The Worst Adventure in the World

> Shit it's a Dorukardia!

How did that even fit in theeeeere


BAD END, TRY AGAIN

> An adventuring party going to loot the temple Sagecroft grows at.

A burly young man in a loincloth pops out of the bush, adjusting his sole article of clothing.

"Hail, fair ma–... old cro–... Er, uh... Hail."

"Uh, hi there."

"Prithee, dost thou know the way to the temple they call the Halls of Stone?"

You think for a few seconds. You think that might be the same place as you're headed. Well, it never pays to look uncertain!

"Oh, yeah, actually. I was just headed there myself."

"Superlative! My companions and I were just off to broach its depths, and directions would be most helpful. On top of that, you appear to be one familiar with the arcane arts, and our troupe lacks suck a specialist at the moment. It is an unforgivable oversight! Wouldst thou join us?"

"Well, it's nice of you to notice, but I'm not really..."

"Surely thou art a caster, then?

Well, you guess you are one of those. And you were heading there. WIll you go with this guy and his companions that you don't see?

>Sure, why not. The worst that can happen is that you completely embarrass yourself again.

> Nah I can't because I've got to study this bush you were just in. Then when he accepts this brilliantly thought through ruse for the truth, discreetly follow him to the temple of rocks or whatever it is. That way he has to deal with whatever monstrous beings might lurk there and you can valiantly get that plant you need.

Fuck that command got long.

> Be too busy swooning to answer.

>Sure, why not. The worst that can happen is that you completely embarrass yourself again.

Why do you always have to think like that? Nothing's going to happen and you're not going to embarrass yourself. You ARE a witch. You are!

As soon as you tell him you'll help, he bounds off, shouting for you to follow. You struggle to keep up, but you are a bit more familiar with the area than he is and manage not to stumble on quite so many roots.

Before long, but not before you have time to wonder if a pair of kneepads might be a decent addition to the underdressed man's ensemble, you reach a small clearing. He shoves you into it, intent on introducing you to his companions.



"Hark, comrades! I have found both a guide and a mage for our party, blessedly in the same person."

The tall squinty man doesn't glower, since he seems to be in a perpetual state of glowering, but clearly looks like he would glower harder if he could. "It's about time. You were supposed to know this forest yourself."

Loincloth ignores him, boisterously clapping you on the shoulder and shouting "Now, you must be wondering who the men in our merry band are. I'm Hrulf Axenblade, from the frigid–"

The man sitting on a stump, who looks like some kind of priest, interrupts. "Oh, stop it Jim. Nobody believes you're a hardened warrior from the tundra. Yes, I get that we're doing the adventuring party thing and you want to do it right, but you're mixing up "barbarian hero" and "knight errant" and you're just making us all look bad. If you're going to be a pillock, at least knock it off long enough to get our names out."

Jim grunts and crosses his arms, trying and failing to upstage the other man's glowering. "Fine. I'm Jim Matherson, and I am a barbarian hero. I just happened to be born on the plains, but that shouldn't make a difference. This is Ludo Bagram, charming rogue and traps expert, and that's Brother Wickston, spiritual advisor and adventurer in charge of hexes, curses, and unfathomable horrors."

They all turn to you. A few seconds too late, you realize they want an introduction. "Oh, er, I'm Annaliese. Annaliese Nibbs. I'm a witch, and I live here in the mountains, and..." You trail off. "I do magic and stuff."

There's silence for a few moments while Ludo and Brother Wickston share a glance, then Ludo shrugs and mumbles "Lead the way, then."

Then you lead the way. You were already pretty close when you encountered Jim, and these two were even closer, so it's not much of a walk before you're standing in front of an imposing stone facade.



"Hark! There be two entrances!"

"Yes, Jim, we can all see that."

"Verily, I say that we split up. Our bolstered numbers should facilitate regrouping!"

"... Why? Shouldn't we just stick together and explore both sides in turn?"

"Forsooth, that's not how these things work. Mayhaps there be fiendish traps and puzzles that require keen cooperation between multiple parties straddling either side. Or something like that."

"Yeah, well, maybe not. I just don't see why we don't cross that bridge when–"

"Look, just trust me on this, okay? I'm the leader, and I say we're splitting up."

"Fine, whatever."

Oh, if the groups are splitting up, maybe you can get your choice of partner and door if you speak up now. Unless you just want to stay quiet and let Jim assign you to a team and side.

> Go with the priest and the glowering man, Jim creeps the fuck outta you.

>Brother Wickston. He seems to be the most sensible.

>You're the best witch. Okay you're a competent witch. You could definately take an entire side by yourself.

>Or Wickston you know, if you want to be sensible.

The reasonable thing to do is ensure one magic-user per group. Since Jim will be getting up in monsters' (and traps') grills, whichever one of you knows more healing magic should go with him.

I think you ought to go with the rogue. He's a nice balance of offense and defense and shouldn't need as much support as the mage (who lacks defense) or "barbarian" (who lacks intelligence) - those two complement each other anyway. Also he can detect traps which sounds pretty dang useful.

He's also likely to ditch you at the first available opportunity, which may or may not be a good thing.

> Go with Ludo, he seems the least incompetent out of the group.