Earth Escape

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Author's Note Just a lil adventure for fun so I can practice things like drawin' faster, expressions n' such. Let me know if anything bugs you about the formatting, I can't decide on how to lay out the text.

MICROCHIP-G45:
Well, congratulations. You blew it in the worst possible way and now you’re stuck here forever. Clearly there is only one thing left to do.

???:
UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

MC-G45:
Oh? Are we talking out loud now?

???:
No! Ahh! Shut up! UUGH! Just shut up!

MC-G45:
That’s not my purpose and you know it. You don’t install a voice in your head with the intent of it not talking.

???:
So make it your NEW purpose and leave me alone! I DON’T need you to narrate my life!

MC-G45:
You don't, but I do. What else am I supposed to do for fun? You're the one who signed up for this, and you're the one who got us stuck here.

???:
AUGH!

MC-G45:
Ah yes, yelling. A perfectly practical and intelligent response to our current situation… er, whatever your name is.

???:
What are you talking about? You KNOW my name! You live in my head!

MC-G45:
Is it… Kevin?

???:
It’s not Kevin!

MICROCHIP-G45:
Well, Not-Kevin, as I was saying... woe is you for being such an idiot. Time to self-destruct.

NEXT

>Turn off that alarm clock and take five more minutes. It's the weekend anyway.

>MC-G45: Be dicking with not-Kevin.

>MC-G45: Have psychokinesis module installed. Use said module to irritate owner for getting stuck here forever.

>Put that shit on mute, we ain't having it!

>On second thought Kevin is an alright name! You wouldn't explode a Kevin would you?
>Look around you. What kind of mess you've gotten yourself into this time?

> Kevin was the name of your least favourite sibling. MC-G45 *knows* this.
> Mute that gosh dingle dangled alarm.

remind the microchip that if you die it dies too

>Turn off that alarm clock and take five more minutes. It's the weekend anyway.

Seconded.

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Author's note Hey question. I thought that the text spread out like that would be easier to read but now I'm worried it just makes the posts look too spaced out. Preferences?

>On second thought Kevin is an alright name! You wouldn't explode a Kevin would you?

MICROCHIP-G45:
The unnamed alien springs to attention. Thoughts racing, they try desperately to plead with their “companion”.

???:
WAIT! Don't blow up! I can be Kevin! I can be whatever you want! Just turn off the alarm and--

MC-G45:
Nice try, Not-Kevin, but I won’t be bought by the lies of someone whose brain I inhabit.

>Remind the microchip that if you die, it dies too

???:
Nnnrg! You wouldn’t kill me, you’re a part of me! If I die so do you.

MC-G45:
Hm. I'll admit that is a pretty good argument, but on the other hand... do I really want to be stuck here forever? Cut off from everything we've known all because of your stupid mistake? No. I don't.

--*BEEP BEEP BEEP*--

???:
So what, you’re going to kill us? Just like that?

MC-G45:
Pretty much.

???:
But--No! There must be another way!

MC-G45:
Can you think of one?

???:
Um...

MC-G45:
I thought so. Goodbye.

--*BEEP BEEP BEEP*--

???:
WAIT!

>Put that shit on mute, we ain't having it!

???:
Mute! Mute override 6-7-4!

MC-G45:
That doesn't work on G-45 units, smart one, you're thinking of G-47.

???:
NO!

MICROCHIP-G45:
Alas poor nameless master, doomed to-- Oh come now. Are you... Are you crying?

???:
I'msosorryInevermeantforthingstobethiswayit'sallmyfaultishouldn'thavecomehereand...

MC-G45:
*Sigh*

>MC-G45: Be dicking with not-Kevin.

???:
…?

MC-G45:
For the record, I was messing with you. But you had to go and muck up the punchline by getting emotional. Now the mood's ruined.

???:
Are you KIDDING me?

MC-G45:
If I was we’d be dead now.

???:
Gaaaaaahh!! You stupid---stupid---Gaaaah!

MC-G45:
Well excuse me for trying to lighten the mood a little. So dramatic.

???:
ARRRGH!

>Look around you. What kind of mess you've gotten yourself into this time?

MICROCHIP-G45:
Relieved their merciful and hilarious micro-companion isn't going to kill them, Whatstheirname has a look around. Let’s see what the damage is, shall we?



Barren walls, barren floor, stains of unknown origin, cracks most likely filled with disgusting Earthen insects or something else unpleasant, decrepit ceiling pipes dripping some strange dark liquid... Yes it seems like my brilliant host has gotten us trapped in a doorless room in an unknown building, located off any map I know in the middle of nowhere. And get ready for the kicker, this planet wasn’t even a part of our initial mission. They only came here because--

???:
That’s enough!

MC-G45:
Who do you think I’m talking to? There’s only us here. No one of which I could, as the humans say, ‘spill the proverbial beans’ to, and certainly no telepaths to hear our thoughts.

???:
Yeah but.... It kinda feels like you’re talking to someone.

MC-G45:
Ridiculous.

>MC-G45: Have psychokinesis module installed. Use said module to irritate owner for getting stuck here forever.

MICROCHIP-G45:
The grand and wonderful MC-G45 would love to, but unfortunately all my fun modules are locked from personal use. Seems they were disabled when we were brought here. Save for self-destruct. That one’s still fully-operational.

???:
Much to my everlasting delight.

MC-G45:
Watch the sarcasm, it doesn’t suit you. That’s for humans. And me.

???:
Whatever.

MC-G45:
Anyway, since you did all that pleading for your life I’m going to guess you don’t want this place to be your tomb. So let’s hear it. What’s the plan?

???:
….Uh

MC-G45:
Well?

???:
I’m thinking!

NEXT

Well, you got in here somehow. How'd that happen, again? As long as you didn't teleport here, that entrance should still exist and you can start thinking about how to get back to it.

...oh, wait, you did teleport here, didn't you.

>Have a nice chat with the creepy crawlies and convince them not to suffocate you in your sleep

>Stop panicking and think. Do you have any gear at all? Do you have any sort of advantage psychically? Anything at all will work, the more tools at your disposal, the easier time you will have.

>The liquid from those pipes, examine it closer. Perhaps it will hold the secret to your escape. Don't touch it until you know it is safe, though.

> Lick the floor. It's secretly edible candy. Trust me. Would I lie?

>Try thinking of ways to get back at MC-G45 for scaring you. Realize the futility of plotting against someone that can read your mind.

>Check your pockets, you always have useful stuff in them like breath mints and small change. Yes, your space ship's laundry is coin operated. No, you can't explain that it's weird.

Well, you got in here somehow. How'd that happen, again? As long as you didn't teleport here, that entrance should still exist and you can start thinking about how to get back to it.

...oh, wait, you did teleport here, didn't you.

MICROCHIP-G45:
It is unknown whether we were transported here, or merely dragged. We were unconscious when it happened so it's anyone's guess. Although that is a good theory.

???:
Gah! You're breaking my concentration. What are you talking about now?

MC-G45:
Teleportation.

???:
Wait. You mean about how we got here? ...Oh no. Oh no, you're right, we might not even be on Earth anymore!

MC-G45:
That is a possibility.

???:
Well great. Great! Just great! Just fantastic! Just--just--



???:
NNNNNNNG!

>Stop panicking and think. Do you have any gear at all? Do you have any sort of advantage psychically? Anything at all will work, the more tools at your disposal, the easier time you will have.

MC-G45:
Easy there. As much fun as it is to see you scramble it really isn't helpful.

~Nameless takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.~

???:
I'm fine, I'm fine. I- let’s just… think about this. Do we have anything we can use?

MC-G45:
I still have access to basic knowledge about Earth. Everything I had stored on my internal drive is mostly there, but outside info is difficult to near-impossible to access.

???:
Difficult how?

MC-G45:
If I can remember something, that is to say it exists saved in my drive, I can pull it up. But if I'm trying to find new information, well...

MC-G45:
I don't know what that little maniac did but this is a mess. You sure can pick 'em, huh?

???:
Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm awful. But none of that is important right now! Is there anything else in your internal drive? Somehow I doubt Earth culture will help us here.

MC-G45:
Just your clutter. Some books, research on extra-planetary life, some repressed memories…

???:
Repressed memories?

MC-G45:
Don't worry about it. Let's move on.

>The liquid from those pipes, examine it closer. Perhaps it will hold the secret to your escape. Don't touch it until you know it is safe, though.

MC-G45:
What about that liquid?

???:
Hm? Oh yeah. I guess we can check it out.

MICROCHIP-G45:
Ignoring thoughts about unimportant past memories, Unnamed decides to inspect the dark pool forming in the corner. It appears to be thicker than water with a strange texture. Sticky, perhaps. Hm.

???:
What are you thinking?

MC-G45:
...Do me a favour and lean over that puddle. I want to check something.

???:
Er, alright.

MICROCHIP-G45:
Upon closer inspection, the liquid offers no reflection. Just as I thought. Imagine staring into a mirror, expecting to see yourself but getting nothing. Is something wrong with the mirror or is it you? You are no longer there, or were you ever there to begin with? Are you staring into another world? Does anything really exist?

My host's anxiety grows the longer we stare.

???:
Uuugh, did you have to word it like that?

MC-G45:
Yes.

???:
Something about this stuff feels wrong. What is it?

MC-G45:
Uncertain, but there is something fuzzy in my drive about liquid displaying these properties being dangerous. The fact that it seems to stimulate fear isn't helping its case either. We should stay away from it.

???:
Yeah, I'm going to agree with you there. Anything else?

MC-G45:
Yes, there is something. Do the bugs seem strange to you?



???:
Huh? How should I know? Bugs are always strange.

MC-G45:
They seem like Earth insects but when you look closer-

>Have a nice chat with the creepy crawlies and convince them not to suffocate you in your sleep

???:
No! Nope. No thanks. I hate bugs. Disgusting little things with disgusting little legs. Nnn so many legs...

MC-G45:
Alright, alright, forget the bugs. Let's keep brainstorming.

>Check your pockets, you always have useful stuff in them like breath mints and small change.

MC-G45:
Did you check your pockets?

???:
Oh right! I forgot I had pockets.

MICROCHIP-G45:
Nameless rustles through their pockets to find… three human coins, a lighter, some kind of pebble and a Micro-Charge. Well that’s slightly useful. We won’t need to sleep so long as I can keep us charged up. The rest, well, we’ll think of something.

NEXT

>lick the pebble

>lick the pebble

>Might not be the best idea...inspect pebble instead.

>Inspect pipes above you. Can you possibly use them to climb to a new area/escape?

>Of course, you can use these coins as impromptu screwdriver! Now just to find a panel with screws...

Oh good, a lighter. Now we can set things on fire recklessly.

> Did I not tell you to lick the floor?? C'mon!! It's strawberry-flavored!

> Touch the liquid. Do it. It won't hurt THAT MUCH. I promise.

>You've got money. Any coin operated technology lying around?

>Inspect pipes above you. Can you possibly use them to climb to a new area/escape?

It would be nice if we could find out whether this liquid is dangerous because it is super flammable without killing ourselves.

Oh good, a lighter. Now we can set things on fire recklessly.

???:
Seriously, that's the first thing you think of? No! We’re not just going to burn things at random! What the heck, G45?

MC-G45:
I didn’t say anything.

???:
Yes you did!

> Touch the liquid. Do it. It won't hurt THAT MUCH. I promise.

???:
Arrgh! Quit telling me to do stupidly dangerous things!

MC-G45:
I’m not. Those are just your own thoughts.

???:
No they're not!

>Inspect pipes above you. Can you possibly use them to climb to a new area/escape?

MC-G45:
Alright, alright, calm down. How about those pipes up there?

~Unnamed takes a moment to clear their head. It hasn't been the best day. Or week. Or month, really, and they're running low on patience. Once they've settled down a bit they look up at the ceiling~

???:
Oh. Yeah, I guess those might be useful.

MICROCHIP-G45:
The network of oddly placed pipes resides about ten feet above us. There is some kind of panel up there, but it's far too high to reach. Looks like it's screwed into the ceiling.

>Of course, you can use these coins as impromptu screwdriver!

???:
Yes! We've got something now. But how to get up there...

>lick the pebble

???:
Hey! I told you to stop that!

MC-G45:
Stop what?

???:
Getting me to--

>Might not be the best idea...inspect pebble instead.

???:
Okay. Alright then. That’s better.

MC-G45:
I agree with your random passing thought. Inspect the pebble.

???:
It wasn't-- Ugh. Whatever.

MICROCHIP-G45:
Whatstheirname holds up the pebble. It’s smoothe, shiny and oddly, a little squishy to the touch. It feels more like a gel capsule than a rock. A flash of sudden realisation gets my host excited.

???:
Hey, I know what this is! It’s not a pebble, it’s a seed!

MC-G45:
A seed?

???:
Yeah! A friend gave it to me a really long time ago. I guess I brought it with me? Must’ve forgotten...

MC-G45:
Why don’t I remember this?

???:
It was before I got you fully-activated. You’d probably have to go dig for it. Seeing as you won’t even look for my name I’m not shocked you haven’t.

MC-G45:
Hm.

???:
This is great, though! It’s the most useful thing we have right now.

MC-G45:
How’s that?

???:
Because if I remember correctly, a special little feature of these plants is rapid growth. If we can plant it, we can use it to climb up there.

MC-G45:
Alright then, how do we plant it?

???:
We’re going to need water and something to cover it with. Fair warning, these seeds are ‘impressionable’. We can’t just use saliva because it’s going to remember my DNA. I really don’t want to climb a horrific, fleshy plant-monster version of myself to get out of here….

MC-G45:
I would love to see that, actually.

???:
Well too bad! I’m not going there. This day has been weird enough already.

MC-G45:
Well you're just no fun at all.
NEXT