Destination. Y'know, from Smash Bros. Everyone seems to agree it's the fairest place to fight and stuff.

Whenever it should come up, please don't forget Aulerois has a big sword that smells like mustard with a few weird enchantments that can be taken apart into two smaller swords. I can go into more detail if you want when relevant. (I mean, unless of course equips don't carry over into the tournament.)

The arena is a school of fish.

Okay. No character got more than one vote, so I picked randomly from the three pairs we got and that's our match-up.

This first battle will be the World-renowned Criminal against Nick Edict!

We have four arenas suggested, so let's have a quick vote on that. To speed things up, this vote ends in three days - that's July 13, in my time zone. I'll update at some point in the evening and close the vote then.

To reiterate, the arenas are:
-Abbott Island
-Zork
-Final Destination
-A school of fish

Place your votes now!

The unchosen options will remain for later votes, though I don't guarantee all of them will be seen. If there's a tie, I'll pick randomly.

i think we should save a school of fish for a flock of seagulls. i say bigro had the right idea with abbott island

Retaining my vote for Final Destination.

abbott island

*ABBOTT ISLAND

MATCH ONE

Nick "Buzzard" Edict vs. The World-Renowned Criminal

Abbott Island

So. I'd gotten myself into something bigger than I'd expected. I'd been pulled out from the comforting embrace of the Council of Wisdom, and dragged into an island where everyone seems to hate boats.

But on the plus side, I had the same job I always had: bringing in criminals.

This guy, though, was a slippery one. I'd never had to deal with a criminal with his arm on fire before. He was unpredictable, and probably dangerous.

So, was I going to make the first move, or wait for him to do it? And either way, what was I going to do? For that matter, what was he going to do?

finally, you get your chance to go rogue! buy an arsenal

One thing jumped out at me - there was no one around here to enforce the Council's wise and benevolent rules. Except me, of course. Which meant that no one could complain if I bent the rules a little.

So I decided to go shopping for the sort of weaponry that they don't usually let me carry, while my opponent continued to shout at something in his hand. Whatever it was, the Council probably hadn't approved it.

---

You're now the world-renowned criminal whose arm is on fire. Apparently you're supposed to fight some cop or something, and he's just gone into a gun shop.

You tried to call for help on your cell phone, but the stupid thing isn't working. So now what are you going to do?

Follow suit. Into the gun shop, and commit those crimes you are so good at. Theft, extortion, assault, arson...

Arson the gun shop while the cop is inside

no, gun it to the arson shop