The Worst Adventure in the World

You are Annaliese Nibbs, and you are a witch. Really! You mean it! Your old mentor, Gamma Brevvace, just died a few months ago, and since then you've been the witch for three whole villages.

Tonight is the monthly coven meeting, but that's hours away. What will you do in the meantime?

> Examine potted plant

Practice your maaaaagics. You're the best witch in the world, right?

Turn that plant into a slightly different plant.

Examine bow on butt.

> Eat a banana

>Read a book.

Take Claw of Iguana from Bookshelf Flowerpot.

>Look out! That spider's got an axe!

> Ponder the list of spells you know. Whilst cackling with glee.

> Examine potted plant

Why, this is your sagecroft shrub! You know a lot about herbs, being a witch, and grow a lot of them. You know, being a witch. These little guys are pretty hard to find, but you spend a lot of time in the woods with plants.

Practice your maaaaagics. You're the best witch in the world, right?

Turn that plant into a slightly different plant.

No! Er, that is, uh, no. You need this plant for, you know, potions. And magic. If you turned it into something else, it'd be... Well, something else!

>Look out! That spider's got an axe!

What? Again? Where?!


Oh for... It's been weeks since the last time some animal wandered into your cottage, brandishing a weapon. You thought for sure you'd finally gotten the wards right!

Ugh... What now?

> Turn that spider into a slightly better spider.

>Where'd that dang familiar of yours get off to?

Let your familiar deal with this threat. That's what shapegolems are for!

Offer him the plant as a token of your love and admiration. Wink creepily.

Offer him the plant as a token of your love and admiration. Wink creepily.

>Grab that broom and swat at him with it. That's how you deal with unwanted pests, armed or not.

>Where'd that dang familiar of yours get off to?

You... You try not to think too much about what happened to your familiar.

>Grab that broom and swat at him with it. That's how you deal with unwanted pests, armed or not.

Ha! Direct hit. That spider would think twice before messing with THIS witch again if it was still capable of thought.

Too bad you weren't the one swinging the broom.


When Gamma Brevvace died, you decided to enchant your own; every proper witch should have her own broom, not some old hand-me-down. It... It didn't work out quite as planned. Yeah, it flies. Really well, actually. But it also has a lot of, well, personality. It wants SO BADLY to be helpful, but it refuses to let you ride it.

You've been telling the villagers that it's haunted by Gamma Brevvace's ghost; they give you a lot more respect while it's following you around. As for actually flying around, you've just stuck with her old broom. It's probably better to use a legacy broom than to be constantly surrounded by a swarm of slightly-unbalanced besoms doing their best to please you.

Offer him the plant as a token of your love and admiration. Wink creepily.

Okay, now that's just inappropriate. Besides, you need that plant for–


Ohhhh, oh oh ohhhhhh sugar! Danging heck! You dropped the sagecroft!

This is bad. This is bad, this is bad. You were going to make tea out of it for the coven tonight. Mother Tammasir swears it's the only thing that soothes her joints these days, and now you've gone and bruised it! She'll be able to tell, and she'll give you a look, and they'll all laugh at you behind your back. Again. "Ha ha, Annaliese can't even take care of a plant," they'll say. "She's supposed to be good at herbs, but I guess that's just what she's least worst at."

Well, they'll be nastier about it, but you're not very good at being nasty, even in your head.

What are you going to doooo?

Use logic. If you're the worst at everything, you must be the worst at following the laws of physics, which means you're obviously the worst at NOT HAVING NEW SAGECROFT PLANTS APPEAR OUT OF THIN AIR

>Think! Where else does sagecroft grow? Maybe there's a book on the subject!

> Venture blindly into a dark and dangerous forest. Surely you'll find a suitable substitute there!

>Think! Where else does sagecroft grow? Maybe there's a book on the subject!

Of course, you can just get another one! Granted, sagecroft is pretty uncommon, but you're very conscientious about taking notes on where you find important or rare plants. Your cottage is absolutely full of books, and all of the ones that aren't ancient grimoires and new-age witching theory are compilations about herbs and potionmaking written by you and your predecessors.

Twelve books later and you're no closer to knowing where to look. You've gone through all of your own notes, and have started dipping into books written by Gamma Brevvace. It looks like... Wait! You've got a lead!

... Oooh, poot. It's in the Wirklichfalschefurchtsameschwarzewald.

It's not like you've got a lot of choice, though. Dismemberment and death are nothing next to a look from Mother Tammasir.

> Venture blindly into a dark and dangerous forest. Surely you'll find a suitable substitute there!

Half an hour's walk later finds you and your broom (which insisted on coming) heading deeper into the Wirklichfalschefurchtsameschwarzewald. The rather vague directions Gamma Brevvace left seem to indicate that if you follow the path you're on for a while, you'll end up at this old stone temple thing, inside which a little patch of sagecroft grows.

So far, nothing's happened so you're actually feeling pretty good, and...



OH GOODNESS WHAT IS MAKING THAT NOISE?

>A bunny rabbit!

A boat!

> An adventuring party going to loot the temple Sagecroft grows at.

> A Lv. 1 Slimebush.

> Squirrels.

> Wild Sagecroft.

> Shit it's a Dorukardia!