Sruix reads Hawkspace

The last time I was here in any consistent fashion, Hawkspace did not exist. Now, despite my baptism of fire via Cards Against Hawkspace this afternoon, I am still eager to venture onwards into the many threads of what I am beginning to consider a monumental cesspool (but in a good way) in search of diamonds of comedy, insight and shitposting. I intend to catalogue my experiences in this here thread, for entertainment and posterity, and I would also like to make a plea for any recommendations you (yes, you!) may have as to the threads you think I should read.

It might also come to pass that I make a plea for help when I find myself in too deep. This will be distinct to the former plea, as it will not be written in complete sentences.

Anyway, to kick things off, my first review:

Thread: Sruix reads Hawkspace
Author: Sruixan
Review: A bit shit, really.

You may want to take a look at the Hawkspace Madness thread, where people made recommendations for the top threads in Hawkspace, which are now being voted on in a tournament bracket. It would probably give you some ideas of which other threads to look at.

Thread: (ROUND 5, Semifinals!)HAWKSPACE Madness 2016
Author: Reyweld
Review: I am honestly not sure why I did not see that coming.
Score: 1062/1473

Thread: (ROUND 5, Semifinals!)HAWKSPACE Madness 2016 (for real)
Author: Reyweld
Review: This seems like a very helpful repository! Thank you for recommending it! Unfortunately it has made me realise the true scale of this undertaking and to avenge the consequent dip in my enthusiasm I cannot rate this thread as highly as I feel a fair judge might. But hey, whoever said I was fair? I certainly didn't.
Score: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh

Sruix you gotta post in the tricked thread if you got tricked, it's the rules

Best survival tactics is to write an html script that sounds airhorns any time you hover over that link. It's the only way the paranoia won't consume you.

Or just check links?????

Thread: You have been TRICKED.
Author: Sai
Review: I brought it upon myself this time and yet still felt slightly cheated when the tab loaded. I've only been tricked twice to date. Looks like this particular brand of trepidation catches fast.

First thoughts as of page four: this thread reminds me of those home video shows à la You've Been Framed, where often you could see exactly what was going to happen in the clip the moment it began but were forced to wait in cruel anticipation whilst the poor oblivious schmuck, lacking your omnipresent viewpoint, inevitably set fire to their trousers or fell off a roof or clicked on an innocent-looking link on an increasingly paranoid internet forum.

Second thoughts as of page five: getting to see only the aftermath of these incidents, if I'm honest, only makes them funnier.

Third thoughts as of page nine: okay this is genuinely hilarious

Score: 10/10 would develop crippling paranoia again

Thread: WHO IS, THE BUIGGEST FURRY IN EaGLETiM E,??? ?
Author: KittenEater
Review: For the record, I'd cast, like, 0.2 of a vote for myself.

#9 - I agree with wheat's to my mind impeccable argument here
#10 - oh dear lord that's a nostalgia bomb I had forgotten that fait existed
#16 - likewise, this is the kind of logic that I like to see
#34 - SCHAZER NO
#49 - that is a sensible amount of maths to throw at this problem
#57 - this is a true work of art
#69 - I HAVE MISSED THESE TOP QUALITY PUNS GODDAMMIT
#75 & #76 - this joke is a masterclass in timing
#128 - I am beginning to think that this endeavour would work better in a format where you can hear my distressed giggles every time I encounter a beautiful pun.
#129 - oh so that's what that black card was earlier

Score: 95/95

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Thread: jimmy buffest
Author: Loather
Review: welp this was a good thread to read on the uni vpn
Score: this was a strong, pure experience that I shan't besmirch with numbers

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Thread: your most favorite words
Author: Sanzh
Review: these are some top notch words right here
Score: cacoethes/epizeuxis

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Thread: Good patent ideas
Author: wheat
Review: yeah, this review business would definitely work better in audio format because my reading of page three was a treasure lost to anyone who isn't currently hiding in my room in an attempt to scare/spy on me

oh wait shit I have a microphone

ooh, let's start from the top of page four...

Score: five and a half minutes out of my life

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Thread: Is Undertale the new Homestuck? (as of the time of posting)
Author: Infrared
Review: I have seen the first six episodes of Steven Universe. I keep meaning to watch more, because by the fifth and sixth episodes it was actually starting to get interesting? But I don't watch much in the way of TV/films/things-that-move-on-a-screen, with the exception of some YouTube shit I guess?

I did also let slip earlier today that, amongst the many sins I have accumulated these past few years, one of the most abhorrent is that I still haven't played Undertale. I am so sorry.

Score: 2009/2016

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Thread: Energy Drinks Thread
Author: Schazer
Review: Fun fact: I have never had an energy drink! I am a terrible student! I get by on way too much tea which reminds me I need to go to Cardews tomorrow and get me some more BUT ANYWAY this thread so far is only serving to back up my long-held opinion that my body would much appreciate me never imbibing any product centred around turning caffeine into pure regret and

oh wow

these reviews are something else

this is a good place to stop for the night, I feel

(also back at home I have the same cup as Agen has, seen in the top left of the second photo, along with others in the same style!)

Score: THE DEFINITIVE HAWKSPACE EXPERIENCE

I'd narcissistically suggest Most Forgotten Pokémon, but it isn't worth reading at all, aside from the first post and the last few pages.

Don't go to the NSFW Pokémon theatre, though, because that's exactly what it sounds like.

But you should totally go to jimmy buffest.

what is it with me and getting ninja'd today?

1) click my name
2) click find all threads
3) give up in the face of my Pure Kwality and go read jac's threads instead

good patent ideas is actually wheat's thread. i think my only hawkspace threads are THE HAWK BOX and cats or dogs

edit: wait, i forgot this one. it's my best work easily

1) click my name
2) click find all threads
3) give up in the face of my Pure Kwality and go read jac's threads instead

I don't want to disappoint you but I've only posted three hawkspace threads and two of them were the same

thank you for plumbing the threads of this board so i don't have to

I have posted 51+ threads and I have many more saved as drafts or written down (but I'm trying to restrain myself).

Anyway, my best ones are:
(Unofficial)SquakHawk
So you want to be a millionaire?
I will steal your words

Also, I may make another mystery game similar to They Get Older, if people would be interested.

read all of my threads

read officequest
(press the big button in my signature, you may have to click it multiple times)

seriously though

read all the threads by goblin's. goblin's is probably my favorite poster

(also check out my goblin's appreciation thread it has good music)

i was just reading I'll answer your questions, and it is incredible.

it is! also please read realtalk: why do you love the goblin queen?

goblin's has consistently produced some of my favorite parts of hawkspace, and i'll echo a particular fondness for answer your questions

it is! also please read realtalk: why do you love the goblin queen?

This may be the BEST THREAD in HAWKSPACE ! !!

good patent ideas is actually wheat's thread. i think my only hawkspace threads are THE HAWK BOX and cats or dogs

edit: wait, i forgot this one. it's my best work easily

Ah, oops! Thanks for pointing out my error - in return, I will review your thread!

Thread: Schwoka: 2000 posts away, but...
Author: ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆
Review: hellish
Score: 1666/3666

And now, we return to our regularly scheduled programming... this time, I'll be looking back on the threads Schaz made me read this morning, because I still have the relevant tabs open.

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Thread: I will steal your words
Author: Reyweld
Review: I read "Ode to yo fucking but." out loud to Schaz and she cracked up so much I was briefly concerned for her well-being. I cherish the fact that this thread allowed me to make her laugh so.
Score: dongs/dongs

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Thread: I'll answer your questions
Author: goblin's
Review: This was a spiritual experience. It had a casual, semi-spontaneous air about it reminded me of the good, clean, honest fun I watched other people have early on in my internet days. I quote my past-self, speaking to Schaz: "goblin's is an international treasure". Also I now understand how I won my point in Cards Against Hawkspace yesterday.
Score: 5/5 keys

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Thread: Official Hawksquawk podcast thread (latest: ep 9) (as of time of posting)
Author: a52
Review: I am in love with this idea and the things you have all done with it. Truly a new and bizarre way of consuming the Hawkspace experience!
Score: 9/9

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Thread: (Unofficial) SQUAKHAWK
Author: Reyweld
Review: Reyweld, you are a bloody genius. I've scarcely met you and yet after this thread I feel like I already know and like you. I'm dangerously inspired right now...
Score: yes

I would suggest the magnificent "Ryan North is the Devil"/"We're on to you LIAR North" thread, a sort of hawkspace-out-of-hawkspace, but it was on mspaf so it is probably lost forever :(
I did some of my first real shitposting on that thread, and I think it was still going pretty close to when the forums went down.