Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

Why should I trust you when I know how it played out? You're right about yd12k, but Schazer was one of the fiercest fighters.

Not as fierce as me, of course.

I am fierce! Grr. Hiss. *flexes*

Look you're all NERDS and I won by not being such a NERD (excepting when I used temporary NERDpowers to defeat fogel and pharma but that doesn't count because reasons only a NERD would care about (What's that, you care?)) the end.

That's a lousy claim. You can't win simply by not being a nerd. That would make the entire battle pointless. Obviously the true winner would be the one holding the most territory at the end. I.E. Myself.

But everyone dies eventually.

Congratulations to everyone for surviving down to the half-way mark in this little shankathon we call home. Except you whale battlers. "CANNOT DIE during this night." Sissy cheaters, is what I call it! I declare war on the queen of the whalers:

SHANK: SCHAZER

That Was Not A Day Action

Cat - 6 (Dragon Fogel, konec0, SupahKiven, antisequitur, amosmyn, LegendaryQ)
Schazer - 3 (yd12k, Plaid, Gnauga)
SupahKiven - 1 (Whimbrel)
Whimbrel - 1 (Phish)
FlyingPhish - 1 (Schazer)
"any Un-Dead" - 1 (Truegreen)
Acionyx - 1 (Seedy)

Abstaining - 21 (Solaris, Sai, Not The Author, Palamedes, Pharmacy, Granolaman, Coldblooded, TehPilot, cyber95, Niall, Deviant One, Sanzh, Chwoka, Dalmationer, Sruixan, Breadpocalypse, Scoffles, Acionyx, speedchuck, Cat, Ixcaliber)

But everyone dies eventually.

someone should make something that's like shank a bitch only instead of shanks it's old age

The winner is the last person to post on this forum.

who is going to give me some chaos emeralds

Shank: Chaos Emeralds

Congratulations to everyone for surviving down to the half-way mark in this little shankathon we call home. Except you whale battlers. "CANNOT DIE during this night." Sissy cheaters, is what I call it! I declare war on the queen of the whalers:

SHANK: SCHAZER

Excuse me? I am the royalest of the whalers. shank yd12k

I lost all respect for you since our duel on Musselbound Mountain.

Y'know, the one where you thought a sedentary giant clam would be an awesome mount for a joust.

You must have early onset alzheimers cuz I distinctly remember burning you during a rap battle with help of my sei whale.

Wait, there was a rap battle to which I wasn't invited? Aww...

(though to be fair, given what I know of the timeline, I guess I was probably off gallivanting about in the backwaters... eh...)

Groupshank: Cat because the undead problem does rather need solving. The lurker issue is probably also worth considering, but I am already prepared to work on it myself. *cough*

(...unless I have to pacify my "lover" spurned...)

once again shank: whoever has the most votes

once again shank: whoever has the most votes

SHANK: you for not even trying

Shank: ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆

once again shank: whoever has the most votes

Look at this fuckin' gaucho. SHANK: C.H.W.O.K.A

(...unless I have to pacify my "lover" spurned...)

Also according to Mirdini I may have accidentally downed that Blow Job.

Granola's lack of suicidal desire today leads me to believe it's an elaborate ruse

Alternatively we might be able to kill him by spelling out DEATH with our votes

But we don't have an E do we maybe something like Fogel Ixcalibur Niall Me and LegendaryQ can just get him banished to the shadow realm instead

MAIL REMINDER VOTALS

With the score Shanking 1, Love 0 the crowd is about to turn back to matters at hand when a MAIL PACKAGE comes crashing through one of the warehouse windows, preceded by a muffled 'SPECIAL DELIVERY, BITCHES'. Upon closer examination there's a message attached...

Addressed:

you missed 1
but this is 0 it
try again 2 morrow

The first MAIL PACKAGE of the day lies forgotten in the middle of the room; strange considering the furor its predecessors caused a few days ago. The assembled bitches are simply too busy quarreling over who REALLY won the whale battle and pushing their anti-zombie agenda.

But THE MAIL NEVER STOPS, not even when it is summarily ignored, and so yet another package comes hurtling through yet another expensive window to land beside the first, carrying yet another cryptic message.

I'd hardly call someone who speaks in numbers a professional postal worker.
Was that a coded message or are you just getting tired? Disappointing.
See, there's only room for one mail officer on this island and I intend to outlast you.

The packages sit unmoving, being packages and non-sentient. A boring existence, and the only beings capable of enlivening it are the distracted shankers around them...

----------------------------------------------

Day Four ends in 72 hours at 2:00 PM EST on Thursday, August 21st.

With 35 players alive it takes 18 votes to groupshank.

Cat - 6 (Dragon Fogel, SupahKiven, amosmyn, LegendaryQ, Sruixan, Chwoka)
Chwoka - 3 (yd12k, Cat, antisequitur)
Schazer - 2 (Plaid, Gnauga)
SupahKiven - 1 (Whimbrel)
Whimbrel - 1 (Phish)
FlyingPhish - 1 (Schazer)
"any Un-Dead" - 1 (Truegreen)
Acionyx - 1 (Seedy)
"Chaos Emeralds" - 1 (konec0)

Abstaining - 18 (Solaris, Sai, Not The Author, Palamedes, Pharmacy, Granolaman, Coldblooded, TehPilot, cyber95, Niall, Deviant One, Sanzh, Dalmationer, Breadpocalypse, Scoffles, Acionyx, speedchuck, Ixcaliber)

the first package has a 1 and a 2 in the message. It's obviously meant for me.

any objections?

GUYS I HAVE CREATIVE BLOCK AND DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO ATTACH TO MY MECH. GIVE ME IDEAS. I'LL DRAW A PICTURE OF A MARINE ANIMAL OF YOUR CHOICE FOR WHOEVER COMES UP WITH THE ONE I USE.

Here! You can have Granola's severed limb!

I was gonna toss it out because it was getting pretty grotty but thought you'd like it as a souvenir.

Two tons of walrus blubber.

You'n slap'm boxes on f'all I'n, Dalm. Meb'n s'm ex-pres'dents? They al's seem'n go o'er well. Though, las'n I 'mem'r, y'were li'l short inna hittin' depar'nt. Addish'n'l arms? 'Ncussive melee vis-a-vis ham'ns'n'flaillikes? 'R mebb'na shield what'n serve doub'n duty as'n sword? Som'n thatalike.

'M parsh'l t'offin' th' dead livin', m'self. Th' absentees, th' is. Vote: Sanzh, who ain't spoke up 'n'sec'n' day, 'n din't talk much'n 'sides.