Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime

Look for some Hovels.

Look for some Hovels.

Well, there's plenty of them around, but they're not very exciting. None of the other peasants are particularly well-educated, after all. Our main job is toiling in the fields, and that doesn't require us to know all that much.

I mean lets try out the local haberdasher! You could probably use some patches on your clothes anyway!

The haberdasher? I suppose. These rags are more worn out than usual. All right, I'll head over there.

Over-hear a heated argument?

"GET OUT! I've told you a hundred times, you're not welcome here!"

"Is that any way to talk to a paying customer?"

"Silence! You've got some nerve, showing your face in here after what happened last time!"

Oh my. It sounds like the haberdasher is arguing with someone in there. But who could it be? And why?

Some deadbeat?

An individual involved in disputes between rivaling groups of hoodlums.

It's one of those Inquisitors you've heard so much about! They cause nothing but trouble.

>He's a Gardener, mad about the fact that he has no straw hats!

Probably one of those Minor Nobles who's fallen on hard times as of late.

It's one of those Inquisitors you've heard so much about! They cause nothing but trouble.

Oh my. Yes, that looks to be an Inquisitor. I wonder what he wants?

"Do you really want to take that tone with me, Haberdasher? I am here on the authority of the Church."

"And the last time you were here, you branded three of my customers with a hot poker!"

"That's because they were heretics. And you yourself must be tempted by the devil, if you would even consider refusing to serve a holy man. Repent, however, and you may be spared the wrath of the Lord."

"Pah. They may call you Ichabod the Intimidating, but you don't frighten me. I'll not serve a violent criminal like you, church or no church."

"I thought you might say something foolish like that. That's why I stopped by the blacksmith's to heat up my poker before I came."

Oh dear. This doesn't look good.

"What is that odd symbol on the end of your poker, anyhow?"

"Odd symbol? It's an H. It stands for Heretic. And the world will know you as one forevermore in a few moments."

You have taught the children about the letter H!
8/26 letters taught!

A new letter! Perhaps I can use it to save Harold the Haberdasher! He's one of my oldest friends, after all.

Ichabod the Inquisitor hasn't noticed me yet. I may be able to surprise him. What should I do?

> Greet him with a hug!

Hurl something at him?

H is for Heal?

H is for Help?

H is for... Um...

Damn. What's got me worried is that the Inquisition was a response to Protestantism! What's he doing here?

Halt! Your harmful heated "H" is hardly holy! Hearken, have he who has no sin hurl the first stone. However, humans as a whole are wholly unholy, so who is above the behest of the holy handbook itself?

Incapacitation by alliteration.

...Hark, uh... Hrothgar happroacheth?

I got nothin'.

Distract him by goofing off, allowing Harold to escape.

>Ask the inquisitor for help. You see, there was this old crone in the woods, stirring a bubbling pot and cackling, and muttering something about her thumbs prickling?

>Alternately, accuse Barry the Barbarian of adultery, heresy, and communion with the devil. He will surely be off like a shot to take care of Barry's barbarism.

Damn. What's got me worried is that the Inquisition was a response to Protestantism! What's he doing here?

I've got no idea what Protestantism is, all I know is that the Inquisitors came to Turnipland a few months ago. Oh, hang on, he's started babbling again.

"But really, your reluctance to offer your services to me is not the main issue at hand. No, my dear friend Harold, I came here because I am looking for someone. If you can tell me where to find him, I'll overlook your poor customer service."

"Hmmph. I'm not afraid of you, Inquisitor. You can look for him in the depths of Hell for all I care."

"Such rudeness! I was simply about to explain. You see, you may have noticed that there is a sheet of paper pinned to the church door."

"Aye, the Abbott put that up some months back. What are you getting at?"

"Well, to make a long and excruciatingly dull story short, we were sent here to deal with that paper. However, due to convoluted Church politics, we aren't allowed to take down the paper or arrest the priests who put it up. Fortunately, as so few Turniplanders can read, the paper is only a minor problem. Or rather, it was until today, when I heard reports that someone has been going around telling people about letters."

Oh dear. I think he means me.

"Now, knowledge of isolated letters is no problem. But if someone were to learn the entire alphabet - why, they might start reading the Bible and asking questions! We cannot permit feebleminded peasants like yourself to have such power. So, I'm prepared to look the other way over your failure to sell me a hat if you can provide me with some information on this renegade."

"No deal. Even if I knew what the hell you were talking about, I'm not about to sell someone out to the Inquisition!"

That's Harold! You can always count on him.

"Very well, then. You'll simply have to wear this brand for the rest of your life."

Oh no. I need to act now!

> Greet him with a hug!

I'm not sure if that's going to work, but I don't have any other ideas... H is for Hug!

"ACK! Take your filthy peasant hands off me at once!"

You leave Harold alone! Or I'll... I'll... I'll hug harder, I suppose?

"Know your place! An Inquisitor does not take orders from a peasant!"

...Ow. He's strong. Flung me right off him, he did. At least he's not bothering Harold, though... but, erm, perhaps I should do something before he hits me with that brand?

>Alternately, accuse Barry the Barbarian of adultery, heresy, and communion with the devil. He will surely be off like a shot to take care of Barry's barbarism.

Excuse me! Mister Inquisitor! I simply came here to tell you about Barry the Barbarian! He's clearly committed all manner of horrible sins!

"Such as?"

Um... Adultery? Blasphemy? Communion with the Devil? Surely he's guilty of all of those, just for a start!

"...Wait a moment. A, B, C, D... It's you! You're the one gathering letters! You're the one I'm looking for!"

Oh, no, no... Barry's most likely doing that, too!

"Your heathen lies cannot save you, peasant! The hour of your judgement is at hand!"

F is for Fight!!

"Damn you, Inquisitor! You've got some nerve, starting a fight in my store!"

"Silence! Once I've dealt with him, you're next, haberdasher!"

This could be a problem. What should I do?

Hit him. With your hand.

Back out of the store. No need to make a mess.

Then clock him in the face.

> B is for Brand his Bottom!

Ask for Help from Harold.

Then, get out your dagger and flail it at the Inquisitor.

Back out of the store. No need to make a mess.

Oh, that's a good idea. I'd rather not cause more trouble for Harold...

"Halt, heathen! You cannot escape from me!"

...It seems I can't. The door won't open, and I can hardly fix it while this Inquisitor is after me. Oh my, he's getting close...

Then, get out your dagger and flail it at the Inquisitor.

Yes! That's right, I have this knife! D is for Dagger!

"So, you're armed. Not that it matters; you clearly have no idea how to use that dagger, judging by how you're just waving it around ineffectually. And with this poker, I've got more reach than you."

OW! He just tapped my hand with that poker and it burns! ...And now I've dropped my dagger. And he's coming this way.

"Face it, peasant. You've got no hope against me. And now it is time for you to wear your brand."

I'd better act fast, but I'm unarmed... what am I going to do?

Hit him. With your hand.

Then clock him in the face.

Er, all right then... H is for Hit!

POW!

"OW! You... You... You've struck a holy man in the face! Have you no sense of shame?"

That surprised him. He even dropped his poker! But I'd best move fast...

> B is for Brand his Bottom!

Now that would be a suitable punishment. B is for Brand!

"What? He's got my poker... I can't afford to take this peasant lightly. It might give him another letter, but I have no choice! I is for Imprison!"

What's going on? Where did these strange energy walls come from? And- ow! It hurts more than the poker did when I touch one! I'm trapped!

But it's not all bad! Now I know that I is for Imprison!

You have taught the children about the letter I!
9/26 letters taught!

"So it is you! Just as I thought. Unfortunately, I can't properly dispose of you until my superiors have permission. So, for the moment... I is for Incapacitate!"

What does that word me--

--an?

Strange, I feel like I just woke up. I wonder what happened... wait, this doesn't appear to be Harold's haberdashery.

In fact, I seem to be in a jail cell. Now how on earth did I get here?

And more importantly, how am I going to escape?

Look for an Aperture of some kind.

I is for Investigate.

F is for fiddle.

Gaze at your surroundings to Discover a clue!

>Escape