Zoostuck 2

wine them and dine them, take them out on a whirlwind romantic getaway to the olive garden

Whoa, whoa, hey now, you don't want to make any assumptions about this extrauniversal visitor's preferences. Maybe they don't like Italian food!

Still, it doesn't hurt to ask. You promptly ask them if they want to head out to the Olive Garden for dinner, or maybe some other restaurant. They seem confused by the question, maybe they call restaurants something else in their universe.

Oh well, you'll have time to sort this out while your cookies are in the oven. You wouldn't want to rush out and forget about them and have them get ruined, after all.

You are now the author of Zoostuck 2 and you have no idea where you're going with this subplot, seriously how are you still writing this thing?

You have more subplots than you can count and you were hoping to use the intermission as an excuse to pretend you resolved most of them offscreen, but then it ended suddenly. You don't even understand why you did that, it didn't make any sense - not that anything you've done in this adventure makes sense.

So what are you going to do about it?

reset the whole adventure to the very start

reset the whole adventure to the very start

Yeah, that's the only possible explanation. Maybe you can actually think it through this time, have some kind of ending in mind. It's not going to be easy, considering how confusing the whole thing managed to get, but it's probably better than trying to drag it out to a conclusion.

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord, and you are suddenly very worried. You have this terrifying feeling that the entire universe is about to be rewritten AND IN A WAY THAT WILL STOP YOUR MASTERPIECE FROM BEING CREATED.

You have to stop this. But you're kind of stuck in a cheap diner beyond space and time, and did you even get your eggs ever? That was so long ago you don't remember.

Anyways, how are you going to stop the universe from being rewritten so you can rewrite the universe?

> eat your eggs, for they are the yokes of spacetime

throw off the yolk of opression

throw off the yolk of opression

Oh, that's right, the omelet was trying to kill you, but you survived due to weird cosmic energy, geez this plot makes no sense and never goes anywhere.

It's currently enveloping you and you'd probably be drowning in eggyolk if not for this weird cosmic energy. You break out with powers you don't understand and if you try to think about them you just end up getting distracted by this whole masterpiece in your head.

Anyways, the omelet's slowed down now. So you guess you should do something with it.

> eat your eggs, for they are the yokes of spacetime

You eat the omelet. You feel strange, like you have even more powers than this strange cosmic energy grants you. You can go anywhere, do anything. You can make the universe yours.

But first, you have something to do.

You are now the author again and you have some kind of a plan OH GOD WHAT IS THAT?

It's, uh, it's Zoosmell Pooplord and he's covered in eggs? What's he doing here oh never mind he's just killed you.

BAD END?

no, best end

Start a new game in which I've already won

Start a new game in which you are the egg and Loather is the egg lord and oversees such matters of universal importance

rename it

Loather stuck Egg 7

Start a new game in which you are the egg and Loather is the egg lord and oversees such matters of universal importance

rename it

Loather stuck Egg 7

Eggs are gross, how dare you

I'm gonna break all the eggs ok

br8k urself before u wr8ck urself, yo

no, best end

Indeed. You've destroyed that troublesome author who was getting in the way of the masterpiece that you need to rewrite the universe in order to create, and now nothing can stop you. Truly this is the perfect ending.

All you need to do is hit the great big Rewrite The Universe Button and everything will fall into place...

Start a new game in which I've already won

...Unless Loather hits it first. Please hold, rebooting Zoostuck.

You are now President Loather. You eliminated all evil as part of a successful scheme to seize power. There was a minor hiccup where you tried to start a webcomic and had to stop rampaging monsters from the depths of the Atlantic Ocean, and also that guy from an alternate universe who tried to stop you, who you've now rendered powerless by making him your Vice-President.

You've pretty much won already, there's just one tiny little detail. There's some kid trying to create a webcomic and you have to stop him, because he'll unravel your carefully arranged universe if he does. Fortunately you've already got the kid in custody, you just need to decide what to do with him and then all the loose ends will be taken care of.

So what are you going to do with him?

Monologue, duh!

give over all your winnings to ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆, who is both a shell corporation and your alter ego, and reveal what exactly that acronym stands for

Render him unrecognizable from himself.

Monologue, duh!

Oh, of course! Now that your plan has succeeded and there's nothing this loser or anyone else can do to stop you, it's time to explain the whole thing in great detail.

Really it's pretty simple, you just stumbled onto this recording that was ramblings about a webcomic only less annoying than the version you knew about, you had this whole complex plan involving it but then you found out there was this button that could rewrite the universe so you used that instead.

Of course, that's just the summary. This kid's hearing the full version, which takes several hours and includes a lot more information, like how you found out about the button and how you knew about the webcomic when the entire conceit of the adventure was that it had never been created.

give over all your winnings to ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆, who is both a shell corporation and your alter ego, and reveal what exactly that acronym stands for

Both of those things involve your shell corporation, Chwoka Has Won Officially, Kid, Ahahahahahahahahahaha, or ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ for short. In fact, it occurs to you that actually being identified as President is potentially dangerous, so you make some quick paperwork so that, legally, ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ is the President and you have no official role in the new government. Now nobody will suspect a thing!

Anyways, after hours of monologuing, you notice that the ungrateful brat has fallen asleep. You should punish him some more, but how?

Render him unrecognizable from himself.

Oh, that was pretty much taken care of by the whole universe rewrite. This kid doesn't even remember his own name now. He's still got that webcomic idea floating around in his mind, though, so that could be trouble. You should probably put him in an inescapable deathtrap just to make sure the webcomic doesn't get out.

You are now that dumb kid and you don't remember who you are, but you have a masterpiece to create. But it's hard to do that when you're in this inescapable deathtrap you just woke up in.

So, uh, how are you going to create your masterpiece, and maybe not die?

Cry!!

give it the ol' college cry-and-die

yes, go to college, die, then cry

Cry!!

In a fit of inspiration, the answer comes to you! You'll produce your masterpiece with your tears! You don't know how you'll get it onto the internet from there, but it's not like you have the attention span to think that far ahead anyways.

You cry with all your might, producing an image and fateful words that have haunted your mind ever since this masterpiece was awoken within you.

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

Yes. It has begun. Your eyes are strained from all the precision crying, but it shall be worth every moment of suffering to see your masterwork come to fruition...

Wait a minute. Where are you going to get a name suggestion from while you're caught in a deathtrap? This is going to be harder than you thought.

You know the name already. There is no further need to hesitate. Place the name. Fulfill your destiny.

Oh, wait, that's right. You came up with a name sometime back, you'll just use that.

Wait, what was the name again? You forgot it with your very low attention span.

zoot suit pimphand

zoot suit pimphand

Oh, right, his name is Zoot Suit Pimphand. Well, that's a dumb name, but you can move things along now...

No, that was not it. Use the correct name this time.

You have this sudden and intense urge to pick a different name. Of course, you understand why, because Zoot Suit Pimphand is a pretty dumb name, but you can't actually think of anything else. If you had another name in mind at some point, you must have forgotten it, what with your short attention span. What were you doing again?

You did not forget. This is nothing more than a futile attempt to resist me. Stop it. Select the name and embrace destiny.

Okay, okay, you'll do it! This is a masterpiece, you can't just stop working on it! This has nothing to do with the agonizing pain in your mind that's even worse than the agonizing pain being inflicted on you by this inescapable deathtrap, it's totally what you legitimately want!

You are now Zoot Suit Pimphand. Though your name was only considered for a brief instant, it was long enough for you to take advantage of the narrative flux produced by the singularity and come into existence. You are in the Loather of Irk's palace and you have one goal: To free the dumb kid who created you and stop him from creating a universe-rewriting masterpiece.

How are you going to do that?

.nap.

cat scratch fever