IRC highlights!

[14:06] <Schazmander> are you actually planning to WOAH is that a military helicopter
[14:06] <Sanzh> is it??
[14:07] <DragonFogel> Schazer, what did you do?
[14:07] <Agenriel> Schaz is the president now
[14:07] * Schazmander has quit (Client Quit)
[14:07] <Agenriel> that isn't ominous at all

[15:36] <Sanzh> schazer no
[15:36] <schazer> schazer yes

Kalny needs to chill

kalny is on irc?

Kalny was on irc first!

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https://sbnkalny.tumblr.com/
https://twitter.com/sbnkalny

She also works on Discord's chat client, and used to work on Skype until and update broke the API.

schazer: ok just tell him if the dog's going to get walked properly you'll need to give yourself a break before you head out and do it
Sanzh: yeah
Yourself: hihi
schazer: maybe that means you walk the dog in an hour instead of half, but as long as your dad agrees that's what's happening he can't be grouchy
g0m: you don't want to half walk a dog
g0m: I'm one haded typing with an ice cream sorry
g0m: but i ahgree with schaer
Sanzh: you see, there's actually three parts to a dog walk
Sanzh: starting the walk, continuing the walk, and releasing the dog when the walk is finished
Sanzh: by carrying over a dog from a previous walk we can perform a half dog walk
Akugumo: nice reference
g0m: ggy
g0m: changing hands
* schazer golf clap

<g0m> schazer i can say what i am about to say now with all honesty: i have never been angrier to see a titty

[22:22] <sbnkalny> I love your adventures, DragonFogel.

[08:45] Schazer ＴＨＥＭＡＰＩＳＣＯＭＰＬＥＴＥ

15:14 sbnkalny Wow gay if it’s a man and a woman!!!

it doesn't get any gayer than this folks

[16:03] <g0m> listen. it's a triumph of human ingenuity that as a species we were able to rise up and create the worlds first racist robot

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[02:02] Sanzhdroid gender is my son

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<schazer> oh nice
<schazer> there's a bird related to the jacana called the plains-wanderer
<Loather> except a bird that absorbs babies
<schazer> it's taxonomically in amongst the "waders" but it didn't get the memo
<schazer> so it instead wanders around southwestern australia
<schazer> also, slightly less closely related, the thick-knees, also known as stone-curlews or
<schazer> dikkops
<Loather> SHIT
<Loather> THE DICK COPS
* Akumu shoves all the dicks into the toilet and starts flushing
* Loather crams dicks into bag & eats the dick bags
* Loather pulls an oversized lever. all the dick-covered tables throughout the room quickly drop into the floor, where they are hidden
* Loather leans on remaining table, not sweating at all
<Loather> hello officer may i help you :)
<schazer>
<schazer>I'VE RECEIVED REPORTS OF ILLEGALLY HUGE QUANTITIES OF DICK ON THE PROPERTY
<Loather> hahah thats ridickulous
<Loather> no dicks here
<Loather> just me and some friends, hanging out
<Loather> doing non-dick related activities
<Loather> like..
<Loather> fishing
<Loather> online
<Loather> online fishing
<schazer>
<schazer> I'M SURE YOU WOULD NOT OBJECt if i searched the residence, then, suspicious individual
<Loather>
<Loather> DEFINITELY NOT
<Loather> PLEASE HELP YOURSELF TO
<Loather> THIS RESIDENCE
<Loather> WHICH IS NOT MINE
* Akumu looks despairingly at the overflowing toilet crammed full of dicks
* Akumu leaps out the bathroom window
* Loather grips a suspiciously phallic fishing pole, sweating profusely
<schazer> excuse me then
<schazer>
<schazer> hmmmmmmm are the dicks in here
ⓘ schazer is now known as dikkop
* dikkop sticks head in the sitting room
<Loather>
<Loather> no,
<Loather> but
<Loather> sometimes, the toilet overflows,
<Akumu> run run run
<Loather> and dicks come up out of the sewage,
<Loather> a very common problem this time of year
<Loather> we've complained to the neighbors about it
<Loather> they're real dick fiends
* dikkop sticks head in the kitchen
<dikkop>
<dikkop> any dicks in heeeeeeeere
<Loather> n, no
<dikkop> hmmmm I cannot find any dicks
<dikkop> very well
<dikkop> thank you for your time, citizen
<Loather> thank you for your service dick cop
<dikkop> I will be off
<dikkop>
<dikkop> HOWEVER
<Loather> AH
<dikkop> this is improper of me but
<dikkop>
<dikkop> may i borrow your bathroom facilities
<Loather> yes
<Loather> of course
<dikkop>

Show Content

Spoiler

<dikkop> WHAT
<dikkop> WHAT IS THIS
<Loather> whats wrong officer
<dikkop> CITIZEN WHY ARE YOUR BATHROOM FACILITIES ATTEMPTING TO CONCEAL A CACHE OF DICKS
<Loather> i told you!!
<dikkop> HARBORING SUCH CRIMINALITY IS A CRIMINALITY, CITIZEN
<Loather> sometimes the dicks come up out of the sewage
<Loather> it's the neighbors! we can't help it!
<Loather> we've called the plumbers but they've been promising to fix this for weeks
<Loather> and not showing up
<dikkop> its jail for you, BUCKOS
<dikkop>
<Loather> NO
<Loather>IM INNOCENT
<dikkop> TAKE 'EM AWAY, BOYS
<Loather> IM NOT A DICK FIEND
<Loather> NOOOOOOOOOO
<Loather> OOOOoooo
<dikkop> THE PLUMBING, IT GETS THE SPECIAL TREATMENT
<Loather> (you really cocked this one up akumu)
<dikkop> yee-haw I'm getting me a promotion
<dikkop>
<Loather> this is the greatest impromptu rp of 2016
<Akumu> I am amazed you found a picture of a dikkop looking suspicious

<sanzh> schazer which of these weird birds
<sanzh> https://www.stellariswiki.com/images/4/4..._group.png
<sanzh> is your favorite
<Mehga> What a fighting game lineup
<schazer> hmmm
<schazer> probably the aggressively reptilian looking red motherfucker, number 1
<schazer> or #2 or 3
<Mehga> top row, 3rd from right, looks like he's extremely offended about something you just said, so I'm picking that one
"EXCUSE ME???"
<Sanzh> i like the space penguin
<Schazer> heheh
<Schazer> went and looked up the scientific name for penguins
<Schazer> they're sphenisciformes
<Sanzh> o;
<Schazer> sphenic means "wedge-shaped"
<Sanzh> hahaha
<Schazer> wedgeular birds
<Schazer> gosh we hear about phallic and yonic imagery
<Schazer> where's the sphenic imagery
<Schazer> holds doors open for /all/ of the genders and what thanks does it get
<Sanzh> no one wants to look at chodes
<Mehga> Personally, I like to take the sphenic route
<Schazer> the sphenic route: where you jam yourself in somewhere you're too tight to fit
<Schazer> but that's arguably the point
<Mehga> Well, TAKING the sphenic route is a bit of a different role
<Sanzh> schazer that's lewd
<Schazer> the sphoenix: at the end of its lifespan it wedges itself into a nook before combusting
<Mehga> Man I liked Sphere better before they became Spherenix

<btp> We've all lost someone with an ant-avatar
<btp> *sob* RIP thriggle
<earthexe> Whaaaat, you mean he's not floating around in related communities elsewhere?
<Cauchemar> "We've all lost someone with an ant-avatar"
<Cauchemar> Truer words have never been spoken. ;_;
*** Fake joined #eagletime
<DragonFogel> Last I heard, thriggle was getting married.
<DragonFogel> That was some years ago, so presumably that's happened by now.
*** Pharmacy quit (Quit: https://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
<earthexe> Ah, good for him.
<Cauchemar> Except if the ceremony was very very long.
<btp> That is a real possibility.
<Anomaly> some say... he's still getting married to this day
<earthexe> That would mean very very bad planning or very very good planning
<DragonFogel> It would explain why he hasn't been around in a while.
<Cauchemar> XD
<btp> Maybe it's not too late to attend his wedding
<btp> Oh gosh do we even know where he is registered?
<earthexe> "Honey, I'm committed, but I'm nor sure if I'm toootally committed, so how about we instead exist in the strange limbo between marriage and non-marriage?"
<btp> You may now cryogenically freeze the bride.
<btp> I want...this moment...to last...FOREVER
<Cauchemar> This marriage thing just keeps getting better and better.
<Cauchemar> Suddenly marriage looks cool once again.
<earthexe> Which is good for ol thriggs. Usually the opposite is the case
<earthexe> i think you mean..................... ice cold
<btp> It helps, if you have an amazing wife.
<btp> or, yeah I suppose like an evil witch to cast some kind of
<btp> paralysis spell on her
<btp> ala sleeping beauty
<earthexe> It would take the kiss of a one true love to break the spell
<earthexe> Well, i mean, she's getting married
<earthexe> I'm not sure if that would work
<btp> aw dang it!
<btp> My own true love, breaking all of my spells
<btp> No wonder witches hide away in castles or tree stumps
<DragonFogel> Or worse, discovering that you're not her true love.
<btp> I am at least in the top percentile
<btp> wait, who are we talking about now
<earthexe> Oh shitttttttt
<Mehga> What if the horse is the true love
<Mehga> ala Sleeping Black Beauty
<btp> Turns out, horses can die from sleeping on their sides?
<btp> They are mysteriously fragile animals
<btp> I am starting to think I am wrong about horses dying from sleeping on their sides.
<Mehga> "We've bred them to be really fast and run for a long time. What's the downside you ask? Everything else about their health"
<DragonFogel> So if your doctor tells you you're healthy as a horse, you should be really worried?
<btp> Truly, a weird majestic animal.
<btp> Is the doctor in need of some glue?
<Mehga> Yeah, but also like profit off that newfound track aptitude

[17:23:06] <TheBlueAvenger> I'll put something up there once I'm done backing everything up.
[17:25:31] <Chwoka> TheBlueAvenger: make sure you make the "beep beep beep" noises when you're backing up
[17:25:53] <TheBlueAvenger> I make "beep beep beep" noises constantly anyway.
[17:26:01] <Loather> please do not beep constantly
[17:26:09] <Chwoka> that's your smoke alarm actually
[17:26:18] <Loather> the robots will find you
[17:26:18] <TheBlueAvenger> You'll have to refer concerns to Chwoka.
[17:26:26] <Loather> dont eat your smoke alarm
[17:26:37] <Chwoka> you should probably quit and go on patches instead
[17:26:49] <Loather> yea
[17:26:57] <TheBlueAvenger> Patches alarms?
[17:27:08] <Chwoka> alarm patches

[22:56] <Chwoka> last year i forgot to do my taxes and they never caught me
[22:56] <Chwoka> i'm a rebel on the run
[22:56] <Chwoka> never sleeping in the same town twice, a wallet full of fake ids, my whole life in a briefcase...
[22:57] <Chwoka> there's a gun out there with my name on it, and that gun is named the IRS
[22:58] <Chwoka> it's how they got al capone
[22:59] <Chwoka> yes sir, one of these days i'm gonna be going through my mail, minding my business, when i'll see that i have a letter from the feds
[23:00] <Chwoka> i'll open it and inside'll just be anthrax
[23:00] <Chwoka> my days are numbered, i have to live every day like it's my last because it just might be
[23:00] <Chwoka> i've loved, i've left, i'm responible for a landfill full of burner cell phones
[23:01] <Chwoka> i'm responsible for it, but i've since lost custody. i've been evading those child support payments as well
[23:02] <Chwoka> but what choice does a man like me have? an outcast from society, a human being who just doesn't follow the same rules as everyone else
[netsplit]
[00:24] <Chwoka> oh man you actually missed a whole chunk
[00:24] <Chwoka> [20:04:13] <Chwoka> the type of guy to see a door labelled "emergency exit only" and still leave out it so long as it don't read "alarm will sound" or "police will be called"
[00:24] <Chwoka> [20:04:19] <Chwoka> a man like that is dangerous. a man like that has to be eliminated.
[00:24] <Chwoka> [20:05:55] <Chwoka> in another life, another time, maybe the us government and i could have seen eye-to-eye on these sorts of things... i'm sure kennedy woulda let it slide.
[00:24] <Chwoka> [20:06:18] <Chwoka> i really coulda been a g-man if not for this spectre haunting my soul
<Chwoka> yes sir, we're not too different, me and them
<Chwoka> but now it's all too systematized. computers. bytes. datamining. wikileaks. the stock market
[Chwoka reenters]
[23:10] <Chwoka> they've got their arms shoulder-deep up our buttholes and they're puppeting us like puppetmasters. but not me, oh no sir, my butthole is clenched tight around my own arm and i am the maker of my own destiny, livin' on the edge. the edge of my shoulder. and why is it that they call them shoulders... when they don't should, huh? these are the questions they don't want you to ask
[23:10] <Chwoka> (don't worry friends, they didn't take me out... not yet, at least)
[23:12] <Chwoka> and so i come to job corps, a us federal program, until i can line up my next identity
[23:12] <Chwoka> why? why descend into the belly of the beast like that?
[23:12] <Chwoka> because i live for the thrill
[23:13] <Chwoka> there ain't nothin' left for me to live for, exactly
[23:13] <Chwoka> not since that fateful day, april 15th, 2015
[23:13] * Whimbrel turns chwoka in for that sweet, sweet bounty money
[23:14] <Timu12> 5 dollars
[23:14] * Whimbrel walks away with 5 whole dollars
[23:14] <@DragonFogel> Whim, I hope you realize that bounty money is taxable.
[23:14] <Whimbrel> HECK
[23:14] * Whimbrel walks away with less than 5 dollars
[23:15] <Timu12> hehe
[23:15] <Chwoka> they try to trick me. "oh, come on down to the irs, we just wanna give you your tax rebate." the liars. all they're gonna give me is their own poop in a manilla envelope and they're gonna make me eat it. i've seen it happen to greater men than i
[23:16] <Chwoka> Whimbrel: you rat. you dirty rat. you snitch. i'll get you for this. you don't know the kinda connections i got. and i'm not talkin' 'bout the internet, you nerd. you nerd rat fink motherfucker
[23:16] <Chwoka> how much was it, huh?
[23:16] <Chwoka> how many pieces of silver. judas?
[23:16] <Whimbrel> hm, what's the price of a silver piece on the market today?
[23:16] <Chwoka> what you gonna buy with your blood money?
[23:16] <Chwoka> a cold, refreshing coca-cola? or just more blood?
[23:16] <Whimbrel> probably more blood tbh
[23:17] <Whimbrel> It looks like I got...about a fourth of an ounce of silver, yeah.
[23:17] <Chwoka> coca-cola — the synthetic, syrupy, fattening, acidic lifeblood of this nation
[23:17] <Chwoka> that's what's wrong with america, man. coca-cola
[23:18] <Chwoka> you gonna buy bounty paper towels with your bounty cash?
[23:19] <Whimbrel> nahh
[23:19] <Chwoka> something to wipe the viscera off your hands?
[23:19] <Chwoka> well let me tell you, buddy — them stains don't come out
23:20] <Chwoka> you'll just be straight lady macbethin' it, all, out-damned-spot
[23:20] <Whimbrel> what should I spend my $4~ on
[23:20] <Chwoka> but you're the damned one
[23:21] <Whimbrel> chwoka, you're in jail, so
[23:21] <Timu12> spend it on me
[23:21] <Whimbrel> Hmmmmmm
[23:21] <Whimbrel> yeah!
[23:21] <Timu12> :D
[23:21] * Whimbrel buys timu a doughnut
[23:21] <Anomaly> hi sanzh
[23:21] <Sanzh> hey anomaly
[23:21] <Anomaly> can i have one whim
[23:21] <Whimbrel> it's bought with the blood of my dear friend chwoka
[23:21] <Whimbrel> I only have fourish dollars noms
[23:21] <Whimbrel> so yes
[23:22] <Anomaly> hooray
[23:22] * Whimbrel hands one to anomaly too
[23:22] <Chwoka> ha, you think they send the hardcore mofos like me to jail with the normies?
[23:22] <Chwoka> no, no way
[23:22] <Chwoka> listen, ain't no chance this bird is gonna be flyin' any time soon
[23:22] <Whimbrel> heck, does this mean I have to start dodgin assassins
[23:22] <Chwoka> they got me on con air, the big maximum-security prison in the sky
[23:22] <Anomaly> offer them donuts too, whim
[23:22] <Whimbrel> I can't
[23:22] <Anomaly> why not
[23:23] <Whimbrel> I only had enough for two doughnuts
[23:23] <Chwoka> first-class ticket
[23:23] <Whimbrel> from selling out Chwoka
[23:23] <Whimbrel> I'm gonna have to rely on more drastic measures to deal with these assassins
[23:23] <Anomaly> uh
[23:23] <Anomaly> sell out Chwoka a second time
[23:23] <Anomaly> he'll have to go to double-jail
[23:23] <Whimbrel> I can't until april 15th
[23:24] <Anomaly> dang
[23:24] <Whimbrel> the big tax dodge day
[23:24] <Chwoka> by the way that's not a metaphor for heaven
23:25] <Chwoka> it's a literal manmade prison that's got a giant hot-air-balloon apparatus on top
[23:26] <Chwoka> the alcatraz of air

[23:33] * Chwoka (~Chwoka@m854036d0.tmodns.net) has joined #eagletime
[23:34] <Chwoka> and just like that, my so-called friends, the ones who sold me down the river for half a whole-wheat sandwich and a hockey stick, have forgotten about lil' ol' me
[23:34] <Whimbrel> chwoka i'm too busy thinking about gay vikings
[23:35] <Chwoka> it's the way of the drifter, i guess... never get too close
[23:35] <Chwoka> or you might just drift... right over the edge
[23:36] <Chwoka> whimbrel i'm still deep in tax evasion ennui and no disconnection can stop me
[23:36] <Whimbrel> do you think gay vikings dodged taxes
[23:37] <Chwoka> no, they were the taxes
[23:37] <Whimbrel> gasp
[23:38] <Chwoka> they'd roll in, pillage the village, burn it to the ground, and leave
[23:38] <Chwoka> today? today, man?
[23:39] <Whimbrel> yeah today, we're doing this
[23:39] <Whimbrel> we're looting
[23:39] <Chwoka> same shit, different clothes
[23:39] <Chwoka> less gay
[23:39] <Whimbrel> more gay
[23:39] <Timu12> 50 gay
[23:40] <Whimbrel> not enough
[23:41] <Chwoka> you... you're the enemy
[23:41] <Chwoka> you're the mole in our ranks
[23:41] <Chwoka> and you were right under my nose, the whole time... astonishing
[23:41] <Chwoka> you're not just a tax collector, you're taxes

[23:53] <Chwoka> and remember, if you expose me asking you to post it so i don't look hypocritical, i can expose you right back for the same crime since you're in it too
[23:54] <Whimbrel> oh snap
[23:54] <Chwoka> mutual blackmail
[23:54] <Whimbrel> you've got me

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From cah, not irc, but whatever

<DragonFogel> SOMEONE set the points to 69, actually.
<wheat> oh wait nem
<Loather> ;)
<wheat> nm
<Reyweld> thank you ashley loather
<Arcadence> THATS THE SEKX SNUMER
<Arcadence> HOOOLY SHIT
<Loather> YOU TPUER YOUR MOUTH ON THE GENTIACLA
<DragonFogel> I don't think we're actually getting there, so we may as well leave it with Gatr as the winner.
<Gatr> _______! THATS THE SEX NUMBER!
<Loather> AND THEY PUT HTEIR MOUTH
<wheat> 'the sex position number. lol." -me, 2013
<Loather> AND OYUR
<Loather> ON
<Loather> genital
<Arcadence> yessss
<wheat> 69 is called 69 because the individual digits represent bodies, where the bulky part of the body where sex parts are is the o and the dingle up top is the mouth.
<wheat> thanks for listening.
<Gatr> thank you wheat
<Arcadence> THSE SEX NUMBER#

[00:32] <Timu12> sex fuck right in between the dick fuck ass!!!
[00:33] <Timu12> hyper fat sex fucking with thrust penis!
[00:33] <Timu12> porn!
[00:33] <Timu12> nude butts! muscular throb penetration!