ARE YOU A WIZARD!?¿¡

Dude, the eldritch toad people have been gone for months. We keep telling you this. Get it together.

Don't make me have to use my wand of calming chai and apple tea!

You're one of them aren't you motherfucker!? AREN'T YOU!? HOW CAN I GET IT TOGETHER WHEN I AM NOW A ONE LEGGED SKELETON WIZARD!? I'm falling apart almost every time I hop on my single leg, I can only cast a limited amount of telekinesis spells a day and they still think I don't count as legally disabled. And because I didn't pay my alimony on time when our house burned to the ground. They want to arrest me. It's tough, it's tough. Like my jewel-encrusted cranium.... I'm running out of skeleton puns. Fuck un-life.

Dude, liches regenerate limbs. You only THINK you're a lich. Well, I mean, you might be a lich. But I'm pretty sure you're not missing those limbs.

I keep telling you, we're dealing with psychotic toad men who defy the laws of reality that are set in place. Because they are the spawn of 8 beings who are the antithesis of what we call reality. Do you think CHAOS plays by the rules punk? Also, they destroyed my limbs before my lich ritual was complete, I can never get those limbs back.

Let me brief you on chaos:

Chaos is a vast bottomless pit with no limits. Superficially this implies infinite possibilities. But only if you're a total dunce. It is not as you would think "Everything" it is Nothing, nothingness, an unrestricted hollow and cold space, deVoid of any quality. It is so empty, so so... It is a zero, it's less than primal which would imply that it has a numerical value to it of some sort. But its not. It is unfathomable only because there is nothing to fathom or contemplate, there is no meaning to it.

What we call existence is but tiny little fragments of a small and lonely thing, the only entity that truly lived and preceeded us, which sacrificed itself to birth us. Yet the ungrateful children that we are, we ignored this beautiful, radiant star in favour of the outer darkness that hungers to extinguish us. US. Not just you and me but all everyone and "EVERYTHING" you love and care for. Friends, Family, that neighbouring pizza restaurant that you go to on Wednesdays.

The Kruhkum do not understand pity or any kind of emotions, negative or positive. They are depression manifest and their masters are tenfold what they are.

((This is all Insultbots fault* for ressurecting this thread and turning it into a **Lich, if the joke gets too far out of hand I'll probably lock this thread or something))
*No hard feelings btw
**Oh my a self-reference, let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes for inbred loops of self-references go shall we? (This is facetious don't take it seriously, please)

Don't make me have to use my wand of calming chai and apple tea!

Apple chai tea is the fucking best, holy shit. (But I can't drink it because I'm super sensitive to caffeine )

We are being slowly but surely genocided by a race of eldtrich toad people who serve 8 chaos frog gods from an ancient Egyptian religion. And you're concerned about bagged farts? Shame on you. I lost 3 of my limbs, virginity, my playstation 2, my collection of red socks, my dignity, my cook books on how to cook chooks for mooks, my friends, my car, my ex-wife, my alimony tax papers, my dignity, my step-son and my toothbrush and you care about gas in a bag? *Sigh* If I could kill myslef I would do it in a heartbeat but since I have no heart to call my own anymore, I can't... WHAHAHAHA LICH JOKE!!!!

It's never the wrong time to be thinking about some ingredients for a good potion. See, this is why you're a grump with only one arm left. ...Okay yeah the losing 3 limbs thing was probably just because of the war. But those other things? It's just because you don't know how to enjoy the little things. Your friends, ex wife, and step son aren't even dead. I talked to Phil last week. You're always all doom and gloom and chaos frogs. Maybe if you stopped to smell the flowers once in a while, you'd duck under a bullet and have your life saved by flower smelling like Flower Smeller Johnny.

I talked to Phil last week.

I talked to Phil last week.

I talked to Phil last week.

I talked to Phil last week.

You don't even know my stepsons name. You toad monster.... NREEEEAAAAARGGHHHHHHKGKHGKHGkhkhkhkhk...
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I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled....

............ ................. ..... .... .........................

After Walter died, it's like... All hope in the world was extinguished....

...I meant one of your old friends, Phil. You used to be great pals, but then you became a Lich and a total downer. Phil used to think Liches were cool.

Don't make me have to use my wand of calming chai and apple tea!

Apple chai tea is the fucking best, holy shit. (But I can't drink it because I'm super sensitive to caffeine )

Caffinated tea? Hah! This wand is no instant apple chai (well,,,). It has all of the intense flavors from soaking in the essence of the essential flavors, with nothing else added. (I get grounds which I think aren't caffeinated? The only bagged tea I've had recently was this triple fruit explosion that smelt great but tasted not nearly as strong)

Hey, I happen to know a guy who specializes in cybernetic implants for the undead. That sounds like it might be of interest to you.

poawkasbowaza m

now everyone is a wizard!

Finally. I was only half a wizard before, at best.

Thanks, I'll update my official status

MOOJITKZ