The thread for flipping shits (and tables)

My contact lens folded over and was stuck under my eyelid, somehow. I spent a few minutes trying to nudge it off my cornea before I figured out there wasn't anything there and looked elsewhere.
My eyes are dripping, my limbs feel like they're filled with lead, and this general exhaustion is just getting worse by the day. I think I'm either coming down with a cold, or else I'm having a bad reaction to this new anti-anxiety med. or both.
i just want to curl up and hide from the world while reading stories and drink hot chocolate and there isn't even any chocolate in the house and I'm having to get things done today

So, so, so, so

I lost my wallet a few weeks back which contained all the last vestiges of my ability to identify myself as myself, legally, which I haven't even started to try to reconstruct because one crisis at a time because it also had my debit/ATM card on it

So I called the bank and cancelled my card like a responsible citizen who as of like three days before actually has some money (by way of calling in the rest of my mom's life insurance policy, without which I straight up wouldn't be able to pay for college even were she still alive, probably) and would like to hold on to it and maybe have access to it

--And apparently, by the way, if you cancel your debit card Bank of America also put a hold on your checkbook for a brief period, which makes a whole lot of sense unless you're the guy who is trying to buy the prescriptions you need to maintain homeostasis without a checkbook or a debit card--

So the new debit card was due to arrive in five to seven business days. Which period I made it through without too much difficulty. At the end of which period I still didn't have a debit card.

So after eleven business days of not having a debit card I messaged the bank and asked for them to reissue it. So they were like "Cool, sorry for the convenience, that next one will now be five to seven business days."

Which was five business days ago. So today, not being hopeful that I was going to be getting this thing on time, I went down to my university's mail station just to, I dunno, let them know that if any mysterious envelopes with my name on them come in and they get the urge to burn it or shred it or anything in accordance with some ineffable sadist mail policy, please to at least drop me an email about it, because I would really like to have money now, thank you.

But first I checked my mailbox and there was an envelope! With a debit card! In my mailbox!

And I was like OH-MY-GOD-I'M-GONNA-BUY-A-BACKPACK-AND-THOSE-TEXTBOOKS-I-NEED-ALARMINGLY-SOON-AND-SO-MANY-INSULIN-NEEDLES-AND-MORE-THINGS-I-DON'T-NEED-JUST-SO-I-CAN-FEEL-POWERFUL

And I went to the ATM to activate the debit card

And it was invalid

Because this was the first debit card, arriving two weeks late, that I'd already cancelled and replaced

So hopefully despite the fact that I'd called for the second card fully two weeks after calling for the first card, I don't need to wait two weeks to have access to money, because, for one thing, by that point it'll be spring break and I'll actually need to be buying food for myself with real money if I want to eat

Just, like, argh

Spent the last year trying to put as much distance possible between me and the period when I had three dollars in my bank account and now life has decided that that point in history needs to get repeated as farce

i hate my body. its wrong. its disgusting. i want it to break, to be torn apart, to shatter. i want to see myself in the mirror. i want to be seen as me. will things really get better? i keep distracting myself, trying to hide from the pain. it only hurts more. im losing hope. i don't know what to do.

Fuck you and all of your bureaucratic opaque shitheaded obtuse shitty horseshit, IRD

I've been getting anything between 3-6 hours of sleep daily since this year began. I think i'm starting to get a little worried about it, i can't function very well anymore.

I'm not even staying up doing anything fun, i sometimes just can't sleep; just recently i started to take naps on afternoons because my schedule got changed (stupid daylight saving time starting later here) and i got so extremely tired to the point i couldn't even read, but i feel like that only messes my schedule up even more. I dunno what to do, exercise hasn't helped much at all

I have heard that a solid week of camping with no electricity does wonders for those having difficulties with sleep, as it allows you to align your sleep schedule to a more natural sunrise-to-sunset thing.

Don't know if you have the time or patience for this though. It is kind of a silly idea, but it does sound fun.

More seriously, switching to a healthier diet can help a lot, especially if your diet right now happens to be kind of shitty. Medicine might also help, but only as a last resort.

Melatonin is very effective, and doesn't have the side effects of artificial soporifics.

No electricity yeah... not gonna happen. Although no internet past 10:00pm or something sounds like it might help.

I'll look into Melatonin as soon as i get paid.

E: I guess it's all related to the stress i've been experiencing lately, i've also gained almost 10kg in the last 5 months and i'm worried as fuck i'll go and gain back all i lost on the past year (around 30kg).

Alright well, gg. Visa was denied.

I have no energy left for this, i'll quit my job tomorrow.

:< Edddd

I want you to be in America

We could've been neighbors! Aunt is moving to Cali.

I'm going to quit my job because i can't stand it anymore, i was only hanging in there 'til i was ready to leave. I'll find another one or find something else to do i guess, i don't know if i want to keep trying to go to America.

I have basically four real life friends, and thus four people I can run tabletop games for.
I need at least three people to run most things, and Drive Thru RPG had a thing this week where they had like 80 dollars worth of RPG books for free, including World of Darkness and I immediately started throwing together a campaign because man, that sounds like fun, always wanted to try that.

Now, one of my friends moved for work a while ago, but that's okay I still have the prerequisite three I need for- oh one of them doesn't want to play tabletop games any more yeah okay i guess i'll just... make paper airplanes out of these character sheets I have no use for any more

sigh
s'been a while since i'd run anything eye are ell and was kind of eager to get at it

If it's any consolation, that World of Darkness book had like four pages of actual content. I'm told the writers were being paid by the page/word, and it really shows.

Oh yeah sure the book is laid out kind of dumb and a lot of it is basically "well here's the basic stuff BUT SERIOUSLY GO BUY OUR BOOKS ON VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES/MAGES THAT'S WHERE THE REAL GOOD SHIT IS" but y'know, s'got all the stuff on the system itself, the basic ideas, and while I didn't read the entire story they decided to give next to every description, it's actually helpful for demonstrating what some of the stuff means, but really, the Storytelling system looks to be simple enough that even when they do a poor job of describing it, you can figure out what to do without much trouble.

Myeah. Sorry about your friends, though.

Do either of your remaining potential players have any friends they'd like to bring along?

Possibly. I was planning on asking one of them if he knows anybody he might be able to rope into it so I have one last ditch effort here to have a game.

Okay so right now I'm going through a weird period of actually venting for once. Normally I'm in a constant state of willful ignorance, and I pretend like everything is okay. Um, so the gist of it is that apparently I actually have really fucking low self esteem that I've been kind of just ignoring for a long time now. And it's pretty bad. Like, I don't ever connect to anybody because I consider myself to be not worthy of them. But not actually giving that reason. Or something. It's the same over here. I consider you guys to be my friends, but I realize I haven't actually been connecting with you all, so to you I'm just some guy that plays forum games, writes for grand battles, and generally does not deserve the moderately high post count I apparently have.

Basically what I'm asking for is a friend. Someone on here, who doesn't know me well enough (so, everybody), but is willing to, so I can maybe vent to them and later evaluate what the hell went wrong with my life.

drop me a message then we can IRC it out maybe

edit: someone has informed me that what i need is in fact a therapist so i guess im getting one.

right okay this isnt really a flipping shit post more as it is an fyi post. yes, i do have depression, and i guess ive been suppressing it all this time. ive been at a psych hospital the past few days to recover and also be observed for suicidical thoughts because i admitted i may have been thinking about it. while it has been slightly interesting at times, it was also mostly boring. so... mental hospitals = boring apparently. not like in the movies or books, though i always knew that. i managed to get discharged, saying i felt i shouldnt be there, and that i also felt safe with myself, which i do. so now im on meds and therapy, and i hope ill feel better after that.

They're giving my father about a year to live. Maybe less, not much more.

just when you think the year can't get any worse and might finally be turning around, your car sets on fire

:OOOO oh my gosh shit oh man I hope you still have a way to get around

How dare you take away my interest in doing anything, depression.

Now everything seems boring and pointless.

I am seething at this pre-license test for car school. They have an Rnglish language version i can take on the computers, which is great because reading japanese is exhausting, but the grammar, awkward phrasing, and room for ambiguity on what exactly these yes/no questions are asking is making me want to rip something a new one.

Or, y'know, offer to rewrite them all for the school.

I'm also preserving that typo because my odds of interpreting a question as intended are pretty rng-tastic

Okay. I hoped I could deal with this quietly, but a few days have passed and it doesn't look like that's happening. So I should probably actually tell people what's going on, and this seems like the best place to do it.

A few days ago, I got annoyed with Agent over something minor. (It wasn't anything personal on either side, but the details aren't especially important.) Their response was, "I'm leaving the forum out of shame". I've been trying to contact them since then, but I've had no luck.

I'm sorry to everyone for sitting on this; I didn't really know how best to talk about it, and I hoped I could resolve the issue without making it public. If anyone's able to talk to Agent, I'd appreciate it if you could.

If they show up on Steam, I could shoot them a message. Should I say to get in touch with you?

If they show up on Steam, I could shoot them a message. Should I say to get in touch with you?

Yeah, that would be good. Thanks.